Lovely Monster

by Shaylee Europe

  I did feel special, and I felt amazing, and important because she had chose me to talk to. She had sat down beside me, and she had spilled her heart and soul to me, and had waited for me to judge her, or hate her.

  Honors like that weren't bought. They were earned.

  I wanted to be able to do the same thing. A part of me wanted to tell her everything I was feeling, and wait for her response. It was the same part that wanted to tell her why I didn't allow Ava to have any pictures of me in the house, or tell her how I felt about my mother burning me.

  Just to explain why I felt the way I did would be enough for her. Julie would listen, I knew she would, and she wouldn't judge. She would offer a shoulder to cry on, and she would care.

  I couldn't do it. . . Not yet. I didn't have the strength she had to be vulnerable. I wasn't able to open up to anyone.

  But when I was ready, Julie would be who I ran to.

  Julie pointed her gun at me, and narrowed her eyes. “I'm about to shoot you, sir,” she told me.

  I turned toward her, but kept my gun pointed at the screen. “You shoot me, ma'am, and one of those innocent ducks die,” I warned her, holding my finger against the trigger.

  Julie looked to the screen, and then back to me with mocked concern. “But my daddy said I had to. He said you were a bad man, and you would ravish me if I didn't shoot you,” she said, her voice tinged with a western accent. I'm talking old western.

  I shook my head slowly with a shrug. “Your daddy might be right, little lady. You'll just have to decide if you want to kill that innocent duck, or be ravished,” I told her, matching her accent.

  She placed one hand over her chest, and breathed in dramatically. It was hard not to laugh at her display of acting. She was both adorable, and completely stupid.

  She dropped her gun, and came to me, placing her hands against my chest the way Vivian Leigh would have done Clark Gable. Her green eyes were exploring mine, her words breathless.

  “Ravish me, you brute. Just, don't harm the duckies,” she pleaded, shaking her head.

  I placed my hands at the small of her back, pulling her into me. I saw the acting disappear, and the real, pure Julie return. I saw her not smiling, but not angry.

  I saw want in her eyes, and I saw yearning. I had never seen a girl look at me that way, and it brought forth a nervous ball in my stomach. My hands felt like lead as they held her, as she looked at me and begged me to make a move.

  Making a move might have happened, if we hadn't heard Liam. I had found myself leaning down, watching her lips part and her eyes close as we came so close.

  “You're not exactly a beauty queen yourself, you know,” Liam said, and both Julie and I turned to see Liam walking toward two guys at another game.

  I released Julie as she watched him. I still felt her tense as she seem to realize something before I did. “Oh God, please no,” she said desperately, and she moved from me quickly.

  I didn't know what was going on, only that Liam looked ready to fight, and the two guys he was walking toward looked like they would be happy to help Liam out with that mission.

  “What is your problem?” one of the guys asked Liam.

  Liam got close to them, pointing his finger out toward our direction. “You are my problem. Why don't you keep your stupid jokes to yourself and leave well enough alone,” he told them.

  They had been talking about me.

  I walked quicker.

  “Maybe you shouldn't be listening in on people's conversations,” the other guy said, pushing Liam in the chest. I saw Liam throw his fist back, ready to punch the guy in the face, but Julie came between him.

  “They didn't say anything to us, Liam. They were talking to each other,” she told him.

  “I don't care. They were still talking about you and Falon,” he told her, glaring at the guys.

  They had been talking to each other, I realized. Liam had read what they were saying, and now, they looked ready to kill each other.

  “You should tell your friend to mind his own business,” one of the guys popped up.

  I had to push through a couple of kids. They were the ones that had realized that a fight might be about to go down, and they didn't want to miss any of the action.

  “My brother is deaf! So why don't you mind your own business and leave us alone,” she told them, still holding to Liam when the guy grabbed her by the shoulders and spun her toward them.

  “Get your hands off her!” Liam yelled, and started to lunge at the guy when his friend grabbed him and tossed him to the floor. I could just barely see them fighting.

