See You Smile

by Dawn Sister

  "Then you can't get angry with them for not knowing what to do to include you in the conversation." From his expression I can tell he has heard this all before,

  "It's not their problem though, is it, Jake?" he snaps, "It's mine. I have to adapt to them, I can't expect the entire world to adapt to one person. I just avoid situations like that altogether, it's a hell of a lot easier."

  "You never struck me as someone who took the easy path, Cal, although telling them would actually be easier than trying to hide it as if it's something to be ashamed of."

  "I'm not ashamed." His eyes flash angrily, his entire body tingling with fury and defiance.

  I fight to stay calm but I feel my own irritation rising because what he is doing is holding himself back by hiding his deafness. I really don't understand why he would do this,

  "Okay, if you're not ashamed tell them you're deaf."

  "No!" he shouts, "I just explained to you why I won't. You don't understand!" He turns to leave.

  Oh no you don't, sunshine. You're not ending the conversation this time. I jump past him to the top of the decking steps to prevent him leaving,

  "So help me understand, Cal." I urge him gently and I know he saw, even though he's avoiding my gaze, "Tell me why you keep it hidden." He sighs and his shoulders slump. He doesn't try to get past me,

  "Because I don't want to be treated any different." He says, "And they will, they'll all see me as a freak, and a novelty."

  "No they won't." I tell him gently. He didn't see how they all looked at him, how they hung on his every word when he spoke. He shrugs,

  "It always happens when I make new friends. They find out I'm deaf and suddenly I'm the odd one out, the 'special kid'. They treat me different. They treat me as if I'm stupid."

  "Did I ever do that?" I ask him softly. He looks up into my eyes and my heart skips a beat as I drown in those deep blue orbs,

  "No!" he smirks slightly, "But you're different and I didn't have to tell you, you guessed." I smile broadly,

  "Maybe I am different, but you can't make a judgement on these guys before you get to know them." The way they were with him made me suspect they know already anyway, but I don't point this out to Cal. I look down at my feet and bite my lip before continuing, "The thing is though, you are different, Cal." I say, poking him in the chest, as he gives me a startled look "But I mean that in a good way. Not because you're deaf, but because of all the other awesome things that make you the person that you are." He looks away with a blush.

  Damn that blush, it sets my heart racing. I think I need some serious time away from this guy before I disgrace myself,

  "You should go to that party." I say. He rolls his eyes and groans in frustration, "Those guys really looked as if they wanted you to go, and besides we can do pizza and a movie anytime I really don't mind." Anger flashes once more in his eyes and I really don't know what I said that's made him angry,

  "I said I don't want to go to the damn party, Jake." He shouts at me, "If you're so eager to get rid of me why don't you go?" He folds his arms and regards me furiously.

  I narrow my eyes. I really didn't want this to turn into a fight but he is pushing my buttons. I'm not trying to get rid of him, though. I'm trying to help him fit in; make a few friends; spend some time with people other than a guy old enough to be his father that has unsavoury thoughts about him. Maybe a little reverse psychology wouldn't go amiss here,

  "Okay." I say brightly, "I think I will go." His eyes widen and the anger leaves him to be replaced with surprise,

  "What?" he gasps, shocked at my turn around, "B-but you haven't been invited." I raise my eyebrows,

  "It's at a night club, Cal, I don't need an invitation."

  "It is?" he frowns but he leans forwards, a spark of interest in his eyes.

  "Yes," I nod, "And Tropicana's isn't just any night club." I lean close to him and flick my eyebrows making him laugh in surprise despite his outburst of anger, "It's a gay night club." He catches his breath,

  "A Gay Nightclub?" he repeats, suddenly more curious. I nod,

  "Uhuh!" I say, "But you don't want to go though, so I guess I'm going on my own, unless…."

  "Unless what?" Cal asks breathlessly, his eyes searching mine; no longer angry, sullen or defensive instead full of interest and anticipation,

  "I was gonna ask you to come with me but you if don't want…."

  "Yes, okay, yes, I'll come." Cal blurts out before I can finish the sentence, almost knocking me over with his enthusiasm, "Wow, thanks Jake, I mean really, thanks."

  He bounces around the deck like he's made of rubber. He reminds me of Tigger and I can't help laughing but I'm also a little confused, because that was just a little too easy.

  "I think the party starts at eight thirty." He shouts, as he bounds back across my deck and down the steps. He turns and runs backwards across the drive as he continues to shout up at me, "I'll come back about then. Wear something nice." Then he's gone.

