Between Heaven and Hell

by Erin Trejo

  “What about her?” Glancing from her to Nikolai, I shrug.

  “What about her? She has her life. She isn’t tied to me.” He lets out a huff that does little more than irritate me. “Say what you’d like, Nikolai. This is no time to hold back.” My tone is stern. I have to harden myself if I’m going to make it through this.

  “She brings out another side of you, Cordae. One that’s been hidden for so long. You are so young still. You have a life in front of you. A lifetime of happiness is all that you deserve.” Chuckling, I inhale another drag from the cigarette.

  “I deserve nothing more than I received, Nikolai. Do I appear to be a good man to you? We both know what I do and who I do it to. Don’t try to sugar coat it with me. I am who I am, and I’ve grown to accept that. Now I wish you’d do the same. This isn’t a debate.” Flicking the cigarette to the ground, I stride over and grab Ava’s hand leading her to the waiting limo. There will be no further discussion about this. I usher her inside before climbing in behind her.

  “Are you ok?” Nodding once, I turn towards the window.

  The sky has darkened since we’ve been in the church. A storm is brewing on the horizon. Ava scoots closer to me, covering her hand with mine as the car starts to move. She intertwines our fingers. The warmth of her engulfing me. Her scent lingers all around me. I let her have her moment. I let her have this time, this reprieve. Once this funeral is over, so are we. She’s destined for better things in life. I will make sure she is protected every step of the way until I have Gambino out of the picture.

  She will live and become the woman that she’s always wanted to be. She will move forward, find love, and have her fairy tale. I am just a bump in her road of life. She will overcome me. She will overcome the darkness that I have instilled in her. Pulling into the cemetery, I steady myself. This is it. The end of the line for the two people that I’ve cared about the most in my life. One is going to heaven and the other is going to find her way. We pull into the cemetery and park. I climb out grabbing Ava’s hand and leading the way. We stand there, listening yet again to another speech of goodness and God’s will. I zone out much like I always do at these types of things. It isn’t until people start walking away that I notice it’s over.

  I stand at her graveside long after the service ended. I can’t bring myself to walk away just yet. This makes it so final. The last time that we will be together. It hurts me to know that this is it. When I walk away from here, I won’t be able to watch her doing her homework or catch the little smiles that she used to throw at Nikolai and Ava. I’ll never earn one. I never did anything to earn one. This is my fate, this coffin in front of me. It’s the world of the mafia. It’s a cruel world indeed. Her hand comes to rest on my back before she moves to stand beside me. The fire in her touch is something that I am going to miss deeply. The way she can ignite so much inside of me has knocked me off my feet so many times.

  “It was a beautiful service. She would have loved all the doves you released.” Her words are meant to soothe me, and I know this. The fact is they only harden me.

  “If I was a better man, there wouldn’t have been a need for the doves. I drove this straight at her like an oncoming train.” Holding the tears back, I need to refocus on who I am.

  “Don’t do this again, Cord. You are better than that.” Chuckling, I point to the coffin sitting in front of us.

  “Does that look like a good man? A fucking child, my child, my blood lying in there. I was in charge of her life, Ava! Look what happened to it!” When she doesn’t turn her head, I force her to. Yanking her head around, I force her to look at the little white coffin adorned with flowers of every color. It’s not so much making her look at the coffin; it’s making her look at reality.

  “She died by my hands. Because of me! Why is that so fucking hard for you to understand, Ava!” Shaking her face free of my hand, she takes a step back to look up at me.

  “Why do you hate me, Cord? Why don’t you want me near you? You push and push just like you did with her! Is that what you want for me too?” She’s pushing buttons that she has no business pushing. She’s crossing lines that have been drawn for a very long time.

