Making Our Way Back

by Jennah Thornhill

  “It’s your fault I lost everything, I was happy with my life, I had the man I loved and the little girl I always dreamed of having. And then a little fucking mistake cost me everything, all I had. I was raped and fell pregnant with you. Your father is nothing but a rapist Lucy, that’s why I can’t stand to look at you.” She says it with so much disgust in her voice, you’d think I was the person that raped her. I don’t even get a breath out before she carries on her rant at me.

  “Because of you, because there was no way of getting rid of you, and trust me I tried, you name it, I tried it and I’m not ashamed to admit it. Before I knew it, I was six months pregnant with you, I lost Sophie and her father, all because he couldn’t live with what happened to me, neither could I. You made me feel sick to my stomach knowing what you came from. I couldn’t love you. And then after you were born, things got worse. The only reason I kept you was for the money, as I was now addicted to cocaine and crack. I was in a deep dark hole and I couldn’t get out of it, that was until I found Sophie.” She then looks at her with nothing but love and admiration. I should be jealous but I’m not. “She helped me, I went cold turkey and believe me there were plenty of times I could I have taken something again. But you want to know what got me through it, other than my Sophie… You.”

  “Me?” I stand there mouth open, how could I have possibly helped her, by this time I was no longer there, as soon as I could and was old enough, I made a run for it, went of to college and university, hoping I’d never have to see her again, apart from the odd time she’d ask for money. But I’d take that, than having to live or see her twenty four seven. There was nothing for me to stay there for anymore. Kane had already gone and left me too. Although I know now he did it for me. My blood runs cold, when a thought hits me.

  He was protecting me from my own mother.

  “Yes, you. All I could think about was, how I bloody hated you so much, I wanted revenge, and now I’m going to get it. You’ll suffer exactly what I did many years ago. Even though all the plans I had didn’t always work out the way I wanted them too, they couldn’t have worked out any better in the end. Especially now your up the duff with his sprog.”

  “So, you purposely set out to hurt me at every turn I made, wanting to make my life a living hell. And what does Kane have to do with any of that? Or is it because he fell in love with me, that he found me again? You just can’t bare to see me happy can you? I bent over backwards for you, you wanted money I gave it to you, when you called needing me I was there. And now you do all of this. I never wanted anything from you in return, I did it because you’re my mum and I loved you, regardless of how you were with me growing up.” I look over at Kane, who has been nothing but a silent mute standing out of my way.

  “Oh, my darling. Kane plays a massive part in it, in fact he’s the winning piece on the chessboard.” I look back and forth between her and Kane. Kane is as white as my bed sheets, and my mum’s face lights up even more.

  “I couldn’t of planned it better myself, the day I saw you both outside the restaurant, I knew exactly who he was. He had finally found you, giving me the perfect opportunity to get what I wanted. Money, and the best revenge ever.”

  “What are you talking about? Can you stop talking in fucking riddles and just tell me?” My mum goes to speak but gets cut short by Kane.

  “Fiona... please don’t do this. I’ll lose everything I’ve ever loved. I’ve only just got her back. Please. Don’t you think you’ve hurt her enough?” What’s eating at him.

  “You see Lucy, not long before Kaney went to prison..” I see Kane twitch at the name she just called him, he looks like he’s in physical pain hearing it come from my mother’s lips… Wait.... No. Please god no.

  “Well, let me put it this way, he wasn’t that good back then, but according to Sophie he’s learnt a thing or two.” I hear Sophie laugh, I cover my ears as best I can, whilst shaking my head repeatedly, but it’s not working, it’s like a broken record and it’s on repeat in my mind, I can’t get it to stop.

  The night we were fooling around on my sofa comes back to haunt me.

  He lowers his head and takes one of my nipples that are calling to him into his mouth, he laps and sucks on my pert nipple causing me to moan out load.

  “Shit… Yes… Kaney.”