  Wear something nice? The cheeky brat! And he's left now, so I can't even give a suitable retort.

  Wait, did he just manipulate me into asking him out? Is that what just happened here?

  Oh holy crap! Does he think we're going on a date?

  No!

  He did actually, really want to go to the party and just needed someone to go with him. This isn't a date, although, I don't understand why he couldn't just have asked me. I would have said yes. I don't think I could ever say no to him. I don't need to be manipulated, but it did seem as if he had simply been waiting for me to offer to come.

  "Where did Cal go in such a hurry?" Sarah asks me as she reappears through my study door. If I know her, she was listening. She taught me everything I know when it comes to stealthy stalking skills.

  "He's gone to get ready for that party." I tell her,

  "You persuaded him to go?" she smiles, "Good."

  "Now if you don't mind, I'm going to get ready too." I say. She regards me with wide eyes,

  "For what?" she asks innocently. I narrow my eyes. She knows damn well,

  "For the party, Sarah, now get outtta here, and you too Lou Anne." I call through to the kitchen, "I know you're still here plotting evil deeds with my sister. I swear it's like the Witches of Eastwick in my kitchen"

  Lou Anne appears in my hall with a wide grin,

  "What's this about you going to a party tonight?" she asks with interest, "Is that Don's party at Tropicana's?"

  "Er, yeah!" I say, warily. How did she know this? Did Sarah tell her? She grins even wider and claps her hands,

  "Great, Larry and I will see you there because we've been invited too."

  "Oh!" Well this might not be too bad after all. If Lawrence and Lou Anne are going at least I'll have some company while Cal goes off to do whatever with his new friends, "How come you'll be there?" I ask,

  "We're Don's Godparents, so he asked us."

  "Oh he asked us too." Sarah tells Lou Anne, as if she's only just remembered. I gasp, since she might have told me before, "But Sam has another tournament tonight."

  "Great." I try not to sound too sarcastic when I say it. Did everyone get an invite to this party except me? "I'll see you there then." I tell Lou Anne as I usher both women out of the door because I really need to go and get ready, "Tell Sammy good luck from me." I tell Sarah,

  "Enjoy your date, Jake." Sarah calls back to me with a slight smirk as she gets into her car,

  "Hey!" I shout, "It's not a date."

  "You just keep telling yourself that." She tells me and drives off leaving me a little stunned.

  Lou Anne drives off too after giving me a knowing smile and a wink.

  Chapter 11: Not A Date! Not. A. Date!

  I am now standing in my bathroom, staring at myself in the mirror while I decide if I need to shave or just keep the beard I've been cultivating. It's kinda grown on me, pardon the pun,

  "This is not a date." I tell myself out loud. Despite what Sarah said, this is not a date.

&
nbsp; The pounding of my heart and the knot in my stomach tells me different, but I ignore them. You can do that when you're old(er).

  Eight thirty is approaching far too quickly for my liking. Cal's parting shot about wearing something nice has ground me down to a shadow of my former self. Much as I sometimes grouch about my sister's mothering and constant presence, she is still my best chance of getting some good advice here.

  I call her,

  "I have searched through every item of clothing in my closet that could be considered nice and rejected every single one, Sarah." I tell her as soon as she answers her phone,

  "So what do you want me to do about it?" She asks me, "Why are you so bothered about it if you're insisting that this is not a date?"

  "It isn't a date, but he said wear something nice." I wail, "Everything I have would be considered nice by our mother which makes everything I own about forty nine years out of date for Cal. What the hell does a twenty one year old expect his forty five year old "not date" to wear on their "not date", Sarah?"

  "Jake you're not making sense." She chuckles. She can laugh, she's not stuck in the middle of this impossible situation.

  "I don't want to embarrass the guy. It'll be bad enough when we turn up at the club together. People are going to think he's brought his dad." I groan,

  "You aren't going to be the only adult there you know, Lawrence and Lou Anne are going. It's a party, I'm sure there'll be other parents for you to talk to."

  "Fucking hell, Sarah, you make it sound like I'm taking him to a kid's party."

  "Yeah?" She asks me, as if this is exactly what it is.

  Oh my god, this is exactly what it is! No, no, no, it isn't. Cal is an adult, the others there will all be adults just a hell of a lot younger than me.

  "Sarah will you just help me instead of making me feel like I'm cradle snatching?"

  "Really, Jake, you over think things sometimes. Just pick something that won't stop you getting into a night club. I'm sure he'll be fine with whatever you wear. What did you wear the last time you went to Tropicana's?"

