by Eden French
After his sister’s phone call totally killed their almost-kiss the other night, they had spent the next few hours talking. About life, paramedic training, acting, Ryan… pretty much everything else except the fact that they’d almost kissed.
Then there was the apparent date between Brand and Teo he’d spied on at the coffee shop. God, he really needed to stop with the creepy stalking. And he couldn’t forget the somewhat hostile, highly awkward, and absolutely real conversation he’d had with Ryan. He wasn’t sure he’d survive that truth lashing. And yet, that conversation gave him hope. Hope that maybe one day, he’d be able to feel that special connection with Brand once more.
Which brought him to his current predicament, as his heart thrummed in his chest as he ran in the crisp morning air, trying to keep up with Brand’s strenuous pace. He yearned to have Brand on his lips, but he needed to be patient. Brand had to come to him. He couldn’t force this one.
But it still didn’t change the fact that the run was excruciating. Although, he maintained a regular workout regimen, it had been years since he’d ran in high altitude. In the snow, no less. Cynthia would have an aneurysm if she knew he was running on slippery ledge trails with thirty-foot drops. Good thing he’d never tell her.
He fought to keep up, but he was outmatched. Brand ran these trails daily, by the look of his tight, fit body, and was used to the elements. There was a time when he could’ve kept pace. But those days were gone. Hollywood had made him soft. Superficially in shape. After tripping over a hidden rock, he stopped and bent over, his hands on his knees.
“I’m gonna—” He gasped for air. “—need a minute—” Another labored gasp. “—mountain man.” His lungs were volcanic fire.
Brand turned and doubled over in laughter and then walked over to his heaving body. “You used to school me on this trail. You’re losing your edge, Movie Star.”
He sucked in another gallon of air before speaking. “Maybe, but you have an unfair advantage.” He gave Brand a head-to-toe examination. “I bet you’ve been running these trails at least three times a week.”
Brand rubbed his hand along Carson’s back. “Four, actually. You okay? Need me to go get my oxygen?”
He shot him a look. “Smartass.”
“C’mon,” Brand said, his smile lighting up the morning. “I want to show you something.” He headed off the trail into the forest. Carson stood and gulped down another breath. Sure, he was winded, but he wasn’t letting Brand anywhere out of his sight. He followed him past the tree line.
“So, where are you taking me?” he asked.
“You’ll see.”
His curiosity piqued. He crossed his arms over his chest and ran his hands up and down his upper arms as he followed. The morning was cold, and it looked like more snow was coming. He glanced ahead at Brand, who seemed unaffected by the temperature, his beanie tucked into the back pocket of his running pants. God, his ass looked amazing. He tugged his jacket up around his neck and pulled his own beanie over his ears. Resistance to high altitude wasn’t the only thing Hollywood had stolen from him. Apparently, he could also no longer handle a November morning without freezing his balls off.
“Here it is.” Brand held out his arm.
Carson peered around Brand toward a small two-story structure that looked to be falling down. He furrowed his eyebrows.
“Okay,” he said. “What is it?”
Brand’s smile reached his eyes and lit up the forest. His body warmed in response. Man, he can even chase away a cold winter morning. Carson walked past his ex toward the cabin.
“I know it doesn’t look like much now, but after I’m done with it, it’ll be… perfect,” Brand said in excitement.
He snapped his head back. “It’s yours?”
Brand’s cheeks flushed pink. “No. Not yet. I’ve been saving up for the down payment… no small feat in Tahoe, as I’m sure you know. But my parents gave me a little cash, and all I had to do is come up with the difference.” He paused. “My real estate agent says it’s coming up on the market again, and this time, I’ll be ready.”
He stared at Brand. He shook his head and raised his eyebrows. “Wow. You really have it together. All I can manage is rent, a gym membership, and food. And barely that ’cause my agent manages the gym membership. I mean, I don’t even own a car.”
Brand’s jaw dropped, and Carson shook his head. “Nope. I am officially carless. Why drive when you can Uber?”