  “I don't think we asked you for your opinion,” the guy told Julie. I fought my way through the crowd, trying my best to get to Julie and Liam, knowing they needed me.

  “I don't think I asked for your permission,” she bit back, and I heard the guy grunt. Then the crowd gasped as I broke through. I saw Julie on the ground, and the guy standing over her, holding his crotch.

  After the first punch, I blacked out.

  ♥

  I only remembered looking down at my knuckles. They were puffy, and discoloring. I looked to the two guys on the ground, blood from their noses, and eyes swollen, lips busted, and somehow I connected the pieces that I must have done it.

  My attention was to Julie in a moment. She was still on the ground, leaning against one of the game machines. I dropped to my knees in front of her, staring at the soft purple spreading across her cheek bone. It boiled the anger inside me all over again.

  “Are you okay?” I asked her, my mouth feeling dry. “Did I hurt you?” I asked.

  Julie was somewhere between scared and shocked as her eyes finally met mine. She was taking in slow breaths. Everything felt as if it had stopped, and there was only her and the silence between us.

  “I'm okay,” she said softly. She didn't answer my question about whether I had hurt her, and that sent terrible shocks through my body. If I hurt her, I didn't know if I could handle it.

  “All of you are a bunch of freaks!” one of the guys yelled at us as Julie held to my shoulders and we stood. I could feel her trembling as she got to her feet, but I knew it was anger.

  “You might want to learn when to shut up before you get your butt handed on a plate again,” Liam said behind us. I looked at him, and he had a busted lip, and maybe some bruising, but mostly, he looked fine.

  Julie looked at him, steadying herself away from me. I couldn't help but feel the rejection. Only minutes ago, I had been holding her, and leaning down to kiss her, and now, she was moving away from me.

  “Let's just go, Liam,” Julie told him, and I watched as she grabbed to his arm and started toward the exit.

  The guys were getting up, but I turned to follow Julie and Liam. I only wanted to get out of the arcade, and go home without hurting anyone else. I just wanted to apologize to Julie, and make everything better between us.

  “Don't come back to our arcade, freak!” one yelled.

  Julie stopped abruptly, and she pushed past me and bee-lined for the guy. I stopped too and went after her, but she had already punched the guy in the face.

  “That freak wiped the floor with you. Just remember that,” she told him, and I thought she might let him have it again.

  I saw him about to swing at her, and I quickly encircled my arms around her small waist and hurled her back, heading toward the door with her, despite her kicking and struggling.

  “Let me go, Falon! If he has the balls to hit me then let him!” she yelled at me. It was a struggle to keep her in my arms as we walked out of the arcade, but I managed to do so.

  “Don't come back again. Do you hear me Liam? I will call the police if you do,” an older man said to us as we passed.

  Liam held up his middle finger as he walked past me and out the door. “Goodbye to you too, Mr. Fogerty!” he called out behind him.

  I pushed Liam farther out the door with my arm, and kept Julie in my other. She had stopped fighting against me now, and simply
had her arms crossed to prove she was not happy about the arrangement.

  I didn't let her go until we got to Liam's car. Mostly because I was afraid she'd sprint for the door and start a fight again. A small part just didn't want to let her go.

  She felt too amazing in my arms.

  “I'm not a child,” she told me as we came to the car.

  I found myself smiling despite the entire situation. “And you're not my bodyguard either,” I told her. She didn't remark to the comment. I tried to stop my laugh. “Are you going to behave?” I asked.

  She looked at me, and I saw the urge cross her mind to hit me. I was glad she didn't, and instead, started to nod. I set her on the ground, and she straightened out her shirt as I did.

  Her mouth was rueful, and twisted as she made a distance between us and walked the rest of the way to the car. I couldn't help but feel the sting of her actions.

  I had really screwed up.

  She opened the door and waited for me to crawl into the back seat before getting in and closing the door. I watched her pull her seat belt over her and buckle it in. She didn't look in my direction.

