Confessions of a Hellion: Bluestockings Defying Rogues Book 7

by Dawn Brower

  Now, the duke was dead. Had been deceased for nearly six months. Was it any surprise Jason hadn’t wanted to face that? He didn’t like his uncle, the new duke. So, he refused to travel to Wilmington Castle. He didn’t see any reason to visit with this solicitor. Most of the dukedom was entailed, so what little inheritance he received wouldn’t amount to much. Jason had managed to scrape by with what little funds the Asthey estate put out. Though, he would have to figure something else out soon because the estate wasn’t sustainable. If things kept on their current trajectory, he’d run out of funds to keep everything going in a year, two at most. The estate needed repairs and many of the tenants were struggling with the old equipment. Jason didn’t know what he was to do about it. Marriage was always an option. An heiress with a hefty dowry would solve all of his financial woes, but it left a sour taste in his mouth. He hated the idea of marrying for money alone. Honestly, he hated the idea of marriage completely, considering how horribly his own parent’s nuptials had gone. He’d prefer to stay unencumbered instead of making some poor woman miserable.

  “What has you sitting in here by yourself brooding?” Shelby drawled as he strolled lazily into the room. Jason glanced up and frowned. Shelby’s dark hair was disheveled, perhaps from the wind outside—Jason doubted he fell back on his old habits of seducing any willing female around and allowed them to run their fingers through his black locks. Shelby loved his wife, after all. The rest of him was immaculate, which suggested he definitely honored his marriage vows. His attire was mostly black. His waistcoat was emerald green, and his cravat and shirt were a crisp white.

  Jason tapped his finger on the arm of the chair. “What are you doing here?” He lifted a brow. “The club isn’t for men who have succumbed to the evils of marriage.”

  His friend chuckled and moved over to take a seat next to him. As he settled into the settee he said, “Harrington has decided to make a few exceptions. Something about needing a few men he can trust to handle things when he isn’t here. He’s conscripted me and Darcy to act as his lieutenants, for lack of a better word.”

  “He has been leaving London often lately.” Jason shrugged. Harrington could have asked him to look after things. He wouldn’t have minded. “Being a new father has made the club less appealing.”

  “He has new priorities,” Shelby agreed. “It was bound to happen when he fell in love. Marian had changed him, and for the better.” He glanced toward the bar. “I need a drink. Do you want one?”

  “I see marriage hasn’t changed much in you,” Jason goaded him. “Doesn’t Kaitlin miss you?” He’d always liked Lady Kaitlin. She could be shy, but had a sharp intelligence. Shelby couldn’t have chosen a better woman to fall in love with. They complimented each other well. Kaitlin helped to keep Shelby from reacting…unwisely. He seemed more centered since their marriage. Jason never would have guessed the two of them would fall in love, but he was happy for them. He might not believe in love for himself, but he was glad his friends were able to find it.

  He waved his hand dismissively. “She’s having tea with Samantha and Marian.” Shelby poured brandy into two glasses and then carried them over to Jason. He held a glass in front of Jason and said, “She practically shoved me out the door. They don’t like male company around when they’re about to gossip.”

  “Yes,” Jason answered absentmindedly. “That would make discussing delicate situations difficult.” Jason should leave the club. Go pay his grandfather’s solicitor a visit and finally see what all the fuss was about. He wasn’t going to do any of that though. Instead, he’d sit at Coventry Club with Shelby and drink brandy, probably several glasses. Then he’d stumble up the stairs to the room he kept at the club and sleep until the next day. Ignoring his problems was becoming a particular talent of his.

  “So you understand why I’m here.” He took a drink of his brandy. “Now explain why you’re here. Shouldn’t you be in the wilds of Surrey or something?”

  “There’s nothing there for me.” With his grandfather gone the ducal estate didn’t offer any comfort.

  “Isn’t your mother there?” Shelby tilted his head to the side.