“That’s not the Carson I remember. You loved driving. Especially during summer when we’d take off for a day and drive the lake. Like that one Memorial Day Weekend.” An awkward silence sat between them as Brand shuffled his feet in the snow and avoided eye contact.
Carson smiled to himself as the memory flooded back. It’d been the first time they were intimate. They had just graduated and taken the entire day to cruise around the lake, picnic, explore, and ultimately, make love in the back of his SUV as the fireworks soared in the night sky. It was exciting and terrifying and awkward and—
“Best day of my life.”
The words slipped out before Carson could stop them. He sucked in his breath, hoping he hadn’t crossed a line. He wasn’t sure where Brand stood on giving them a second chance, and he didn’t want to spark old memories that could lead to resentments.
Brand took a few steps toward him and examined his face. Carson swallowed, his pulse picking up as chills flew through his legs. He took a step back as Brand approached. With a slight smile on his lips, Brand silently stalked him.
“Wha-What?” Carson finally choked out. “Why are you looking at me like that?”
“No reason.”
He was nearly on him. Carson took another step back. Then another. Then another until he was backed up against a massive fir tree, its trunk nearly twice the size of his width. Brand stood in front of him, their bodies almost touching. He placed his hands flat on the trunk, one on either side of Carson’s head. He leaned in close until their lips nearly touched. Carson smelled the subtle scent of vanilla and spice wafting from his skin.
“It was the best day of my life too,” Brand whispered.
Carson inhaled deeply. He wanted to grab the man in front of him and crush his mouth to his, press their bodies together, and completely dissolve into the other man. But he didn’t. He waited patiently for Brand to make that move. He had broken their bond before. It would be up to Brand if they reconnected. It was only fair.
Brand hooked Carson’s chin with his finger and lifted, gently rubbing his nose against Carson’s cheek. Carson closed his eyes and let the soft touch ripple throughout his body. His cock twitched. Shit.
“I’d like to kiss you now,” Brand whispered. “If that’s okay.”
“Okay.” The word was breathless as it fluttered from Carson’s lips.
“But that’s all this is. A kiss. Right now. In the moment. For old time’s sake. Just to see.”
Carson swallowed and opened his eyes. He held Brand’s gaze and nodded his understanding. He wanted more than a kiss, but at this point, he’d agree to anything, as long as it meant he could taste Brand one more time.
“Just a kiss. That’s all.” Yes, yes, yes! Just do it for fuck’s sake!
Brand bent forward and brushed his lips against Carson’s. The kiss was soft and gentle and perfect. And not nearly enough.
Carson leaned into it until their lips were firmly pressed against each other. A tiny moan escaped Brand’s lips, and with it, a tidal wave of old feelings emerged. The spark that ignited at contact exploded into a raging fire as Brand kissed and tugged Carson’s lips with fervor, his elbows bending so he could lean in closer, trapping Carson against the tree.
Their bodies were flush, and Carson ran his hands up over Brand’s chest and up the sides of his neck, his hands cupping both sides of the other man’s face as he pulled him closer still. Carson fell deeper and deeper into the kiss until Brand pushed up from the trunk and stole his lips away. They looked at each other with wild ey
es, Carson’s lungs clawing for air.
His heart filled his chest. Fuck it. He didn’t care if Brand only wanted to relive old memories forever. As long as he could get kissed like that more, he’d take anything he could get.
Chapter Twenty-Two
What was I thinking?
Brand walked ahead of Carson and led him to the empty cabin. The more appropriate question would have been: What were you thinking with?
He knew exactly what the answer to that was. But he just couldn’t help himself. His entire instinct was in direct opposition to what his brain was telling him. And it wasn’t like he was cheating or anything. Teo wanted him to figure out his feelings. He had encouraged him to spend time with Carson.
And the kiss. Fucking hell, the kiss was absolutely amazing. Pressing Carson against the tree, feeling his hard, professionally trained and sculpted body underneath him, his lips, just as soft as he remembered—
Stop it.
