I can’t make any sense of what happened.
Unable to stay away from him, I stand outside his room. I’m trying to build up enough courage to go inside.
I want to see him before I go back to Trinity. My parents wanted me to go home, but I don’t want to fall behind with my studies. Also, staying close to my friends helps ease the heartache a little.
I take a fortifying breath and then push the door open. When I walk into the room, Noah’s eyes dart to me from where he’s sitting next to Kao’s bed.
Noah looks so tired.
I move closer, and my gaze shifts to Kao.
“He’s sleeping,” Noah whispers. “We had a rough night.”
Instantly a lump forms in my throat. I stop on the other side of the bed, and my eyes slowly caress every inch of Kao. Staring at his beautiful face, the sting from the cruel words lessen.
For a deceitful moment, it almost feels normal. Like Kao and I haven’t been torn apart.
Not able to stop myself, I lean over him, and I press my lips to his cheek. I take a deep breath of his scent.
God, I love him so much. Please let him come back to me.
All I want to do is lie down beside him and hold him until we’re both healed. I want to pretend there isn’t a gaping hole between us.
Instead, I have to force myself to pull back.
When I see the hard lines around his mouth, I know he’s awake. The relaxed look is gone and replaced with anger.
I shake my head, not able to accept what’s happening between Kao and me.
We are stronger than this. We were inseparable. We love each other.
Don’t we?
I’ve never actually said the words to Kao, but I’m sure he knows how I feel about him. There’s never been anyone but him.
“Kao,” I whisper, the hopelessness I feel shimmering in my voice, “how do you feel?”
His eyes slowly open, and all the warmth I used to bathe in is gone and replaced with an icy expression. “I’d feel a hell of a lot better if you’d leave.”
His words hit like a physical blow, and I stumble a step backward.
Noah gets up and walking to me, he comes to place an arm around my waist. “Come, Fallon.” His voice is the opposite of Kao’s, filled with compassion.
I let Noah pull me out of the room, trapped in a world of confusion and heartache.
Noah walks me back to my room before he says, “Just give him time.”
I shake my head as I face Kao’s best friend. “Will that really help? It’s like he’s a stranger.”
Noah’s features soften as he moves his hand to my shoulder, giving it a squeeze. “He’s angry because you got hurt.”
My eyes lock on Noah’s. “It doesn’t feel like it. I heard the revulsion in his voice.”
“Because of what happened,” Noah argues. “Kao blames himself.”
“Did he tell you that?” I ask, hopeful that it could really be the reason.
Maybe it’s not because he’s repulsed by me?
Noah gives my shoulder another squeeze. “He didn’t have to tell me. I know him better than anyone. I’m sure that’s the reason. As soon as the shock wears off and he gets the transplant, he’ll be back to normal.”
My eyes widen as more hope pours into me. “Did he agree to the surgery?”
Frustration flits over Noah’s face, giving me my answer before he mutters, “Not yet. I’m working on changing his mind.”
I shake my head, helplessness dimming the little hope I had. “I don’t understand why he won’t have the transplant.”
“He’s just angry right now,” Noah explains.
“I wish he’d let me be there for him,” I admit.
“Don’t take it personally, Fallon.” Noah lets out a tired sigh. “He’s trying to push me away as well.”
My hermit.
The thought makes the corner of my mouth lift slightly.
“Are you going back to campus today?” Noah asks.
I nod. “Yeah, Hunter and Hana are coming to get me. They should be here soon.”
“I’ll see you back at the dorm then.”
Noah begins to walk to the door, and it has me saying, “Noah.” He glances at me from over his shoulder. “Thank you.”
The corners of his mouth lift slightly before he leaves my room.
To keep busy, I make sure I’ve packed everything. Knowing I’m going back to Trinity, I walk to the bathroom as I untie my hair. While I brush it, so half is hanging over the right side of my face, my eyes go over the bandages.
I still haven’t seen what the cuts look like. The doctor said I have to keep the dressings on until the stitches come out. I’m allowed to shower and clean the cuts daily.
