A Heart This Big

by Cheyenne Blue

  Somewhere out in the night a dog barked, and one of the ponies neighed. A little thump on Nina’s lap announced Binks, who walked on velvet paws across Nina to Leigh, where he curled up in a tight ball on her lap.

  “You’re content here, aren’t you?” Leigh’s words were lazy, musing.

  “Yes. I can’t see myself living anywhere else. I hope I don’t have to, not for many years anyway.”

  “You have a rare thing—happiness in what you have. So many people want more.”

  “You’re very philosophical this evening.”

  One of Leigh’s shoulders lifted. “I don’t think so. I see so many people always wanting more than they have—a bigger house in a better suburb, a promotion, a job in a more prestigious law firm. A flashier car, a more beautiful wife.”

  “And you don’t want those things?”

  “To some extent.” Leigh’s smile flashed in the low light. “I’m ambitious when it comes to my career, and I love what I do. But I don’t much enjoy the falseness of some of the lifestyle.” She raised her glass at Nina. “This now. This seems real.”

  Warmth curled through Nina’s chest. She was what she was. She couldn’t change herself for Leigh, not when she tried to instil those same values in Phoebe. To hear Leigh say that she appreciated those things gave her hope. “Tell that to Phoebe. Right now, she wants the latest iPhone, and nothing will persuade her otherwise.”

  “Will she get it?”

  “Eventually. She earns money by working on the farm. Unless she sweet-talked Gino into buying it for her while they were away.”

  “She wants to be a lawyer. Did she tell you?” Leigh stroked Binks from his pointy ears to his tail.

  “Mm, eventually. I saw those enormous books by her bed. One of them fell on my toe. She said you’d given her a couple.”

  “Old books. They’re so dull, she’ll probably ditch the idea of being a lawyer sooner rather than later.”

  “Possibly not. She’s very single-minded for a kid.”

  “Maybe she’ll give me another riding lesson. My thighs have just about recovered from the last one.”

  Leigh’s words sent Nina’s thoughts skittering in a totally different direction from riding lessons. “I’ll rub them for you.”

  “You’ll need a gentle touch. I walked strangely for a week after the last lesson.”

  Nina laughed, then fell silent. Her wine was empty, and she didn’t want any more. “I should go and clear up the kitchen. At least wipe the table. In another little while, I won’t want to do anything except fall into bed.”

  “I’ll help.” Leigh tipped Binks onto the couch, stood, and held out a hand. She pulled Nina to her feet with a surprisingly strong grip for an office worker.

  They were silent as they washed the dishes and restored the kitchen to some semblance of order.

  “Would you think me a wuss if I suggested it was bedtime?” Nina glanced at the clock. It had only ticked over to nine. “I know this is ridiculously early in your world, but I have to be up before five.”

  “As long as I’m coming with you. As long as you don’t intend on going straight to sleep.”

  “Yes to the first and hopefully no to the second.” Nina stepped up close and picked up a strand of Leigh’s hair. She took Leigh’s hand and led her towards the bedroom, turning the lights out along the way.

  With the blinds up, the room was filled with moonlight. Some cars passed along the main road, their lights sweeping across the bedroom wall, but the noise was minimal.

  “Do you sleep with the blinds open?” Leigh asked.

  “Usually. I like to see outside. But I can close them if it bothers you.”

  “No, that’s fine.” Leigh tugged Nina closer.

  They kissed, long and slow, until the need built up and Nina couldn’t wait any longer. She pulled down the light quilt and moved away to shuck her clothes.

  Leigh’s gaze on her body never wavered. And then Leigh, too, removed her clothes. They came together in the middle of the bed in a mesh of hands and lips and tongues and skin.

  Chapter 24

  “Thank you.” Phoebe’s voice came from above Leigh’s head.

  Leigh stood from weeding around the tomatoes in the veggie garden.

  Phoebe’s face shone with pleasure. She was, if anything, skinnier than the last time Leigh had seen her, but she was tanned, and her energy seemed barely contained as she hopped from foot to foot.

  “Hi, Phoebe. Did you have a good week away?”

  “Yeah, it was great. Caught a lot of fish. Cooked on the campfire. Usual stuff, y’know.”

