Fearless

by Tawdra Kandle

  I was up early again the next day. When I opened my eyes, I had a delicious sense of anticipation—remembering that something good was going to happen but not quite grasping what it was.

  “Oh!” I sat straight up in bed. Today was park day, when Michael and I would have an entire three hours of uninterrupted time together without worrying about classes or other people. A wave of pure joy washed over me, and I jumped up onto my feet, turned on my music and dashed into my closet. I looked around for a minute before I ran back out and clicked on the computer to check the day’s weather. What I saw their inspired a little impromptu dance: sunshine, temps in the mid-eighties and virtually no chance of rain. That meant I could definitely wear the sweet little sundress I had been considering.

  Even though I took much more time than usual with my primping, I was ready early. My mother had made pancakes, and I managed to eat one and drink a glass of juice before my stomach refused any more.

  When I saw the Mustang turn onto our street, I called a goodbye to my mother, promising once again that I would be home by dinnertime. And then I was out the door.

  “Good morning!” I fairly sang as I met Michael at the car.

  He was grinning and looking at me with undisguised admiration. He whistled low.

  “Wow.”

  I stifled the urge to laugh and twirl around to further show off. “Is ‘wow’ good?” I questioned teasingly.

  “Wow is… very good.”

  “Well, I do try to dress decently every once in a while.”

  “It’s not the dress—not totally, anyway. It’s you. You look—” he paused and scrutinized me. “All lit up, kind of.” He helped me into the car, and his eyes were still warm when he climbed into his seat.

  “I do like the dress, too,” he added.

  I laughed. “Thanks. It’s a beautiful day and… I’m happy.” It was true, I realized as I said it.

  Michael smiled at me so brilliantly that I felt my heart leap into my throat before it broke into an unsteady rhythm.

  “I’m very glad that you’re happy. I’m happy, too.” He glanced at me slyly as we turned the corner. “The park should be nice today.”

  “Where exactly is Lancer Park?” I asked. “My dad seemed to know what I was talking about when I told him where we were going. I know you said it was right outside town.”

  “Yup, right on the Lancer Lake,” Michael answered.

  “The lake? Where the alligators and the aggressive water moccasins live?” I wasn’t going to let a little thing like death-threatening creatures spoil my good mood, but it was wise to be prepared.

  “I promise, no harm will befall you. People go to this lake every day, Tas. No one has ever been attacked by wildlife. At least no one in my lifetime…” He raised his eyebrows and looked at me meaningfully.

  “Thanks,” I said. “But guess what? I am not going to think about that. I am in much too good a mood to think about creatures who are waiting to eat me at the park.”

  “Water moccasins don’t eat you. They just bite you.”

  I rolled my eyes at him. “Whatever. Not thinking about it. Not thinking about Nell either. Only happy thoughts today!”

  We pulled into the parking lot, and as we walked toward the school, Michael looked thoughtful. “How about we eat outside today?”

  “Really? Outside in the heat?”

  “It’s not that hot today, and hardly humid at all. And that way we can talk in private without having to be social with everyone else.”

  I frowned slightly. “I thought we were going to the lake to talk privately.”

  “We are. But at the lake, I want to hear about you. I was thinking that in order for you to be honest with me, I need to explain some stuff about me. I told you yesterday that there’s more we need to talk about. So that’s the agenda for lunch today.” He looked determined, and for the first time, my happy mood faltered a bit.

  “Is this stuff you’re going to explain good or bad?” I asked cautiously.

  He smiled at me, assuring. “I think it’s good, but you’ll have to be the judge of that, after you hear it. It’s nothing that big, just me getting some things out there that I think you need to know. Okay?”

  I took a deep breath. “Okay. So we’re eating outside. Sounds like a plan.”

  “I’ll go ahead and get a table, since I always get to lunch before you. Oh, and don’t worry about getting any food, I’ll get your lunch along with mine.”

  “Meaning there’ll be enough for a small army?”

  He assumed an innocent face. “I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

  I think I floated through that morning. French was a pleasure, one of those classes where it seemed I could do nothing wrong. I translated a passage from our book, reading it aloud, and the teacher actually complimented me on my accent. She passed back homework we had turned in the day before, and I had earned a perfect grade. It was gratifying to feel that I was finding my rhythm in a few classes, at least.

  And then on my way to Chem, one of the girls from the lunch table, Anne, called my name and greeted me with a warm smile.

  “I love your dress! It’s so pretty. I could never wear it, but it looks wonderful on you.” Anne was several inches shorter than I was and curvy in all the right places.

  “Thank you,” I replied, sincerely flattered by her words.

  “See you at lunch today?” she asked.

  I hesitated. “I think—Michael said something about eating outside today.”

  She smiled knowingly at me. “He wants you all to himself and doesn’t want to share! Well, I guess we’ll let him go for today, but you make sure he doesn’t hog you all the time. I enjoyed talking with you yesterday.”

  More happy warmth spread through me. “I enjoyed it, too,” I told Anne. “I’m sure I’ll see you at lunch tomorrow.”

  “Okay!” She slipped past me with a quick wave and smile as I continued on to class.

  I was so far into my happy place that I didn’t even spare Nell and company a glance when I entered the chemistry classroom. I put my books down on the table and then walked to the front of the room to hand in my missed lab assignment worksheet. Ms. Lacusta took it absently from my hand; she seemed absorbed in something else on her desk, and I was happy to slip away without more interaction.

  When I returned to my seat, though, my books were no longer piled neatly on the table; they were spread open and face down all over the floor in the aisle. I hadn’t heard a sound, so I assumed the three girls had worked together to quietly and quickly displace them.

  Immediately I gathered the books and put them back on the table, taking my seat. Nell was turned sideways in her own chair, and in striking contrast to the previous days, she was staring insolently at me.

  “All dressed up today, aren’t we?” she mused. “What’s the occasion?”

  I was determined to keep things as peaceful as I could, and I answered her coolly but calmly.

  “Nothing special. Just a pretty day. Oh, and I saw on the schedule that there’s no lab today, so I decided I was safe from having chemicals thrown at me.”

  Nell rolled her eyes. “Oh, isn’t she dramatic!” she exclaimed, addressing Liza and Casey. She turned back to me. “No one threw anything at you. Your own clumsiness is what got you wet. Isn’t that what you told Ms. Lacusta? And if you had just taken my advice and dropped this class, maybe even that wouldn’t have happened.”

  A day earlier, Nell’s words would have crushed me or at least angered me beyond the ability to reply, but in my current near-euphoric state of mind, I found I was able to respond.

  “We all know what happened here, Nell. You can think whatever you like, but the next time you want to get nasty during a lab, I’m taking you down with me. Literally.”

  Nell’s eyes flared at me, and she opened her mouth to say something, but at that moment, Ms. Lacusta began lecturing. With one final glare, she turned around. The atmosphere around us was tense, and I could feel the antipathy
pouring off Nell.

  Actually, I was amazed at myself. I had no idea where those words had come from. I never stood up to anybody. For that matter, I had never been in a position where I needed to stand up to anybody. But somehow the words had come, and it dawned on me that I had just threatened a girl who seemed to be a fairly powerful force in my new school’s social system.

  And she wasn’t going to let it go. From the bits of loathsome feeling and waves of hate I was picking up, I knew that Nell was not one of those bullies who would back down when someone stood up to her. No, she was more like a black widow spider that would strike with deadly accuracy when I least expected it. I was going to have to watch my back.