The thought of having to take care of the wounds myself makes my chest fill with apprehension.
Movement from the room has me sucking in a deep breath before I walk out of the bathroom to greet Hunter and Hana.
“Are you ready?” Hunter asks, his eyes falling on the bag next to the bed.
“Yeah.”
Hana’s gaze locks on me, and then worry makes her frown. “Did something happen?”
“I went to see Kao,” I mutter. “He wasn’t too happy about it.”
Hunter lets out a deep breath. “Yeah, he’s distant with all of us.”
I pick up my sweater from the bed and shrug it on. “Noah said Kao’s angry and even trying to push him away.”
“I’m sure once he gets the surgery and can see again, he’ll be back to his usual self,” Hana says.
Hunter grabs my overnight bag. “Yeah, honestly, I’d be out of my mind if I were blind. We have to put ourselves in his shoes.”
“I just wish he’d let me help him,” I say as we walk out into the hallway. Nearing Kao’s room, my pace slows, and I’m overwhelmed with the urge to go to him.
I hate leaving him here.
“Give me a second,” I say, and then I push the door open and steeling myself for Kao’s anger, I walk to the side of his bed and leaning over him, I press a kiss to his cheek. Straightening up, I say, “I’m going home, but I’ll come to visit. Noah can call me if you need me to bring anything for you.”
“Don’t bother,” Kao says, the words sounding tight.
Ignoring Kao, I glance at Noah. “Are you staying the whole day?”
Noah gives me a grin. “Yeah.”
“Want me to bring you something to eat tonight?”
“A burger would be awesome.”
“Should’ve known he won’t miss out on a chance for junk food,” Hunter jokes.
I even manage to smile a little. “With bacon and cheese?”
“Extra cheese.”
I glance at Kao again. “Get some rest, Kao.” It’s on the tip of my tongue to tell him I love him, but I swallow the words back and hurry out of the room.
“Hope you feel better soon,” I hear Hana tell Kao before she joins me out in the hallway.
KAO
“I’ll come by with Jade a little later,” Hunter says.
Fuck, is the whole crowd here?
After a minute, Noah grumbles, “You can stop scowling. They’re all gone.”
I let out a tired breath and shut my eyes.
“It’s bullshit, though,” he keeps muttering. “I totally get you’re angry and frustrated, but you’re treating your family and friends like shit.” I hear a chair creak. “This has to stop. Go for the fucking surgery and put us all out of our misery.”
I clench my jaw until I hear a door shut. “Noah?” I only get silence as an answer and figure he probably left.
Tired of lying down, I shift into a sitting position. A weird sensation ripples over me as if I’m not alone. I turn my face to the right, and a frown starts to form. “Who’s there?”
I can feel the air move. “It’s me,” Jase answers.
Fuck.
“Why won’t you go for the surgery?”
I suck in another breath and shake my head. I seriously don’t
have the strength to take on Jase. The second he finds out I’m refusing because I don’t want to see what I did to Fallon, he’ll lose his shit.
“There’s no guarantee it will work,” I go with the safer option. It’s not a lie. There’s no guarantee I’ll ever see again.
Just thinking about it makes the air rip from my lungs as the blow hits for what feels like the millionth time.
“So? It’s worth the risk. It’s not like you can get anymore blind than you already are.” His words are harsh and cold, sending a shiver of anger rushing through me.
“For fuck sakes,” I grind the words out. “Just leave.”
Jase lets out a chuckle that sounds more like a warning. “And leave you to wallow in self-pity? Not a chance in hell.” I can feel him move closer. “Look, I understand it’s hard as fuck. It sucks that it happened, but you can’t let one accident define your whole life.”
“Fuck, Jase. Seriously?” I snap. “How the fuck do you understand? I don’t have much of a choice. This is my fucking life now.”
“It doesn’t have to be,” he argues. “Go for the surgery.”
I shake my head again as I let out a frustrated huff. “Leave it be.”
There’s a moment's silence, then Jase says, “I never took you for the kind to just give up.”
