Home Again

by Christine L'Amour

  “Let’s—” Erika tried, lips still touching Steph’s.

  “Yeah,” Steph breathed out, and tugged at Erika’s shirt until Erika lifted herself up to settled down properly on top of her. Erika was half a head taller and overall bigger than Steph and it was so satisfying to kiss her like this, with her hidden under her, eclipsed completely. Steph sighed when Erika’s weight was completely on top of her and Erika set her hands on Steph’s hips, made them travel up her belly, under her shirt.

  Later, she’d take these clothes off Steph—but for now it was dark and comfortable and perfect. Erika nudged a thigh of hers between Steph’s and the woman under her let out a gasp Erika was glad to kiss. Steph’s body was so warm, her face all red, her hands grasped tight around fistfuls of Erika’s hair. Erika pressed her thigh higher, up until she pressed down against Steph’s clit, her touch made harsher by the lining of the jeans Steph was wearing.

  Steph arched up against her, pressing her hips up, and moaned against Erika’s lips.

  She lifted her own thighs and Erika gladly ground down against her, feeling so wet and hot and amazing, letting her forehead fall to Steph’s shoulder as they rocked against each other. Stephanie was quieter than her, whines passing between her lips, while Erika couldn’t help but moan—not only at the pleasure of this, at the wave of warmth pooling in her stomach—but at the thought of being there, touching Stephanie.

  “Erika,” Steph breathed out, voice low. “Ah—”

  Erika ground down harder and Steph moaned, fingers tightening around her hair. Erika grasped her hips in her hands and forced her down on the couch, made her stay still against the cushions where she lay, and when Erika leaned up she saw how wide Steph’s pupils were in her dark, dark eyes. Erika kissed her hotly, their tongues sliding together, and ground down against Steph, forcing her thigh down and slowly rubbing it up—

  Stephanie came with Erika’s name in her mouth, her voice the most wonderful thing Erika had ever heart. Erika expected Steph to grow lax—to relax even further where she lay—but she surged up to kiss Erika with a passion, using the hold she had on her hair to bring her down, closer, as if she didn’t want Erika to lean away from her ever again.

  Erika kissed her back and moaned when Steph bit her bottom lip—softly but hard enough Erika knew she’d be feeling it later. Steph pressed her thigh up and Erika rocked against her, glad that she didn’t live in an apartment anymore and didn’t need to worry about making noise, about how the couch’s soft creaking wouldn’t reveal anything to any neighbors, that she could moan as loudly as she wanted.

  She came in a sweet wave that crossed her body from her head to her toes, whining against Stephanie’s lips in a way she’d probably be embarrassed by as soon as she went back home and was alone—but for now Stephanie held her close and massaged her scalp as she breathed harshly, hands soft and sweet.

  Erika relaxed on top of her, letting her body grow loose with a sigh.

  “You’re heavy,” Stephanie whispered.

  “Are you calling me fat,” Erika whispered.

  “No! No, I didn’t mean to—”

  Erika laughed, the sound muffled by how her face was buried in Stephanie’s hair.

  “It was a joke,” she reassured, voice low and soothing. She slid her hands up and down around Steph’s ribcage and slowly felt her heart slow down.

  “…you’re an ass,” Steph decided.

  “Well, this ass made lasagna and it’s cooling over the counter. How about we eat it in front of this nice TV?”

  Steph kissed her chastely, short and sweet.

  ***

  Steph fell asleep halfway into her lasagna, head back on the back of the couch, even though the TV wasn’t exactly on a low volume. Erika nudged her awake and kept on nudging her until she ate everything, and then Steph held her hand as she led her to her room. Her bedroom was as empty and hollow as the rest of her house—the bedframe was old, the sheets bland, and there was nothing on the walls.

  It was strangely soothing. Erika had some paintings she could give Steph, if she wanted. A clock, too. And tomorrow, when they woke up, maybe Steph wouldn’t mind if Erika tagged along when she went to Jay pick up her cats.

  Steph opened her wardrobe and searched for a long while before she gave Erika a big shirt and nothing else.