  “You think I wanted that little girl dead? Is that what you think? I never wanted that! I never wanted her hurt! She was everything that I’d ever wanted in life. She was the rock that kept me steady! Don’t you see that!” Taking a breath, she lets it sink in. She doesn’t understand me as much as she thought she did. “I don’t want you anywhere near this shit, Ava. It would rip me apart if anything happened to you! I’m falling apart on the inside here. If anything happens to you too, I’ll fucking die alongside of you! When the hell will you step back and realize that?” She moves towards me, but I step away. There isn’t anything else to talk about here. This is done, it’s over. Amelia’s gone but I won’t let Ava be the one to go behind her.

  “You’re wrong, Cord! I won’t let that happen to me. I’m stronger than you think!” Chuckling, I walk past her and place the white rose I’ve been holding onto on top of Amelia’s coffin.

  “Mia bella ragazza. No one can hurt you now.” Pressing a kiss to the top of the coffin, I turn to walk away.

  “Don’t you do this, Cord! Don’t leave me.” Her cries hurt me. It physically hurts me.

  Ava runs past me only to spin around to stop me in my tracks with her hands on my chest. I want to lose it and hold her, but I can’t. I won’t allow it.

  “I love you, Cord. Don’t you understand that?” Her eyes pool with tears as I nod towards Jordy behind her. As he walks over, I lean down and kiss her forehead.

  “I love you too. That’s why I’m doing this.” I let my lips linger on her skin for a few more seconds before gripping her shoulders. “You have to go now.” I’m trying so hard to control my emotions. It’s killing me, ripping me apart.

  “No! Cord, please!” As I push her back away from me, Jordy wraps his arms around her.

  “I love you, Ava.” She fights him. I knew she would, and it makes me grin slightly. All that fight will come in handy for her later. She will overcome everything she thinks she can’t.

  “Cord! Please!” Screams are all I can hear but I block that out as I lower my head. I can’t look at her anymore, I can’t see her broken. This life has claimed me. There is no denying it. This is what I’m destined to be. Once I can’t hear Ava’s screams, I look up as the sky opens up.

  The rain pelts me as it falls but I can’t feel it. I’ve become numb again. No feelings flow through me.

  “Rest in peace, little Amelia. Your brother will make this right for you, I promise.” This is my promise to her.

  I won’t back down on that promise either. The limo lingers on the street as I head towards it. I know she’s giving Jordy hell right now. That’s my little fighter. That’s how I know she will get past this. She’s always had it in her. I’ve had a taste of heaven in Ava and Amelia. I’ve crossed that line into a territory that I had no right to be in. The devil will never hold a place in heaven. I’ve broken the golden rule of life when I strayed from that line. Now I have to head back into the depths of my hell. That line between heaven and hell will always be there. I just need to remember what side I belong on.

  5 years later

  “You touched what didn’t belong to you. You took a life that held value to me.” Leaning in closely, I whisper in Daniel Gambino’s ear. He tried to run and hide just like the coward that he is. There was no way in hell that I would let this debt go unpaid. He’s the reason that I’ve lost every single thing that meant anything to me. He did hide from me for a very long time but in my line of work, you learn patience and when he finally surfaced, it was my fucking face he saw.

  “You wanted a war, Vitale. I gave you one. Killing me makes no difference, this isn’t the war.” His words barely come out. As hard as I'm squeezing my fingers around his throat, I’m not surprised. I’ll never forget Amelia’s eyes when I first leaned down to lift her lifeless body into my arms. I�
�ll never lose the feeling that I had in my chest. It’s sat there for five years. Five long years of agonizing pain and rage.

  “As long as you’re dead, I will win that battle. You have haunted every waking thought that I’ve had. Years and years of pure rage have lit my blood on fire. Now, I will repay that hell.” Gripping his throat a little tighter, I drag his already beaten and bruised body up before slamming it against the wall. With nothing but blackness inside of me, I glance over my shoulder at Jordy.

  “Give me that knife.” His eyes flicker with fire; he is just as into this as I am.

  “Gladly.” Pulling the knife free of his back pocket, he twirls it within his fingers before passing it to me. I slide my fingers around the handle, letting it all sink in.

  “They said she was stabbed ten times. I’ll stab you twenty,” I growl. Pressing the blade to the side of his head, his swollen puffy eye tries to focus on me.

