Winter of Faith Collection

by Rachel Stoltzfus

  After conferring with his family, his doctor removed him from life support.

  ***

  Because of Lance’s sudden death, there was no need for the legal proceedings to continue. Even though the jury had found him guilty, there was no Lance to serve any prison sentence.

  In Ephrata, Miriam struggled to return to her usual life. As she worked on the quilt, she kept seeing Lance falling awkwardly over the low wall and striking his head on the seat and ground. At night, she woke from the same kinds of dreams.

  Sarah and Joseph both noticed Miriam’s inability to focus on anything at home.

  “I’ll talk to her, wife. I think she’s experiencing the stress of what happened to Mr. Newman when he learned he was found guilty,” Joseph said as he paced back and forth in the kitchen.

  “Husband, she is probably dreaming of this at night. She looks tired, like she isn’t sleeping well at all,” Sarah observed, watching Joseph pacing back and forth.

  That evening after supper, Miriam sat in the quilting room, her hands motionless. She simply stared into the distance.

  Joseph walked in, looking at his youngest child’s troubled expression.

  “Miriam. We’ve watched you for several days. You are not your usual self. You pace. You stare into the distance. You look exhausted, as though you aren’t sleeping well. What is bothering you?” Joseph asked as he sat down in one of the chairs.

  Miriam gazed at him with her chin trembling. She covered her mouth with one hand as she struggled to force tears back.

  “Daed, I keep seeing Lance Newman falling onto his face. I see the blood coming out of his ears, mouth and nose. I knew that he would die! Daed . . . I was praying . . . before they said the verdict.” Miriam sobbed once. “I’m worried that my prayer might have led to his fall and injury.” Tears poured down Miriam’s drawn and pale face.

  “What did you ask God for, daughter?”

  “Protection,” Miriam said.

  “And that is all? Protection?” Joseph asked, leaning forward in his chair.

  “Ya.”

  “Miriam, you need to realize that Lance acted all on his own, without any regard for the laws of the state or of our own Ordnung. By your asking for God’s protection, you did not cause him to fall and hit his head. It was his own inability to understand that his choices and actions led to the charges against him. Miriam, this is very important, so you must listen,” Joseph said sternly.

  Miriam, caught by the strict urgency in her father’s voice, fastened her eyes onto his face.

  “Yes, daed?”

  “When he heard the verdict against him, that inability to take responsibility was what led to his injuries and death. You simply asked God to protect you. You didn’t ask him to kill that man.”

  Miriam began to get a glimmer of understanding of the events of that day. Beginning to weep, she said, “Now that it’s over, you mean I can get back to my own life?”

  “Ya. You can. Now, you need to start focusing on your baptismal instruction, taking your Kneeling Vow, then getting to marry John Fisher,” Joseph said with a gentle smile. He reached one hand out toward his daughter’s face and wiped tears off one cheek.

  ***

  In another part of Ephrata, Esther Zook was obsessively thinking about John and devising ways that she could see and be with him, despite what her parents had decreed.

  I don’t care that he’s courting Miriam Beiler. I like him and he’s not even engaged to her. As far as I’m concerned, I can still let him know that I’m interested in him. If he likes me back, he’ll start courting me.

  CHAPTER TEN

  Esther was in her room one cool evening after helping her mother clean up from supper. She had begun routinely coming up to her room after supper, closing her door and entering her fantasy world as she dreamed of a future as Mrs. John Fisher. Every evening, she closed the door and acted out one fantasy or another.

  Esther’s fantasies had begun to become more real than her everyday life. During the day as she helped her mamm clean, wash and iron, cook, bake and can fruits and vegetables, she impatiently looked forward to her time alone in her bedroom at night. She had begun to withdraw from her parents – and they had noticed that distance.

  On this evening, when Esther came out of her fantasy world, she looked toward the window and saw that it was black-dark outside. She realized how dim it had become in her room – her lamp was nearly out of kerosene. Undressing and putting on a warm nightgown, she quickly brushed her teeth and returned to her room to go to bed.

