Pillar of Light

by Gerald N. Lund

  Now he turned, his back to the window, his face in shadow. “I will not tell you of the sleepless nights, the endless pacing of the floor. How could I ask this of anyone? How could I tell Emma? After all she has suffered and endured to stand at my side. Now this. But God had given the commandment. How could I withstand God?”

  He began to pace back and forth across the room, his hands clenching, his mouth twisting as his mind took him back. “But even then I delayed. I could not bring myself to do it. I pleaded with the Lord to turn away this commandment, for I knew full well the trouble that would follow.” He threw up his hands in despair. “But he would not.”

  Suddenly he stopped and turned to face them. His eyes seemed to be peering at them through deep water. “Three different times I had an angel come to me,” he said in a hoarse whisper. “Three times he had to come and command me to follow the Lord’s counsel. Can you imagine such a thing? An angel comes from the presence of God and directs me how to act, and I cannot obey.”

  He stopped, staring at them, seeing nothing. “The last time—” A shudder ran through his body. “The last time the angel had a drawn sword in his hand. He warned me that if I would not obey the command of God, my office would be taken from me and given to another—”

  “No!” Lydia whispered.

  “—and,” he said in a great hollow voice, “. . . and he said that if I would not submit to God’s will, he was commanded to slay me.”

  Nathan felt sick. He had been so caught up in his own personal hell that he had never even thought about what this must have meant to Joseph. He had been out bellowing and blowing, tramping around the prairies, shaking his fist at God, and he had never given even a moment’s thought as to how Joseph was taking it. He felt hot tears of shame burn behind his eyelids.

  Now Joseph’s voice was calm and very soft. “Since that day, I have determined that I shall press forward, even if it shall cost me my life. It is the work of God. He has revealed this principle, and it is not my business to control or dictate it.”

  Suddenly Nathan’s whole body began to tremble. A racking sob was torn from his throat. He shook his head as he stared at Joseph in abject sorrow. “Oh, Joseph! Forgive me! Forgive me for doubting you. Forgive my blindness.”

  In a moment, Lydia was on her knees at Nathan’s side, trying to put her arms around him, but he just huddled tighter into himself. “I’ve been such a fool,” he cried. “Such a blind fool!”

  Suddenly Joseph was standing before them. He reached out and laid a hand on Nathan’s shoulder. “Forgive you for what, my friend? For struggling as I have struggled? For going through three days of agony like Brother Heber suffered? For longing for death as Brother Brigham did?”

  He shook his head, and now took Nathan by the arms and lifted him up to face him. “Don’t you think I understand, Nathan?”

  With a great cry, Nathan threw his arms around Joseph, letting Joseph hold him tightly until gradually the shaking in his body began to subside. When Nathan finally straightened, brushing at his eyes with the back of his hand, Joseph turned to Lydia. He reached down and gave her a quick hug as well. “Thank you, Lydia. Your father-in-law told me about your quiet witness.”

  She was crying now and could only nod. She groped for Nathan’s hand. Joseph now smiled. “You have come willing to accept whatever God asks of you.”

  “Yes,” replied Nathan.

  “Then hear what it is that you should do.”

  “Yes, Joseph.”

  “First, stand fast. You have come through the fire; now you are stronger. You will need that strength as you deal with Joshua and others who are troubled by this doctrine. You and Lydia can be pillars of strength to those who are faltering.”

  They were both nodding at that.

  “Second, know this. The Lord does not at this time require that you enter this law.” As there was a sharp intake of breath from Lydia, he smiled upon her. “Let your heart be at peace, dear Sister Lydia. For now, the Lord does not require that you share your husband with another woman. Maybe sometime in the future, but not at present.”

  She started to weep again and Nathan took her into his arms.

  “Third, . . .” He paused, savoring the moment. “The Lord has accepted your offering of submission. Now it is his will that you be sealed as husband and wife for time and for all eternity.”

  “What?” Nathan cried. Then, incredulously, he remembered what Heber had said. After he had proven himself willing to sacrifice whatever God required, Joseph had sealed him and Vilate in the bonds of eternal marrige. Nathan hadn’t dreamed there could be such a blessing for him, not after these days of darkness and doubting.

  Joseph took Lydia’s hand and placed it in Nathan’s. Then he led them to the center of the room where there was a circular rug covering the hardwood floor. “Would you kneel here together, facing me please?”

  Lydia’s eyes were like great windows of joy and light. With a soft cry, she sank to her knees. Nathan went down beside her, reached out and found her hand and held it tightly against his chest.

  Joseph moved around to stand in front of them. “You should know, Sister Lydia McBride Steed and Brother Nathan Steed, that God has manifested unto me that he has accepted of your willingness to live his law. He is pleased with what is in your hearts. Therefore, as the holder of the keys of the sealing power brought back to earth by Elijah of old, I shall now unite the two of you in the holy order of celestial marriage, sealing you together by the power and authority given to me to bind on earth so that it can be bound in heaven.”

