Making Our Way Back

by Jennah Thornhill

  “You quite finished?” I laugh at her.

  “Well, I’m just saying. And I know you, you could never give your child up, or have an abortion. That’s not you, that’s something your mum would have done.”

  “Is there anything you don’t know?” I ask Donna, she’s pretty smug at the minute.

  “Yeah there’s loads I don’t know, like what does Kane think about all this? Have you spoke to him about it yet?” That’s the million dollar question.

  “No, I went into panic mode, I asked him to leave the second we found out.”

  “Shit, was he in here when the doctor told you?”

  “Yeah, I knew if I asked him to leave he wouldn’t, and I didn’t fucking know the doctor was going turn around and tell me I’m up the fucking duff did I?”

  “What? And he just left?” She looks as confused as I was.

  “Yeah, I thought it was odd, but what confused me even more was what he said before he left.”

  “Which was?” She pushes for the juicy details, just like I knew she would. She’s even sitting on the edge of her seat now, rubbing her hands together, excitement lighting up her face. I swear she’s never right, she thrives of gossip this girl does.

  “That he would always be there for me no matter what and that he loves me.” I see her eyes widen, she looks like an owl they go that bloody big.

  “Wow, and you haven’t seen him since?” I shake my head as my answer. “Luce, this shouldn’t be news to you really. The guy went to prison protecting you, when will you realise he’s always loved you ex-wives be damned.” I don’t get the chance to answer her.

  Because as if his ears were burning, he makes an appearance, walking through the door looking slightly shaken up and if I’m honest a bit disturbed. I hope that’s not because of me, I didn’t mean to cause him any pain by asking him to leave me alone, I just needed some time. Is he regretting what he said to me now?

  “Sorry, I hope I wasn’t interrupting anything?” He looks between me and Donna, clearly noticing how the room went silent as he walked in. Feeling slightly uncomfortably Donna coughs to clear her throat.

  “I’m going grab yet another coffee, these places make me nervous. Do you want anything whilst I’m there?” She asks me, I tell her I’m good, then she looks at Kane.

  “I’m good thanks, I’ve just come from there. Shit, I never gave it a thought that you might have wanted something. I’m sorry.” He says to me before he drops himself down the other chair opposite the one Donna’s just moved out of, putting his head in his hands. He’s really beating himself up over something this small. He only forgot to ask if I wanted anything, it’s not like he’s committed the world's biggest crime. Something’s really gotten under his skin from the moment he left this room, to the moment he walked back in. I look up to find Donna has slipped out of the room, giving us some space and privacy. That’s when I notice his hand, what has he been doing now? His hand has blown up like a balloon, and it’s all cut, new open cuts that weren’t there when he left.

  “What have you done to your hand, Kane? I just come out with it, it’s not the first thing I wanted to say to him when I saw him again but it just comes out my mouth, but in all fairness I wasn’t expecting to see his hand all messed up.

  “Oh, it’s nothing for you to worry about, I just took my frustration out on a door.” He tells me bluntly, like that explains it all and I wouldn’t ask him any more questions.

  Well he’s wrong.

  “What do you mean, you took your frustration out on a door? Why?” I press him from a better excuse than he’s just give me.

  “I.. I got upset when you asked me leave, I was worried about what you were thinking. And plus with finding out everything that we just have… I didn’t know what I could do to make you feel better, so I took it out on the door. But I’m ok now, same couldn’t be said for the door though.” He laughs trying to lighten the mood in the room and to cover up his nerves. He’s nervous because he doesn’t know what I’m thinking, or feeling. I kind of feel sorry him now more than anything else. And I believe he did take it all out on that poor door, so I don’t press him any further on the matter.

  “Kane.” I whisper. He doesn’t turn to face me, in fact he hasn’t looked at me since I mentioned his hand. “Look at me will you?” I try to lean slightly to take a hold of his uninjured hand, but the pain in my ribs stops me from going any further. I take a sharp breath to try and breathe the pain away, his head snaps up instantly when he hears me in so much pain.

