Making Our Way Back

by Jennah Thornhill

  “And for your information I’m not a boy anymore, you can’t manipulate me to get what you want this time.” I get right up in her face this time around, showing her I won’t let her win again. She’s took enough from me, over my dead body if she thinks she’s going to take the second chance I’ve been given with Lucy, especially now she’s pregnant with my child. There’s nothing I wouldn’t do for them both. Shit… does she know about the baby yet? Will the doctor tell her anything? Fuck… has she even been in to see Luce yet?

  Just as I’m about to ask, no demand what the fuck she’s doing here, all my nightmares come to life at once.

  “This cannot be fucking happening.” I look over Fiona's shoulder, giving the vile bitch, that is now walking towards us the most dirty, filthiest look I can musty. I don’t want to give Fiona any more ammunition than she already has over me.

  Sophie.

  What the fuck is she doing here? I plaster a small smile on myself, pretending in front of Fiona that my ex-wife being here isn’t creeping me the hell out.

  If she finds out about Sophie she’ll just use that against me, knowing I’ll do anything to keep Luce out of all this shit.

  Noticing something, or someone has caught my attention she glances over her shoulder and sees what I see. Sophie has the biggest fucking grin on her face I’ve ever seen her wear. What is she being so fucking smug about? She didn’t get a fucking penny from me and we are now officially divorced, thanks to the guy Luce gave my case too. All she got was my apartment in Soho, I couldn’t sign the papers quick enough. I was only going to sell it anyway I want nothing that I had with her. She can do what she wants with it, live in it, sell it, I honestly don’t care.

  Before I can make my way over to her, Fiona than drops almighty bombshell on me.

  “Oh, right on time. Kane I believe you’ve already met my other daughter Sophie right?”

  What the fuck?

  How is this even possible?

  Nothing is making any sense to me anymore.

  How did I not know this shit? She told me her parents were dead.

  I start thinking back to the first time I ever saw her, I did a double take because I thought she was Lucy, and now that I know this piece of information I can see why that was an easy mistake to make. Sophie is standing in front of me and for the first time since meeting her I really look at her, I take her all in, something I never did before. And I know that is harsh but she wasn’t Lucy.

  I now see the resemblance between them both even more. The colour of their hair, the same shape of the eyes, the little dimples in their cheeks, to the way they laugh. Even though that was on a rare occasion from Sophie. All these little details, how have I never noticed this before? I’ve been blindsided with thinking about Luce to much, I’ve overseen all this. I’ve been off my game, this is what happens when I don’t concentrate, people get hurt. Lucy is going to get hurt.

  One thing that does pop out at me is that Sophie looks older, her features aren’t as soft as Lucy’s.

  Another revelation hits me.

  “You pair of scheming cows planned this together didn’t you? You!!!” I say pointing an accusing finger at Fiona. “You knew how much I loved your daughter, that I would go to the ends of the earth for her. So you concocted this evil plan up. Is there anything you won’t do to make Lucy unhappy, to hurt her? What has she ever done to you both? You’re both sick in the head. She’s your fucking daughter, your own flesh and blood. Does none of that matter to you?”

  “She’s breathing isn’t she?” Fiona practically screams. The few people that are in the canteen go silent, getting ready to enjoy the show.

  This woman is pure fucking evil. She really is willing to do anything to make sure Lucy is miserable, well I don’t plan on letting that happen. I’ve protected her from things that don’t bare thinking about, I’m not about to break the habit of a lifetime now.

  “That woman cost me everything, my dear Sophie had to leave me when she was just a baby, I even lost the love of my life because of her.” The way she speaks about Lucy tells me she really does hate her.

  “She’s your daughter how could you be so cruel? If you didn’t want her then she could’ve come live with me and my dad, you didn’t have to put her through hell growing up.”

  The evil laugh that leaves her mouth tells me she had every intention of making Lucy suffer just for existing. She really is one screwed up woman. How my kind, loving and considerate Lucy came from her I don’t know because she’s nothing like the two evil witches standing in front of me.