  No wonder he flipped his shit when I called him that, I transported him back in time. A time where he should have been young and carefree. Instead he was giving it to my mother.

  I feel sick, my stomach drops, the contents threatening to come back up. I’m living in a nightmare. Why do things always happen to me. I must have a bitch in my previous life. So not only has he fucked my sister, he’s slept with my mum. Why?

  “Luce, baby. It’s not how it sounds.” He now makes his way towards me. “Please you have to let me explain.” He pleads, I can tell by the of horror on his face, that he knows I can’t handle much more. He knows there’s no point trying to reason with me, yet he still tries. My slow brain kicks in just as he reaches me

  “Don’t you fucking dare. You’ve lied to me again Kane, you’ve done nothing but lie to me since the day you walked back into my life. I feel so stupid, how have I not seen this coming, I knew things were going to well for me, that something was going to tear it apart. I half expected it from you.” I say towards my mum, who seems pretty pleased with herself, along with Sophie who’s now standing next to her looking proud as punch.

  Yeah the bitch is just enjoying all of this.

  I turn my head towards Kane again, he’s within touching distance, even though there will be no touching.

  I say as calmly as I can.

  “I just never thought it would be you that would do the tearing apart.” I can’t hold the tears at bay any longer, I let them fall, and I make sure he sees him. They silently fall down my face and I make no attempt to wipe them. He will see my pain and he will feel what I feel inside.

  Because I’m broken.

  The shit from my mothers mouth I can get past, I can deal with that, in time.

  But he’s just snapped me clean in half, I don’t know if I will ever be able to be put back together again.

  Right now I’m unfixable.

  Kane

  M y world is falling apart right in front of my eyes.

  I’ve never felt pain like this in my life. I feel like I’ve been stabbed in the heart, and Luce is the one doing it, making it hurt all the more. The pain I felt the last time I left her, all them years ago, it’s nothing compared to what I’m feeling now.

  She standing in front of me, clearly in so much pain, pain that I’ve caused, no thanks to the evil bitches standing behind me, laughing at Lucy’s discomfort as well as my own.

  The silent tears flowing from her eyes do nothing for my pain, I’ve hurt her in more ways than one. She’s right, I’ve done nothing but lie to her since I walked into her office a short time ago. I deserve everything she throws at me, and more.

  I don’t deserve her, I never did, and I never will.

  But this was supposed to be our fresh start, our new beginning.

  I’d walk out of her life right this second if she asked me to, no matter how much I know it’ll kill me, but I promised her I’d never make her feel like this, all I ever wanted to do was keep her safe and love her till the day I die, and then I’d still love her after my time was up.

  She’s my soulmate, the other half of me.

  I’m doing nothing but cause her pain, that is the last thing I ever wanted to do. But If me leaving will make her happy, I’ll do it.

  She hasn’t said anything for a long period of time. The room is quiet, all except for them howling with laughter at us in the background. It’s time to turn the tables around now, enough is a fucking enough.

  “Are you finished?” I grit out through my teeth. “I think it’s time for you two to leave.”

  “I don’t believe the shows finished yet, It’ll be rude to leave before the end. Don’t you think Sophie?”

/>   “Oh, I completely agree, mum.” Sophie gives a sharp nod of her head indicating her agreement.

  They’re taking the fucking piss.

  “You have no idea what I’m capable of Fiona, you learn a lot in prison.” I say to her, even though my eyes are on Luce the whole time.

  “And what’s that suppose to mean? Are you threatening me Kane?”

  “It’s not a threat, it’s a promise.” I wouldn’t dream of ever raising a hand to a woman, but this one I would in a heartbeat, she’s pushing it. “I’m not a violent person, but don’t think for one minute that I wouldn’t put you on your arse if you don’t get out now. You’ve caused enough turmoil and shit for one day. This is a record, even by your standards.”

  “You’ve got nothing on me Kane, and you know it.” I see her falter slightly.

