Making Our Way Back

by Jennah Thornhill

  “Yeah, it was. If it’s important whoever it was will ring back.” He seems disappointed, probably because they’ve interrupted our peaceful morning, and maybe, just maybe, he wanted me all to himself in bed again. As I like the sound of my own thoughts I go to do just that. But I’m stopped in my tracks as my phone starts ringing again.

  “Must be important then.” I say, as I pass him lying in nothing but his birthday suit. God I just want to jump on him again, and let him ride me into next week. As much as I want to, I don’t.

  I make my way through the living room and grab my phone from my work bag. Who could be calling me at this time in the morning? I know it’s definitely not Donna, she’ll still be in the land of nod.

  Once I’ve located it’s where abouts through the mass of junk I have in there, I make a mental note to clean it out before I leave the house again. When I pick it up from out my bag, it’s upside down, I almost drop it I’m in that much of a hurry to answer it before it switches to voicemail again, not even bothering to look whos calling me. Why? I don’t know, as I personally make it a habit to always check who’s calling first. I hate it when you have people calling you to tell you that you’ve been involved in accident and it wasn’t your fault. Normally my automatic response would be. Oh god, am I died? To which the line goes dead. I can’t really do that anymore, it seems a bit inappropriate after everything that happened with the crash.

  “Hello?” I answer the phone waiting for them to acknowledge me. I wait for a few seconds but don’t hear anything straight away. Now is the time to check who’s calling me. So I move the phone from my ear and check.

  Fuck.

  I suddenly wish I had never answered the damn thing now. I leave the phone dangling in my hand, whilst I run my fingers through the mass of tangles that is my hair.

  It’s the mother. If you can you really call her one. That thought has been debatable since the day I was born.

  What the fuck does she want know? I try to keep my voice down so Kane doesn’t overhear the conversation I’m about to have with her. Lucky for him he’s only had to put up with her on one account, which was outside the cafe a few months back. Thank god she’s not a constant fixture in my life, I don’t think they would ever see eye to eye.

  God let’s just get this over with, my usual phone calls with her only last a couple of minutes, max. I can usually get rid off her asap. Gearing myself up for the emotional abuse I know I’ll be getting off her, I put the phone back to my ear.

  “Hello... mum? You there?” I wish she’d say something, I’m already on pins as it is.

  “Yes, I’m here, god you don’t need shout.” Shout? I wasn’t shouting, it was barely a whisper. I was trying to be quite for Kane’s sake as well as my own.

  “What’s up?” I ask her blankly, she’s never nice to me, so why should I be nice back.

  “Well that’s no way to speak your mother, it is Lucy?” The way she say’s my name makes my skin crawl. She can’t really call herself that. She was never fucking there half the time when I was growing up. I stay silent. I’m not apologizing for it. She can go fuck herself. And if she’s waiting for one, she’ll be waiting for a bloody long time.

  “I take it you’re lovely new boyfriend hasn’t told you about our little meeting at the hospital… has he?” She has the nerve to sound smug over the phone. I haven’t got a clue what she’s on about.

  “What do you mean? Let’s not beat around the bush mum, just tell me what you called to say, will you?”

  “Well, let’s put it this way, he gave me a lot of money to keep me quiet and away from you. Ask yourself Lucy, why would he do that if he had nothing to hide?” The tone of her voice tells me she can’t possibly be lying to me. But what the fuck could Kane be hiding from me that has anything remotely related to the smug cow I call my mum. It’s like she’s set out to purposely hurt me all the time. Fuck knows what I’ve done in my past to make her hate me so much.

  My blood is boiling, why does she make me so friggin goddamn angry all the time. Even though a part of me knows she’s telling the truth, another part of me wants to erase everything she’s just said, pretend I didn’t hear words that have just sprung out of her mouth. But I can’t.

  “You fucking what?” I can’t help myself the words fly out my mouth before I can stop myself.

  “You heard me correctly.” Just as I’m about to ask her to elaborate on it, I hear Kane yell, a very panicked yell at that.