  Joseph’s eyes were filled with joy now too. “I should like to first explain to you what this means. The Lord has said that if a man marry a wife by his word, which is his law, and by the new and everlasting covenant, and it is sealed unto them by the Holy Spirit of Promise, then it shall be done unto them in all things whatsoever his servant hath put upon them, in time and through all eternity.

  “And this shall be of full force when they are out of the world; and they shall pass by the angels and the gods, which are set there, to their exaltation and glory in all things. And this glory shall be a fulness and a continuation of the seeds forever and ever.”

  Lydia was weeping as she looked into Nathan’s eyes and listened to the powerful words, but she was tingling now as well. His eyes were glistening too as he listened to what Joseph was promising them.

  “Then shall you be gods,” he went on, still quoting but now addressing it directly to them, “because you have no end. You shall be from everlasting to everlasting, because you continue. Then shall you be above all, because all things are subject unto you. Then shall you be gods, because you have all power, and the angels are subject unto you.”

  He stopped and let the silence fill the room. Then with great joy he nodded down at the two of them. “If you will face one another and take each other by the hand, we shall proceed.”

  When it was over, Joseph watched happily as they kissed and then stood together, their arms around each other’s waist. Then he stepped forward to congratulate them. He gave a soft laugh as he kissed Lydia on the cheek. “Now do you see why I had to go and change my clothes? It wouldn’t be proper to do something this important in my work clothes.”

  She laughed. “I’m glad you did.”

  Joseph turned to Nathan now, sobering. “There’s something else you ought to know, Nathan. Today the high council voted to remove John C. Bennett from his fellowship in the Church.”

  Chapter Notes

  Joseph does not speak a great deal in his own history about his personal feelings concerning plural marriage. But he did share his inner feelings with some of his most trusted associates. The words he uses here—the repugnance he felt toward the idea at first, his keen awareness of the troubles this would bring upon them, how the world would react to it—come from those other sources. The report of the angelic visits which resulted in his deciding to move forward, no matter what the cost, also comes from the men who knew him best. These inc
lude such men as Hyrum Smith, Brigham Young, Lorenzo Snow, and Joseph B. Noble. (See Encyclopedia of Mormonism, s.v., “plural marriage”; Danel W. Bachman, “A Study of the Mormon Practice of Plural Marriage Before the Death of Joseph Smith” [master’s thesis, Purdue University, 1975], pp. 74–75.)

  Joseph’s words prior to sealing Lydia and Nathan come from the revelation which is now D&C 132. He quotes from verses 19 and 20.

  It should be noted that at this stage of the Church’s development, when the endowment was just being introduced, some people were sealed together for time and eternity before they had received their endowments.

  Chapter 31

  Joshua Steed arrived back in Nauvoo on the Orleans Queen, which docked at the north riverboat landing shortly after one o’clock in the afternoon on Saturday, May twenty-first. When he had realized back in St. Louis that he would be gone about twice as long as he originally thought, he had written a letter to Caroline in which he informed her of the approximate date he planned to be home. Now as he moved toward the gangplank, his eyes searched the crowd, and he felt a twinge of disappointment. Caroline and the children weren’t there to meet him. It was not a great surprise, but still a bit of a letdown. Nauvoo was now a major city along the upper Mississippi. With the river clear of winter ice, sometimes there could be as many as five or six boats stop there in a day. Though schedules were pretty loose, the boats would always blow their great steam whistles—one long, two shorts, one long, two shorts—to alert the populace that they were coming in. That would give all interested persons a chance to make their way to the landing in time to greet disembarking passengers.

  But there was no familiar face, no little redheaded imp waiting to dash up to him as he came down the gangplank. No Will, he thought, though that was even less surprising to him. Well, he would be home soon enough. He picked up his valise and a small suitcase and followed the crowd off the boat and onto the wooden pier. He pushed his way past various groups who still lingered in greeting, then stopped short. Nathan and Carl stepped out from behind the small shelter at the end of the dock. “Hello, Joshua,” Nathan said.

  They found a shady spot under a large cottonwood tree just a block from the landing and sat down on the grass. Carl spoke first. “Caroline was going to come, but as we talked about it, we felt that you should know what’s been going on before you see her. That’s why we met your boat today.”

  “All right,” Joshua said, still a little puzzled.

  “There’s been a lot going on here since you left almost three weeks ago. I suppose the first thing you ought to know is that your father is now a member of the city council.”

  Joshua’s eyes snapped open. “What?”

  “Yes,” Carl said. “How’s that for a surprise? We also have a new mayor.”

  He whipped around. “Bennett’s gone?”

  “Yes,” said Nathan. “He offered his resignation on Tuesday. The city council met Thursday and appointed Joseph as the mayor. Hyrum is the vice-mayor. That created some openings on the council. Pa’s name was put forward and he was selected.”

  “Well, well,” Joshua said, completely astonished. “What brought all that on?”