  ***

  The following Sunday was a meeting day. All families in the Ephrata district prepared for the meeting, putting on their meeting clothing, hitching their horses to their buggies and putting their lunch contributions into their buggies.

  In the Zook home, Esther Zook got ready for meeting with extraordinary care. She ran her hands over her already smooth hair and carefully arranged her snowy-white apron over her dark-maroon dress. Her heart hammered in her chest and her cheeks carried a hint of flush in them.

  Today’s the day! John loves me and he’s going to admit to that today! He’ll begin courting me instead of Miriam Beiler. I have to look my best. I wish we could use mirrors!

  She was silent on the ride to the Beiler farm, caught up in her sick fantasy.

  “Esther, take the vegetables into the kitchen and we’ll meet you in the barn,” instructed her mother.

  “Ya, mamm. Denki,” Esther said quietly. Walking calmly with the large bowl of mixed vegetables, she entered the kitchen, full of women and teenaged girls. She spotted Miriam Beiler, busy arranging foil-covered containers in the large oven. She glared at the other girl, convinced that she had stolen John Fisher from her.

  Miriam, busy helping Sarah, missed the glare. Once she was released to go to the barn, she sought out Anna and the two friends walked to the barn, giggling as they did so. Esther was behind them and she continued to glower at Miriam.

  John, looking around the barn, saw Miriam and Anna enter, going to the women’s benches. He frowned as he saw Esther sidle in after Miriam, wearing a heavy scowl and staring fixedly at the other girl.

  We will leave the singing early and spend time in her parents’ house. She doesn’t need to be exposed to Esther’s ugliness.

  After the lunch ended and families had gone home, the Beilers opened their barn to the district’s Amish youth for the customary singing. John sat across from Miriam, making sure that Esther could not sit near him or Miriam. All of their friends had gathered to sit on the bench with them. Still, John felt very uncomfortable, knowing that Esther was in the background, nursing an irrational anger, if not hatred, towards Miriam.

  “Miriam, let’s go into your house,” he said in between songs.

  “Okay,” she said, puzzled.

  In plain sight of Esther, John walked right next to Miriam and escorted her into her parents’ house.

  Esther was stunned. She had expected that John would approach her with love shining out of his eyes, and ask to court her instead of Miriam. Flushing, she looked down with a scowl at her fingers as they tangled together. At ten that night, she was still unpaired with any of the young Amish men. Finally, one of the unattached youth approached her unenthusiastically and said, “I’ll take you home.” Nodding jerkily, she agreed to the ride home.

  Inside the Beiler home, John asked Joseph for his guidance.

  “Mr. Beiler, I have been telling Esther Zook for several months that I am not interested in a courting relationship with her. I’ve told her that Miriam and I are courting – that we have been for well over a year. Because we haven’t published our engagement, I haven’t said anything. I doubt Miriam has either.

  “Today, I saw her glaring at Miriam and acting rudely toward her. Miriam has tried to ignore Esther’s attitude so as to keep the peace. She’s turned the other cheek, more than once. Before the singing began, I talked to several of our friends and asked them to sit at our bench so Esther could not sit with me. I
don’t know what else I can do!” John finished in frustration as he clenched his long hands into fists.

  “John, we saw the same thing you did. During meeting, it was obvious to several district families what she was up to,” Sarah said.

  “So? What do we do? This has to come to an end . . . somehow,” John said, giving an anxious look to the Beilers. His head swiveled around as he heard several courting buggies rolling out of the graveled yard. He tried to pick out who had offered to give Esther a ride home, but couldn’t see through the glass in the kitchen window.

  “It’s long past time to go talk to the Zooks – didn’t your daed already go and have a discussion with them?” Joseph questioned John.

  “Ya, he did. It seemed to help . . . for a little while,” John said, sighing.

  “I think we should also talk to the deacons and, quite possibly, the bishop as well. Maybe we should start with him before visiting the Zooks,” Joseph said, sending a questioning look around the table.

