Confessions of a Hellion: Bluestockings Defying Rogues Book 7

by Dawn Brower

  “Are you going to open it?” Shelby prodded. “Do you want me to read it for you?”

  He shook his head. “No.” His voice was hoarse with emotion. “I’ll do it.”

  He broke the wax seal and scanned the words. They blurred and he had to blink several times before they were clearer.

  Jason,

  If you’re reading this, I breathe no more. I’m sorry. Dying is never something a man wants to do. I’d much rather be with those who need me. You’re mother is probably a mess. You’ll have to be there for her. I know you think she doesn’t need you, but I promise you she does. She loves you.

  Now that we have that out of the way, it is time to get down to business. I’m aware of the state of your properties. I had my estate manager visit Asthey Manor, and to put this delicately, it’s a hovel. The roof is caving in and the gardens are overgrown. It’s no place to bring a family home to, and I do expect, one day, you will do that very thing.

  My son hasn’t produced an heir, and I’m starting to believe he never will. Which means the dukedom might very well fall to you. I won’t have my title and lands fall to some distant relative, so you will prove yourself eligible for that great task. The first thing you need to do is find a wife. Once you are married, funds will be made available for you to restore your estate. There is one stipulation to all of this: you must marry within six months of my death. If you don’t wed in that time, you will inherit nothing. The portion I set aside for you will instead be divided between the ducal estate and your cousin, Wilson. The Wharton barony isn’t in as dire straits as your estate, but he could use the funds.

  This may seem harsh, but I have your best interests at heart. If I didn’t give you a timeline, you’d happily sit on your arse and hope for the best. You need a wife, boy. Don’t let me down.

  Love Always,

  Your grandfather

  Thomas, Duke of Wilmington

  Jason was seeing red. Wilson? His awful cousin Wilson Vane, the Baron of Wharton, was a sniveling idiot. Jason hated him. How could his grandfather do this to him? He knew how he felt about marriage. This couldn’t be real. “What does this mean?” He waved the letter in front of the solicitor. “Is this even legal?”

  “I assure you it is. Your grandfather was very specific.” He tapped his fingers on the desk. “It is why I’ve been trying to meet with you for months now.”

  Months… Asthey cursed. It had been months since his grandfather died. “How much time is left?”

  “Left for what?” Shelby asked. He glanced at Jason and then back at the solicitor. He lifted his brow. Confusion mixed with concern filled his features as he turned his full attention on Jason. “What is going on?”

  He shoved the letter at Shelby so he could read it. Jason didn’t feel up to explaining it, and it would save time. Shelby cursed as he scanned the letter and handed it back to Jason

  “You have less than a fortnight,” the solicitor said. “I did say it was dire in my letters.”

  This wasn’t the solicitor’s fault. Jason had ignored it and pretended nothing had happened. He hadn’t wanted to live in a world where his grandfather didn’t exist. So, he’d pretended his death hadn’t happened. The blame for this fell on his shoulders, and well, his grandfather’s for concocting this debacle to begin with.

  “If I don’t marry…” He seethed but held it in check. “I’m disinherited?”

  “That’s correct,” the solicitor said.

  “And if I do, exactly what will I receive in return?” He had to know all the details. He couldn’t make an informed decision otherwise.

  “You’ll receive a monthly stipend of two thousand pounds to restore the property,” the solicitor began. “And a yearly portion of ten thousand pounds for whatever you choose.”

  That was…a lot. “Are there any other stipulations? Do I need your approval for all the repairs and how I choose to handle my estate?”

  “There is nothing else,” the solicitor said. “Once you marry, the funds will be released to you as I stated. There is one other thing… The monthly stipend is for the first year. After that, you’ll have to dip into your yearly funds to handle anything else or hope the estate is profitable on its own to sustain it.”