He’d nearly crossed a line. He’d wanted to. If he hadn’t stopped that kiss when he had, he knew he would’ve taken Carson right there in the snow. Forget taking things slow. Forget morals. Forget everything. That man was like a drug. Brand already had an erection as hard as a fucking rock, he didn’t need to perpetuate it further. As it was, his balls were already destined to turn blue, anymore teasing and he was certain they’d fall right off. He walked up the steps of the cabin and looked through the window.
“How long has this place been empty?” Carson was directly behind him, and Brand shivered.
The electricity between the two was still alive. It crackled between them. Brand shifted to the side to allow Carson to take a peek through the window.
“Um, just about a month now. I’ve already had my realtor contact the owner and express my interest and intent. Right now, there’s no other interested parties. Too much of a fixer-upper, I guess.”
Carson straightened and walked to the end of the porch. He leaned over the rail and looked to the back of the property.
“Yeah, but if anyone can get this place looking right, you can. You always knew your way around the tool shed, if I’m remembering correctly.”
Heat flushed Brand’s cheeks. It was true. Brand could fix up just about anything, but he was pretty sure that’s not what Carson was alluding to. The tool shed. Memories of their intimate escapades came flooding back. He cleared his throat.
“It has potential.”
Carson turned to face him, a smile on his lips. “That’s about all it has right now. You’ve certainly got your work cut out for you, that’s for sure.”
Brand leaned up against the rail and tilted his head in thought. “I know it’s just small-town living, nothing to what I’m sure you’ve got going down south, but I love it here. Tahoe is home, Car. When things fell apart after you left, and I wasn’t sure how to make it through the day, there was always someplace I could go and clear my head. The lookout. The lake.” He hesitated. “Some of our spots… you know, Twin Trees, Big Rock, the caves. The connection was always there. In those places, I was able to dig deep, figure out who I was, who I wanted to be.” He shook his head. “It wasn’t easy, especially when every time I turned on the TV or picked up a tabloid, there you were, making a fabulous life for yourself without me.”
“Brand, I—”
Brand held up his hand. “I suppose getting my heart smashed as a kid had its advantages. I kinda got it out of the way… made me really think about me, you know? While everyone else was fucking around being college kids, I wasn’t in the mood. It’s worked out for me though, you know? I have a career, an almost homeowner, good friends, and a pretty sweet life here. It’s peaceful.”
“I’m happy for you. I am.”
Carson bit his lip and looked like there was something more he wanted to say. Brand let the noiseless morning surround them and waited.
“When I first got to Hollywood, the only thing I thought about was calling you. Every day, I picked up the phone and then thought about everything, and I’d convince myself not to call. Every. Single. Day. I’d tell myself you were better off without me. I convinced myself you were. And, look at you. I was right. You’re doing great.”
Brand scoffed. “You say that now, but you could’ve called. At least once. Told me what happened. I could’ve helped you, Car. We could’ve faced it together.”
Carson shook his head. “No. We couldn’t. I was just eighteen. I was scared. Stupid. I wasn’t out to anyone and I… I fucked up. I never thought I deserved you in the first place. I mean, you were like Mr. All-American, and I was just some awkward drama kid with big dreams. It was easier to believe I was doing the right thing than face that man.
“Then a few weeks went by. Got a job at a hole in the wall eatery. Got an apartment. Somehow got an agent. And, by some stroke of luck, got some stupid commercial job. Then another. And another, until the show came along and boom! I was Carson Keaton. I’d look at myself in the mirror and think, How’d you get here? But by that time, there was no room to question anything. I was part of the machine. It felt so much bigger than me.”
“So why come back now?”
Carson’s lips pulled together in a straight line. “You mean, why wait until six months after my father’s funeral?”
Brand shifted uncomfortably. “It just seems like if he was the one thing keeping you away, you’d have been back as soon as he was out of the picture.”
