Just Keep Breathing

by GS Rhodes

  “What the fuck are you doing?” Sanchez groaned. “You can’t just—”

  “But I am just,” he interrupted. “Look, it wasn’t the right thing to do but once I saw what I saw I couldn’t unsee it.” He tapped through the phone again, finding the website and copying down the URL. He typed it into a browser on his computer and opened it up. It looked just as it had done before, the same white background with grey lettering so it was barely legible. “Do you want to look or not?”

  DS Sanchez couldn’t help herself, grabbing a chair and pulling it round to sit next to Kidd. He scrolled down. There had to be hundreds of posts. Some of them were text, some of them were reposted photographs from elsewhere.

  Sanchez looked at him. “This doesn’t look good.”

  “I know,” Kidd replied. The photos were definitely concerning. Most of them were pictures of women with text across them about being sad, about being empty.

  “You don’t think she—?”

  “I hope not,” Kidd replied. “But we can’t rule it out.”

  He kept scrolling. There had to be hundreds of posts. It would take them days to go through them all. He returned to the top of the page and read the most recent post.

  D is on my last nerve. There are too many lies, too many fights and I don’t think I can take it anymore. He needs to make a decision but if I force him to, I know that I could lose everything. He probably would too, though I don’t care so much about that. D needs to change and he needs to change now.

  “Dexter?” Sanchez said.

  “Most likely,” Kidd replied. He read it over again. D needs to change. Everyone at the school had said how strange their relationship was, even Sarah’s mum had said he wasn’t a good influence. Maybe she was aware of it. Maybe she knew what damage it was doing. Maybe he was who they needed to be focussing on. “Do you want to head out?”

  Zoe nodded, downing her coffee and slamming the cup on her desk. “Where we off to?”

  Kidd sighed. “We’re off to see Dexter Black,” he said. “And if that post is anything to go by, I imagine he will have a lot to say.”

  “You think he’ll be at home?” Zoe asked.

  Kidd shook his head. “If he’s at home, I’ll buy you a pint.”

  ◆◆◆

  “So, what time do you think he’ll be home?”

  Kidd was at the front door of the Black residence. Both Dexter’s parents were there, standing in the door frame, neither one of them particularly pleased to have two detectives on their doorstep. It was a fairly common thing. Most people were nice as pie, but you got the occasional family who hated the guts of anyone who worked for The Met on principle alone.

  “Not sure,” Mrs Black said. She was a slight woman, so thin that the slightest breeze might send her flying off into the sky never to return. But she was well put together, her brunette hair in a severe bob that moved as she spoke like it had a life of its own “He sort of…does his own thing most of the time.”

  “He’s probably just out with his mates,” Mr Black said. He was wearing a navy blue dress shirt that was stained with splatters of what DI Kidd hoped was paint. His face was clean-shaven, a couple of spots on his neck where he’d caught himself. Unlike Mrs Black, he didn’t look so well put together. But maybe that was just the stained shirt giving that impression.

  “Does he do that a lot?” Kidd asked.

  “Yes,” Mr Black replied. “If he’s not off with Sarah, he’s out with Jonno, or they’re out in a whole group.”

  “And what about Sarah?” DS Sanchez asked. “How are things between them?”

  “Who’s asking?”

  “The police are asking,” DS Sanchez snapped. “We’ve got a missing teenager on the borough, we’re making sure that we’re looking at absolutely everything we can.”

  “And that includes my son?” Mr Black asked, raising his voice a little. His wife put her hand across the door frame, like she was trying to stop him from charging.

  “As far as we were aware, everything was fine between them,” Mr Black said flatly. “They spent an awful lot of time together, either as a couple or as a group, and we know about the arguments, when he’d come in a strop or something. People fight.”

  “It’s the family you want to watch,” Mrs Black barked.

  “Philippa,” Mr Black snapped.

  “What? You say it as much as I do,” she snapped back. She turned to the detectives. “They’re trouble. Laura with all of her vanity online, immodesty. Him with that crooked company and all those women.”

