The Autumn Leaf

by Brittany Tarkington

“There’s something over there that needs my attention,” Brandon said, probably feeling like a fifth wheel. He disappeared into the crowd, which was growing by the minute. When we first arrived, there were only a dozen people here. Now I was being pushed each time a new group walked in.

  “Do you want to go somewhere quieter?” Liam asked, holding his hand across his chest. “No funny business.”

  I looked around for Gabby, who had completely disappeared with Tyler. Feeling helpless and awkward, I rolled my eyes. For some reason, I trusted him.

  “Sure.”

  He grabbed my hand, looking at me as if I he wanted to ask but thought better of it. He weaved through the crowd with me in tow. When we got to the stairs, I hesitated but followed him. There was no surprise that he led me to the last room in the hall. Once inside, he locked the door and sat on the chair that was by his desk.

  Letting out a sigh I didn’t know I was holding on to, I looked around the room. It was bare. The room was home to a large dresser, king-sized bed filled with pillows, a desk, side tables, and one picture. Feeling ballsy, I walked to the side table. Bending over, I inspected the boy and woman. She was beautiful. The boy in the picture was her mini-me.

  “She died when I was ten,” he said.

  “Mine died last year,” I said, not knowing what else to say. I faced him. His eyes were full of sorrow. That was why I avoided these kinds of things. The past only brought us pain. We could do nothing to rewrite it, so why did we live there?

  “How?”

  “A car crash…I’m told,” I said honestly. He pursed his lips, nodding. For someone who never shut up, he didn’t ask questions about what I said.

  “Heart attack,” he said. He stood up and sat on the end of the bed, closer to me. “I hope your dad was better than mine.”

  I laughed without humor. “I hope he wasn’t,” I said.

  Without saying a word, everything between us was understood. His past, my attitude, our issues; it was all out in the open. We both tried to hide it, but there was always that one person as broken as you who understood.

  The sins of a father were passed down from every generation. The reminder of his life slammed into me like barbed wire, cutting open wounds I thought I’d closed. Each time I forgot; it was triggered; the festering wounds ripped open again. The sins of my father never went away. I was torn from my thoughts when I realized Liam was watching me intently, like he was trying to see inside my mind.

  “I guess the mystery is solved,” he said, staring at me like he’d solved a Rubik’s Cube.

  “What mystery?”

  “Why I’m so attached to you. I make up reasons to be around you, I bug the shit out of you just to get your attention,” he said, chuckling. Then he looked away from me. I was thankful for the dim lights. My face was redder than my hair.

  “What’s your conclusion?”

  He shook his head in disbelief. “Fucked-up people need each other.”

  I pushed all thoughts to the back burner, letting that statement simmer front and center. I had never been blunt, but in times like these I wished I was. I wished I could ask him what the hell he meant by that, and what he planned to do with it. But I didn’t say anything. I accepted it for what it is; a cloud of smoke above me, fogging my thoughts even more.

  We sat beside each other, not speaking. He grabbed a remote and turned on a large flat screen in front of us mounted to the wall.

  “What’s your favorite show?” he asked, leaving our conversation floating in the air above us.

  “I don’t really watch a lot of TV. We didn’t have cable…I like movies though.”

  “And reading,” he said, smirking at me.

  “And Netflix, recently.”

  “What are you watching on there?”

  I bit my lip, chewing anxiously. I hadn’t told anyone about my recent obsession with drug lords and criminal masterminds. Something about Liam made me feel like he wouldn’t judge me too harshly after our talk.

  “Some documentaries…and I’m pretty addicted to Dexter,” I said, peeking over at him.

  He smiled a beautiful smile. “Oh, yeah? If you like that kind of stuff, I’ll make you a list of shows you’ll love.”

  “Deal,” I said, grinning back. My cheeks were burning with all the clichéd giddiness. “I have a question.”

  “I have an answer,” he quipped.

  “Why are you up here? The party is downstairs.”

  “I hate parties,” he said, not elaborating.

  “You and me both,” I said. We had more things in common than I’d originally thought.