  “Sorry,” she said. “It’s… actually my dad’s. I don’t have anything else that’ll fit you…”

  “It’s okay,” Erika said, and kissed her forehead.

  They took turns on the bathroom then went to bed. Steph’s blanket was heavy and warm, and Erika curled around Steph’s back, her thighs around Steph’s, a hand curled around her stomach, and felt more at peace than she had in more months than she cared to count.

  Chapter Nine

  Stephanie woke up warmer than she’d expected, with a weight on top of her that was definitely not the fault of cats on her back. She blinked awake and it took her brain a moment to pierce everything together: the weight on her back, Erika’s slack sleeping face next to hers, how yesterday had started with a fight with her sister, proceeded into hours upon hours bored in her car, and ended with Erika on her couch.

  Ah, Stephanie thought, lifting a hand to card her fingers through Erika’s loose hair, yesterday Erika had made her dinner and then they’d had sex on her couch. It’d been hot, and wonderful, and now Erika was sleeping in her bed like this.

  It’d been a long time since Steph had slept with anyone, much less with anyone who stayed in her bed so comfortably like this.

  Stephanie was going to call Alfred and tell him she’d refuse the promotion. She’d stay as a freelancer, she didn’t care; she’d figure things out, maybe look for a job around town somewhere. There in bed with Erika right beside her, all her fears seemed silly or stupid. I It felt like the surest thing in the world: Stephanie wouldn’t leave this place as long as Erika was here.

  Even if her heart ached for home. Even if she was homesick for her family. Even if the thought of losing her job security made her chest constrict with anxiety.

  Erika had made her dinner, so Steph thought to make her breakfast. She managed to disentangle their limbs and have her 10 minutes on the bathroom without waking her girlfriend up, though when she peeked into the room she saw Erika had rolled to where Steph had been, face buried in her pillow.

  Steph walked down her stairs and missed the feel of her cats weaving their way around her ankles. She missed them because they were hers and she was keeping them, and maybe it was finally time for her to get herself together and take them to the vet, screen the house, or at least name them, for God’s sake.

  It felt so good to have finally settled this, to know for sure once and for all—no matter how many times she’d grown angry when people had suggested she leave—that yes she was staying; that this was home now.

  The kitchen was dirty, full of dirty dishes from Erika’s dinner-making, but that was fine. Steph didn’t whistle as she did the dishes because she didn’t want to wake Erika up, but she would have. Erika didn’t wake up. Steph made eggs on toast and coffee and took some old tea out just in case Erika preferred it and when she turned around to set the table she saw Erika had done that, yesterday, and then they’d eaten on the couch like teenagers.

  Steph was putting the unused plates and fancy cutlery away when Erika walked down the stairs, hands rubbing at her eyes. The sight of Erika McCall with her straight black hair loose around her face, wearing only one big old shirt, with her long, long legs bare under it was enough to nearly give Stephanie a heart attack.

  Oh, Stephanie had slept with that woman. She was so, so lucky.

  “Hey,” Erika said when she got close enough. “Good morning, Steph.”

  “Um,” was the only thing Steph managed to say, looking at Erika’s bare legs.

  Erika laughed—in that way she laughed, it didn’t feel like she was mocking Steph, only telling her that everything was fine. She stepped closer and kissed Steph chastely, winding an arm around h
er shoulders. God, she was so tall. Stephanie snuggled into her side and remembered thinking that Erika could probably fit her under her chin.

  “You put the plates and stuff away?” Erika asked.

  “Yeah. We didn’t use them even though you set the table and all… I didn’t even know I had such nice things.”

  “They were mine,” she said with a grin.

  “Oh! I’m sorry, Erika, I didn’t notice. I’ll get them—”

  Erika tightened her hold on her and didn’t let Steph step away.

  “It’s okay,” she said, voice low. “You can keep them.”

  Steph opened her mouth, closed it, then just settled on: “Okay.”

  “You made breakfast,” Erika said, pleased, when she caught sight of the two pathetic plates of egg on toast.