  Leigh didn’t, but she nodded anyway.

  “But, uh, thanks.” Phoebe came closer in a rush, and her arms snaked around Leigh’s waist. A quick hug and she was instantly at the far side of the rows of tomatoes as if she’d teleported there. “Thanks for what you did.”

  “That’s okay. I’m glad it worked out.” Phoebe’s hug had been unexpected, but her awkward appreciation had warmed Leigh more than the extravagant gestures from many of her corporate clients.

  “Yeah. For us and the farm. And that’s the best thing. Not sure if Billy will get to come back, though.”

  “Would you want him to?”

  “Yeah. He loves it here.” Her toe dug the dirt. “And I miss him.”

  “Maybe he’ll be back. If Stella lets him.”

  “Anyway. I wanted to say thanks. Guess I’ll see you around.”

  “I hope so. Maybe you’ll give me another riding lesson sometime.”

  “Yeah.” Another flash of a smile, then Phoebe was gone, bounding out of the veggie patch and loping across to the barn where the Barn Kids were gathered.

  Leigh hunkered down to tie up the lowest trailing tomatoes. Phoebe seemed to like her. This could only be a good thing where Nina was concerned. Her fingers stilled. Those thoughts implied something long-term. Nina, Phoebe…and her. Could they be a family? She didn’t know yet, but she was willing to try.

  It was the dying days of summer. Phoebe had been back at school for a week, and Nina was alone, shovelling gravel into one of the drive’s many potholes. The sun was pleasantly warm on her shoulders, and she hummed as she worked.

  “Hello, Nina.” The voice, soft, hesitant, was familiar.

  Nina straightened.

  Stella stood there, dressed in her usual cotton dress and sandals that were totally unsuitable for the farm. But then Stella hadn’t been to the farm in a long time—not since Billy had been hurt.

  Anger stirred in the pit of Nina’s stomach. This was the woman who’d caused her so much grief these last weeks, so much anxiety, tearing worry, and insomnia.

  This was the woman who’d nearly lost her the farm.

  Nina tightened her lips. Her first instinct was to give Stella her marching orders, tell her to leave and not return, but something made her hesitate. Stella’s eyes were huge, and she appeared poised for flight. What was she doing here? She must know she wouldn’t be welcomed with open arms.

  “Hi, Stella.” Nina rested on her shovel and waited, squashing the instinct to ask how Billy was doing. He must be at school.

  Stella fiddled with the strap of her bag. “I wanted to come and see you. Explain a bit.” Her downcast eyes swept the ground in front of her. Nina had the impression she was a heartbeat away from turning and fleeing.

  A tendril of sympathy stirred. It had probably taken a lot of courage for Stella to come here. Nina squashed that. Stella was trouble. The last few months had taught her that. She should have no sympathy for this woman.

  But Phoebe still missed her little mate, Billy-the-Kid. For Phoebe’s sake, she would hear what Stella had to say.

  With an effort, she summoned a small smile. “I could do with a break right now. Would you like a mug of tea?”

  “Yeah, thanks. If you don’t
mind. I didn’t know if you’d talk to me.”

  “Come on.” Nina rested the shovel on the barrow of gravel and led Stella to the barn where the Barn Kids and volunteers had morning tea. She put the kettle on and shook the biscuit tin. There were a couple left.

  Stella cradled her mug and shook her head when Nina proffered the bickies. They sat on the straw bales by the pony stalls. Mr Petey hung his head over the door, ears pricked, hoping for a treat.

  Stella stared at the pony. “Billy loves Mr Petey. Even now, he asks when he can come back and see him.”

  Nina was silent. A tiny voice in her mind urged her to invite Billy back—for his sake, not Stella’s. But she held back.

  “I’m sorry about the claim.” Stella’s gaze fixed on Mr Petey. “What would have happened to the animals if you’d had to sell the farm?”

  “I’d have had to find homes for them. Hopefully, I’d have been able.”

  “I didn’t want you to sell. I didn’t realise you’d have to. You see…”

  Nina waited. Stella’s agitation hinted at other things.