  “Luce! Are you ok baby girl?” He looks like a lost little sheep, not knowing what to do with me whilst I’m like this.

  “I’m fine Kane, I tried leaning a bit so I could touch you but the pain in my ribs got the better of me.”

  He takes my hand in his as he says. “I’m here Luce, but we do need to talk, I know you’re not ready yet…”

  I stop him mid flow of his little speech by telling him to shut the fuck up.

  His expression at that is quite comical, I would have laughed if I knew it wouldn’t hurt my ribs, he’s not used to me being this assertive.

  “I am ready Kane, I don’t mean just to talk. I’m ready for all of it.

  Me, you and our baby.”

  “Does that mean…. your keeping the baby? When I saw the look on your face when the doctor told us, I thought you were thinking about getting rid of it straight away, I was starting to think you wouldn’t let me have a say in any of this. That’s why I left without fighting you when you wanted to be on your own. I was giving you the time you needed to think it all through.” He lets out a humongous sigh of relief. “You won’t regret this baby girl, I’ll be there for you every step of the way, you’ll never be on your own again. I want you in my life… both of you. You’re my world and so is this baby”. He say’s all of this as he rains kisses all over my face, and hugging the life out me keeping me locked in his big strong arms. This is where I want to be for the rest of my life, it’s where I was always meant to be.

  “Kane, this isn’t going to be easy, and I want to carry on with my career when the baby is old enough to go off to nursery, so please don’t tell me I can’t. I’m not going to turn into a stay at home mum. If you can promise me that than I think we can do this.”

  “I promise, I want you to be happy in life Luce, I never want you to be unhappy in any aspect of your life. I want you to be happy with me Luce, forever. I never want to be the reason you get sad or upset, I would die before I make you feel like that. And this baby will want for nothing, anything you or this little bean will need, you both will have.” He places his hand over my stomach, and it’s then I notice I have the tiniest bump ever. It’s in that moment I realise I love this man next to me more than life itself and I’m going to love this little bean ‘as he puts it’ just as much. It was always supposed to be this way, after everything we’ve been through, we’re slowly making our way back to each other.

  Miracles really can happen.

  Kane

  Despite having the threats from Fiona and Sophie looming over me, I couldn’t be more happier in this moment if I tried.

  She’s keeping our baby, we’re going to be a family, the way it should’ve been years ago. I don’t want to spend another waking moment away from her, I maybe jumping the gun a bit but if I don’t bite the bullet now I may never get the chance to again.

  “Move in with me Luce?” I ask. Before she can shoot me down I carry on. “It doesn’t have to be at my current house, I know you will hate it especially since it’s where Sophie lived as well, I’ll sell it and we can get something together, something that’ll be just ours. Where we can make new memories.” I’m looking into her green eyes but they aren’t giving nothing away, her face is expressionless so I can’t read her all too well. Then when I think she’s going to refuse she bursts out laughing.

  “Oh my god, it hurts to laugh but it’s so worth it, your face then it was priceless. You really thought I was going to say no didn’t you?”


  “Does that mean that’s a yes? You’ll move in with me? We’ll get a place together?” I’m just blabbering shit at her now. I can’t believe all my dreams are coming true. I may have an empire worth billions of pounds but nothing compares to this.

  “That’s a yes Kane, but I don’t want a massive house, just because you have the money it doesn’t mean we need to use it. And I’ll be paying half to everything Kane, I mean it.” She looks at me with determination on her face, waiting for my answer. She’s so bloody stubborn and proud.

  “Done.” She won’t be paying a penny to anything, but she doesn’t need to know that just now, I’ll keep that piece of information to myself. Any money she gives me I’ll just put into a bank account for her and our baby.

  “So… we're really doing this then?”