  “Ya, husband, that is good. Let’s go visit him tomorrow, all of us, and tell him what we’ve been seeing. John, your mamm and daed should be there, too,” Sarah said, nodding emphatically now that a decision had been made.

  The following day, both families drove to Bishop Stoltzfus’ house. Mrs. Stoltzfus answered the door.

  “Hello! Do you need to speak with my husband?” she asked.

  “Ya, denki. It is an important matter and we need his advice,” John said.

  “Come in. He’s about to come in from the barn. Sit down. Would you like something warm to drink?”

  “Coffee or hot cocoa would be welcome,” Sarah said with a grateful smile.

  Ten minutes later, both families, along with Bishop Stoltzfus and his wife sat around the long, wooden table in the kitchen. John spoke first, explaining what he had experienced and witnessed. He also informed the bishop of what he had tried to do to correct the situation.

  “I saw her interactions as well and knew it would be only a matter of time before you came to visit me. We need to inform Esther’s parents of what is going on with her. Has anyone already tried talking, either to Miss Zook or her parents?”

  Both John and Samuel raised their hands.

  “John, what have you tried to tell her?” asked the bishop.

  “That I’m courting and not interested in her. I do admit that I got mad and shouted at her one time,” John said as his cheeks reddened.

  “I spoke to her mamm and daed and they said they would have s strict talk with her,” Samuel said. “I cannot blame my son for becoming angry. We were in the midst of readying the crops for our neighbor before the trial.”

  “Good. Tomorrow is a working day for all of us. I propose that we all meet at the Beiler home and drive to their farm and talk to them. John, if Miss Zook tries to come to you and talk to you, do not let her know what we are planning. Simply tell her to leave you alone. Reference the Ordnung. If she argues, walk away. Just walk away,” said Bishop Stoltzfus, stabbing a stiff forefinger against the smooth wood of the kitchen table.

  “Ya, I will, bishop. I promise,” John said in a low voice. “Now that you’re helping, I feel much better.”

  ***

  Waking the next morning, Miriam saw that clouds covered the sky. It was cooler than normal, showing that fall was imminent. After finishing breakfast, she lit her kerosene lamp and started working on her quilt.

  At the Fisher farm, John and Samuel discussed the weather and their day’s work plans.

  “It may rain or simply stay cloudy. We need to get as much of the field ready for harvesting as we can. I want to get this crop ready for sale as soon as we can,” Samuel said as he finished the last of his coffee.

  “Ya. I have instruction later this week, so I will need to finish early,” John said, putting a warm coat on over his long-sleeved shirt.

  “Well, let’s get busy,” Samuel said, rinsing his coffee cup.

  Starting at one end of the long rows of corn, the duo moved, weeding and looking for any ears of corn that would not be fit for harvesting. Samuel started in one row and John took his position in the next so they could cover more ground. By dinnertime, they had gotten through almost half of the field.

  As they rode the wagon back to the house, John scanned the cloudy sky.

  “It’s not going to get sunny for today, at least. It’s also cooler than it’s been,” he said, stretching his tired legs.

  “Ya. Autumn is right around the corner. What do you plan to tell Mr. and Mrs. Zook?”

  “The truth. That Esther hasn’t listened to our message – or she hasn’t heard what we’ve been telling her. And, daed, it’s not for lack of honesty. We’ve been blunt, haven’t we?” John asked, looking at Samuel.

  “Ya, that we have, John. I think she’s going to need to hear it directly from your mouth, son. If she refuses to stop bothering you, I’m going to suggest that her parents send her to stay with relatives – until you and Miriam are married,” Samuel said, frowning as he spoke.

  “Ya. I like that,” John said with a smile.

  After supper, Emily washed the dishes quickly so she, John and Samuel could ride to the Beiler farm.

  At the Beiler farm, Miriam helped Sarah clean the kitchen, wash and dry the dishes. As they were hitching the horse to the buggy, the Fishers and Bishop Stoltzfus drove into their yard.

  “Hello! How was your day?” the bishop asked.

  “Busy, but productive,” Samuel said.

  “Nearly finished with a set of bookshelves,” Joseph said.