  Stella took a deep breath. “Billy broke his arm. He spent a night in hospital, and they observed him and scanned him after the bang on his head when he behaved so strangely. But he was okay.”

  “Thank God,” Nina said.

  “I wasn’t going to bring a claim. I remember signing something when Billy started Barn Kids that said animals were unpredictable and pony riding could be dangerous.”

  Nina nodded. No sense telling Stella that the original waiver wasn’t worth the paper it was written on.

  “But then Jon found me. He said it was a shame that Billy had been hurt and that you shouldn’t be allowed to get away with it. He said—”

  “Jon?” Nina spoke more sharply than she’d intended. “Jon who?”

  “Jon Wakefield. He’s some sort of property person around here.”

  Jon Wakefield. Nina bit back a retort. What the hell had he done now?

  “Jon said that Billy deserved compensation because he was hurt. I said he would be fine and that I didn’t want to do anything that would make it difficult for you. He laughed at me and said you’d have insurance for things like that. He said that Billy wouldn’t have gotten hurt if an adult had been with him. And then he offered me ten grand for Billy. He said all I had to do was bring the claim and the money would be mine, plus any money we got from the claim. I’m so sorry, Nina. I didn’t realise this would happen. I thought you’d have insurance, and it wouldn’t matter. I didn’t know you’d have to pay yourself.”

  Nina clenched the mug so hard her knuckles turned white. Tea sloshed over the rim. Jon bloody Wakefield had done this. She stared at Stella, only vaguely noticing her agitation, her white face, her shaking hands. Jon fucking Wakefield had nearly ruined her, nearly forced a sale of the farm. He’d nearly gotten exactly what he wanted.

  She heaved a breath and then another, willing her fury to subside. When she was sure she wouldn’t scream at Stella, she asked, “And is Billy okay?”

  “Yes. His arm has healed. He wants nothing more than to ride Mr Petey again.”

  “His psychological injury? Why did you say he had one?”

  Stella’s hands shook hard. She set her mug down and tucked her hands underneath her legs. “Jon told me to. He said Billy would get more money. Just like he told me to make sure Billy always wore the arm brace. At that point, I didn’t realise your insurance wouldn’t cover you. I only found that out just before the conference.”

  Nina’s mind was a screaming whirl of anger. Thoughtless, vague, drift-through-life Stella had brought a claim, even though she didn’t want to, because the insurance would cover it. Stella had nearly brought about the end of Banksia Farm all because Jon Wakefield suggested it.

  Wait. Wakefield had done more than suggest it. He’d basically bribed Stella to bring a claim, something he knew damn well would likely force the sale of the farm. His words to Phoebe rose up in her mind: Visitors following your instructions got you in enough hot water already. He was behind this. Nina gritted her teeth. Yes, Stella had been a bit duplicitous, had been willing to take money for Billy from an insurance company, but Nina doubted she’d have done so without Jon Wakefield and his ten grand offer.

  “Nina, I’m so sorry.”

  Nina’s attention shifted back to Stella, and she pressed her lips together. She’d done a lot for Stella and Billy.

  Stella wrung her hands and appeared on the verge of tears.

  “What did you spend the ten grand on?” Nina asked.

  Stella blinked, and her chin lifted. “I paid off a credit card. Bought Billy some new clothes and shoes. Bought him a second-hand laptop so that he could learn like the other kids at school. Paid a month’s rent in advance. I didn’t fritter it if that’s what you’re implying.”

  A hot feeling of shame crept up Nina’s neck. That had been what she’d been thinking. Remorse twisted her stomach. Stella was a good mother for all her vagueness.

  “I’m sorry. But that ten grand was a way out of debt for me. It would give Billy something to get a better start in life. I knew it was wrong to take it, but I could justify it, as it was for Billy. Do you know how much we live on once we’ve paid rent, utilities, school stuff, and set a little aside for things like the car? One hundred and ten bucks a week. That’s for me and Billy to buy food, clothes, anything that’s extra.”

