A Heart This Big

by Cheyenne Blue

  When Leigh drove up, Nina was waiting at Circular Quay. She leapt in and leant over the gearbox to kiss Leigh.

  The brief kiss made Leigh’s lips tingle, and the short drive to her apartment seemed way too long.

  Once inside, Nina kicked off her shoes and turned back to Leigh. They came together, lips meeting in a kiss filled with pent-up longing and desire.

  “It seems so long since we’ve kissed like this.” Leigh cupped Nina’s cheek, delighting in how Nina leant into the touch.

  “I hope we’re going to do more than kiss.” Nina pressed her lips to Leigh’s palm.

  “How hungry are you?” The urgency Leigh felt wasn’t for dinner.

  “It’s not my highest priority right now.”

  The tension that had set Leigh on edge all day flooded back. She took Nina’s hand and led her to the bedroom.

  The lovemaking was as good as she’d remembered. Leigh came for the first time under Nina’s tongue, the second by her fingers. She lay back on the bed, Nina’s head on her shoulder, so bonelessly tired she could barely move.

  Nina drummed her fingers on Leigh’s rib cage. “Food. You may have decided you can live on lust, but I need something more.”

  Leigh ordered sushi to be delivered, and then they put on dressing gowns and went into the kitchen.

  When the doorbell rang, Leigh collected the food. Her discarded briefcase caught her eye. She returned to the kitchen with the food and set it on the counter. “Before I forget, Grizz did your final letters today. You’re now officially no longer my client. The letters are on the hall table for you.”

  “I’d forgotten about that.” Nina eyed the food containers. “Which one’s got the inari? I can’t wait any longer.”

  Leigh handed it over, smiling as Nina ripped the top off and ate a piece with her fingers. “We had to wait until everything was paid off and acknowledged before we could close your file. Can you wait long enough for me to get some plates? Or are you going to inhale the food, plastic containers and all?”

  “Depends how quick you are. That container looks mighty tasty to me.”

  Leigh set out plates and glasses of water. “Wine?”

  “Water’s fine for me.” Nina snagged a piece of sashimi the second Leigh set it out. The dressing gown gaped open as she did so.

  Leigh’s gaze fixed on the curve of her breast, the golden skin, the way her hair settled on her cheek in a thick wave.

  “I can’t remember the last time I had sushi,” Nina said. “Phoe won’t eat it. This is delicious.”

  “Maybe I could come around again on Friday?” Leigh made the offer hesitantly. She didn’t want to presume Nina would be comfortable having her there when Phoebe was in the house.

  “Phoe will be home. You know that?” Nina cocked her head.

  “I know.”

  Nina bit her lip. “I’m fine with the idea of you staying over when Phoe’s there. She and I have already had the talk, you know, the one where the parent talks about sex and the child looks uncomfortable. It’s just…” She blew out a breath. “This is more difficult than talking to Phoe about sex.”

  Leigh moved closer and picked up her hand. “If you don’t want me to come around, that’s okay. I didn’t want you to think I didn’t want Phoebe around.”

  “It’s not that.” Nina’s gaze locked with Leigh’s. “Look, I’ll just say it, okay?” At Leigh’s nod, she continued. “Phoe gets attached to people easily. What I’m trying to say without sounding all needy myself is if this is going to be a fast-burn relationship, zip, zip, all smoulder and sex, then we burn to ashes or find it’s too difficult to align our lives, then I’d rather Phoe hadn’t had a chance to get fond of you in that way.”

  Leigh’s mind whirled. Of course Nina would put Phoebe first. Phoebe was already shyly friendly to Leigh. She bit her lip. This was dating in the modern age—at least when one party was a single parent with limited babysitters. Inwardly, she berated herself for putting Nina in this position. But as a nonparent, things like this weren’t at the forefront of her mind. She’d never dated anyone who was a parent before.