  “Fuck.” That’s all he shouts, before I hear his footsteps come stomping out of the bedroom and down the small, narrow hallway.

  “Ask him, if you don’t believe me.” I believe me I fucking will.

  He must have come to an abrupt stop as I can no longer hear his feet pounding against the floor boards. I turn my whole body so I can face him. He’s as naked as the day he was born and with a look of pure dread on his face, not a word coming from his lips. That in itself confirms what I already now know. But I ask him anyway.

  “Is this true?” I get straight to the point. When he doesn’t say anything, I try my best to stay calm, like I said, I try my best, but nothing I do is stopping me from losing control of all of my emotions. Anger, sadness and hurt roll through me all at once.

  I trusted him, but he’s been keeping things from me and from what my mother is telling me he’s been lying to me as well.

  “Fucking answer me.” I roar at him. “Is it true?” His shoulders drop and his head goes down to the ground. He doesn’t even have the decency to look me in the eyes. But then he starts to speak, and my whole world starts to fall apart bit by bit, piece by little piece.

  I feel broken, he’s the one person I always thought would never hurt me. I expect it from my mother, but not him.

  Never him.

  He’s the one and only constant person that has always looked after me, been there for me, made me feel like I was always wanted and loved. But now, now I’m stuck. I don’t know what or who to believe any more.

  My whole life feels like one big fucking lie. He finally gives me something.

  “Yes. But please… let me explain.” The tears start leaking from my eyes and then fall down my face, like a tap you can’t seem to switch off. And I almost forget my mum is still on phone, until I hear her smug fucking voice again.

  “I think we need have a little chat my darling daughter, it’s about time you learnt the truth about your precious Kane.”

  My stomach knots, doing somersaults at a million miles per hour. She knows nothing about him, not since he was a kid anyway. Why would she have anything to tell me that I don’t already know?

  “Lucy! You still there?” She barks down the phone.

  “I’m here. I think you had better come over so we can sort all this shit out, because I’m being lied to and I want to know which one of you is about to ruin my life.”

  “I’ll be there in five minutes, I’m just around the corner.” With that she hangs up the phone, it also doesn’t go unnoticed that she didn’t deny that my life was about to be ruined.

  And she’s around the fucking corner? Did she plan all of this? I want answers, I want to know what the hell is going on.

  I chuck my phone down on the sofa and let out a huff. I’m frustrated, irritated and resentful. Why has Kane not told me my mum was at the hospital? And that he gave her money.

  “Luce, please give me a chance to explain, I love you, what I did.. Shit… what I’m still doing. It’s all because I love you.” He makes a move towards me and I freak out.

  “Don’t come near me.” I rush out. Four words I never thought I’d ever have to say to him, yet I’ve just said them. He recoils, like I’ve burnt him.

  “Baby?” He doesn’t know what to do for the best, I can see on his face, he’s fighting with himself, trying not to touch me.

  “You’ll have your chance to explain, don’t worry, but right now I think you should put some clothes on. My mum is on her way over.”

  “Shit.” He throws his hands
in his hair, now he’s freaking out.

  Just then the doorbell rings, and Kane is in two minds whether to go get dressed and leave me, or stay the way he is and stay with me. He eventually decides to grab some clothes first, sprinting back down towards my bedroom. Is that going to be the last time he’ll be in my apartment at all? The time I ever see him? I guess we’re about it find out.

  The questions I have are running round in my head are like Linford Christie on speed, I have no idea what to say. All I know is I’m owed answers.

  It’s the least they can do for me.

  I make my way over to the door, my hand pausing on the handle well I take a much needed deep breathe. In and out, in and out. I swing the door open and with the most vicious smile, she greets me.

  “Lucy.”

  “Mum.” Then out of nowhere, Sophie’s face appears from around the side of door frame. What the fuck is she doing here, and with my fucking mum?

  “Hello...Sis.” Sis? Well she’s obviously been smoking something. What the hell is happening right now? I don’t have a sister, at least not that I’m aware off.

  And if she is, the way she says it, tells me it’s not going to a happy family reunion.