  “You have no idea what I went through because she came along Kane, I lost the best years of my life that should’ve been spent with my mother.” Sophie adds.

  My anger is to a boiling point now.

  “That’s not Lucy’s fault, it’s hers.” I seethe, whilst pointing at Fiona again. “She’s the one who got pregnant, she’s the one who brought her into this world. Lucy isn’t to blame for any of it.” I direct my words at Sophie, hoping and praying she sees the light in all of this and that Lucy isn’t the one to blame at all.

  “You just don’t get it do you, Lucy ruined my life and my daughter’s life, she made me lose everything, first I lost my partner and then I lost my Sophie. My life was miserable then, that’s when I turned to the drugs. That’s all I could do to cope with the pain of losing everything. If Lucy had never happened then none of this would be happening.” She can’t seriously think that all this was Lucy’s fault, she was just an innocent baby, she didn’t know what was going on. This woman is fucking delusional.

  “She reminded me too much of her father, every time I looked at her. I felt disgusted by her, every time I tried to hold her I would feel repulsed by her. I couldn’t comfort her when she cried, or give her the love she needed, because I just didn’t love her. I felt nothing for her, I still feel nothing for her.” Lucy’s dad was nothing but a waste of space.” Luce thinks her dad left them when she was younger because of how her mum was, said he was nothing but a sperm donor. I know differently, I know that everything Fiona is spitting out is nothing but a big fat lie. Not that I’m going to shout this out, that will just be asking for twenty one questions, and I don’t want Fiona to know I may have the upper hand over her. But yet, now is neither the time or the place. So, I play dumb.

  “If that was the case, then why didn’t you just go to a clinic and have an abortion? Instead of making her suffer all you’re shit.”

  “An abortion wasn’t a fucking option in them days, plus it was too late by the time I found out. Trust me I tried my best to miscarry, but the booze and drugs failed me, she was determined to make me miserable from day one.”

  “So because that didn’t work, you thought that having someone hurt her for you would make things better?”

  “And that would have fucking worked if you hadn’t got in the way. The plan would have worked fine, and I would have been out of this rut a long time ago. But then again things seemed to have turned out ok in the end, you were off the scene and that made her just as miserable as I was back then. Having you out of the picture worked a wonder really.” This I know is true, but how can she say all this and not show any remorse for her actions?

  “But I’m back now, and I’m not going to let you hurt her anymore, what you’re both doing isn’t right, you’re both off your rocker. She’s a grown women now, you don’t have to have anything to do with her anymore. You can stop whatever it is you are planning. You haven’t been in her life for years, so why come back into it now? You only ever want her when you want something.” I don’t get why Fiona is telling me all of this now. She has to have something planned. She’s got that same conniving look on her face she did over thirteen years ago. And that didn’t end well for me. I’m not going down that road again, no way, not now I have Luce back in my life.

  “Yeah, we anticipated this happening, I knew as soon as you were let out of prison it wouldn’t take you long to try and find her. But we already had a plan in place
for when that would happen. I thought it would have been sooner if I’m honest, but you were building your empire first before you went to her, weren’t you Kane? And oh my, what an empire is it. You’ve done well for yourself considering you spent five years behind bars.”

  “So it’s money you want? Is that it? All this just so you can get your hands on my money? Sophie didn’t get a fucking penny out of me, so what makes you think you will?” As much as I don’t want to give them a penny more than what they’ve already had off me, I’ll do it just so they stay the hell away from Lucy… and my unborn child. But then that wouldn’t explain why Sophie came into my life the way she did? That bit still doesn’t make any sense.

  “Well, considering my daughters firm are very good at what they do, I think my other daughter is entitled to more than what she actually got, I mean what’s an apartment in Soho going to give us? Hundred grand? If we’re lucky. I think she deserves more than that.”

  Her greediness knows no bounds. I’ve already give her twenty thousand to keep her trap shut. This isn’t about what Sophie deserves, it’s about what she wants and she’s using Sophie and Lucy to get it from me.

