See You Smile

by Dawn Sister

  I doubt I'll be able to spot Cal, although I have watched him surf before and he is by far the best out there, so graceful. Maybe I'm biased, I don't know. I step out onto my deck for a few minutes, shading my eyes from the sun and trying to spot Cal amongst the other surfers all floating on their boards just beyond the breaking waves. I think I see him, but I'm not too sure. The sun reflects in sparkling crystals off the water and I think I see the bright, sun bleached hair of my neighbour turned friend, but without binoculars I can't tell for certain and I refuse to get them out because if Sarah catches me I think she'll have me committed.

  With a sigh I go to sit at my desk but leave the French doors open so I have an unobstructed view of the beach and the surfers.

  After about an hour of ploughing through and answering my emails I hear voices from the beach. There's laughter and shouting and I reckon the surfers have given up for the day. When I glance out of the window I see a bunch of them walking back up the beach. Cal is one of them.

  Now I'm interested to see what he is like with people closer to his own age. Will he talk to them as animatedly as he does to me? Will he fade into the background like he does when he's in town so he doesn't have to talk to anyone? One thing's for sure, he won't have those headphones to hide behind, not that he's been using them at all while he's been with me.

  The group have stopped just below my decking and are talking. I know I shouldn't watch. I thought I was past this stage of watching him from behind the shrubbery on my deck, but I am far too curious for my own good so I duck down and peek through a gap in the ivy.

  There's about half a dozen of them all laughing and fooling around. They all look about Cal's age and they're all of the same build and physique. None of them hold a candle to Cal of course. He seems to be included the group, smiling and laughing along at the antics of one of the guys who is currently standing on his hands, balancing from one hand to the other. Cal stands out, his light blond hair and bright blue eyes striking amongst the others who are all slightly darker in colouring and looks.

  He also stands out as not laughing quite as hard or smiling quite as easily as the others in the group. There's a delayed reaction from him when the others laugh at a joke and I can see each time that his eyes do not smile, or laugh or twinkle in any way. Not the way they do when he's with me.

  I'm so engrossed in watching him interact with the others that I don't notice I am being watched myself,

  "What on earth are you doing, Jacob Reuben?" Sarah asks me incredulously. I almost fall over in fright and I hiss at her to shush as she regards me with her hands on her hips, "I thought you'd given up stalking and spying on the poor guy." She hisses as she crouches down beside me and peeks through the ivy to see what I'm watching so covertly,

  "I had, I mean, I have." I tell her, "I just wanted to see what he's like with his friends."

  "You are so screwed up Jake it's unbelievable." Sarah whispers,

  "Says the sister who's watching through the ivy with me." I feel the need to point out to her. She's about to retort but I shush her with my fingers over her lips because I want to listen to the conversation below,

  "So are you guys all coming to Don's twenty first tonight?" One guy asks.

  Several answer in the affirmative. Cal is making a show of checking his board for marks and scratches so the guy next to him nudges his arm,

  "What about you, Cal?" I see Cal frown in confusion. The guy rolls his eyes, "Hey guys, Cal spaced out again." They all chuckle almost indulgently and Cal smiles good-naturedly,

  "What about me what?" he asks, encouraging the guy to tell him what he wants to know,

  "Are you coming to Don's party?" he asks. Cal makes a face and I can see him trying to think of a way to refuse without causing offense or upset. What he doesn't see are the others all waiting, with great anticipation, to hear his answer,

  "I don't know, Pete." He says, "Where is it, what time?" he asks,

  "It's at Tropicana's. Everyone's getting there for about eight thirty." The guy called Pete tells him,

  "Tonight?" he asks. Pete nods, and I can almost see the relief in Cal's entire being as I realise what he is going to say before he says it, "I have other plans tonight, sorry guys."

  He goes back to examining his board so he does not see the looks of genuine disappointment on Pete's and several others' faces.

  Oh my god. He blew off all these potential friends because he is honouring lame plans for pizza and a movie with me. He would rather eat take out with a grouchy old neighbour than go to what could be a great party? I cannot believe that. I do remember him saying he doesn't like parties though, and the relief was evident when he realised he had a genuine excuse not to go.

  I can't let this happen though. He has to go to that party, but how can I persuade him that going there will be better than hanging out with me, even if I don't think it will be? This is for his own good though. He needs friends his own age. Plus, a large part of me is thinking he can't know choosing to be with me will be better if he hasn't sampled what else is out there, even if that means I might not have the pleasure of his company as often as I'd like. Oh, but what if that means I end up not having his company at all?

  Oh god that would be terrible.