  Kane

  I didn’t think it could get any worse, well I was wrong. Very fucking wrong. The moment I heard the bitches voice, I knew they were going to rip my girl apart. I rush back through the hallway and into the living room just as Lucy opens her door.

  Her mother didn’t have the decency to come on her own, she brought Sophie as well, they were going to ambush her.

  This is just plain cruel, they weren’t going to stop pulling her down till they got what they wanted, or till there was nothing left of Lucy.

  I move to the door, where Luce was still standing, her whole body is shaking. This can’t be good for her or the baby.

  “Arh there you are Kane, I’m glad you’re here as well, it saves me the job of having to repeat myself.” Now hate is a very strong word, but I hate Fiona with every fibre of my body.

  Through gritted teeth I respond to her malice.

  “Fiona, you don’t have to do this, she isn’t the one to blame for any of it. Will you please just leave her alone? Please.” I don’t give a shit if I’m reduced to begging her, at this precise moment it’s needed.

  Pushing past me and Luce, they both barge their way in through the door, knocking Luce aside, having no respect in regards to how Luce may be feeling about of all this, or the fact that it is her apartment. It’s just fucking rude, and bang out of order. If I wasn’t worried about if or how they are going to play dirty I would have put them in their places. But I don’t. I can’t. I’m the biggest coward in the room. I’m rooted to the spot, with Luce across from me but her heads dropped forward so I can’t see her eyes. Reaching my hand out to take her fingers in mine, anything just to touch her. Just when I link my fingers with hers and I think she’s going allow me that little bit of contact she jumps, snatching her hand away as if I’ve burnt her.

  “It looks like you did well for yourself Lucy, or did lover boy buy it for you?” Fiona asks. Disdain dripping in her words.

  Any normal mother would be happy that their child has made something of themselves, but no, not Fiona. It seems to me that because she isn’t happy then Lucy can’t be either.

  Walking away from me and her place by the still open door, Luce goes and stands by the coffee table whilst the two wicked witches make themselves comfortable on the sofa.

  They’re enjoying this.

  Shutting the door, I head on over to where the three women who hold my life in their hands are. When I see the pure evilness in Fiona and Sophie's eyes, I know what I have to do, what I should have done, thirteen years ago.

  I have to stand up to Fiona and once again protect Lucy from this evil woman.

  No more being scared, no more being a coward.

  She’s mine and I protect what is mine, no one is going to take her away from me again.

  Straightening my shoulders, I walk around the coffee table and plonk my arse on it so I’m sitting directly in front of them both.

  “You both want to come here and ruin Lucy’s life, then go right ahead. But don’t think for one minute I won’t ruin both of yours, I know more shit about you two, more than I let on. One call to the police and you’re both going down.” My words come out a lot stronger than I’m feeling. Fiona doesn’t budge with my threat, then again I didn’t expect her to, she’s nothing but a hard faced bitch. On the other hand, Sophie who still hasn’t said a peep goes deathly white.

  “Don’t worry Soph, he’s all words and no action. He knows I can have him back behind bars in a heartbeat if he hurts you.”

  That’s when Luce seems to wake up and join back in with the reality of what’s unfolding in her living room.

  “If he hurts her? What happens if he hurts me mum?” She practically scream at Fiona.

  I have no doubt in my mind that I will hurt her, if it’s not me that does it, Fiona sure as hell will.

  Lucy

  “I f he hurts her? What happens if he hurts me mum?” I’m shaking, I can’t even begin to explain what’s going on in my head right now. I can’t make any sense of this. I knew my mum had her secrets, but Kane? Then there’s the wicked bitch of the west who’s looking like the cat got the cream on my sofa. Not saying a fucking word. I still don’t get what she’s doing here anyway? I just want rip her head off.

  My mum, if that’s what you want to call her, scoffs at my questions.

  “This is where you’ll finally learn the truth Lucy. If he hadn’t of divorced Sophie, none of this would be happening to you.

  You have him to thank for all the misery you’re about to go through.” She spits her venom, whilst pointing to Kane. Why, I don’t know. All he did was get divorced, you can’t make someone stay with the other person if they don’t love them.