  He gritted his teeth and stood. Bloody hell… Jason had no idea what he should do. He wasn’t even sure he could convince a lady to marry him in such a short time. “We need to leave,” he said to Shelby. He had to think about his situation and somehow find a solution. Jason wasn’t going to find it in the solicitor’s office. They left, and Jason headed in the direction of Coventry Club. He didn’t stop to ensure Shelby followed. His friend wasn’t going to leave him to his own devices, and Jason needed a drink, or several.

  Chapter 3

  Sun streamed through the library window and landed across the pages of Samantha’s book. She stared at the words, but they blurred before her eyes. She’d read the same passage five times and couldn’t recall any of it. Another season was coming to an end. Most of the ton would scatter from London and take up residence at their country estates.

  She wasn’t certain if her brother intended to do the same or not. He had a wife now and might not do what she expected of him. Gregory rarely retired to the country, but stranger things had happened. She’d never expected her surly brother to fall in love with Kaitlin and marry her. Samantha was happy for both of them. She wished it had softened Gregory a little more though. He was still far too protective for her liking. Maybe, in time, he would become too preoccupied with Kaitlin and the family they planned together to concern himself overly much with Samantha’s love interests. Not that she had many… The Earl of Asthey was the sole owner of her heart.

  She sighed and closed her book. The final ball of the season was later that evening. Perhaps she should nap so she was refreshed for the night’s festivities. It certainly sounded more favorable than staring at a book and not absorbing the words within it. She stood and walked over to the shelf to place the book where it belonged. With that task completed, she turned on her heels to exit the library.

  As she reached the doorway, two male voices filled the corridor beyond the library. They were deep in a heated conversation, and her curiosity got the better of her. She stopped by the door and listened. It was Gregory and Lord Asthey. Samantha leaned against the frame and peeked through the slit in the door.

  Asthey ran his hand through his hair and practically growled in frustration. “I don’t know what to do.” Then he started to pace back and forth. If he kept at it his footsteps would become a permanent fixture in the hallway rug.

  “There is one thing you can do.” Gregory shrugged. “If you don’t want your cousin to inherit, then you’ll have to find a wife.”

  Asthey stopped short and glared at Gregory. “There are so many problems with your simple solution. The biggest being I have no desire to marry.”

  Samantha frowned. Had she heard her brother wrong? Was Asthey finally in the market for a wife? What had changed, and how could she use it to her advantage? He still didn’t seem to want to marry, but now he didn’t seem to have much choice in the matter. She nibbled on her lip and leaned a little closer. This was information she needed if she hoped to use it later.

  “That may be true, but that doesn’t negate the fact that a wife is the solution to your current dilemma. If you don’t marry in less than a fortnight you will lose your inheritance, and you most likely will never restore the Asthey estate.” Gregory lifted both hands. “So the choice is yours. Marry or become destitute. Either way, you’ll always have a place at Coventry Club. Do what you think is best.”

  “Bloody hell,” Lord Asthey mumbled. He let out a string of other curse words that made Samantha blush. “It’s the end of the season, and I don’t exactly have a lot of time to secure a lady’s hand in marriage. I’d need a special license or a very fast trip to Gretna Green to even have a wedding. Without my grandfather’s support, I doubt I’d be able to secure the special license.”

  �
�You have plenty of friends that should be able to help you with that part. A willing lady…” Gregory grinned. “I’m afraid you’re on your own with that part. You can be charming when you try. There’s a ball tonight; at least attend and see if you can find one who might be interested in a quick wedding.”

  Samantha’s lips tilted upward. She’d be happy to marry him. It wasn’t the ideal way to tie herself to the man she loved, but she’d do anything to make the Earl of Asthey hers. Before this…she’d had no hope of ever making that happen. Now, though, she could marry him and possibly have everything she ever wanted. There was no other way for her to have anything resembling a real relationship with Lord Asthey. It might not be perfect, but it was all she had. In time, he might grow to love her, and at least she wouldn’t be reduced to spinsterhood.