  “Then why have I run into you at two parties…at my house?” He watched me quizzically.

  “Why do you sneak me into your bedroom every time?” I cocked my brow, daring him to ask another question like that.

  “Touché,” he laughed.

  “I’m asked to come…I don’t do it on my own,” I said, and he was quiet for a moment. “Were you always this way?” I asked, pushing my limits.

  He shook his head once. “I’ve changed.”

  “Why?”

  “Ask me again in a few months.” I let that float around in my mind. First, why did he assume I would be around then? And what the hell was he waiting for?

  “Okay.”

  “I haven’t figured that out yet,” he said honestly.

  The rawness in his answer left me speechless. My head was fuzzy as I tried to figure him out. He was searching for something, and part of him hoped I could help. My eyes are zoned in on my hands in my lap.

  I glanced at him. I shouldn’t have done that. I never realized he had such kiss me lips. His eyes watched mine, waiting for me to make a move. He leaned in slightly, but I stayed put. His sights were set on my lips. Mine were on his eyes. I aged ten years by the time he looked up at me. One look was all it took. I leaned in, almost closing the gap between us.

  There was a loud knock on the door, followed by it slowly creaking open. Gabby came in, shielding her eyes.

  Shit. What was I doing?

  “Is everyone decent?” she asked. I’d never been so glad to see her. I couldn’t do this. I barely knew him.

  “Yes!” I laughed at her antics. I stood, trying to not look guilty, and pulled her hands from her face. Tyler came in behind her. My eyes bounced between the two of them with curiosity.

  “Are you ready?” she asked. I tried to hide the disappointment on my face.

  “Whenever you are,” I said.

  “It’s way too packed now. I want to get out before there’s trouble,” she said. I nodded, knowing what she meant. Cops, fighting, and drama usually happened at these parties, and we wanted no part of them. Although, I probably just added to the drama in my life. I looked at Liam. He looked…strange. He was probably drunk. I bet he would forget about it by tomorrow.

  “See you tomorrow,” Tyler said, looking at Gabby. He walked off and was replaced with a curious Liam. His face was lit with hope as he looked between the two.

  “What are you guys doing tomorrow?” he asked.

  “Just having lunch,” she said, a blush creeping up her face.

  “Mind if we join. If Autumn wants to…” He looked at me, willing me to say yes.

  “A deal is a deal,” I said.

  “You’re right. I stick to my word.” His eyes said much more than his words. He was very aware of what just happened.

  “Good,” I huffed, annoyed that he was so smug at his answer. Like he thought I would come running back, begging him to hang out with me.

  “What’s your deal?” Gabby asked. Her eyes bounced between Liam and me.

  “I’ll tutor him if he’ll leave me alone,” I said, and Liam frowned.

  “Wow Autumn, that’s kind of rude,” she said. I must admit, as soon that left my mouth it sounded worse than what it is.

  “At the time, he was bothering me.” I tried to defend myself but, honestly, I sounded like a bitch. There was no explaining myself this time. Well, there was a perfe
ctly good explanation. But I couldn’t explain to them that I couldn’t have people getting too close to me, and Liam was on the fast track to doing that. It was the only way I could keep him at arm’s length.

  “At the time?” Liam asked. His eyes were lit with amusement.

  “You know what I mean.” I rolled my eyes.

  “For now. You’ll change your mind,” he said. He was always so confident in front of people.

  He smirked at me, not saying another word. Part of me wanted to say yes; the logical part knew I did the right thing. The last thing I needed was to fall face first into a world of more drama. It was clear we both had issues we needed to work on.

  I followed Gabby out to her car, listening to her chatter about Tyler. I didn’t hear anything she said. My head was completely fuzzy from the almost incident I had with Liam. I must pretend like it never happened.

  “I didn’t really know him in high school, but I’ve never actually seen Liam hang out with the same girl more than once,” she said.

  “I’m sure he did,” I said, rolling my eyes.

  “That’s not what Tyler said.”

