Kissing Lessons

by Sophie Jordan

  Lesson #23

  Everyone talks.

  x Hayden x

  It was all over school by the next day.

  Hayden may not travel in the highest social circles of Travis High School, but the news trickled down to even her lowly outcast earholes.

  She was sitting in third period when she heard two girls talking behind her. Hayden stilled, listening, absorbing the words, and feeling more things than she should. A maelstrom of feelings. Too many to recognize.

  Nolan broke up with her.

  Right there in the parking lot yesterday.

  Hannah saw them and then Priscilla hauled ass out of the there. She looked pissed.

  Hayden’s fingers tightened around her pencil as she replayed the gossip over and over in her head. He broke up with his girlfriend. She let that sink in.

  Nolan broke up with his girlfriend.

  After Hayden kissed him. It was coincidental. It had to be. Right?

  She didn’t want the responsibility of that. She—their kiss—could not have anything to do with them breaking up.

  She wasn’t responsible for anyone except herself. It had always been that way. Almost from the beginning—right out of the womb.

  She knew the kiss was wrong. She’d known it was wrong the moment she did it. Not only did Nolan have a girlfriend (she never knowingly messed around with guys in relationships before), he was totally not her type. For starters, he was the kind of guy who did relationships. He was a commitment guy, and she was not a commitment girl.

  Did Nolan tell his girlfriend about the kiss? Correction. Ex-­girlfriend. She grimaced at that possibility. Was this the result of a guilty conscience? He seemed like that kind of guy. A guy with a conscience. A good guy.

  She had known so few of those, but she recognized that in him. She hoped he hadn’t confessed the kiss to Priscilla. She didn’t need some cheerleader with a vendetta after her. And it wouldn’t be just one cheerleader. They moved in a pack. She’d have a group of them after her. God, she’d prefer a zombie horde to a pack of cheerleaders, at least she would be prepared for zombies.

  Hayden moved through the day in a fog, but perked up on the way to sixth period.

  She hadn’t heard her name whispered once in all the hot gossip. Maybe she was actually spared being associated with the drama. Additionally, she’d made it to her favorite class. She had some new sketches to show Ms. Mendez and thought they might be good enough to add to her growing portfolio. She was running a little late, but that concern flew out of her head when she rounded a corner and came face-to-face with Nolan.

  He stopped when he caught sight of her.

  She stopped too, digging her thumb deeply into the strap of her backpack.

  They stared at each other.

  Students passed through the halls, blurred figures in her peripheral vision, bodies hurrying to their classes, oblivious to them.

  The final tardy bell chimed on the air.

  She was officially late to her favorite class, but still, she could not move. It was like her feet were planted to the floor.

  Silently, without a word, Nolan stepped forward, his strides slow and even. Hayden held herself motionless, mesmerized by his movements.

  He stopped in front of her.

  Her chest lifted on a breath.

  He stretched an arm between them, his hand seeking, finding, grabbing hold of her hand hanging at her side.

  She should pull away.

  His fingers squeezed hers. His gaze left her and scanned along the hallway.

  “C’mon,” he murmured, giving her hand a tug.

  “What?”

  “This way.” He nodded to a door down the hall.

  It wasn’t like her to go along with what some guy wanted.

  She came first. She put herself first . . . and that hadn’t changed.

  But she wanted to go with him. Wherever he was taking her, she was wholeheartedly okay with it. Even if it did make her late for the only class that she enjoyed in school.

  She nodded once and it seemed to be the answer he was waiting for.

  He pulled her down the hall after him, his strides swift. It took two of hers to match one of his. His hand felt warm and strong wrapped around hers. Nice. It felt nice, and she hated herself for noticing. Not that she was a hand-holder, but most guys had sweaty, clammy hands. Except him.

  “This is an interesting turn of events,” she mused.

  “What do you mean?”

  “Here you are getting me to skip class. Who’s the bad influence now?”