  Liam got in, and started the car. I watched them both like a child in trouble. I was afraid to say anything, because they both seemed unwilling to talk about it.

  It wasn't until we got out of the parking lot that Liam asked where to. Julie told him to drive to the hospital.

  “Are you in pain?” he asked suddenly, and I even bolted forward to look at her. The look she gave us was one of aggravation and impatience.

  “I mean for both of you. Have you looked in the mirror?” she asked us both.

  I hadn't, but looking forward, I saw my face in the rear view mirror. My lip was busted, and my cheek bleeding. I looked even more gruesome than normal.

  Liam's eyes looked to the mirror, and then they rolled. “I'm fine. Still handsome. What about you, Falon?” he asked.

  I looked at him through the mirror so he could see my mouth. “I'm okay. Just drive me home,” I told him. He nodded and started that way.

  “Liam,” Julie started, but he stopped looking her way, which was just as good as ignoring her. If he couldn't see what she was saying, he couldn't answer.

  I admired his courage to do so, but wanted to kill him too. That meant her gaze shifted to me, and it was not at all pleased with our decision.

  “You need to go to the hospital. What is Ava going to think when you walk in looking like that?” she asked me.

  “Ava is use to looking at my ugly face, Julie.”

  If looks could kill, I would have died a very ugly death from Julie's glare. “I'm not joking. Ava is going to freak out when she sees that you got into a fight,” she told me.

  I smiled, raising my brows. “It'll be fine. We have a first aid kit at the house. Ava can doctor me and Liam up, and it'll all smooth over,” I said, trying to look easy.

  Julie closed her eyes in frustration, turning around in her seat again. She didn't look at me, or say anything else. I watched her staring out the window, shutting Liam and myself out of her little world.

  ♥

  Ava was home when we pulled into the yard. It wasn't much of a surprise, but Dr. Martsens car was there too.

  “Look, Julie! Who needs the hospital? We've got a doctor waiting for us,” Liam said excitedly to her as he turned to look at her.

  Julie glared at him and opened her door. She got out, and started toward the house. I hurried to get out behind her, and Liam and I walked into the house with her.

  “Ava!” I called, closing the door behind me. I looked to Liam and Julie. “I'll get the first aid kit,” I told them, but looked to Julie as I said it. She averted her eyes away, and I felt the tinge of despair again.

  I walked into the kitchen and started looking through the drawers for the kit. I had no idea where Ava kept anything. I never needed the first aid kit, so there was never any reason to learn where it was.

  “Hey, Fal- Oh my God, what happened?” she said, eying my face as I turned to look at her.

  I laughed slightly, shaking my head. “Where's the first aid kit?” I asked.

  “In my bathroom. What happened to your face?” she said, coming to me and laying her hand against my cheek.

  I turned away from her touch. “We got into a fight with some guys at the arcade. It's no big deal,” I said.

  “No big deal? Your cheek is bleeding! Is Liam and Julie here too?” she asked, but didn't give me time to answer as she went into the living room. I heard her gasp.

  I started to head to her bathroom, but Dr. Martsens came out with the first aid kit in his hand. He smiled toward me. “Someone need this?” he asked.

  Nodding, I gestured toward the living room. “Liam's in the living room,” I told him.

  “Looks like you could use it too,” he remarked.

  “I'm fine.”

  “Looks like it.”

  I ignored the dig and walked into the living room. Ava was standing in front of Julie, staring at her cheek with a grimace. “I think I might have some frozen peas for that. Your parents are going to be horrified,” she said, shaking her head.

  “I'm okay. They need the peas,” Julie said, refusing to look at me as she said it.

  Liam had his feet propped up on the coffee table, which Ava hated more than anything. He tilted his head back to look at her. “I want Ava to be my doctor,” he said with a grin.

  “I want your feet off my coffee table.”

  Liam smiled, taking them off. I couldn't help but smile as Dr. Martsens looked at Liam with a brow raised.

  “If I didn't know any better, I’d think you were trying to steal my woman,” he told Liam.