  “That fucking apartment in Soho is worth over eight hundred grand, you’re telling me that’s not enough? That’s without the other twenty grand you’ve already had off me. Don’t you think you’re being a bit fucking unrealistic? You’re living in a fucking dream world if you think you’re having more off me.” Then it comes to me like being hit by a stream train, it’s all starting to come together now.

  “Sophie, you didn’t just come into my life by accident did you? This was part of your plan all along, so you can get my money?” I thought I knew everything I needed to know, when it came to Fiona. But this? How did I not see this coming? I thought it was funny how quick she agreed to getting married, after getting pissed up. She didn’t love me at all, not that I felt anything for her, I knew I should have gotten rid of her the moment we woke up the day after, why didn’t I? The answer to that still bugs me to this day.

  She steps a little closer to me, running a long wrinkly finger down my chest. I recoil from her touch, but the bitch just laughs in my face.

  “How much is my daughter worth to you Kane? I’m sure you’d pay a hell of a lot more than that if it meant her safety was guaranteed.”

  I turn from her and throw my coffee cup in the nearest bin, it’s now freezing cold anyway from just standing here and having this ridiculous discussion with the two wicked witches. I don’t even have to think about it, she’s right I would pay way more to keep them both safe, but I’m not going to tell Fiona that, she’ll just play on it even more.

  “I was told her safety would be guaranteed the last time we had this conversation, I did what you asked of me back then. You didn’t give me much of a choice. Yet you still went back on it when I found out you were still going do it anyway. You played me back then, what’s to say you’re not playing me now?” Two can play this fucking game, I’m keeping my cards super close to chest, I’m not going to show her my royal flush, till I know exactly what she’s up to and what she has planned.

  “Oh, I haven’t forgot about that Kane, believe me I never will. And you’ll have to take our word for it this time.”

  “Wait, how did you know she was at this hospital anyway?” Why did I not ask her this the moment I saw her.

  “The same way I found out you would be in Las Vegas when you were, there are such things as newspapers nowadays Kane, and plus I’m her next of Kin, I got a phone call telling me my precious daughter had been in a car accident. Anyway I’m not here to see her, I knew you would be here and I wanted to catch you at your most vulnerable moment. And it seems to me it’s working. I couldn’t have planned this any better, seems luck is on my side. Now shall we talk numbers?” If I thought Sophie was vindictive when I met her, well that’s nothing compared to her mother’s actions, saying that it all finally makes sense, she’s had a bloody good teacher.

  “I have somewhere I need to be, I’ll be in touch, but until then, you stay the fuck away from me and Lucy, the both of you. Are we clear?” I point at the both of them, making it clear I’m not messing around. I’m shaking I’m that riled up, looks like my plan may come into it a lot sooner than I thought.

  “Keep your swanky boxers on Kane, we’ll stay out of your way….for now.” Sophie the cocky bitch, she just had to get that in there didn’t she, always the one to get the last word in.

  They turn and walk away, leaving me to think about what it is I’m actually going to do, so I make my way out the canteen myself.

  “Fuck.” I roar as I plant my fist in the door as I walk past it. This is all going to come out in the open whether I want it to or not. “Send me the fucking bill.” I mutter to some doctors as they walk past me, clearly shocked at my outburst.

  Lucy

  T he minute Kane walked out the door, I broke down and cried, everything I was holding in came out all at once. It wasn’t a pretty sight. This isn’t me, I’m stronger than this, at one point the nurse came back in and I thought she was going to sedate me again because I was that much of a mess. In the end she just sat with me and held me whilst I cried, she felt like a mother comforting a child as she stroked my hair and told me everything was going to be ok.

  I’m still not convinced it is.

  Since nurse Lizzy left my room once I had calmed down, I’ve done nothing but think of all the pros and cons to having this baby. Kane knew when he left what I was thinking, he could see it written all over my face. He’s not stupid not by any means, but I still don’t think I can do this, even if he can. I mean look at me, I’m barely holding it together now. The only positive I can think of, is that I’m carrying a part of Kane inside of me. But can I really just have this baby based on that fact.