  He shot a grin at her over his shoulder and she grinned back at him, a frisson of pleasure skipping down her spine. If she wasn’t careful, he would weave some spell over her. She’d be little better than her mother then. Her smile faded. That wasn’t happening. No way in hell.

  “Nolan? Where are we going? I’m going to be really late for class—”

  “So am I.” He opened the door to the empty science lab and tugged her inside the room after him.

  “Yeah, but I actually like this class.”

  He dropped his hand from hers and closed the door behind them.

  So that was good, at least. They weren’t touching anymore. Her hormones could settle down a little—hopefully.

  She crossed her arms over her chest and continued, “I didn’t think you were the kind of guy to break the rules. I mean, have you ever been tardy in your life?”

  “I’ve broken a few rules.” His voice held a touch of defensiveness.

  “Is that a fact?” She laughed once, but the sound came out nervous and uneasy—not at all what she intended. Immediately she thought of their kiss . . . again. Okay, it was never far from her mind.

  She remembered it distinctly. Felt it. Still tasted it. He broke a rule then. He had a girlfriend and he’d kissed her.

  “I just wanted to apologize to you for the other night. And before that, actually,” he said.

  She flinched. Oh, he was going there.

  They were going to hash this all out right now. This should be interesting. She didn’t have a lot of experience with people willing to talk about their feelings and examine their actions. She especially didn’t have anyone in her life who ever apologized.

  “Why are you apologizing?” She shrugged. “You shouldn’t. I was the one who crossed the line.” The one who kissed you.

  “What are you talking about?” He looked genuinely confused.

  “What are you talking about?” she countered.

  “I’ve been a real jerk about you and my sister. You can hang out, be her friend, give lessons . . . whatever. I know I said that to her, but I didn’t say it to you. Not directly. I won’t stand in the way of you two being friends. I never should have tried. And I’m sorry about calling you a bad influence and judging you.”

  “Oh.” She processed that. So this wasn’t about what happened between them Saturday night. She felt like such an idiot. He probably wasn’t even thinking about their kiss.

  He canted his head to the side. “What did you think I was apologizing for?

  “Um.”

  Understanding lit his eyes, followed by a slow grin. That grin was lethal. “Oh. You’re talking about the kiss. You thought I was apologizing for that?”

  “No!” she shot out, indignation rushing through her.

  God.

  The kiss.

  They were really, really going to talk about it, and all because of her big mouth.

  Heat swamped her face.

  “We’re not talking about this.” She started for the door, her hand closing around the knob. She needed to get to class. She wanted to show her new sketches to Ms. Mendez. That’s what she cared about. Not him.

  She needed to get away from him.

  His voice stopped her, as deep and dark as his eyes. “I wasn’t apologizing for the kiss. Because I don’t regret it.”

  Her hand shook as it closed around the knob. “Well, I hope you didn’t break up with your girlfriend because of that. I
t was a mistake.”

  “I wouldn’t call it that.”

  She looked over her shoulder. “I kiss boys all the time. So I kissed you.” She shrugged. “It doesn’t mean anything. Don’t make what happened into something more.” She flung the words at him like arrows, hoping they would strike and kill any idea he had that there was something romantic between them.

  She knew what she was doing. Pushing him away was for the best. There was no future in them. Maybe they’d fool around, but nothing would come of it. It would complicate his life, thereby complicating hers. He wasn’t the kind of guy who did casual hookups.

  “Sure. Okay.” He sounded almost bored and unimpressed with her mini speech.

  “You broke up with your girlfriend,” she accused.

  “Yes,” he admitted.

  “That wasn’t because of me, was it?” She held her breath, dreading that he would tell her breaking up with his girlfriend had everything to do with kissing her.

  He took his time replying. “Do you think it’s because of you?”

  She didn’t know. She didn’t want it to have anything to do with her. “It shouldn’t be because of me. I hope it’s not. I don’t want to be in the middle of you and your girlfriend’s—”

  “Ex-girlfriend. I don’t have a girlfriend anymore, remember?”

  Oh. God. “I just want you to say your dumb breakup wasn’t because of me.”