  “I doubt any of us could convince the Archbishop to grant me a special license in time. We’re not dukes of good standing like my grandfather was.” Asthey frowned.

  “Harrington might be able…

  Asthey shook his head. “I’m not saying I won’t try, but I have to keep all my options open.”

  “You don’t think your uncle will help you?” Gregory asked, his tone filled with concern.

  “No,” Asthey answered, “he benefits if I fail, so he won’t help. He’s too much of an arse to consider being anything else. I can’t count on him.”

  Her heart beat rapidly as she listened to their conversation. She couldn’t stop smiling as she eagerly considered all the possibilities. Samantha would be ready and willing to make a trip to Gretna Green with him. In fact, she’d pack before the ball to ensure she was ready for that journey. She wanted to be prepared for everything. She nibbled on her bottom lip and wanted to hop around in excitement. Samantha was barely able to contain the mounting furor inside of her. She couldn’t give herself away though. She remained as still as possible so she could continue to eavesdrop. Still… She was so happy. Asthey would be hers. Failing to secure his agreement wasn’t something she would accept. She couldn’t admit to him that she loved him. At least not yet... While a confession could be good for the soul, that particular one would send him in the opposite direction.

  “I’ll send a missive to Harrington. He can start working on your special license.” Gregory patted Lord Asthey on the back. “In the meantime, go back to your room at the club. Prepare for an evening that will hopefully end with you securing a lady’s hand in marriage, and try to wipe that sour expression off your face. I’ve found marriage quite agreeable, and you might too.”

  The look that Lord Asthey gave her brother should have decimated him on the spot. Samantha almost burst into a fit of laughter. It didn’t affect her brother in the least. “You love your wife,” Asthey reminded him. “This will be a marriage of convenience. One that isn’t convenient for me… It’s not the same situation. At. All.” Samantha didn’t think there was a gentleman alive that believed they were truly capable of falling in love. This might be inconvenient for Lord Asthey, but she didn’t think he’d always feel that way. He would change his mind one day, and she intended to be right by his side as he finally had his epiphany. It hurt a little that he might not love her, but his statement wasn’t directed at her. He didn’t want to marry any lady.

  “You might come to love her,” Gregory said. “Don’t give up before you’ve even begun.” He started to head away from the library. “Nothing is impossible. Look at me. A year ago, I’d have punched you for even suggesting I would fall in love and marry. Now, I’m happily, blissfully in love with my wife, and I can’t imagine not having her in my life. That could happen for you too.”

  Samantha had to agree with her brother on that point as she kept herself as motionless as possible. She would have thought it would be years down the road before he settled down and married. When he fell in love with Kaitlin, he’d changed. Not completely, but enough to make him more tolerable.

  “I doubt it,” Lord Asthey answered. “But that doesn’t matter right now. All I need is a lady willing to marry me. The rest will have to see to itself.” With those words, he brushed past Gregory and stomped down the hall. Her brother sighed and followed after him.

  Once Samantha was certain they were gone, she exited the library and headed to her room. She had plans to make and a bag to pack. Excitement filled her at the thought of the ball later. She hadn’t really looked forward to the evening before eavesdropping on her brother’s conversation with Lord Asthey. Now she would have a reason to go to the ball other than to hug a wall and be ignored for the evening. Lord Asthey was going to be so surprised…

  Jason entered the ballroom, fully expecting to dread every second of the night. He had dressed in all black to fit his mood. The only thing not black was his shirt and cravat, but his waistcoat covered most of that. Was he really going to do this? Search for a wife at the last ball of the season? As if there was a willing female that desperate… There might be, but Jason had his doubts. He’d rather stab himself in the eye than endure a ball.

  Why had his grandfather done this to him? He’d asked himself that question at least a thousand times. Admittedly, Jason was partially to blame. If he hadn’t avoided the solicitor for so long, he’d have more time to handle his current situation. There was no going back to change anything though, so he would have to move forward and hope for the best.