  “Go to hell, Vitale.” Bringing the knife down, I plunge it into his stomach.

  “Hell? I am already in hell. Welcome, to my domain.”

  Chapter 28

  I would have thought killing Daniel Gambino would have given me some type of closure, but sadly it hasn’t. The only thing it has done was make me thirst for blood. Eye for an eye, that’s the golden rule. Is it my rule, though? Can I leave it at Gambino’s death and walk away? A part of me wants to ruin every single asshole in that family. I want them all to pay for what he did. Every time I close my eyes, I can see that little face of hers. It kills me inside. It kills every piece of me. I find myself wondering just how much more fight I have in me to make it through the days. It was hard at first. It was hard to wake up knowing she wasn’t going to be there, that neither of them were going to be there.

  “You’re wearing yourself thin, Cord,” Nikolai says next to me. Tossing back the drink I have in my hand, I refill the glass.

  “I’m fine.” Nikolai knows better than anyone that, that’s far from the truth.

  I’m running on fumes of what I'm used to. Don’t get me wrong, I’m still the same ruthless bastard I was back then. In fact, I’m worse. I’ll shoot to kill without hesitation now. I’m a loose cannon that cannot be controlled. I thrive on that these days. The thrill of the kill is all I have left.

  “You’re not, Cord. You drink more, you barely sleep.” Nikolai moves to grab the bottle from my hand. I slam my fists on the desk in front of me before standing.

  “Have you forgotten who I am?” Screaming louder than needed, he doesn’t flinch away, he never would.

  “I know who you used to be. I don’t know who the hell you are anymore. You’re not Cordae Vitale.” His words hit me hard.

  “I’m sorry, Nikolai. Please forgive me. Amelia was so young. I didn’t want things to end like that.” Shaking my head, I run my hand through my hair.

  “That was unfortunate, what happened to Amelia. She was a Vitale. Her death didn’t go unavenged, you made sure of that.” He’s right. I took care of Gambino, but what does that mean in the end?

  “Does that mean anything anymore, Nikolai? She was a child. Not as though I haven’t ordered many deaths of other children. She was mine.” I can feel the bile rising in the back of my throat. So many things from the past that I wished I could change, but that isn’t an option.

  “She was yours. Nothing we can do will make this right, Cord. We can’t bring her back as much as I wished we could.” As much as I wished we could, I know he’s right. I have to move forward; I have to make this empire a legacy.

  “Call a meeting with Midas. We need to up our game.” I shove up and stalk toward the door and down the hall. I’m down the stairs and out the door, in the car and ready to go. It doesn’t take us long to get where we need to be. I climb out and stand ready as we head in.

  My nerves fire off one by one. The hairs on the back of my neck are standing on end. I can feel the prickle as the uneasy feeling filters through out my body. Something is wrong. It’s very wrong. The eerie silence does little to ease that feeling.

  “What the hell is going on?” Mumbling more to myself that anyone else, I keep walking through the old warehouse. My gun is drawn. All you can hear is the sound of my shoes hitting the concrete floor.

  “This isn’t right; Midas isn’t here,” Jordy chimes in next to me as though I didn’t realize this already. As we round the corner, I see it. The blood that I’m so used to, the death.

  “Well, we found Midas,” I grumble. Sliding my gun back into the holster, I walk around the small room that’s littered with bodies.

  “Who do you think did this?” Jordy covers his nose as the scent of death lingers. I welcome it.

  “First thought would have been Gambino. It’s his style, but I made sure that he wouldn’t breathe again.” I made sure that none of his body parts would be found, either. Scrubbing my hand across my face, I let out a breath.

  “Sinclair?” Glancing over at him, I shake my head.

  “We’ve had people on him since Ava’s been gone.” There’s the other nail in my coffin. Leaving Ava was the right thing to do and she left soon after. I didn’t keep track of her because she didn’t need it. I knew I would catch up with Gambino and I knew that he was underground and had no fucking clue that she left. He wasn’t a threat to her anymore, but I was. Shaking myself out of the past, I look around the room for any clues.