  “Yeah, this is the extent of my culinary prowess,” Steph warned her. “It’s this and mac and cheese. Blue box mac and cheese. You’re the one who’s going to cook in this relationship.”

  Erika laughed. “Oh, no! Stephanie, we’re going to starve.”

  “You own a restaurant! You made lasagna from scratch!”

  “Doesn’t mean I do it often!”

  “You’re an ass,” Stephanie said, looking away.

  Erika kissed her red, red face.

  ***

  They stopped by Erika’s house, so she could shower and change before they made their way to Jay’s, holding hands and smiling. Erika hugged her close and was enough of a distraction that Steph could ignore the weird looks they received, the lifted, judging eyebrows. They saw Edward on the way; then grin Erika sent him was very sharp, daring him to make a comment, and he didn’t.

  It was still a small town, after all, accepting but to a point.

  Still, when Jay’s wife Maria opened the door she was all smiles. She had deep dimples and it somehow made her smile seem all the more happy to see them, and Steph felt herself flush.

  “Girls!” she exclaimed, reaching forward to hug Steph. “Finally, finally. João has been grumpy for hours now.”

  “Aw, he missed you,” Erika said.

  They went in and immediately a cat attached itself to Steph’s leg and started to climb it. There were many laughs around, but a huffing, annoyed sound from the kitchen. Steph got her cat and lifted it to her chest and went to the kitchen, where Jay was making some coffee with a cat on his shoulders.

  “Hey, Jay,” Steph said, hesitant. The cat turned around to stare at her.

  “Oh?” Jay said, turning around dramatically. “Is it you, Stephanie? You are alive then? Finally visiting us poor people who were worried when you didn’t arrived yesterday? And didn’t say anything to us even though you said—”

  “I’m sorry,” Steph said, approaching him. “I was so tired when I finally arrived that I just—”

  “Decided to visit your girlfriend?” He narrowed his eyes. “She’s your girl but these are your kids. How dare you, Stephanie.”

  Stephanie attached herself to his side. “She visited me! I slept for hours, then ate, then went to sleep again. I was in no state to come pick the children up.”

  “Could have called,” Jay grumbled. “Could have warned. Had to hear from Erika’s cousin that you arrived.”

  “Sorry,” Steph said, lengthening the first vowel. She reached up for the kitten on his shoulders and snuggled it to her chest. It instantly started to purr.

  It felt very nice, to have them like this with her. She didn’t even mind when Erika unashamedly took a picture. Jay gave up on acting grumpy and hugged her to his side. Maria ushered everyone to the table and Jay poured coffee to everyone, and Steph was so happy, she was so happy, she was so glad to be home with her friends.

  ***

  “Don’t you have to go to the restaurant, or to the café?” Steph asked, patting Erika’s legs where they were dropped on top of her lap, Steph’s laptop balanced on top of her calves. God knew how she could bear the warmth of it, in the summer like this. “I mean, I thought you were always around there, but you’ve been here for a couple of days now.”

  “I should swing by later…” Erika said vaguely, but didn’t open her eyes, much less make any move toward getting up to leave. “To be honest, Steph, I don’t need to be around as much as I am. I didn’t have your phone and didn’t think it’d make a good impression if I stalked around your house waiting for you to step out, so I stalked my own businesses instead.”

  Stephanie snorted, but still flushed with pleasure.

  “Oh, so that time you were conveniently around to help me get my cat back, you weren’t stalking my house?”

  “No! That was an honest to god coincidence.”

  Steph rolled her eyes and went back to her laptop. She wasn’t working—or better yet, she wasn’t working on editing, but on her original novel. She was writing because it felt like something she could do, now, and because she wanted to be able to tell Erika she was writing if Erika ever opened her eyes to ask her what she was doing.

  She liked that Erika decided to stay for so long.

  “I actually—” Erika tried, voice low. “I actually kind of let work consume my life for some time now. I didn’t… want to think about things, I guess. I suppose I also focused a lot on you, too.”

  Steph looked away from her laptop.

  “What?” she asked, voice soft because she knew this was important.

  Erika opened her eyes and looked down at her.