  “Don’t look so sour,” Harrington said from beside him. “You’ll scare all the young misses away.”

  Part of him hoped he did… “I don’t need advice.”

  Harrington chuckled lightly. “The sad fact is you actually believe that.”

  “Isn’t your wife here?” He lifted a brow. “Why don’t you go dance with her or something.”

  “The dancing portion of the evening hasn’t begun yet.” Harrington gestured toward the musicians still setting up in the back of the ballroom. “They are waiting for the hostess to give them permission to begin. It will be at least another thirty minutes before they start.”

  Jason blew out an exasperated breath. He understood that his friend was trying to be helpful, but all his presence did was remind him of his failures. He needed space, and Harrington wasn’t giving him any. “Can you go away?”

  “I could,” Harrington said. “But it is much more fun by your side. Why would I wish to do anything other than stay by your side—for moral support, of course.”

  He wouldn’t punch his friend. He wouldn’t do it. No matter how much he wanted to… Jason didn’t bother to reply to Harrington. He turned and headed away from him. There was one reason for him to be at the ball, and brawling with his friend was not it. Though, the very idea of charming one of the ladies into marrying him unsettled Jason’s stomach. He didn’t want to do it, and he couldn’t seem to be able to find the motivation to start his search either.

  Instead of staying in the ballroom, he headed toward the terrace overlooking the garden. He stood at the edge of the balcony and stared into the darkness. No one had ventured outside. They were all waiting for the music to start so they could dance. Jason wanted to avoid it all. He rubbed his face and took a deep breath. He had to go back in there. If he didn’t, he’d lose everything.

  “What has you so lost in thought?” a lady asked.

  Jason’s heart skipped a beat. He hadn’t expected anyone to follow him outside, let alone a female. Especially not this one… He turned to face her. The light from the moon highlighted her lovely face. If he had a choice, a real one anyway, he’d have picked Lady Samantha Cain to marry. He never intended to have a wife and had always kept her at a distance. Jason didn’t want to sully her in any way. She should have a man worthy of her. Besides, Shelby would murder him for even thinking about his sister in a carnal way. So he’d squashed any feelings that might have bloomed inside of him for her. Samantha wasn’t for him and never would be. “Nothing of import,” he answered her. “Shouldn’t you be inside with the other ladies, waiting to dance?”

  She glanced away from him and stared out at th
e garden, or at least what could be seen in the shadowed moonlight. “I don’t dance.”

  He frowned. “Since when?” Jason could recall dancing with her at least once… He’d wanted to say no then, but instead had led her into the next set. Now she claimed to not dance? Something wasn’t right…

  She was silent for several moments. When she started to talk, her voice held a hint of raw emotion. “I’m not the one gentlemen clamor to dance with. Not that I was a diamond to begin with, but I had suitors.” She turned to meet his gaze. “Not anymore. My brother’s seen to that.”

  Jason scrunched his eyebrows together. “If they let Shelby scare them away, they don’t deserve you.” He hated to see her sad. “But I’m sorry it has hurt you.”

  “I must confess,” she began. “I didn’t see my future turning out this way. I thought I’d have…more.”

  He understood what she didn’t say. She’d thought she’d be married and have a family. The way Shelby had handled all of her suitors had ensured she had neither. He wished he had some way to fix it. “Shelby’s tamer than he used to be. Perhaps that will change things for you.”

  “I hesitate to even hope for such a future,” she said softly. “It’s best I prepare myself for what is likely to happen.”

  “What’s that?” Jason asked, afraid of her answer.

  “I’ll be the spinster aunt to Gregory and Kaitlin’s children. I might be blessed with a cottage and a few servants, or I’ll end up living with my brother for the rest of my life.” She shuddered. “Though I hope I’ll have the cottage instead. At least I’ll have some freedom in that.”

  Jason couldn’t discern a way to respond to her statement. He hated she felt those was the only choices she had. “Do you believe that’s all you have to offer?”