“Whatever,” I mumble, tired of having the same fight with every family member and friend coming through the fucking door.
“Yeah,” Jase mutters. “Whatever.” He moves like a damn ninja because I can’t hear shit until the door opens. “You’re breaking Mila and Fallon’s hearts. Keep going on this road of self-destruction, and I’ll be beating the shit out of you.”
I hear the door shut and scowl into the darkness. It’s easy for Jase to talk. He’s not the one who hurt Fallon. He isn’t blind.
I squeeze my eyes tightly shut.
Fuck. I’m going to lose everyone.
I hear the door again and start to shake my head, beyond frustrated and angry. “Can everyone just leave me alone!”
“Looks like he’s in a piss poor mood,” I hear Uncle Jax.
My body instantly tenses. Uncle Jax is the one person who might see through all of my bullshit. He dealt with my dad years ago when he almost died.
“You can say that again,” Dad mutters.
Fuck.
Both of them?
“Are you ganging up on me now?” I let out an empty sounding chuckle.
I feel them take a seat on either side at the foot of the bed, then Uncle Jax replies, “We’re here because we care.”
When I keep quiet, Dad says, “I wasn’t blind, but I’m pretty sure I know what you’re going through.”
I knew it was only a matter of time before we had this talk. Truth be told, I dreaded it. Dad’s been through his own hell, and I won’t be able to turn a deaf ear. Not when it comes to my father being so close to dying. Just thinking about it sends a shudder down my spine.
“I know how hopeless and frustrated you feel. I know how angry you are.” Dad’s words make emotion build in my chest. “I also know how alone you feel.”
I shut my eyes against the wave of despair.
“But you’re not alone,” Uncle Jax says. “You have so many people who love you.”
I nod, and lifting my head, I whisper, “I know.”
“Why won’t you get the transplant?” Uncle Jax asks.
Even though I know the reason won’t hold much ground with them, I answer, “There’s a chance it won’t work.”
“Ten percent, Kao,” Dad pleads. “There’s a ninety percent chance of you seeing again. Fuck, I didn’t even have a five percent chance of surviving.”
Bringing my right arm up, I rub a hand over my face. “I know, Dad.”
Fallon.
I can’t bear to see what I did to her.
“What’s the real reason?” Uncle Jax asks.
I swear he has a built-in bullshit detector.
I shake my head, not willing to admit my guilt to them. I’m too fucking ashamed.
“Fine,” Uncle Jax mutters. “What do you plan on doing with your life if you’re so fucking intent on not ever seeing again?”
Nothing. Just fucking nothing.
My silence makes Dad grab hold of my shoulders. “Stop this shit, Kao.” His breaths sound angry, and I can’t blame him. I can’t blame any of them for losing their patience with me. “Christ! You still have your whole life ahead of you. Don’t fuck it up like this.”
Needing them to back off, I lie, “I’ll think about it. Okay? I just… I need time to process everything.”
Dad pulls me into a hug, and his voice is raw by my ear, “Please, Kao. If not for yourself, do it for me.”
When Dad pulls back, I turn my head in his direction. “Give me a week.”
By then, I should be able to discharge myself and lock my pathetic ass in a hotel room.
“Just one week?” Dad asks. The hopeful tone in his voice kills what’s left of my spirit.
“Yeah.”
Chapter 7
FALLON
Walking into the suite I share with my friends, it feels empty even though Hana and Hunter are with me.
“Want me to order you something for lunch?” Hunter asks.
The corner of my mouth lifts slightly. I’m so thankful I have such caring friends. “A salmon salad would be nice.”
“On it,” Hunter grins at me while pulling his phone out of his pocket so he can call the order into the restaurant.
“Is Fallon home?” I hear Jade call before she and Mila come rushing down the hallway. The moment they see me, Jade lets out a happy shriek and then wraps me up in a huge hug. “It’s so good to have you back.”
When Jade pulls away and Mila moves closer, wrapping her arms around me, emotion pushes up my throat. We haven’t hugged much since she was attacked, so this means a lot to me.