  “Yes we are baby girl.” We are going to be so happy together. I just need to keep her fucking mum and sister away long enough for me to work it all out and tell her my side of the story before they try to twist things, and try make her hate me. I’m really hoping she will see things through my eyes, and understand why I did the things I did. Because at the end of it all, I did it all for her.

  When we leave the hospital we can go over the specifics then, mean while she needs to fully recover, she’s carry my child, so from now on I’m going to take care of them. She needs to be fully healthy and fit for the baby to get all the nutrients it needs, that much I know, and because of that low placenta thingy the doctor said she had. If she bleeds like that again, her and the baby might not be so lucky next time. I think I’m going to have to read up in these baby books they have, I want to make sure her and the baby are going to be ok.

  “What you thinking, daddy?” She asks as she places her hand over mine on her stomach. I must have a biggest shit eating grin on my face.

  Daddy… I like the way that rolls of her tongue.

  “Daddy, that sounds weird, but a good weird. And I was just thinking, that I haven’t got the slightest clue what we need to get for the baby, or what I need to do for you.” She laughs at me now.

  “Kane, you do realise we have over seven months to plan all that? It’s not going to come today or tomorrow. We have plenty of time.”

  “I know… I know but I want only the best for you two, I want to give you both what we didn’t have when we were growing up.” I see a single tear roll down her cheek, so I wipe it away with my finger.

  “We are nothing like them Luce, we are going to be ok, I promise you.” She nods her head at me before she shakes her head and wipes her face with the back of her hands.

  “I know we will, Because I have you.” I give her a kiss on her lips and she moans.

  “I see you haven’t lost your appetite for wanting me then?” I laugh as her face heats in embarrassment, there will be plenty of time for that, we have forever to catch up on all the time we’ve missed out on. And it was our lust for each other that got us into the situation in the first place. She goes to say something back to me, but there’s a knock on her door.

  “Is it safe to enter? Or do I need to wave a white flag? I come in peace I promise.” Donna, she sure knows how to lighten the mood.

  “We’re good, you can enter the dragon’s lair.” I say jokingly.

  “Come on, I wasn’t that bad, I had a mini meltdown that’s all.” I give her a ‘are you kidding look’.

  “We’re only having you on, but you did have us both on the edge of our seats, we didn’t know if you were going to make it or not.”

  “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to scare any of you. Speaking of the crash, do we know why it happened or if the other people were ok?” She asks us both, looking from me to Donna. I shake my head at her, I’ve had more important matters to think about than to wonder what happened to the other car.

  “Yes, I do, when I was sitting in the waiting room I went on the internet to see what they were saying. And apparently it was a drunk driver, when we went through the traffic lights on our side his were on red, as he was drunk, he didn’t stop and went straight through them. He didn’t even slow down coming towards them, that’s why the crash was so bad, they say he was flying down the road, driving around eighty miles per hour, there were witnesses saying he was driving around like a maniac weaving in and out of traffic willy nilly. Let’s put it this way, he won’t be getting back in a car anytime soon.” She tells us matter of factly.

  “So he got done for drink driving then? That’s all he gets for what he’s caused?” I’m seething. Now, after hearing that, all I want do is get my bare hands on the wanker who could’ve killed the two most important people in my life.

  “Well, yeah he would have… If he wasn’t dead. The stupid twat wasn’t wearing his seat belt.” She says plainly, like it doesn’t bother her in the slightest. “Serves the fucker right.” She adds.

  I nod my head agreeing with everything she just said.

  I turn back to Luce, seeing the smile that was just on her face fade.

  “I know what you’re thinking baby girl, you feel sorry for him, wondering what is family are now going through, your heart is in the right place, but you have to look at it from a different angle. He could have killed you, shit, he could have killed our unborn child. Could you live with that? If he survived it, I mean.

  “Well no, but... oh I don’t know, I’m just glad everyone in this room is ok. That’s all I care about anymore. You’re both the only family I have.” She grabs my hand again and holds her other hand out for Donna to grab, which she takes as she sits down again.