  “That’s quite enough, Philippa,” Mr Black grumbled. “Let he who is without sin—”

  “Shut up,” she snapped. “They want to know about them so they should know about them.” She turned back to the detectives. “Can’t keep it in his pants. No respect for the sanctity of marriage.”

  Kidd looked down at her neck to see she was wearing a cross. So she was religious and the way Mr and Mrs Harper conducted themselves wasn’t really in keeping with that. Though, of course, if she didn’t like them it could all have been rumours and hearsay. Neither of the parents liking each other, a Romeo and Juliet story played out in Kingston. Kidd had to resist rolling his eyes.

  “I’m not here to talk about the Harpers,” Kidd said. “I would love to know about your son’s relationship with Sarah, if possible.”

  “I really think you should be talking to our son about this,” Mr Black said sharply.

  “We would love to,” DS Sanchez replied, a sweet smile spreading across her face. “If you tell us where we can find him, I’m sure we can arrange that.”

  “I told you already, we don’t know where he is.”

  “Do you know where he’s been since Friday?” DS Sanchez asked. “Sarah Harper was last seen on Friday, and she was last seen being shouted at by your son at school. Can you vouch for his whereabouts over the weekend?”

  “He was here,” Mrs Black said quickly. “We were surprised because he’s normally out with his friends all weekend, staying up all hours. But he didn’t leave the house. That’s all we can tell you I’m afraid.”

  “And what about his lack of attendance at school?” DS Sanchez added. “Did you know he’s not been to school this week?”

  Mrs Black stared back at them blankly. Mr Black was doing the same. Kidd looked over at DS Sanchez who was waiting on a response that didn’t seem to be forthcoming.

  “Mr and Mrs Black, when was the last time you saw your son?” Kidd asked.

  Mrs Black took a breath. “Sunday morning.”

  CHAPTER EIGHTEEN

  When they’d finally gotten a truthful statement out of Mr and Mrs Black, DI Kidd and DS Sanchez made their way back to Kingston Police Station. Things were getting more and more confusing. Dexter Black was missing, yet hadn’t been reported as such. Sarah Harper was missing, and her mother was going spare while the father continued to work all hours of the day, and according to the Blacks at least, was playing away. They needed to get a handle on this and they needed to get a handle on it fast.

  DS Sanchez pulled into the police station car park. She shut off the engine and turned to him. “None of this looks good if you ask me.”

  “I’m worried,” he said. “I’m worried that they’re both missing, especially since the last time they were seen together he was yelling at her.”

  “You think he did it?”

  “Did what?”

  “Kidnapped her.”

  “I don’t know,” Kidd said quietly. “You said it yourself, it seems a little too obvious doesn’t it?”

  “It would explain why he’s nowhere to be found.” DS Sanchez sat back in her chair and looked over at Kidd. “They could have run away together.”

  “What, like love’s young dream?” Kidd asked.

  “It’s a possibility, however remote,” DS Sanchez replied. “There is always the possibility that no matter how hard we look, maybe Sarah Harper doesn’t want to be found.”

  It wasn’t a thought that had occurr
ed to Kidd just yet. Sarah Harper seemed to have a lot more troubles in her life than anyone really knew. From the overbearing parents to the semi-abusive boyfriend, Kidd definitely wouldn’t have blamed her if she’d wanted to run away from it all and strike up somewhere new. Who could?

  “It’s worth considering,” DI Kidd said. “I’m wondering if that website of hers can tell us anymore. I may have to look at it a little more closely. Either way, DCI Weaver isn’t going to like that idea. He wants this case closed.”

  “You know more about missing people than most, Ben,” DS Sanchez said. “If they don’t want to be found, maybe they never will be.”

  It was a very unsubtle way of talking about Craig. Two years missing and he hadn’t heard a word…apart from what Andrea had sent him last night. With everything that had happened since then, he was surprised to find that it had almost vanished from his mind entirely.