  “Considering she never leaves the castle, I’d assume so.” Jason gulped down some brandy. It burned as it traveled down his throat. He liked the burn… It made him feel something when he normally had nothing but emptiness rolling through him. “She is comfortable there. Who am I to disturb that?” Perhaps he was being too hard on her. She had gone through a lot living with his father. His mother deserved a sense of security after all of that, and he wanted her to have it. A part of him felt a little betrayed though. She never wanted to see him, and she couldn’t stand to look at him when he was near. He looked too much like his father—same blond hair and blue eyes, same chiseled cheekbones and physique. Same everything. All of that made it impossible for her to feel safe around him. As if Jason would ever lay a finger on her in anger… He would never hurt his mother, either emotionally or physically. So, for her sake, he stayed away.

  He was so messed up…

  “Isn’t it a little more complicated than that? What about your grandfather’s last wishes? Shouldn’t you find out what those are?”

  He swirled the remaining brandy around in his glass. “I don’t need to travel to Surrey to discover what my grandfather wanted.”

  “What do you need to do then?” Shelby asked.

  Jason lifted the letter from his lap and tossed it over to Shelby. Then swallowed the remaining brandy in one gulp. He stood and headed to refill his glass as Shelby scanned the solicitor’s message.

  He sat back down and waited. It didn’t take long before Shelby lifted his gaze to meet his. “Why are you ignoring this?”

  “I don’t know.” He brushed his hand through his hair. “It would make it final. Then I’d have to accept he’s really gone, and I’m not ready to do that.”

  “I’m afraid it’s past time that you did,” Shelby said softly. He reached over and placed a hand on Jason’s arm. “Go see the solicitor. You cannot avoid this any longer.”

  He missed his grandfather too much. Shelby was right though. He had to go see the solicitor. Ignoring him this long was foolish. “I hear what you’re saying and even agree with it, but acting on it… That’s where I fail every time.”

  “Would you like me to go with you?” Shelby asked. “Would that help you finally do the right thing?”

  Would it? Did he really need someone to hold his hand while he did the proper thing and stopped acting like a child? It would be much easier if he went and got it over with. No matter how much he didn’t want to. It had to be done. “I might need someone to kick my ass all the way there. You feel up to handling that task?”

  “It would be my pleasure.” Shelby grinned. “But I have one request first.”

  Jason frowned. He was almost afraid to ask. “What do you need?”

  “It’s a small thing. I’m sure you can handle it.” He held out his hand. “Give me your pistol.”

  Jason didn’t go anywhere without his pistol. It was one of the things that always made him feel safe. He wasn’t sure he could handle leaving the club without it strapped to him. “Why?”

  “Because its time you let go of some of your safety nets.” Shelby grinned. “And if I’m kicking your ass all the way there, I’d rather not get shot for my efforts.”

  “I’d never…”

  “Yes, you would,” Shelby interrupted him. “You wouldn’t shoot to kill, but I wouldn’t put it past you to pull the trigger because I annoyed you.”

  Jason tilted his head to the side and considered it. There had been plenty of times Shelby would have deserved it. His friend wasn’t always the nicest person in the room. Hell, most of the time he didn’t even come close to the top. “If I promise not to shoot you, can I keep it?”

  “No,” Shelby said firmly. “It’s going to stay here.” He held up his hand to gesture to Jason to let him finish speaking. “Before you say more…while you may promise to l
eave me unharmed, I don’t trust you won’t do anything untoward to the solicitor if he should have difficult news to impart upon you. So leave the pistol here.”

  “Fine,” Jason agreed. He didn’t say anything about leaving his blade behind. At least he’d still have that in a pinch. Though he’d prefer the pistol… “If you insist, I’ll leave it in Harrington’s desk. That way one of the upstarts he let join won’t play with it and accidentally shoot someone.”

  “You don’t have to explain that to me. No one is as bad as the Earl of Barton. I swear he’s getting dumber each day.” Shelby rolled his eyes. “Harrington might have to restrict his privileges soon if he keeps being a fool.”

  Having had a few encounters with Barton in the past, Jason was well aware of the young earl’s lack of sense. Saying he was an idiot didn’t quite give the full scope of his ineptitude. “That’s one of the reasons Harrington has you and Darcy.” His lips tilted upward into a wicked grin. “You get to wrangle the morons that don’t know their head from their arse.”