  Stuck in my awkward dilemma I don't notice that Sarah has stood and is leaning over the deck railings until it's too late. I feel a panic attack coming on, because what the hell is she doing?

  "Hey guys." She calls down cheerily to the gathered surfers, "Surf good today?"

  There are several positive replies. A couple of the guys call her by name, since they probably know her from school. She probably taught most of them at Oakwood Elementary,

  "Hi, Sarah!" I hear Cal call to her, "Is Jake busy?" I am sitting on my ass waving my hands at my sister in an attempt to stop her giving away my compromising position,

  "Why no, I don't think so, Cal, he's just here, hiding behind the ivy." She tells him matter-of-factly as if this is a perfectly normal activity for me.

  I am going to kill her. I am really truly going to commit murder, right after I've died of embarrassment,

  "Sarah, what the fuck?" I hiss at her. She ignores me,

  "Come on up, Cal." She calls to him,

  "Okay, I'll just put my board away." He tells her. Is there a hint of laughter in his tone? He calls good bye to the other surfers as the group disperses.

  Before I can get myself up off my ass I overhear one guy, I think it might be Pete, talking to another as they walk off in the opposite direction to Cal,

  "You know I really thought he would come this time since the party's at Tropicana's."

  "I wonder why he always refuses." The other voice is saying, "He seems like an okay dude, and he's an awesome surfer."

  "Yeah well, maybe next time huh?" Pete says sadly. Anything else he says is lost as they walk out of earshot. He sounded altogether too disappointed to me.

  Oh god what am I going to do about this? They all really wanted Cal to go. Has he used me as an excuse because he doesn't want to go? Or is he really just being loyal? Either way I feel like a total shit for getting in his way.

  "Jacob Reuben." Sarah hisses as she crouches down beside me, shocking me slightly, "You get yourself off your ass and you think of some way to get that kid to go to that party tonight." I stare at her helplessly,

  "How the hell am I supposed to do that?" I squeak, "If he doesn't want to go I can't force him."

  "He blew them off because you made stupid plans for take out and a movie which you've just spent every night over the last fortnight doing. He needs to broaden his horizons."

  "Oh god, I know that, Sarah. Don't you think I know that?" I can't help whining because it hurts to admit that she's right. She huffs, folding her arms across her chest. There's a hint of sympathy in her expression though: sympathy and understanding,

  "Yes, I do, but I'm warning you: if he doesn't go to that party tonight I am going to tell him all about your stalking activities. I will get that
damn note book and show him that you wrote down his every move for three weeks." I gasp, frozen in the act of getting up, hovering between sitting and standing with my jaw falling open in shock. There is no sympathy or understanding at all in the threat my sister just made,

  "You wouldn't dare!" I exclaim in horror. She raises her eyebrows,

  "Wouldn't I?" she asks me then she turns as she hears Cal's feet on the deck steps, "Hi sweetie." She calls, her tone changing instantly from threatening and acidic to light and airy, "How was the surf today?" she signs too and I scowl at her, because she's better at signing than me even though Cal's been very patiently teaching me; because she just threatened to turn my life upside down and because I know fine well she will carry out that threat if I don't somehow get Cal to go to that party tonight. She's a witch.

  What can I do though? Feign illness and say I'm not up for pizza and a movie? That's not going to make him want to go out it's just going to make him want to stay with me more than ever if his actions of the last fortnight are anything to judge by.

  Holy shit. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place here. I don't want to manipulate Cal into going to a party he doesn't want to go to and may hate, but at the same time if I don't do my ultimate best to try to get him to go Sarah is going to expose my scary stalker activities and Cal will probably never speak to me again.

  I am totally screwed.

  Chapter 10: Manipulation

  Sarah watches us both as Cal steps around her to regard me with a curious expression,

  "Hi." Cal says, almost awkwardly, shuffling his feet and not meeting my eye.

  I have no idea why he would be so awkward now unless….Oh my god, has he guessed I was watching him? I am going to kill Sarah for sure now,

  "I'm not interrupting you am I?" Cal asks me and I frown,

  "Interrupting me how?" I ask, trying to sound innocent. He shrugs,

  "I just thought that, now you're better, you might want to get some work done and I might be kind of in the way."

  Here's me thinking I was getting in his way, when he's been thinking the same thing. Oh!

  "You're not interrupting anything Cal." I tell him, "I was just going through my emails but I finished my manuscript three weeks ago so I'm kind of taking a break."

  "Oh!" he grins, "Well that's okay then."