  She squeezed Nina’s hand. “I’m sorry. That was very thoughtless of me.” She shrugged. “I guess I enjoyed our evening at your place last time. It’s such a special place to wake up, particularly when I knew I’d be volunteering there that morning. It’s your call, Nina. I’ll follow your lead where Phoebe is concerned.”

  Nina let out a shaky laugh. “I don’t mean to put you on the spot. This sort of conversation needn’t happen for a long time in most relationships. It’s very unfair of me to ask you to say how you’ll feel about me, about us, in a few months’ time.”

  “I wish I could answer you now.” Leigh picked up the water jug and refilled their glasses. “I know what I want to say, what I’d like to say, but I think it wouldn’t be fair to you or to Phoebe—just in case I’m wrong.”

  “Now I feel awkward.” Nina drew the lapels of her dressing gown closer together. “Can we forget we’ve had this conversation?”

  “No. It’s important. And I like that you can say things like this to me.” Leigh hesitated, words she wanted to say thrumming on her tongue. It was too early for some things, but equally, Nina needed some reassurance. And Leigh wanted to give that. “I can’t give you any promises, but this feels right. You and me together. It’s something I want. I hope we can grow this together.”

  “Thank you.” Nina’s smile was tremulous, as if she felt she’d said too much.

  Leigh waited until Nina’s glance connected with hers again. “I mean it. Those aren’t just words. I like Phoebe, and I would like to get to know her more. And you… I would like to get to know you a lot more.”

  Nina licked her lips, and the movement drew Leigh’s gaze to them. Those lips had done incredible things to her body less than an hour before. The sex was mind blowing. She really enjoyed Nina’s company. Was that enough to base a relationship on?

  “Maybe you could spend time with me and Phoe outside of the farm and Barn Kids,” Nina said. “Phoe’s seen me date before. She’ll catch on pretty quick. And then maybe we can revisit the idea of you staying over?”

  “I’m fine with that. But I hope we can do something like this again soon. Could you come into Sydney again? Does Phoebe ever have sleepovers?”

  “Not often. She’s a little homebody when it comes down to it. I can’t push her off on friends.”

  “Another evening like this, then. I’ll take what you can give me. I would like very much to keep seeing you. To see what we can make of this.”

  Disappointment sat like a stone in her chest. She’d finally found a woman she could be happy with, and first one thing and then another was thrown in their way. First, Nina was a client. Well, that one was no longer a problem. That reminded her. She rose and went out to the hallway to get the final letter.

  When she returned, Nina was staring out of the window at the inky water, the reflections of city lights.

  “I suppose I could ask Kiren to babysit. Or even Stella. She’s not mother of the year, but she could bring Billy. Phoe would love that.”

  “Stella?” Leigh frowned. “Have you spoken with her since the conference?”

  “Yes. Oh! I didn’t tell you.” She came over to Leigh and tugged the belt of the dressing gown. It fell open. Nina slipped her arms inside and wrapped them around Leigh’s waist. “It must have slipped my mind when you seduced me, Ms Willoughby.”

  “I don’t think we’ve got time for what you’ve got in mind.” Leigh gasped as Nina’s hand stole upward to cup a breast. She circled Leigh’s nipple with one finger, and tiny shards of pleasure arrowed out from the touch.

  “Pity. Although if Kiren or Stella can babysit, I could see you on Friday.”

  “Mm.” Leigh closed her eyes to better absorb the sensations Nina elicited.

  “Stella
came to the farm.” Nina removed her hand and retied the belt. “I can’t keep doing this and not want to do more.”

  Leigh sat on the couch. “Sit. Talk to me.”

  “Stella wanted to explain. She said she didn’t realise my insurance wouldn’t cover it. You’ll probably think I’m an idiot, but I’ve agreed to take Billy back into Barn Kids. The poor kid has so little, and he loves the farm so much. They have to sign your fancy new waiver, though.”

  “Good.” Warmth travelled along Leigh’s veins. How many people would willingly take Billy back under those circumstances? Not many, that’s for sure. Nina’s willingness to see the best in people was one thing Leigh found so appealing. In her job, where she looked to discredit someone, to beat them down, to minimise their claim—well, Nina’s attitude was refreshing.