  “Don’t remind me.” Shelby shuddered. “Now, go put the pistol in the desk so we can leave. I’d hate to miss the good solicitor before he leaves his office for the day.”

  Jason grumbled a little but did as Shelby demanded. Then he walked back over to where his friend still lounged. Shelby finished his brandy and set the glass on the table for a servant to retrieve later. “Let’s go,” he said.

  Jason nodded and followed him out of the room. They exited the club and started toward the solicitor’s office. He didn’t know what he’d find when he got there, but he’d deal with it. Jason wasn’t a coward, and it was time to stop acting like one. He took a deep breath and braced himself for what he was about to do. It would be difficult, but he had Shelby with him. That had to count for something…

  Chapter 2

  Lady Samantha Cain blew out a breath and pasted a smile on her face. She stood in front of the entrance to her dear friend, Marian, the Countess of Harrington’s home and prepared to knock. There was no real reason for her trepidation, but she couldn’t shake the feeling. Perhaps it was more she felt out of place. The last one of them to remain unattached with no sign of that changing… She was happy for them. Her friends had found love and—who was she kidding? Every part of her soul screamed at the unfairness of it all. She. Was. Alone.

  Her brother, Gregory, the Earl of Shelby, had successfully scared all suitors away from her. No one even asked her to dance anymore. She had dropped from belle of the ball to a wallflower about to become a spinster. There would be no love for her, no husband, and no children. She would be the spinster aunt to Gregory and Kaitlin’s progeny instead. She hated feeling selfish, but she couldn’t shake it.

  Samantha closed her eyes and mentally prepared herself for the visit. She wouldn’t let any of them realize how unhappy she felt. It wasn’t their fault she’d failed to find love or that the man she loved didn’t return her feelings. Nothing would change, and she had to accept it. She lifted her hand and grasped the knocker, rapping it against the door three times. After a few moments, the door swung open and the Harrington butler stood before her.

  “Please come in,” he motioned for her to enter. “Lady Harrington is expecting you in her sitting room.”

  “Thank you,” she said and headed past him. There was no need for other pleasantries. Samantha visited the townhouse often enough the servants were acquainted with her, and she also knew the layout well. She walked down the hallway and then turned into the sitting room. Kaitlin and Marian were both inside sipping tea.

  “Please accept my sincere apologies. I didn’t expect to be quite this tardy,” Samantha said as she strolled nonchalantly into the room. She gave all the appearances of not having a care in the world. “I had several letters to write and lost track of time. I do hope I didn’t miss anything important.”

  “Not at all,” Kaitlin said. “Would you like tea? I can pour for you.”

  “I would,” Samantha answered and took a seat on the settee. She turned to Marian. “How is that little darling of yours?”

  Marian rolled her eyes. “I adore my son, but he’s been far from a darling of late. He’s kept the whole house up hours upon hours at night. We’ve barely slept a wink.”

  The little Viscount Rosbern was six months old and the light of his parent’s life. “Not little Jeremy,” Samantha gasped and brought her hand to her chest. “He’d never be so devilish.”

  “I see he’s won you over,” Marian chuckled. “He gets his temper and his charm from his father. Lord save the young ladies when he’s grown. They won’t be safe. I fear he’ll leave a slew of broken hearts in his wake.”

  He was a beautiful baby. Not that Samantha had been around a lot of children to know if that was true of all infants, but she remained partial to Jeremy. She had to agree with his mother. Little Jeremy might follow in his father’s path and become a wicked rogue. Time would tell either way… “He’ll have his mother to help guide him. Hopefully that is enough to keep him honorable.”

  “Oh, he’ll be that much,” Marian stated, “or I’ll throttle him.” She smiled softly. “We finally managed to get him to sleep after hours of screaming. He has teeth coming in, poor boy. He’s napping now.”

  “That’s too bad,” Samantha said. “I’d have loved to hug and kiss him. He has the best giggles.”