  Lucy’s right, myself and Donna are the only family she will ever need.

  Just then I get the feeling like my heart has been stabbed, I hate lying to her, but now isn’t the time for me to tell her that she has a sister, one that she never even knew she had. Not that ‘said’ sister would want anything to do with her, not if my altercation with her earlier was anything to go by, the same goes for her mother.

  I still can’t seem to get my head around it all, I’ve never known two people go to such great lengths just to hurt someone close to them. Someone that is apart of their family, have the same blood running through their veins. And if they can do all of this, what else have they got up their sleeves? What else can they possible do just to make sure Luce doesn’t have her happy ending?

  Will they ever stop?

  I have a feeling deep down in my bones that they won’t ever stop, but if all hell breaks loose, I’ll dish the dirt to Fiona that I know more than she ever expected me to know.

  Even if it means Lucy will hate me after, at least at the end of it, it’ll all be over and she’ll never have to worry about Fiona or Sophie ever again. If me sacrificing my own happiness so she will finally be free from them… then it’s a price I’m willing to take.

  Lucy

  Everything is going to be ok, I’m ok, the baby is ok, Donna’s ok and Kane is also ok. These three people mean the world to me, and having Donna and Kane here has helped me make one of the hardest choices I’ve ever had to make in my life so far. I’m sure there will be plenty more over the years to come, and they both will be there for me then, just like they are here for me now. I couldn’t be more grateful that I have them in my life. I couldn’t do any of this without them, that’s one thing I’m not to scared to admit.

  I need them, like I need the air in my lungs to breathe.

  Without them my life would be pointless, meaningless.

  Maybe, just maybe I might get my fairytale ending after all.

  With all my crazy ass thoughts finally settled, I lie back onto my pillows and dream of mine and Kane's perfect future with our child.

  It’s been two weeks since the crash, I finally got discharged from the shit hole four days ago, I would’ve been released sooner but my blood pressure shot through the roof so the doctors and Kane- might I add, wanted me to stay in a while longer so they could keep a closer eye on me. During that time Kane had his hand checked out by the nurse, when she noticed it, she demanded he let
her look at it. He didn’t fight her on it when he saw the look I gave him. I think she knew how his hand come to look like it did, but she never did say anything, until she bandaged him up, ‘no more fighting with the hospital doors before you leave’ then she winked at me before leaving us.

  I’m now feeling back to my old self almost. My ribs are still causing me some untold pain, then to top it off my morning sickness kicked in with a vengeance. Other than them two pain in arse obstacles, everything seems to be going well… finally.

  Instead of Kane going back to the house he finally managed to get Sophie out off, he packed his shit up from the hotel he was staying in during the divorce and moved his fine rear end into my apartment whilst we house hunt. Not that I’m complaining. On the contrary I actually thought I would hate having someone else living in my personal space, when I’ve been used to living on my own for so long, but it’s like we haven’t spent the last thirteen years apart. I’m not for one minute saying it’s been easy either, he has his annoying little habits that I need to nip in the bud, but he’ll learn eventually. We’re adults now, living together, having a baby together, it’s permanent.

  We’re permanent.

  Kane being the wonderful man that he is, called my boss explaining all about the accident, although there was no need to, my face was splashed all over the local news. Even if they were going to be wankers about me being off work some more, they wouldn’t have been given a chance, Kane is a force to be reckoned with when he’s in demanding mode. Fortunately they understood and told me to go back when I was one hundred percent feeling better. In the meantime all I do is lie either in bed or on my sofa with a bucket, the morning sickness that’s taken over my body sucks donkey balls. It should be called all day bloody sickness because it just doesn’t happen in the morning, no my body decided that it wasn’t content with just having me throw up every morning, apparently I have to do it all day as well. With my ribs being so painful, I physically couldn’t make it to the bathroom on time to lose the contents of my stomach, so Kane set me up with a towel and a bucket.