  Sarah nudges me slightly and I scowl at her. I'll get around to the subject of the party in my own time thanks,

  "I'm not actually interrupting you, am I?" I ask him and it's his turn to frown in confusion,

  "No, why?" he asks,

  "Well…" I grimace slightly, because telling him I know about the party is going to give me away but him knowing I was watching him this once will be better than him finding out I've been stalking him for weeks, "I overheard a couple of the guys on the beach talking about a party and I just wondered if making plans with me was getting in the way of….."

  "Were you watching me from the deck?" Cal interrupts, his hands on his hips his eyes wide,

  "Oops, time for me to go." Sarah says, then makes a hasty exit trying hard not to giggle, but I hear her snort as she disappears back into the house. She is in so much trouble. So am I, apparently, judging by Cal's expression.

  Oh god, so he knows. I could play this one of two ways. I could deny it and make an excuse about why Sarah thought I was hiding or I could confess everything and then Sarah wouldn't have any leverage with which to carry out her threat.

  As Cal regards me with his intense, blue eyed stare I find I just can't lie to him, but how can I tell him the truth? He'll kick my ass.

  "I wasn't watching you as such!" I grimace as I try to think of a really good reason for being on my hands and knees on the deck and then "accidentally" overhearing his conversation with his surfing buddies,

  "What were you doing hiding behind your ivy then?" Cal tips his head to one side and drums his fingers on his hips impatiently. He almost looks like he is enjoying watching me squirm. Cocky little….

  "I wasn't hiding behind my ivy, Cal." I gasp, "I was, er, fastening my laces and you just happened to be there." Cal's eyes wander down to my feet. He frowns then looks up at me again,

  "You're not wearing any shoes." He observes casually.

  I splutter helplessly. He seems to be trying to contain himself. Is it anger or is it amusement? I have no idea. Either way he's rumbled me,

  "Okay, so maybe I was watching." I confess, regarding him with a grimace and one eye closed as if that will somehow help him not be angry with me, "But I swear it wasn't on purpose."

  He appears to be having some sort of struggle with his emotions. Is he trying not to laugh?

  "Uhuh!" his voice sounds a little strained. He's waiting for further explanation though, and I guess I owe it to him,

  "So, yeah…erm!" I run my fingers through my hair and feel myself losing the battle to keep my blush of shame under control, "I saw you walking up the beach with those other guys and I was curious." Cal frowns,

  "Curious why?"

  I regard him carefully, thinking I could turn the attention back on him now and he'll hopefully forget I was essentially spying on him,

  "You told me you don't have any friends, but those guys all seemed friendly enough." He shrugs and looks away sullenly, "Why aren't you going to that party?" I ask as he turns back to face me. He narrows his eyes and purses his lips,

  "I told you before I don't like parties." He explains and I nod,

  "They all seemed to want you to go though." I smile encouragingly, "I guess you didn't see, but when you said you had other plans a couple of your friends looked kinda disappointed." Cal frowns and regards me as if he really truly cannot believe this,

  "They're not my friends." He protests, "They're just guys I know from the beach, I never met up with them anywhere else."

  "Maybe you should." I suggest, feeling really quite conflicted, because I am encouraging him to go and spend time with other people when a massive part of me, irrational or not, wants to keep him all to myself. I can't be that selfish though.

  Cal shrugs again,

  "Parties just aren't my thing though, Jake, and besides I made plans with you." He looks into my eyes and I really can't read his expression and I really don't understand why he would choose to be here when he could be out having fun, "I wouldn't blow you off for a stupid party I would probably hate anyway."

  "I wouldn't feel like you were blowing me off." I assure him, "And you don't know you'll hate it until you go." Cal shakes his head and turns away from me slightly, his posture all defensive and closed,

  "I do know that, Jake." He sounds more than a little upset now, "I told you, I don't like parties. I don't like groups. I don't follow the conversation and I get left behind." He gives me an intense look, "If you were watching you'd have seen how damn useless I was in that group." He almost shouts, "I didn't have a clue what they were laughing at but I laughed anyway. I smiled when they did and laughed when they did, but I had no idea what any of them were saying because none of them looked at me when they were speaking."

  I did see, all of it: his awkwardness and his attempts to cover up that he hadn't heard what was said. He seems angry about it all, and I don't know why, because all he has to do is tell people he's deaf and they'll compensate for him,

  "Why don't you tell them you're deaf?" I know he prefers to hide behind those headphones of his and I don't really know why, but he can't do that when he's surfing and they already think he's an incredible surfer. Knowing he's deaf won't affect that surely. He scowls,

  "It's none of their business." He huffs. I shrug,