  Oh god, when was the last time I was even in a night club? I can't even remember. It must have been when Josh was alive. When was the last time I was at Tropicana's though? Oh yeah, I remember with a groan,

  "Oh god, Sarah, the last time I went to Tropicana's I wore a florescent orange string vest and girl's hot pants. I think my hair might have been electric blue as well." I hear Sarah's snort and hysterical laugh at this piece of information. What can I say? It was the eighties, the fashion decade everyone would rather forget,

  "Somehow I don't think that's what Cal had in mind when he said wear something nice." I chuckle,

  "No, I think you're right."

  "Although, I would've liked to have seen that outfit, Jake." She sounds like she's taking deep breaths after laughing too much, "Josh certainly brought out the Gay in you."

  "He certainly did." I laugh. I glance at the clock which reads ten past eight, "Holy shit, Sarah. I need to pick something now because he'll be here any minute."

  "Light green button down shirt and black dress pants." She tells me without hesitation. How the hell does my sister, who doesn't even live here, know that I even own a light green button down shirt?

  I stare down at the pile of clothes on my bed and see which one she means.

  "Okay, I got it." I pick the shirt up and inspect it for creases, "Shoes?" I ask. She groans,

  "Just wear something that isn't sneakers or flip flops. And socks, you'll need socks, preferably ones that match."

  "Oh that's it. I'm not going if I have to wear socks that match." I'm joking although I might actually have a problem finding a matching pair,

  "Jake!" She sounds really fed up and impatient now and I guess even my sister's patience can by tried sometimes,

  "I'm sorry to be such a pain in the ass, sis." I apologise and she chuckles,

  "You're not a pain in the ass, you're a great guy. I just wish I was going to be there to see how great you'll look. Now go out and have fun on your "not date" and don't worry about stuff so much."

  Sometimes I don't get her, because she's the one that keeps reminding me Cal is so very much younger than me, but right now she just sounds happy that I'm actually getting out of the house.

  "Thanks, Sarah, I owe you one. Tell Sammy good luck with beating the crap out of everyone else at that tournament." I tell her. She clicks her tongue and chuckles as she disconnects the call.

  I pull on the shirt and pants and find some decent socks (they almost match) and shoes. I know I over think things sometimes, but I guess it's my age and my nature, and it has been quite a while since I did something like this.

  I'm not a particular fan of dancing, or noisy night clubs, but I never was. It was always Josh that loved that kind of thing and I just got dragged along. No, that sounds like I didn't enjoy it, because I did. I just haven't had the heart to go since I lost him.

  I have no idea if Cal even likes dancing either. Oh my god, it's a gay night club everybody is going to be dancing. I think I'll just find Lawrence when we get there and the two of us can retreat into a booth and get quietly drunk while Cal bumps and grinds on the dance floor. I won't be able to watch that anyway.

  "Are you ready old man?" Cal calls from my entrance hall. How could I forget he has a key? "Or do you need more time to get your creaking joints working properly?"

  He is pushing his luck. He doesn't even know if I'm even here for him to insult. For a fleeting moment I do consider hiding and making him think I've ducked out. The moment passes though, because he's supposed to be the shy, retiring introvert. I'm the outgoing, gregarious, popular extrovert except I've been hiding myself away for too long and I got out of the habit of socialising.

  Maybe it's time. Maybe he's the one to bring me out and into the world again.

  This is not a date, Jake! Do you think if I keep reminding myself it will eventually sink in?

  Cal is not making it very easy to remember though, especially not looking the way he does right now. Thankfully I have made the right choice of clothing because he also has on a nice button down shirt: a very nice white number with light blue swirly patterns on it that highlight his eyes, as if they ever needed highlighting. He has on dark pants, black the same as me, except he wears them so much better. God he's beautiful. My situation is hopeless.

  As our eyes meet he smiles then checks out what I'm wearing and nods in approval,

  "Not bad!" he regards me, pursing his lips, "You'll do."

  I'll do? Does he have any idea how long I've agonised over what to wear and all I get is a "You'll do"? I want to be indignant and irritated by his sudden cocky attitude but I can't help laughing. The laughter helps hide the fact that I think he looks stunning, and I don't think I will be able to take my eyes off him all night.

  "Cocky little shit." I mutter and he smirks at me then raises his eyebrows in query,

  "Ready to go?" he asks, "I booked us a cab. I did it online. Did you know you could book cabs online?"

  I give him a bemused look. I didn't know that, but then I don't do stuff online. I have no idea why he's rambling though,

  "I'm ready to go. I just need a couple of things." I go over to my messenger bag and lift the flap,