  “But she also told me something else.” Nina’s voice took on a hard edge, a sharpness that was usually missing. “Remember Jon Wakefield, the developer?”

  “Yes, of course.”

  “He paid Stella ten thousand dollars to bring a claim against me. Ten grand!” Nina’s lips tightened to a thin line, and she told Leigh what Stella had said. “I have a list of things I’d like to do to that man. The list starts with amputation and bankruptcy, moves through castration and disembowelling, all the way to waterboarding. If I could think of tortures starting with X, Y, and Z, the list would be a little longer.”

  The words wound themselves into Leigh’s mind. What the hell! She took a quick breath. “Nina, what Wakefield did is criminal. He basically paid someone to bring a spurious claim. Stella wasn’t going to do anything, and Wakefield encouraged her. Bribed her. You can press charges.”

  “I can? I would love to get the bastard.” She spat the words with venom. “I didn’t know there was anything I could do. He’s caused so much upset and stress. I know I should let bygones be bygones, but—”

  “It’s not a case of that. He’s a criminal. He should be brought to justice.”

  “Says the lawyer.”

  “Why did Stella take the money?”

  “She’s a single parent on welfare. She spent it on Billy. If you prosecute Wakefield, will Stella get charged with anything?”

  Leigh thought. “I don’t know. She might. She was the person who actually brought a false claim. But she might have extenuating circumstances.”

  “I wouldn’t want Stella to get into trouble.”

  “She’d definitely have to give evidence. But if she was cooperative, she’d probably get off lightly.”

  “What’s lightly?”

  “A rap on the knuckles. Maybe a fine.”

  “She can’t afford a fine. That’s what got her into this in the first place.”

  “You don’t owe her anything. She nearly destroyed you.”

  Nina fiddled with the belt of her dressing gown. “It’s hard to explain. I want to see Wakefield taken down. Hell, who am I kidding? I want to spit in his face as they lead him off to jail. But although I know Stella isn’t blameless, I don’t feel she deserves to get slammed. How do I know that Wakefield won’t get the second-best lawyer in Sydney and weasel his way out of it and Stella’s the one who goes down?”

  “You don’t know. You can’t pick and choose who is dealt justice and who escapes. That’s not your decision to make.”

  “Do you think there’s a good chance Wakefield will be convicted?”

  Leigh hesitated. “I’d need more information, but from those bare bones, I do.”

  “Would he go to jail?”

  “Assuming it’s a first offence, probably not. Maybe a suspended sentence, definitely a fine. I don’t practice criminal law. This isn’t something I can speculate about with any certainty.”

  “I hope the fine breaks him. I hope he has to sell his house to pay for it. That would be fitting.” Determination blazed out of Nina’s eyes, and her body radiated tension. “So what would I do if I wanted to pursue this?”

  “I’d file a charge with the insurance body. They’d take it from there.”

  “And you really think Stella has a good chance of getting off?”

  “Yes. I think so. No guarantees, though.”

  “Then let’s do this.” Nina’s voice was flinty. Leigh hadn’t heard that tone from her before. “Let’s get the bastard. And I hope he goes to jail.”

  Leigh stood and turned away. There was one thing Nina didn’t seem to have considered in all of this. She weighed the final letter in her hand, the one that ended the solicitor-client relationship between the two of them. She was a lawyer; her job was to uphold the law. Regret tore at her heart. It had all been coming together. Now anything she and Nina could have had was… Well, it would have to be set aside once more. For a moment, she wished she hadn’t said anything. She could have listened to Nina, agreed Wakefield was a bastard, and left it at that.

  But she didn’t have it in her to do that. Law defined her in so many ways. She couldn’t compromise who she was. She couldn’t have not told Nina that Wakefield was criminal, although that disclosure was tearing her apart.

  She turned back to Nina. “There’s something else.” Her voice trembled, and the words she had to say clogged her throat. “If you file charges, while you won’t be my client, we’d still be involved in a professional sense. We still could not have a personal relationship.”