  Nina closed her eyes. She and Phoe lived frugally, but they had more than that. Plus they had veggies and eggs for free. She’d known Stella—indeed, anyone on welfare—was doing it hard, but this was tougher than tough. She remembered back to a time when Ahmed’s dog had had puppies, and he brought them to the farm one day so the kids could play with them. Billy had begged Stella for one of the pups, and Stella had refused. At the time, Nina thought it was a bit mean. Now the reasons hit home: dog food, vet’s bills, vaccinations… It would have been impossible for Stella to find the extra money.

  “Tell me one thing.” Nina fixed her gaze on Stella’s face as if she could divine the answer. “Did you cut the fence and let Jellybean out on the road?”

  “No! Of course not. I didn’t know that had happened. Is Jelly okay?”

  Nina nodded. “And were you the person who broke into the shop in the middle of the night and trashed it?”

  “No! Nina, I’d never do that.” Stella’s throat worked, and tears spilled from her eyes. “Please, you must believe me.”

  Nina did. Even without Stella’s obvious distress, Nina simply couldn’t see her doing those things. “I believe you. I’m sorry. I had to ask. I didn’t think it could be you, Stella.” The words choked in her throat. She took a deep breath and hoped she wouldn’t regret what she was about to say. “Billy can come back to Barn Kids if he wants.” She spoke gently. “You too. I’ll reinstate our arrangement so you don’t have to pay for Billy. Although you’ll have to sign a new waiver. One thing all this did was force me to get it rewritten.”

  Stella hunched her shoulders under the faded cotton dress. “I didn’t think you’d let us back.”

  “Billy’s a lovely kid. He seemed to get so much pleasure out of being here. Most of the Barn Kids are here because they love the animals and love the program. That’s why I do this. That’s why I keep the farm.” She squeezed Stella’s hand. “Do you want to start now?”

  Stella stared at her. “Are you sure? I expected you to throw me out.”

  She’d been close to doing that, but Stella didn’t need to know that. “I’m sure.”

  Stella had had a reason, and she couldn’t be vindictive towards her for that.

  Jon Wakefield on the other hand…

  Chapter 25

  The only times Leigh had seen Nina since Phoebe had returned from holiday was at the farm. Leigh now volunteered on Saturday mornings, and once a fortnight she escaped the office early to assist wit
h Dare to Be Different. And while there was always time for a chat, a cuppa, even a kiss in a quiet corner, there hadn’t been anything more. How could there be when at any moment they could be interrupted by Phoebe or a gaggle of Barn Kids or even a headbutt in the back of the knees by Charli-the-goat?

  But Nina had called Leigh’s office and asked if by any chance she was free that evening. “Phoe’s spending the evening with Gino’s parents,” Nina said. “They live in Cabarita, so I’m taking her down, and I’ll pick her up a few hours later. Normally, I amuse myself for a bit or else go out to dinner with them. But if you’re free…”

  The invitation hung in the air. Leigh wasn’t free, but she would make it happen. Anticipation pasted a grin on her face. “I’ll pick you up. Give me the address.”

  “How about I take the ferry to Circular Quay? I could either meet you at your office or somewhere close by. I could be there by five.”

  “Even better. Shall I book somewhere for dinner?” Sushi maybe so she could watch Nina eat with her fingers, then lick them clean in that artless way of hers.

  “I thought takeaway at your place would be nice. The dress code might be more informal.”

  “Don’t dress for dinner.” Leigh smiled into the receiver, glad that no one could see her behaving in such a besotted manner. It didn’t fit her professional reputation. “When would you have to pick Phoebe up?”

  “Nine-ish.”

  “That gives us plenty of time to…”

  “To what?” A teasing note entered Nina’s voice.

  “To eat dinner, of course.”

  “I’m already looking forward to it.”

  Leigh lowered her voice. “I can’t wait to see you alone.”

  “I can’t wait to see you naked.”

  Leigh ended the call. There was a spring in her step as, suddenly too restless to sit still, she paced to the window. They were so different. The lawyer and the farm girl. The city slicker and the country bumpkin. The single professional and the single parent. But those differences seemed superficial; they were just how they ran their lives. In the things that mattered, she and Nina seemed so compatible. Quiet times with good food, whether from a restaurant or home-cooked. Stargazing. Working together. The desire they both had to make things a little better for other people. Those things counted more than where or how they lived.