  “You did not talk about us!” I was stunned. My jaw hung open, waiting for her to explain.

  “Look, I didn’t bring it up. He just asked about you,” she said, trying to calm me down.

  “Sorry…I overreacted,” I mumbled.

  “I’m just saying we both see something happening there.”

  “Well, that makes two of you. Liam and I are just friends,” I said matter-of-factly.

  She looked at me for a second, studying me. “Okay, Autumn. I won’t bring it up again.”

  She pulled up to the dorm, and I hesitated. I shouldn’t have overreacted, and I wanted to apologize for the millionth time, but she was smiling when I turned.

  “I’ll tell you everything after our date!” she said. She had already forgotten about Liam. I forced a tight smile at her, wishing I were like her, craving normalcy.

  “I can’t wait to hear everything,” I said before walking to the dorm. But my mind was a thousand miles away, bouncing between my past and this gray-eyed boy who thought he needed me.

  Fifteen

  I have regretted many things in my life, one being the time I told Autumn I would leave her alone if she tutored me. She wanted me. I could tell Saturday night. Her wall was crumbling. For whatever reason, she was letting me in.

  Outside, the rain is thick and pounding the roof above me. I left campus immediately after English, completely over the shit today. I didn’t care about missing classes occasionally. The truth was I was smarter than most people thought. Sure, I stayed drunk the entire first semester of my freshman year, but that didn’t make me dumb. I got those days out of my system. Autumn didn’t know that though. She didn’t need to know I could have a perfect 4.0 if I tried; she would stop tutoring me immediately.

  The rain gave me an idea. Before I could talk myself out of it, my fingers were sweeping across my screen.

  Me: Let’s move our session indoor today

  Autumn: Good idea. Inside the coffee shop?

  I chuckled, knowing that was the last place I wanted to be with her right now.

  Me: My place.

  Autumn: It’s too loud

  Me: It’s just me.

  There was a long pause before she started typing again. I could almost feel the wheels turning in her head from miles away. If she agreed, I would know I had some sort of an effect on her.

  Autumn: Fine.

  Twenty minutes later I was pacing in the living room, waiting. When I heard a car pull up, I peeked outside, finding a Nissan Altima in the driveway. I sat on the couch, turned on the TV, and pretended like I hadn’t been pacing like a caged animal.

  There was a knock at the door. “Come in!” I yelled.

  Autumn breezed through the entry, her mind a million miles from here. Her hair was slicked back in a high ponytail, and she was dressed in those tight stretchy pants girls wear and a plain shirt. I briefly wondered if she worked out or if she hated wearing real clothes like all the other girls on campus. That thought made me frown; not under any circumstances should this girl be compared to another. She slammed her notebook onto the table. Turning to face me, she smiled before looking beyond me.

  “What are you doing?” she asked, eyeing me.

  “Just watching TV, waiting for you.”

  Her right brow cocked. “Where’s your paper?”

  “Upstairs.”

  “Why?” Her face scrunched with confusion. She had the most expressive face on the planet, and I loved watching it.

  “What if someone comes in? I don’t want to be interrupted,” I said. I loved toying with her.

  “I thought we were studying.” Her tone was full of questions as she stared at me. I couldn’t help that my mouth curved into a grin. I moved from the couch, stepping near her. I was so close I heard her breathing hitch.

  “Unless you had something else on your mind.”

  She shook her head, determined. “No, definitely not.”

  With a cocky grin, I walked up the stairs. I turned, finding her standing in the same place I left her. Her cheeks were pooled with heat, and I couldn’t decide if she was truly the shy type or if I’d influenced her embarrassment. Surely, after Saturday, I had some effect.

  “What are you waiting for?” I asked. She snapped out of her thoughts and followed me up to my bedroom.

  “Where’s your paper?” she asked once we were inside my room.

  I grabbed the two sheets off the top of the desk and handed them to her anxiously. I’d turned in dozens of papers to teachers over the years, but never to a girl like this. A girl who was so passionate about interpretation of stories. A part of me was terrified to let her pick apart my brain.