  “It's not stealing if she wants me bad enough,” he replied.

  “You're incorrigible,” Ava said with a laugh, coming to the couch beside him with a wet rag and the bag of peas. She tossed those to Julie, who held them noncommittally in her hand.

  “So I've been told. Maybe you should make me corrigible,” he teased her. Ava and Dr. Marstens laughed at him.

  I kept my eyes on Julie, who looked close to breaking down. I knew it was mostly because of me, and the bruise on her cheek only added to that pain.

  “Julie?” I asked. She looked to me, her face cool and closed. My mouth felt dry. “Would you be my doctor until they get done with Mr. Suave over here?” I asked.

  She nodded, and broke our gaze. She came around the couch and followed me into the kitchen, grabbing the tube of ointment and a gauze and tape.

  I sat down at the table, and Julie grabbed a rag from the counter and dampened it. She brought the stuff to the table and pulled her chair out to move it closer to mine.

  I watched her face as she brought the wet rag to my cheek. She pressed it gently, and started cleaning the blood. I winced, and she hesitated a moment before coming back even gentler.

  “I'm sorry,” I told her, realizing she wasn't about to start talking to me anytime soon. She looked just as happy to remain silent about everything, and I desperately wanted to talk about it.

  “Why are you sorry?” she asked, but her expression gave nothing to her going soft, or being compassionate.

  Not that she needed to be. I had hurt her. I didn't need compassion. I needed redemption.

  “For hurting you. I didn't hit you too hard, did I? I did-”

  “Hit me?” she said quickly, stopping to stare at my face. Her bottle green eyes looked confused. “You didn't touch me, Falon.”

  I sank farther into my chair, but everything seemed blurry when I tried to remember it. I couldn't bring anything to the surface, except looking down and seeing the guys on the floor, and that frightened expression on Julie's face.

  “You don't remember what happened?” she asked, folding her hands in her lap.

  I shook my head. “Everything seems like it just moved in fast forward. I remember hitting one of them, and then staring at you, and the bruise on your cheek,” I told her.

  Julie sighed, closing her e
yes as she leaned her head down. “You didn't hit me, Falon. That jerk hit me, and you came to my side. You. . .” she stopped, and I noticed her voice sounded choked.

  Obviously, she wasn't talking to me because of how I had handled the situation. I had scared her, and that made me feel just as bad as I had when I thought I had hit her.

  “I proved how much of a monster I really am,” I muttered.

  Julie's head snapped up, and her hands quickly enveloped mine. Her eyes were wide with refusal. “No, you didn't. You protected me, and Liam. You kept us safe, and that's all that matters,” she told me.

  “Then why are so angry at me?”

  She laughed slightly, shaking her head. “I'm not angry with you. I'm angry at the situation,” she told me, releasing my hands to pick up the rag again. She finished cleaning my wound as she talked. “You shouldn't have been put in a position to fight. We should have been able to go to the arcade and have a great day, and not be talked about when our backs are turned,” she replied.

  “Comes with the face, Julie,” I told her with a smile.

  She wasn't amused. “Those guys talking about you didn't have anything to do with the way you looked. They were talking about me too, and Liam, and anyone else that is damaged goods. The normal talk about us so they can make themselves feel better because really they're more damaged than we are,” she said.

  I smiled. The determination in her words was hard to miss. She was convinced of what she was saying, and she held that fire in her voice and eyes that I was growing to love.

  “I hate to tell you, but you are far from damaged goods,” I told her.

  Julie gave me a sad smile. “Thanks, but I'm just as damaged as you or Liam, or any of those kids at the hospital. My damage is just harder to see,” she replied.

  A part of me knew it was true. She carried her damages inside, and you had to look hard to see them, but they were there, just below the surface of her beautiful face.

  She moved to my mouth, and I looked at the ceiling. The touch of her fingers against my lips was enough to bring back that earlier memory. Thinking of how close I had been to kissing her, or how close her body had been next to mine.