Carson shrugged. “I was scared. Embarrassed. Ashamed. Terrified to face you. Pick one. Pick them all.” He scrubbed his face with his hands. “And six months ago, production was in full swing. There wasn’t time to think about it. I actively avoided thinking about what I’d done for years. But now, with the strike and the network considering cancelation, I knew it was time to face the past and try to make things right.”
Brand took a step closer. He didn’t want to ask the next question, but it nagged him from the depths of his psyche. He had to know. “And what about the people you left behind there, in Hollywood?”
Carson’s brows furrowed in question. Brand cleared his throat. “You know, like Sasha Elliot?” He fidgeted with his hands before shoving them into his pockets. “It was all over the papers. Your… um, relationship with her.”
Carson met his gaze and shifted.
“There is no Sasha Elliot. There is no on-set romance. No secret love. She’s a really cool person, but everything, the romance, the secret affair... all manufactured. Mostly by our agents to create more buzz around us.”
“So you’re telling me there’s nothing between the two of you? Because between eighteen and twenty-five is a long time, Car. Growing up, discovering who you are, finding your identity, I’d understand if you discovered other parts of yourself.”
Carson laughed. “Hate to burst your bubble, but there’s nothing between Sasha and me, other than a completely platonic working relationship. And before you ask, no, there’s been no one else.” He tilted his head and eyed Brand. “I’ve just never found anyone I could connect with down there. It’s all so fake and about image and—”
Carson held his tongue.
Brand stepped within arms reach of him. “And?”
When Carson studied his shoes, Brand knew he was holding back, and he was determined to find out what it was. He reached out and took Carson’s hands in his, slowly intertwining his fingers with the other man’s.
“You used to be able to tell me anything, Car. That was one of the things that made us so great. There was no judgment. We had no secrets. At least, I thought so.”
Carson sighed and squeezed Brand’s hands.
“There wasn’t anyone else because I knew there was no one who would ever be able to take your place. I would rather live a life where I’d had and lost real love than live with something that was only a shadow of it.”
Gooseflesh erupted over Brand’s skin. He pulled Carson close to him, his face just inches away from the other man’s. “Do you really mean that?”
“You weren’t only my
first love, Brand. You’re my last too,” Carson whispered.
Brand’s heart swelled. Fingers still entwined, he pulled Carson the last bit forward until their mouths met and devoured him in a kiss that stopped time and space. Just like it was all those years ago, when their lips met, and they were the only two people on the planet.
Chapter Twenty-Three
Carson took another look in the mirror. He ran his fingers through his hair once more before straightening up his shirt.
“Don’t be nervous. It’s just Brand. You know him,” he said to the reflection.
“Yeah, no need to feel nervous. You’ll win him back. It’s not like you abandoned him or anything. Oh, wait….” Cassie stood in the bathroom doorway, staring at him.
“You’re not helping, Cass. I know I blew it last time, but this time things are different.”
Cassie entered the small space. “It better be. I mean, you’re my brother, and I’ll always have your back. But, when you were gone, Brand looked out for me. He’s a good one.”
Carson swallowed hard. “I know he is, Cass. And that’s why I’m going to do everything in my power to make sure I don’t screw this up.”
“Yeah, well, good luck. I’m rooting for you. Oh, and by the way, he got here about ten minutes ago. Mom’s talking to him in the living room.”
Carson’s jaw dropped. “He’s here? Why didn’t you tell me? Shit.”
“Geez, don’t worry. I’m sure Mom is keeping him company.”
“Yeah, great. Just what I need.”
He ran his hand through his hair a couple more times and took a deep breath before pushing past Cassie and heading to the living room.
“Thank you for having me over for Thanksgiving, Mrs. Keaton.” Carson slowed when he heard Brand and his mother talking.
“Oh, no problem, Brand. And geez, after all this time, just call me Kelly. Mrs. Keaton feels so formal… and old. Hell, you could even call me Mom, if you feel up to it. You’re pretty much like a son anyway.”