  Kaitlin brought over a cup of tea and handed it to her. “I prepared it how you like it.”

  “Thank you,” Samantha said. She loved both of these women. She didn’t know what her life would be like without the two of them. They both were so…happy. It hurt sometimes to be near them. “How are you? Do you and my dear brother plan on adding to the family?”

  Kaitlin’s entire face turned red at Samantha’s question. “I…”

  “Don’t tease her like that,” Marian said and then smiled shrewdly. “Though I am glad you asked. I’ve been wondering that myself.”

  “Well…” Kaitlin cleared her throat. “Of course we’ll have children. Some day.”

  Marian lifted a brow. “Some day?”

  “Yes,” Kaitlin said a little more firmly. “Gregory will need an heir…”

  Samantha shook her head. This apparently wasn’t a topic that Kaitlin wished to discuss. Unlucky for her, Samantha and Marian would not let the topic go easily. Samantha recognized the expression on Marian’s face, and she would keep asking until she got the answer she sought. “What I think Marian is trying to say,” Samantha began, “is she hopes some day is sooner rather than later. I think she hopes her offspring will have a playmate you can provide him.”

  Somehow Kaitlin’s face reddened even further. “Err… I’m not discussing my uh…” She waved her hand in the air as she fought for the right words to say.

  “Bedroom activities?” Marian supplied. “Is Shelby not handling his side of things in that regard?” She wiggled her eyebrows. “Perhaps Jonas should have a conversation with him and explain…”

  “He doesn’t need tutelage of that sort,” Kaitlin interrupted her. An appalled expression formed on her face. “Trust me. He’s quite skilled in that area.”

  “And I’d rather not hear about my brother’s proclivities,” Samantha said, a little horrified at the prospect. “All I wanted was a yes or no, we might have a baby soon. That would have sufficed one way or the other…”

  “Well,” Kaitlin said. “I hope it will be sooner, but I can’t say for sure yet.” She stared into her teacup as she spoke, unable to meet their gazes. “So, we’ll see.”

  Samantha took a sip of her own tea. She’d done her best to keep the subject off of her. As long as they were focused on Kaitlin they wouldn’t ask if she’d met anyone or found love. They wanted her to be as happy as they were. One man could do that for her, but she’d never be able to have any real relationship with him. Her brother would do his best to ensure she remained alone the rest of her days. It was best she moved on and found a new purpose for her life. Maybe she’d consider becoming
a doctor like Marian. Not that Marian was a doctor, but she was studying to be one. It seemed like a decent pastime…

  She mentally sighed. She didn’t want to study medicine. It would perhaps take some time, but she’d find a purpose. Something that would help her forget the Earl of Asthey and how much she loved him.

  Jason and Shelby walked to the solicitor’s door and knocked. Not long afterward, the door swung open and a man with dark hair stood before them. “May I help you?”

  “Yes.” Jason cleared his throat when that one word came out as more of a rasp than anything else. “I’m the Earl of Asthey. I’m here to…”

  “Oh, thank God,” he said. “I’m glad you’re finally here. Please come in. We don’t have any time to spare.”

  That didn’t sound good at all. What was so bloody dire any way? Shelby placed his hand on Jason’s back and pushed him toward the door. He hadn’t realized he remained rooted to the spot. Somehow, he managed to put one foot in front of the other and followed the solicitor into the office.

  “Sit,” the solicitor said. “We have much to discuss.”

  He began to rummage through papers on his desk. It was a mess, and Jason couldn’t discern how he could keep track of it all. Finally, he found a sealed letter and grinned. “I knew I had it here. My apologies for how this all looks.” He gestured toward his desk. “I promise I’m usually more organized, but I have to arrange a new client’s important papers and file them. My secretary has the next fortnight off for a family emergency.” He held out the letter. “I’ll need you to read this, and then we can discuss the particulars.”

  Jason took the letter from him and stared at it. It was probably from his grandfather. He swallowed the lump that had formed in his throat. He wasn’t ready. Nothing could have prepared him for this, the loss, and living without the one man he’d always relied upon. He’d been more of a father to him than his own had ever been.