  I think back to the time when I was younger, living the life I did with my mum, I can only remember bits and pieces, but what I do remember has me breaking out in a cold sweats.

  What if I’m like my mother? What if I don’t feel anything towards the baby? What if I don’t love it?

  “No.” I find myself saying out loud. “I’m not my mum.” I’m nothing like her, I have a heart not a swinging brick like her, I feel things. I’m not the kind of person who can go through life hating the only pure thing to come out of it. I’ve spent years making sure I’m not like her, I’m not an addict for starters, my life doesn’t revolve around men and where I can get my next fix from. Once I’ve come to this conclusion, I make a decision on what I’m going to do. I need to speak to Kane. Where is he? To me it seems he’s been gone for longer than he actually has. Just as I’m about to press my buzzer for Lizzy, to see if she can go find him for me, there’s a tiny petite knock on my door. And Donna pops her head around the door.

  “Hey you, you’re awake. Kane let me know a few minutes ago, but I wanted to give you time to come around first. How you feeling?” She gives me a small smile before taking the seat that Kane vacated only a few minutes ago, even though to me it felt like forever.

  Once she’s seated I break down yet again. What is up with me? Oh yeah, I’m pregnant. Must be my hormones.

  “Donna, everything’s a mess, I don’t know if I’m coming or going.” I sob to her, whether she understood any of it I don’t know. She takes a hold of my hand and pulls me in for a hug.

  “Hey, you’ve been though a lot Luce, it’s understandable that you feel like this, your body is in shock. I got off lightly, but you..” She starts getting upset herself now.

  “You gave me a fright. When I saw that car coming towards us, I thought that was it, you're lucky to be alive. It’s a fucking miracle.

  She doesn’t know about the other miracle yet does she?

  “How much did Kane tell you Donna?” I have a feeling he didn’t tell her everything that’s going on with me, thinking it’s best coming from me. He always puts my feelings before his own.

  “Only that you were awake.” She tells me. “Wait, is there somethi
ng wrong? What are you not telling me?” She looks panicked and terrified now. Her overactive imagination is more than likely running wild at this precise moment. I need to put her out of her misery, before she thinks I’m dying or something.

  “Ok, I’m going to come out and say it.” I take a deep breath, preparing myself for her reaction, and also once I know I say these two words it’s going to become even more real. “I’m pregnant.”

  Her jaw hits the floor like it’s being weighed down by a led balloon, her ability to speak seems to have vanished also.

  I wave a hand in front of her face, trying to snap her out of the trance she’s gone into.

  “C...C...Can you please repeat what you just said, I’m not sure I heard you right. It sounded a lot like you were telling me that you’re pregnant?” She says, her jaw no longer on the floor.

  “That's exactly what I’m telling you, I’m measuring around nine weeks now and all the blood I lost in the accident was due to my placenta being low, it’s called placenta previa the doctor explained to me. I should be ok in a few weeks after some rest, they’re going to keep an eye on us both.” I tell her. And shit has now become very... very real.

  “Does Kane know? Shit is he even the father?” I give her a filthy look. “Shit, sorry that came out wrong.” She laughs, and it makes me smile… just a little bit. “It’s obvious he’s the father. What are you going to do?” That’s a damn good question.

  “I’ve been thinking long and hard about all this, there’s not much else I can do stuck in here is there. But if I’m honest Donna, the cons are outweighing the pros for me. I don’t know what to do.” She now gives me the same filthy look matching the one I gave her just.

  “I know what’s going on in that thick head of yours. You’re not your mum, Luce. Not in any single way, shape or form. I’ve told you that a thousand and one times over the years. You have a good job that pays well, you’ve got your own home. You’re in a good place right now, and… you have Kane… and me. You can do this Luce, I know you can. You’ve got a good heart and you’re going to love this child like you were meant to be loved. Do you hear me?” Is she finished? She was getting louder the more she carried on.