  I turn sharply to Kane.

  “Did you know? Did you know she was my sister? Is that why you divorced her?” The questions are firing off my tongue quicker than I can keep up with. He just gives me a nod of his head, which confirms my fears. He lied to me. I step further away from him, I can’t be near him right now. He must sense me pulling away because he steps towards me with his hands out to touch me.

  “Don’t touch me, you knew and you didn’t say anything.” I’m raging in anger.

  “I didn’t know when I married her who she was Luce, I only found out at the hospital. I didn’t tell you because you were recovering and adjusting.” He says, motioning to my growing belly beneath my robe.

  Oh my god. My baby. Sophie will be it’s Aunty, and my mum is… is a grandma.

  I’m so baffled by all of this. I want to know what’s going on, but at the same time I don’t.

  Wrapping an arm around Sophie, my so called mother looks at me with pure unadulterated hate on her face.

  “Sophie is my daughter, you were just a mistake that should never of happened, your father never wanted you, I never wanted you, if I had my way I would’ve gotten rid of you…”

  “Stop. Just stop Fiona.” Kane jumps in cutting her off with her evil twisted words. “She doesn’t need this from you, from either of you. She doesn’t deserve this.”

  “Yes she does, she deserves this and more. If she had just died when I tried to get rid of her, my life would be so much better. But because of her it isn’t. She has to suffer.”

  I can’t believe I’m hearing this, this isn’t true. It can’t be. A mother doesn’t behave like this towards their child. Before I know what’s happening, I clutch my small bump and fall to the floor whispering.

  “It’s ok baby, I won’t ever hate you like she hates me, I will always love you.”

  Out the corner of my eye I see Fiona, not mum, it’s just Fiona now, jump up from the sofa, charging at Kane.

  “Please tell me she’s not pregnant with your spawn? How could you? She’ll never be out of your life now.” Then I hear the most almighty slap. I can
’t bring myself to look what’s going on, but I hear Kane give her the most feral growl, that shouldn’t be normal coming from any human being, I can’t see him, as I’m currently cradling my baby belly, but if I could, I have no doubt I would be shaking with fear.

  “I don’t want her out of my life you sick woman, I didn’t want to leave her last time. She’s it for me, always has been. Marrying her was a mistake, I only did it because I was pissed and she reminded me of Luce. Now I know why, but she will never be Lucy. You’re both just evil, sick women.”

  “If it wasn’t for you, I’d of made a fortune out of her. But no you had to come along and save her didn’t you? You had to poke your nose in where it wasn’t wanted.” I hear my mum roar at Kane.

  “Shut up. Just shut up both of you, I can’t handle all of this.” I sob. “Enough, I can’t handle anymore.” I’m thoroughly exhausted, and I’m sure all this stress and up roar isn’t good for me or the baby. I have to try and stay calm, no matter what else happens from here on out, because something tells me I haven’t heard the last of it yet.

  I get back up to my feet, rolling my shoulders back, I may look strong and confident, but I’m feeling anything but. It’ll have to do for now as I have not got the strength for anything more. I wipe my face with the backs of my hands to rid myself of my fallen tears, then with confidence I didn’t know I possessed, I turn to the woman who would undoubtedly kill me if she could get away with it.

  “So, let me get this straight. I was an unwanted child, which I think we’ve gathered is one of many reasons why you hate me so much. You don’t love me, never have and never will. Sophie is my sister, which I never knew about, who you obviously see as your only daughter, the one that wasn’t a mistake. How come I never knew about any of this?” In all fairness, this information is not of any importance to me whatsoever, I can live with or without knowing this. I mean my mum has never really been a mum anyway, I never knew who my father was to begin with and I never knew I had a sister, and with me finding out it’s Sophie, I have no interest in getting to know her at all. I mean, she’s Kane’s ex-wife for starters, that in itself doesn’t want me to be best friends with her, but after all of this… well she could drop down dead and I wouldn’t give a rats ass about her. Harsh, but true.