Mila pulls back and asks, “How do you feel?”
“Better.” The left corner of my mouth lifts a little.
There’s a knock at the door, and Hunter goes to open. He lets out a bark of laughter, and when my mom and Aunt Kingsley come in, I understand why.
A chuckle bubbles over my lips when I see the arrangement of chocolate flowers in Aunt Kingsley’s arms.
They both kiss my left cheek, then Aunt Kingsley holds the gift out to me. “I figured you could do with some comfort food, and seeing as you’re allergic to flowers, I thought this would be a good replacement for the real thing.”
“Thank you so much,” I grin at my aunt. Taking the basket from her, I go to set it down on the kitchen counter.
Mom comes to place a hand on my lower back. “Did you just get back?”
“Yeah,” I nod as I turn to her. “We stopped by Kao’s room before leaving.”
Mom’s eyes settle on the bandages. “Did they clean the cuts before you checked out of the hospital?”
I nod. “I only have to clean them again tomorrow morning.”
“I’ll come over and help.”
I give Mom a thankful smile. “Thanks.”
“Have you all had lunch?” Aunt Kingsley asks.
“Not yet,” Hunter answers his mom. “I was just about to order in for Fallon.”
Aunt Kingsley’s gaze turns to me. “You don’t want to go to the restaurant?”
I shake my head, not yet ready to mingle with the other students.
“Want to give me all the orders, and I’ll call the restaurant?” Hunter asks.
While they’re all busy, I pick up my overnight bag and walk to my room. I stop at my door, and my gaze goes to Kao’s bedroom. Setting the bag down, I walk the short distance, and once I’m inside, I shut his door behind me.
His familiar scent hangs in the air, and I take a deep breath. My eyes scan over his desk where his laptop lies.
My heart squeezes into a tiny lump, and when I see the shirt he wore to classes on Wednesday lying on the side of his bed, I walk closer. Picking it up, I press it to my face
, and when I smell him, tears push up my throat.
God, I miss you, Kao.
I still can’t believe how horribly everything has changed over the past three days.
I set the dirty shirt back on the bed and walking to Kao’s closet, my hand brushes over all of his shirts before I pull one out. I walk to the bathroom, and picking up his aftershave bottle, I squirt some onto the fabric and then take it with me.
At least, this way, it will feel like he’s still close by.
It’s been a long day with family and friends all taking turns to check on me.
After dressing in a clean pair of jeans and a t-shirt, I make sure my hair covers the dressings on my face and neck before I walk out of my room.
When I get to the kitchen to grab Noah’s burger, which was delivered a couple of minutes ago, Jase and Mila come into the suite. They must’ve gone for dinner.
Jase’s gaze falls on my car keys as I pick them up. “Where are you going?”
“To visit Kao.” I begin to walk toward them.
“I’ll take you,” Jase says. Not waiting for my answer, he takes my car keys from me and throws them back in the bowl on the counter.
Knowing it won’t help to argue with him, I let it go. We all file out of the suite. If I’m honest with myself, I’m glad they’re coming along. Maybe then Kao won’t be as angry. He has a soft spot for Mila, especially after the attack.
Stepping into the elevator, I shake my head at myself. It sucks that I’m using my friends to hide behind. It’s just… I can’t handle much more. Kao’s rage is something I’ll never get used to.
Once we’re in Jase’s car, I stare out of the window at the landscape passing by us.
“How are you holding up?” Jase asks.
“I’m good.”
“Don’t lie to me, Fallon,” he murmurs.
My eyes meet Jase’s in the rearview mirror. He’s always been so damn perceptive, you can’t hide anything from him.
My shoulders slump as I suck in a deep breath. “I’ll be okay. It’s just hard right now,” I admit the truth.
“I saw Kao earlier,” Jase says.
“Yeah? How was he?”
“Angry.”
Yeah, that about sums it up.
“I just wish he’d go for the surgery,” Mila voices her hope.
Defiant Heir Page 5