  If we’re airing out dirty laundry, I might as well blow it all out there, I’ve had enough of hiding the secrets. Secrets that are going to cost me my entire world, if I don’t get them out now I might just combust.

  “That’s what you think. I doubt the police would think the same when they find out about you and your little sex trafficking stunt, and how you planned on selling your own daughter.”

  “I don’t know what you're talking about.” Fiona’s voice wobbles and I know I’ve gotten her right where I want her. Lucy’s face is nothing but shocked. I turn on Fiona and give her the finally blow, even though I know it might screw Luce up even more. I’ll be there to catch her no matter what happens. I get right up in her face before I carry on.

  “Oh, I think you know exactly what I’m on about. You’ve already broke Luce now so there is no point in holding back any more information is there.” She looks behind me at Lucy and then at Sophie. I know all the dirt on her, she just never thought I would know this, I’ve been waiting for the right time and now is that time. I’m going to break her once and for all.

  “Whilst I was locked up, no thanks to you, I found out some really good information. About you. Believe it or not I got locked up at the right time. There are some people in there who were interested in hearing me say your name.” She gulps, I’ve got her, I’m going to put an end to this, an end to Fiona.

  “W… Who?” She just about manages to squeak out.

  “I’m not a snitch. But all you need to know is, they have people on the outside, and they’re watching every….. Single…. Move… you… make.” I pause through each word, just to prove a point.

  “I know people who know people, and guess what Fiona…. Luce isn't the result of you being raped, like you claim it happened. I know who Lucy’s dad is, in fact I’ve met him.”

  “What?” I hear Luce shout.

  “W… What? W… Who? H… How could you have?” I’ve clearly gotten under her skin, she’s stuttering her words, the fear is rolling of her in waves.

  “Yeah, I met him in prison, he was my roomie in fact. Can you believe my luck.” My smile spreads across my face, this is going to be so much fun.

  Payback is a bitch.

  You don’t hurt what's mine and get away with it.

  “No, you can’t have.” She’s panicked and confused.

  “Oh, he was. But he knows people, who also know people, and before you know it I get moved to the same prison as him. I wanted to get you back for putting me in there, and well, Andy. He wanted to get back at you for taking his daughter away from him. And when I told him why I ended up in there, he wasn’t best pleased.” I shouldn’t be, but I’m loving this. Loving the fact, I can finally take her down. Why have I not done this a long time ago? I know why, Luce. I never wanted to hurt her, and if it went wrong I would have lost her. Fiona started all this but I’m finishing it.

  “I told him everything Fiona.” I sneer.

  “You know who my father is and you never told me?” I drop my shoulder, just for a second. She can’t hate me anymore than she already does, so I need to be harsh with her whilst I sort her mum out first, I’ll explain all this to Luce after.

  “Yes, I’ll explain after.” I look round at her just in time to see her recoil from my harsh tone towards her.

  “You’re bluffing.” Fiona says.

  “Oh, I’m not. Believe me when I say I’m not bluffing, I swear on Lucy’s life. And I take her life very seriously. He’s being released next week, thanks to me. After all, you’re the reason he’s locked up in the first place. I mean you framed him right? Lucy’s dad I mean, in case anyone was confused.” I say, looking at Luce then Sophie.

  “I… I….”

  “Shut up Fiona, I’m not finished.” I look to Sophie as the next bit of gossip is for her too. “You see Soph, mother dearest here hasn’t been honest with you, or anyone for that matter. Andy, Lucy’s dad told me everything, we had plenty of time on our hands on the inside for all that. It turns out it’s your dad that’s the dirt bag rapist. The one who likes to have sex with young girls whist their drugged up out of their minds to even know what the fuck is happening to them, then selling them on again for money. Not Lucy’s dad, he’s far from the beast your mum here makes out. She got raped by your dad Sophie, whilst she was still with Andy. Your dad is the one who got your mum into the whole mess in the first place, Fiona was shit scared of your dad, she could never say no to him, you're the one who’s the result of a rapist, not Lucy. They were in the middle of a deal with someone, only one time, things went wrong. I’ll cut it short for you so you understand me better.... Your dad works in the sex trafficking industry, and shit hit the fan. And you’re mum here bailed him out by telling the police it was Andy instead of him. And because Andy had no alibi he couldn't prove it wasn’t him, so he did time for something he didn’t do.” Sophie looks in shock now, not quite believing what I’ve told her. I turn my attention back on Fiona now.