  “What?” Zoe said. “You’ve gone quiet on me. Is this a detective thing or have I made you sad?”

  “A little of both,” Kidd said, turning to her. “I need to tell you something.”

  “Oh my god, what’s happened?” DS Sanchez said. “Is it about this morning? I knew there was more going on than you said.”

  She really was good at her job, so it was no wonder DS Sanchez had picked up on that. DI Kidd took a breath and pulled out his phone, bringing up the picture to show her.

  “What am I looking at?” she asked, squinting at the picture. “It’s a train station, there’s a blonde guy on the platform…” She trailed off, her mouth falling open a little. Her eyes widened and she looked up at Kidd. She shook her head slowly. “You don’t think—”

  “I don’t know,” Kidd interrupted. “If I’m completely honest, I have no idea, but there it is. There it might be, I don’t know.”

  DS Sanchez pulled the phone closer to her face, looking at the picture. She pinched and zoomed. It wasn’t going to help her. It hadn’t helped him.

  “So this was taken nearly a year ago?” she asked. Kidd nodded. “Which would mean—”

  “Despite everyone’s best efforts to convince me to move on and tell me that he’s dead, he might actually be alive.”

  “Wow.” DS Sanchez passed the phone back to him. “Didn’t the family have a funeral?”

  “Yep.”

  “Do they know?”

  Kidd shrugged. “I don’t think so. Andrea, his sister, she was the one who sent it to me. So she knows, obviously. She’s never given up.”

  “Just like you.”

  “Just like me.” Kidd sighed. “I don’t know what to do with it.”

  “What can you do?” she asked. “You were looking for him and you couldn’t find him. Now a picture has shown up saying that he might be alive, what are you supposed to do?”

  “I’m not sure what you’re getting at here.”

  “What I’m getting at,” DS Sanchez continued, “is that you do nothing. It’s what I’ve already said, Ben. Maybe he doesn’t want to be found.”

  “You really think that?”

  “Whatever it was that made him skip town in the first place has obviously kept him away,” she said.

  “But if he’s in danger shouldn’t I try and find him so I can help?”

  “Absolutely not,” DS Sanchez said. “If he wanted your help, he would come looking for you, don’t you think? If he’s in trouble with somebody, and he thought you, his former detective boyfriend could help, I think he would have made the effort to track you down at some point over the past two years.”

  It was a truth that Kidd hadn’t really wanted to consider. He had kept looking, of course, he had. He’d sent that message to Andrea, hadn’t he? But if Craig had wanted Kidd’s help, he would have asked for it. Or at least, Kidd hoped he would have. No one should have to go through bad times alone.

  “What are you thinking?” Zoe asked.

  “That I don’t know what to do with this picture,” he said. “It might not even be him.”

  “I think it is,” Zoe said quietly. “And I think you know it is.”

  “Then what do I do?”

  Zoe sighed and looked over at Kidd, her eyes were big and expressive, trying to be there for him even though he could literally feel himself putting a wall up as they spoke.

  “You find Sarah Harper,” she said. “We have a job to do, so we should do it.”

  “What about John?”

  “What about him?”

  Kidd sighed. “Do I tell him?”

  Zoe considered it for a moment, looking out of the window and then back at Kidd. “No,” she said. “Craig hasn’t come to find you. Maybe it’s over after all. Maybe this is the closure you need to move on.”

  Kidd opened his mouth to reply, but any words that he might have had for Zoe died on his tongue. He knew in his heart of hearts that she was right. Craig surely would have come back if he’d needed him, if he’d still loved him. Though he did still wonder what it was that was keeping him away. It had to be pretty bad.

  “You gonna be okay?” she asked, reaching across to put a hand on his forearm, giving him a little squeeze.

  “I’m going to have to be,” he replied. “Like you said, we have a job to do.”

  They got out of the car and headed into the station, greeting Diane on their way past and heading straight back to the Incident Room. He marched over to his computer and booted it up, returning to Sarah’s website.