  “OK, let’s go. Before we leave, though, John, you must be blunt with the Zooks. They won’t fully understand everything unless you tell them everything. I will ask them if they saw her behavior at the Beilers this weekend.”

  “Denki. Ya, I will,” John said, nodding slowly.

  The bishop started out of the yard, leading the small procession. The Fishers were next and the Beilers brought up the rear.

  In the Zook home, Esther was upstairs, deep in one of her nightly fantasies. Walking back and forth and acting them out as they occurred to her, she started as she gazed out her bedroom window and started as she saw three buggies and three families pulling into their yard.

  What are they doing here? That’s Bishop Stoltzfus and the Beilers – with Miriam. What are the Fishers . . . John’s here! What’s going on?

  Stepping quickly and lightly to her bedroom door, Esther opened her door, straining to hear what was being said downstairs. Unable to hear very much, she eased out into the hallway and tiptoed toward the top of the stairs.

  She was better able to hear the low rumble of conversation now . . .

  “ . . . not interested in Esther. I have been courting Miriam now for over a year and that’s going to continue. We have a strong relationship and that will not end. Your daughter has been trying to make me interested in her. She drives by the farm when my daed and I are hard at work on the crops. Mr. and Mrs. Zook, it has to stop!”

  CHAPTER ELEVEN

  Esther, hearing this, was crushed. In an instant, the dreams and fantasies she had built up crashed down around her ears, shattering like so much glass. Almost without awareness, she shot to her feet and raced down the wooden stairs, into the kitchen. Breathing heavily, she became hysterical and loud. Seeking and finding Miriam, she began to scream at her:

  “You stole him from me! I liked him and wanted him to start courting me! I noticed him a year ago and thought what a fine Amish husband and father he would be! I will not be working outside my home – therefore, I need a strong, industrious husband,” Esther babbled as she drew in a long, shaky breath. Swiping angrily at the tears pouring down her face, she glared at Miriam.

  Miriam sat back in her chair, stunned at the loudness and irrationality of the attack. Focusing on Esther’s face and eyes, she froze – there was madness there.

  John, sitting next to Miriam, saw the same thing. He placed one hand on Miriam’s forearm, warning her.

  Joseph and Sa
rah Beiler sat, frozen in their chairs. Sarah fell back on her nurse’s training. Focusing on Esther’s face, eyes and posture, she saw rage building. Behind that rage, she caught glimpses of insanity. She stood slowly, moving to the end of the room, then began to move closer to Miriam.

  Joseph simply saw an out-of-control young woman. Seeing her breathing heavily, he realized, almost too late that she was about to blow and attack Miriam.

  Emily saw the same things that Sarah did. Feeling strong waves of apprehension rolling through her body, she stood and quickly moved next to Sarah. Looking at her old friend, she communicated silently with her.

  She’s about to attack. Be ready to move.

  Ya, I don’t know who she’ll attack. Be ready.

  Esther stood as if frozen, staring. Her gaze moved wildly from person to person. Finally, it settled on John. She saw his hand resting on Miriam’s forearm. Seeing that sight, seeing the hand of her beloved on the arm of another woman, enraged her. Esther felt her anger ratcheting even higher.

  “How could you? I love you! I planned an entire life with you! Having our own home, finding out what your favorite meals are, how you like your shirts and pants ironed! Having little bopplis with you! Raising our kinner! And you do that? You reject me and you start courting . . . courting that? That girl? She cannot love you like I can, John! She was spending time with that Englischer! We all know that! How do you know she didn’t betray you with that Englischer? How? Tell me, John!”

  “Esther, I began courting Miriam before you even noticed me. Before last winter’s blizzards, I spoke to her mamm and daed and got their permission to begin courting her! You didn’t start approaching me until last spring! By then, we had been courting for . . . for months! I am going to be very direct with you, Esther. I love Miriam. I. Love. Her. And she loves me back. There is no future for you with me. None. Please. I encourage you to look past me and find another young man who can be interested in you, who wants to build a future with you. I . . .”