  He cracked a smile. “Well, you can be relieved. It’s not because of you. Priscilla and I weren’t working out long before you and—”

  “Don’t say it. There is no ‘you and me.’ ”

  He smiled tightly, as though it hurt his face. “You just said it though.”

  She blew out an exasperated breath.

  He went on, “I decided to put an end to my relationship. It was overdue and the best thing for both of us.”

  “Good. Glad to hear that.” She heard how that sounded, but it didn’t stop her babbling. “I mean, I’m not glad you broke up, but I’m glad it had nothing to do with me.”

  He was grinning again at her. “I’m glad you’re glad.”

  Now she felt certain he was laughing at her. Mocking her. She pulled the door open, startled to come face-to-face with Lia. “Oh. Hey there.” Just behind Lia stood Monica.

  “Hey there yourself,” Lia returned. “I didn’t think anyone was in this room.” Her gaze landed behind Hayden . . . on Nolan. Her expression turned speculative. “What are you two doing here?”

  “Nothing,” Hayden said defensively. “What are you two doing?”

  Lia blinked and shrugged. “Well, we were planning to do in here what everybody else does in the empty science lab. You sure that isn’t the same thing you two were doing?” She arched an eyebrow smugly.

  Monica let out a noise that sounded suspiciously like a giggle.

  Heat swamped Hayden’s face for the second time. “We were only talking.”

  “Oh, really? Is that what we’re calling it these days?” She and Monica shared a long glance. “Well, to be honest, that’s not what we were planning on doing in here.”

  It took Hayden a moment to find her voice. “Oh.” And then: “Oh. Wow. Okay. Yeah.”

  Apparently, the other night’s kissing lessons had started something between Lia and Monica. Maybe something real. At the very least it was something they were into exploring. Good for them.

  “Yeah, so it’s our free period and we came here to make out. Are you done ‘talking’ then?” Monica asked, her tone direct. “If so, can we have the room?”

  “By all means.” Hayden passed through the door, holding it open for the girls as she did so. “Enjoy yourselves.”

  “Hayden,” Nolan called after her. “Hayden, wait up.”

  She didn’t stop. Waiting for Nolan felt like a bad idea. She didn’t like how he made her feel—like maybe something more from him, with him, was okay. Something other than a casual hookup, and that was not Hayden. It violated her own rule: never get attached. Keep it casual. You couldn’t get hurt that way. That was a lesson she had learned herself the hard way.

  She hurried down the hall, making sure not to look behind her. She knew better than to do that.

  You never regret and you never look back.

  Lesson #24

  There’s freedom where no one knows you.

  x Emmaline x

  “Are you sure we can just go in there? We don’t know anyone.” Emmaline hated that she sounded so nervous, but she kept visualizing being turned away at the door.

  “There’s no one checking invites at the entrance, if that’s what worries you,” Hayden called over her shoulder. It was like she could read Emmaline’s mind. “Oh, and don’t forget what I said.” She stopped and looked back at Emmaline and Sanjana. “Never leave your drink unattended and don’t accept a drink from anyone you don’t know well.”

  “Sounds like the warnings they announce at the airport,” Sanjana remarked.

  Hayden frowned. “It’s no joke. There are all kinds of threats out there. Always look out for yourself and your friends.”

  Turning back around, Hayden led the way toward the big house that was lit up like a Christmas tree. A giant pond sat beside the house, wrapping around to the back. From her vantage, Emmaline could see a dock stretching out over the water, a boat and several Jet Skis parked alongside it.

  “This place is pretty fancy.” Sanjana whistled in awe. “You know who lives here?”

  “Nope,” Hayden replied.

  “How did you get invited then?”

  Hayden looked at them like the answer was obvious. “Snapchat.”

  “So you’ve never met the person throwing this party—”

  “He’s a Snapchat friend,” she answered.

  Emmaline knew that Hayden had a lot of followers, which was kind of ironic considering Hayden didn’t have a tight circle of friends and mostly kept to herself. But that was Snapchat for you. Connecting beautiful strangers to beautiful strangers.