  “Who the hell wanted my shipment?” I need to think about this. Gambino has been the only other family that dared to cross my path. He has other family here, but none of them have taken his place, that I know of anyhow.

  “Call a meeting with Luciano and Vatim. I need to see what they know.” Kicking the foot of Midas, I turn and walk away. Jordy follows closely behind me as I try to rationalize this out in my mind. Midas is dead, and my shipment is missing. Who in their right mind would fucking rip me off? I run my hand through my hair. Walking out the side door, my mind starts to wander. Everything here points to Gambino. How the hell can this be his style, but not his work?

  “Nikolai has a meeting setup in Chicago with Luciano. Vatim was picked up by the FBI an hour ago.” Blowing out a breath, I don’t like any of this.

  “Fuck!” I punch the side of the car before Jordy places his hand on my shoulder.

  “Shit’s getting close to home, Cord. Don’t you think you should step out of the light for a while?” Rounding on him, my eyes blaze with fire. Jordy sees it, too.

  “I’m the fucking Boss, Jordy. Need I remind you of my status?” The fury that boils inside of me is nothing he wants to feel the wrath of. His eyes never leave mine as he shakes his head. He knows me. He knows I’m not backing down. Even though this is all weighing heavily on me, I have to keep myself focused. I will handle this shit.

  Chapter 29

  “Yeah, just like that.” With my hand knotted in the back of Mary’s hair, I guide my cock further down her throat. Her gagging and choking only serves to make me harder.

  “Do it. Make me fucking come!” Growling as I raise my hips, my balls tighten before I blow down her throat. Mary sucks like her life depends on it and truthfully, it might. When she’s taken all I have to give, I pull her head roughly away from me before dismissing her.

  “Get out,” I growl as I shove my cock back into my pants. I look up to see her still standing there.

  “What part of get out is too hard to understand?” I roar as I shove out of my chair and stand to my full height letting my intentions be known.

  “We never hang out anymore, Cord.” Mary drops her head, but she already knows what she’s here for.

  “Jordy!” The door flies open and Jordy stalks in looking between the two of us.

  “Mary seems to have forgotten her place amongst this family. The common whore doesn’t get to dictate when she’s needed. Make sure she doesn’t come back.” Mary’s mouth hangs open as Jordy chuckles.

  “Yes, sir. She won’t bother you again.” Jordy moves toward her, but she has other plans in mind. Mary darts toward me throwi
ng her arms around my neck. This shit is ridiculous.

  “What the hell!” I roar loudly, shoving her off me. I watch as her useless body falls to the floor in a heap while Jordy stands there looking between us. I can see the amusement on his face. “Do you have a death wish?” Glaring down at her, her eyes fill with tears. Tears that do nothing to affect me. Nothing she can do will make me change my mind.

  “I know all your dirty little secrets,” she threatens. A grin spreads across my face before I reach behind me and pull out my gun. With it locked in my grasp, I watch her.

  “Is that so? What do you know, Mary?” Her eyes flicker to life as though she’s won this argument. You never win against the devil. That should have already been known for as long as she’s been whoring around here but clearly that little bit of information has slipped her mind.

  “I know all of your operations, Cord. You’ve fucked me for the last five years. Do you think I’m stupid?” Mary places her hands on the floor, ready to push herself up when I take a step toward her. I place my foot right over her hand, pressing roughly. “Cord! That hurts!” Her screams make me smile. That fear that comes from deep within her shows on her face. This is where I thrive. The fear fills me with a joy that I never knew it could. Pulling the gun around for her to see, I ask her once more.

  “What do you know, Mary?” Pressing my foot down harder against her hand, she cries.

  “Just leave me alone, Cord,” she says, her strength turning to fear. Her sobs mean nothing. Her threat means everything. Pressing the gun to her forehead, she cries harder.

  “Never again, will you threaten me.” The growl that rips through me startles her. Pulling the trigger, I watch as blood and brains splatter in a mixture on the wall behind her, her lifeless body crumbling to the floor.