  Nina’s gaze flashed to Leigh’s face, and her brows drew together. “I must be missing something here. From what you said about Wakefield, it’s simply a case of filing whatever you file and alerting whomever you alert and then sitting back and waiting for him to go to jail. I’d only be a witness. I don’t need a lawyer for that.”

  “You’re correct, but there’s more to it.”

  “Then explain it to me.” Frustration vibrated in Nina’s voice.

  “If Wakefield’s bribery of Stella goes before the court, Billy’s claim will be dissected into minute pieces, and you’ll be at the centre of it, involved every step of the way. You’ll have to give statements. Wakefield will get lawyers, and they’ll attempt to cast doubts on your veracity. You were my client for that claim, so I’ll need to work with you throughout the process. We’d have to work together closely enough that, as far as Petersen & Blake are concerned, we would still be lawyer-client.” Leigh set the final letters down on the bench. “I wish it were otherwise, Nina.”

  “Can you pass the case to another lawyer?” Nina’s voice held bright optimism. “I wouldn’t mind if you did that—now.”

  “No, it’s the past actions that would be under scrutiny, so that wouldn’t work.”

  Nina pushed shaking hands through her hair so that it fell around her face in a tangled cloud. “I didn’t realise. I thought…”

  Leigh steeled herself against the broken sound of Nina’s voice. She wanted to hold Nina in her arms one more time, reassure her it would be okay, kiss her as if they had a future—but she couldn’t.

  “So we wait until it’s over,” Nina said. “That’s all there is.”

  Leigh swallowed. “It’s likely to take a long time. Years, even.”

  “Years.” Nina’s voice lowered. “Years. Why does the system take so fucking long?”

  “They first have to review the case to see—”

  “That was a rhetorical question. You don’t have to answer it.”

  Leigh turned away so she didn’t have to see the defeat in Nina’s face. She poured two fresh glasses of water and brought them back.

  “I should have had the wine.” Nina picked up her glass and took a long swallow. “There must be another way. One that doesn’t involve us working together.”

  “I can’t think of one. And as you’ve told me before, the farm is the most important thing to you. Wakefield is unlikely to just go away. If he is responsible for the vandalism—”

  “He is. I’m positive it’s him or one of his minions
.”

  “—then if you don’t prosecute, he’ll keep coming after you.” Leigh took a mouthful of her own water. It would be so easy to keep quiet. Everything she said made it less and less likely that she and Nina had any sort of chance at a future. But she had to tell her the truth. This was Nina’s decision to make, and she needed all the facts, not just the easy ones.

  Scenes of how it would be flashed in front of Leigh’s eyes: she and Nina in her office, polite talk, court documents spread on the desk. Forcing herself to see Nina as just another client. Trying to forget the Nina who’d been her friend, the Nina who’d kissed her, made love with her.

  Could she persuade Nina to let Wakefield get away with it? No. Leigh still believed in justice and the legal system. And if Wakefield wasn’t charged, no doubt he’d continue to make it difficult for the farm. How long could Nina take that sort of harassment? She didn’t have it in her to tell Nina to walk away—even if it meant sacrificing her own happiness.

  She looked across at Nina, who clutched the collar of the dressing gown, twisting it between her fingers.

  There had to be another way. If only she could see it. She sieved through possibilities, but another quick glance at Nina’s face and logical thought fled. Wordlessly, she rose and held out a hand to Nina.

  Nina stood, placed her hand in Leigh’s, and drew her into a hug.

  Leigh rested her face on Nina’s shoulder. The dressing gown was soft against her skin, and Nina’s body heat radiated through the thin material. How was Leigh going to give her up? It was unthinkable. She clutched Nina to her, and their bodies aligned, shifting so they rested close. Would this be the last time they stood like this? Her heart screamed no, but she stored the moment away in her head—just in case.

  Nina nuzzled Leigh’s hair and ran her palm down Leigh’s back. “Is there another way? There must be.”