  She sat on the bed; her brow furrowed. Trying to take my mind off my nerves, I studied her. You could learn a lot about a person if you watched them without them knowing. For instance, she dragged her bottom lip through her teeth when she was thinking. Her brows ranged from soft to serious, depending on the tone of the paragraph. She let a small laugh escape as she handed them back to me.

  “I have to admit, I didn’t think you were serious about that topic,” she said.

  “But?” My heart was trying to fight its way out of my body.

  “It’s actually good. Damn good. You were right about before. Everyone will write about greed and they’ll write about the love they think was involved…nobody will write about how harmful indecisive people can be to society,” she said. Her laughter is back. “The comparisons were great, by the way.”

  “Maybe the professor will see it that way,” I said, shrugging my shoulders. I dropped the papers on the table, taking a seat next to her.

  “She doesn’t have a personality if she doesn’t love it. You took your strengths and used them for the better. Good job.”

  “What are my strengths?”

  “Your humor,” she said, not elaborating.

  “Is that all?” I asked, and she gave me a pointed look.

  “I’m afraid to give you too many compliments. Your head may explode.”

  I shook my head, disagreeing with her. “There’s something about you that brings me back down to earth.”

  “Maybe because I’m a smartass? My dad always told me I was one,” she said, trying to force a smile. I wanted to hunt her dad down and beat his ass for that. In that moment, I knew he was the reason for her wall.

  “Maybe so,” I clipped.

  We both laughed for a short second. Tension filled the air again. There was really no need for her to stay after reading my paper, but I hoped she wouldn’t see it like that. Hell, there was no reason for her to be here at all. I didn’t need the help; I wanted her company.

  “I guess that’s everything we needed to talk about. Surprisingly, I don’t think you need to change anything in your paper,” she said. For a minute I thought she was going to leave, but she stayed in the same position.

  �
��What are your plans tonight?” I asked, not letting any opportunity slip past me with this girl.

  “You love putting me on the spot.” Her mouth lifted at a corner. She tried hard to mask her smile.

  “If it keeps you around, I’ll do it all the time,” I said. That earned me an eye roll. “So?”

  “I’m off…I have nothing to do except watch Netflix alone.” She laughed.

  “We can do that here. Do you want to order a pizza?” I asked, hoping she wouldn’t back out now. She chewed on her bottom lip a little, and then looked up at me.

  “You found my weakness,” she said.

  “Me?”

  “Um, nice try,” she said, but the blush that crept under her skin didn’t go unnoticed.

  “What do you want on yours?” I asked her as I reached for my phone.

  “Just pepperoni.”

  Thirty minutes after I called in the pizzas, I entered my room with the boxes and a bottle of wine in my hand. Girls like this kind of shit. Autumn’s eyes lit with excitement as I put her small box in front of her. I poured two glasses and handed her one.

  I couldn’t hide my grin. She sat on my bed in yoga pants, watching Netflix, grinning like a kid on Christmas at pizza. She wasn’t interested in going out or what she ate or trying to impress anyone. She simply was who she was. This was when you knew you had found a special girl.

  “Thanks. This looks amazing,” she said, opening the box.

  “Pops. Best place in town.” I took my place beside her, not wasting any time. I grabbed the remote, pulling up Netflix. “What episode were you on? I know you’re dying to watch it.”

  With a small laugh, she wiped her mouth with a napkin. “Season four, episode eleven.”

  I gritted my teeth, thinking back to that season of Dexter. “I don’t want to watch this season with you.”

  Her eyes grew wide. “Why? He cannot get caught! There’s still, like, four more seasons left.”

  “He doesn’t get caught. You’ll freak, though,” I said, and she pressed her lips together.

  “Way to spoil things.”

  “I didn’t spoil anything. I was just warning you,” I said, shrugging my shoulders.

  “Well, whatever you want to call it, thanks.” I didn’t miss her sarcasm. She tilted her glass back, drinking the entire glass while the opening credits came on the screen. I poured her another glass. She thanked me with a smile.