  Kidd moved to the next post down, more things about D. There were phrases that kept coming up, about secrets he held, about the things he had done to her, shouting abuse, sending aggressive messages. She didn’t seem to hold a lot of affection for him, which was precisely the opposite of what each set of parents had indicated.

  Kidd stared at the screen. He shouted DS Sanchez over.

  “Look at this,” he said. “Does this sound like the same relationship that their parents were talking about?”

  “Christ, ‘D has been yelling at me again today. I don’t know what he wants but I guess it isn’t me. Maybe I should just disappear.’ That’s a bit heavy,” DS Sanchez said. “You don’t think—?”

  “We don’t have a body, just a missing person,” Kidd interrupted. “If a body shows up, maybe we’ll consider it.”

  “But we can’t deny the fact that she was vulnerable,” she said, grabbing the mouse and scrolling down. “‘Everyone has secrets but D’s hurts more than most. Everything about my life is a lie.’ This is all so dark, did none of her friends know about this? Her parents?”

  “Every other social media platform is happy-clappy all the time,” he said. “It’s what you said. It’s a highlight reel, all perfectly filtered, perfectly placed, nothing is wrong, but this…this is worrying.”

  He continued to scroll down to the next post.

  Secrets ruin people’s lives. I am proof of that today, aren’t I? Everything about me and J is out. But what about D? What about all of D’s secrets? I know enough secrets to tear D’s world apart. He has no idea what’s coming for him when I let rip. Or maybe he does? Guess we’ll find out.

  “Shit,” DS Sanchez said. “What do we do?”

  “We need to find Dexter Black,” Kidd said. “And we need to find him now.”

  CHAPTER NINETEEN

  The world swayed in and out of focus.

  How long had she been here? How long had she been out?

  It was hard to say.

  When she opened her eyes, she could see a small amount of light. Was it coming through a window? The only window she could see was blocked off, boards up against it.

  Where was she?

  She knew this place. Didn’t she?

  She’d been here before.

  Hadn’t she?

  She didn’t know. She couldn’t tell.

  “Oh, you’re waking up?” The voice was familiar. Deep. Gruff. She shook her head and tried to turn her head to see where the voice was coming from but she couldn’t move.

  Her wrists were tied, her ankles too
. There was something around her neck.

  “Can’t have you waking up now,” the voice said, getting closer. She recognised it, but she couldn’t place it. She was so tired. So, so tired.

  They were approaching her, whoever it was.

  “I’ll be gone for a little while,” it said, softer this time, creeping in her ear. “Don’t you go doing anything stupid now.”

  There was a sharp stab in her arm. She winced. She wanted to scream but she couldn’t bring herself to. Because here came the dark again, taking her away. She couldn’t escape, she was stuck here with the last words of her captor echoing in her mind.

  “Goodnight, Sarah,” it said. “Sleep tight.”

  CHAPTER TWENTY

  Finding Dexter Black was something that would have to wait until the following morning. DCs Powell, Ravel, and Campbell had already gone home, and without any idea where he could possibly be, going out and looking for a teenager that matched his description was pretty much out of the question.

  “I thought you wanted this solved?” DI Kidd barked at DCI Weaver when he told him to go home. “You’re saying you’ve got the Super breathing down your neck, I’m working my arse off trying to get it done, and you won’t send people out to look?”

  “The Super has calmed down after the press conference this afternoon. Well done again, by the way,” Weaver said. “But you are absolutely no use to me whatsoever if you stay up all night looking all over town for a potential suspect. We’ve put a shout out on social media and the news, so people are looking for him. You don’t want to hear this, but Laura has put something out too, so there’s a whole community, if you can even call it that, of people trying to find Dexter Black.”

  He’s in so much trouble when they find him, Kidd thought. If they find him.

  “Tomorrow with fresh eyes, that’s when we will get to the bottom of this,” Weaver said. “Get out of here.”