  “Uh, I don’t want to dump all my sad life on top of you, but also, I’m about to do it. Yeah, I—it’s awful, being home, Steph. I hate it. I thought we’d work for a couple more years and then move back here, decorate our house, I thought I could just open my café and we could start having kids—”

  “Oh,” Steph said, and thought they’d talked about this before—or at least about a part of this.

  Erika looked away, playing with the bottom of her shirt.

  “Do you want kids?” Erika asked, voice small.

  Steph winced, because—she had, before, but she was like Erika; her future had been taken from her, and now she wasn’t really sure of anything anymore. When Erika looked up at her, she seemed to realize they were the same. She gave Steph a small smile.

  “Yeah,” she said. “So, I arrived here years before I meant to, with an ex-wife that seemed to hate me, and the house was too empty because she was supposed to be here too. So, I filled it with everything I could, and now I hate being there, because I can see all the places I tried to decorate like I thought she would. And the plan was for Ed to take care of the restaurant, but he was doing so badly—I was glad for the distraction. And then you came…”

  “…and?” Steph asked, anxiety making her unable to look at Erika.

  Erika shrugged. “It was nice. You were so beautiful and from out of town, which meant you didn’t know all of this baggage, and it felt nice to just—think of you, instead of everything else.”

  Steph turned to her, then, and felt all of herself soften. Steph was the opposite; she hadn’t managed to fill the house at all, and had only just managed to convince herself for sure she’d stay—but she understood. She reached out with a hand and set it on top of Erika’s hand. Erika was so pale compared to her. Maybe if she came to work on Steph’s garden with her, she’d get some sun.

  At least Pedro was taken from her. She couldn’t imagine what it would feel like to be left.

  “I do,” she said. “I do want kids.”

  Erika looked at her and her eyes were very light. A blush rose on her face and Steph thought that she’d never really seen Erika blush. It was beautiful. Her skin was so white—it needed some color, and Steph felt a bit vindicated at not being the blushing mess for once.

  “I don’t hate being here,” Steph continued. “I mean—it’s sad, but this is still our house. We picked it together. I want to be here, even if it’s unbearable sometimes. But life… life goes on. Pedro was allergic to cats, you know? I wouldn’t have gotten these two if he were here.”

  �
�Yeah,” Erika said softly, and seemed to know she shouldn’t really say anything else about it. “Speaking of, have you named them yet? I’m pretty sure if you don’t Jay and Maria are going to do it behind your back.”

  “I’m pretty sure they already did,” Steph said drily. “I heard Maria calling one of them Meatball.” Erika laughed, and the sad mood lifted from the room.

  Chapter Ten

  Steph was inside the café when Erika walked in, at the table in the corner like she usually was. She didn’t notice Erika walk in—she was frowning at her computer with an agitated expression on her face, eyes flitting across the screen. Erika better leave her be for a moment, and she had to talk to the staff anyway.

  When she managed to extricate herself from the staff room and pop in back to the main area of the café it was almost two hours later, but Steph was still there. She had two more cups by her elbow and marks so deep around her eyes she looked about five years older. It was admittedly hilarious, Erika thought.

  Erika managed to convince herself not to take a picture. She walked up to Steph.

  “Stephanie, hi,” she said, and set a hand on her shoulder. Steph blinked up at her and some of the stressed marks around her eyes disappeared, which made pleasure rise up in Erika. “You’ve been pretty focused there. Is everything all right?”

  At once Stephanie deflated. Her expression turned into something small and anxious.

  “I’m just working,” she said. “And thinking. About things.”

  Erika sat down right beside her, dragging her chair closer.

  “The thinking’s not going well for you?”

  Steph sighed, letting herself tilt sideways until she could lay her head on Erika’s shoulder.

  “I work on revisions and I’m doing my job like always, but I hate this story,” Steph told her, voice low and sad. “It’s awful everywhere, in every way, and I don’t have time to work on my original novel—I tried, I was doing it, but I have to finish this soon—but I keep thinking, if this idiot managed to get this bought by our company, why couldn’t I? Am I such a piece of shit writer? I don’t—“