  “Only you made things worse, when you tried to sell Lucy to them, you owed him big time because of some sort of fuck up, and you thought you’d kill two birds with one stone. You wanted Lucy gone because she reminds you so much of the real man you loved and lost, Lucy’s dad. The only way you could pay Sophie's dad off was… well giving him a girl of course. So as you’ve clearly already said before, you were willing to give up your own fucking daughter to pay your debt off and to get her gone out your life for good. Wasn’t it Fiona? And you would have if I never overheard the phone call my dad had taken, telling them where our spot was. Or if I hadn’t beat the men up that were waiting for her.” My god does it feel good to finally let all that out. I hear Lucy take in a sharp breath, I know it’s a lot for her to take in. I’m actually surprised she’s not rocking in a corner somewhere after all of this.

  “What… what did you just say?” She’s now taking in small pants of air, sounding like she can’t breathe, I run over to her as fast as humanly possible, wrapping her up in my arms, which she lets me do, this time.

  “Luce, baby. Are you ok?” She doesn’t even look at me, it’s like she’s looking through me.

  “Is what he’s saying true?” She directs her question at her mum, she doesn’t answer her and looks anywhere and everywhere but at her.

  “Fucking answer me.” She roars.

  “Yes, yes, yes.” Fiona screams. “I told you I never wanted you, it was my last attempt at getting rid of you for good, only he got wind of it, and went to the play the fucking hero, didn’t he.” Not one ounce of shame in her voice. I deliver the final blow to get rid of Fiona, and out of Lucy’s life for good.

  “I’m the missing piece of the puzzle, for Andy and the police anyway, they were never going to close this case without the information I had, because I never told the police why I beat the guys up, no one was any of the wiser. Until I met Andy, now he has the information he needs to prove he was innocent and the police now have it, so the other dirt bags will be going away for a very long time. They are only missing one piece of vital evidence… you. All they need is your name, so if you want to carry on playing your fucked up games, I’ll end you, I mean it. The ball’s in your court now Fio
na.” I’m done. She knows I have her by the balls. If she hurts Lucy again, I’ll blow the lid for her and ruin her miserable life once and for all.

  I officially have no more secrets, no more skeletons in my closet. No more lying to Lucy. I feel the weight of it all been released off my shoulders.

  I don’t know how Lucy is coping with all of this. She’s very quiet standing beside me, then out of nowhere I hear her scream.

  “Get.. the… fuck… out… of… my...house. Both of you, and if you know what’s good for you, you’ll never come back. Ever. No more money from me or Kane. I mean it, we never see each other again, and if by some chance we do, you will look the other way. Do you fucking hear me?” Her shoulders are bobbing up and down, she has that much rage rolling out of her body.

  They make no attempt to move.

  “She said get out.” I bellow at them, they both jump and scurry towards the door. Jumping into quick action I make my way towards the door and open it, letting Sophie walk out of my life once and for all. Just as Fiona nears the door to leave, I grab her arm.

  “You heard what she said, and if you don’t abide by her rules, I’m sure I can let Andy know where you are.” I throw at her.

  “Erm.. that won’t be necessary, she’ll never have to see me again… I promise.”

  “Good.” I slam the door on her, making sure it clipped her on her way out.

  I lean my back on the now closed door, throwing my head back with my eyes shut. Thank fuck that’s all over and done with now. I feel at ease for the first time in a very long fucking time, that is until I open my eyes and see Luce standing there, face like thunder and both hands on her hips.