  Emmaline watched her in admiration.

  Hayden walked with expertise, clearly accustomed to her two-inch boot heels that put her close to six feet. Emmaline’s own attempt to walk in heels was woefully inadequate by comparison. Relief swept over her when she finally entered the house. It was so crowded that movement was at a minimum. She only had to suffer a few steps at a time.

  Navigating this party wasn’t as hard as she thought it would be. Guys talked to them, offering drinks and stupid come-ons. She didn’t even have to say much. Quality conversation didn’t seem to matter.

  “It’s the hair,” Sanjana told her over the loud pump of music, nodding knowingly. “Guys love redheads. You know what they say. Redheads have more fun.”

  Emmaline considered that for a moment. “I think that the saying is ‘blondes have more fun.’ ”

  Sanjana reached for a chip from a bowl on a nearby table. “No way is that true.” Munching on her chip, she nodded at Hayden. Hayden still attracted the biggest crowd. The girl didn’t know her own power. Or maybe she did. Maybe that’s where her power originated—in her awareness and her absolute indifference to it.

  Sanjana continued, “I’ve known too many miserable blondes. And look at her. She’s not a blonde.” She picked up another chip and waved it at Hayden.

  But was Hayden having fun?

  Staring at Hayden, Emmaline got the sense that she wasn’t enjoying the attention. She didn’t even seem to be looking at the guys talking to her. No, as the evening wore on, it became clear that Hayden would have preferred to be anywhere else than at this party. But she was doing this for Emmaline. She had become a good friend, lessons aside.

  Hayden broke free of her admirers to join them. “Hey, you guys want to leave? Let’s go get a pizza or something.”

  “We’ve only been here like an hour,” Sanjana said. “It’s not even nine yet.”

  “Actually, pizza sounds great,” Emmaline agreed, strangely relieved at the prospect of leaving.

  �
�All right.” Sanjana shrugged and they headed back through the party. It was slow going considering Emmaline could barely manage in her shoes. She was debating taking them off and going without them altogether when she rolled her ankle. She yelped and went sideways, colliding into some guy holding a full cup of beer. A full cup that went all over the front of her sweater.

  He cursed, shot her a glare, tossed his now empty cup aside, and moved on, more than likely to get a refill.

  Yeah, her ankle was throbbing and she was soaked in beer. She was definitely over this party scene.

  Hayden and Sanjana helped her to her feet.

  “That’s it,” she muttered. “No more shoes.” Holding on to Sanjana’s arm, she undid the straps.

  With her shoes dangling from her fingers, she straightened. “Ick. Now I smell like beer. My mom is going to freak.”

  “We’ll go by my house first and you can change into one of my tops,” Hayden offered.

  “Thanks.” She hobbled outside, sucking in a sharp breath as her body hit the cold air. “Yeah. Wet sweater. Cold air. Not a fan.”

  “Well, hurry up, then.” Sanjana grabbed her hand. Together they rushed to the car. Emmaline hopped into passenger seat, cursing the cold and vowing never to wear uncomfortable shoes again for any reason, no matter how good they looked.

  Hayden stuck her key in the ignition. The car sputtered and choked, but nothing happened. She slapped the steering wheel. “It’s not starting.” She blew out a hard breath and glared straight ahead into the night. “Sorry. It happens sometimes.”

  “So what do we do now?” Emmaline asked. “Call someone?”

  “Who?”

  “I guess we could call my brother,” Emmaline suggested. Nolan knew she was out with Hayden. She’d told him where she was going tonight. True to his word, he had not said one negative thing against it.

  “Let’s not bother him,” Hayden quickly said.

  “Okay. Who then?”

  “Call Beau,” Sanjana chimed. “He’s kinda like your brother.”

  Emmaline winced. Beau wasn’t like her brother at all, at least, she had never seen him that way, but she wasn’t going to argue that point. “Okay,” she agreed, fishing out her phone.