  Nathan explained. “As Carl said, there has been a lot happening since you left. The council met about ten days ago, and Joseph told them that there were houses of infamy in the city and that action had to be taken against them in order to protect the innocent and stop the corruption of the morals of the citizenry. Bennett didn’t dare oppose that of course, and so the council passed an ordinance that any or all brothels immediately be closed down. That put Bennett on notice that he was in big trouble. He started scrambling to undo the damage. He made a public statement denying that Joseph ever gave him license to have immoral relations with the women of the city. He said that anyone who was saying that he had said those things was an infernal liar.”

  “He said that?” Joshua said, tight-lipped.

  “Yeah,” Carl said with equal grimness. “Since that is exactly what he told you and me, I guess that makes both of us infernal liars.”

  Nathan went on. “He even swore out an affidavit attesting to the same kind of things—Joseph never taught anything contrary to the strictest principles of the gospel or of virtue, Joseph had never countenanced any of Bennett’s immoral conduct and had never taught him in public or private that illicit relations between the sexes was justifiable.”

  “That’s a pretty important confession,” said Joshua.

  “Yes, it is. Then he offered his resignation as mayor and also to have his name withdrawn from the Church. Pa thinks he was hoping that the council would not accept it and give him another chance. Instead, they accepted it, thanked him for his service, and had a new mayor elected before Bennett had a chance to blink. Pa says Bennett was stunned.”

  “It couldn’t happen to a more deserving man,” Joshua drawled sarcastically. Then, sensing that Nathan was suddenly hesitant, he asked, “Can I assume from the fact that you and Carl are both here that you’ve found some answers on that question you were going to investigate?”

  “We have. But there’s something else you need to know too. The women know everything.”

  “What!”

  “Just hear me out first, then you can ask all the questions you want.”

  Joshua was fuming, but he finally nodded. “This had better be good.”

  There was a quick, darting glance at Carl; then Nathan knew there was no delaying it. He plunged in. He only omitted two things—first, he was careful not to say anything that would give away the identity of Brigham Young or Heber and Vilate Kimball as he told Joshua about the meeting they had gone to that night. Second, Nathan said nothing of his own personal struggle and search. All the rest came out dispassionately and calmly. Carl said little, only adding a detail here and there as Nathan talked.

  Nathan saw Joshua’s eyes narrow and his heavy black brows knit closer and closer together as he told him what they had learned. But when Nathan got to the part about their deciding to let the wives know everything, Joshua blew up. “So much for your word.”

  “Father told them,” Nathan said. “Once we learned about the assassination attempt, we decided they had a right to know.”

  “You can do whatever you please with your wife, mister,” Joshua snapped angrily. “But you made me a promise. Caroline was not to know until I got back.”

  Carl leaned forward. “Joshua, it was a joint decision. I concurred. I thought it was best.”

  “Oh, really?” he said with deep irony. “You waited until I was gone and then you made a joint decision.”

  Nathan had spent a good part of the night and most of the morning steeling himself for this confrontation. He vowed he was not going to let Joshua goad him into a fight. “You think what you want, Joshua. I promised I would investigate this issue for you. I’ve done that. You now have a full report. We thought it best to tell you all of this before you talk to Caroline and Will. You—”

  “Will too?” Joshua cried, the betrayal heavy in his voice. “You two have really been busy, haven’t you?”

  Carl slapped his open hand with a fisted one. “I’ll not be having your insults, Joshua. We did what we thought was right. It was Caroline who decided Will had a right to know too. If that somehow messes up your little scheme to stop them from being baptized, then that’s your affair.”

  His sharpness caught Joshua by surprise, and Joshua backed down slightly. “I’m sorry, Carl. It’s just that—” His mouth tightened. “You shouldn’t have told her. That was my place.”

  “It wouldn’t have made any difference,” Carl said flatly. “None of this has changed Caroline’s mind one bit. Will’s either.”

  “Of course not,” Joshua nearly shouted. “The whole family has had three weeks to convince her there’s nothing wrong here.”

  Carl shot to his feet, his mouth working. But finally he just turned to Nathan. “I’ve got work to do at the brickyard.”

  Nathan held up one hand, still l
ooking at Joshua. “The whole family doesn’t know,” he said quietly. “Only the seven of us and Caroline and Will.”

  Carl sighed, looking at Nathan in resignation. “I told you this was going to tear the family apart. I know Joseph is sincere, but you go tell him that. It is going to tear this family apart.” He glared at Joshua. “And it’s your bullheaded blindness that is going to do it.” He gave Joshua a curt nod and moved out of the shade and into the sunshine, not looking back.

  Stunned by such a vehement reaction from normally reticent Carl, Joshua just stared after him. After a moment, Nathan turned back to Joshua. “Look, Joshua. I’m not trying to convert you to this principle. You have your feelings and I have mine. Carl has his feelings—and in case you haven’t guessed it by now, they are much closer to your feelings than to mine. But he’s not lost his balance over it. He’s not ready for war with the family.”

  Joshua stiffened a little. “Anything else?” he finally asked in a tight voice.

  Nathan got to his feet slowly now. “No. We just thought you ought to know what has been going on before you went home. The rest is between you and Caroline.”

  They waited until Savannah and Charles were both asleep. Joshua’s welcome home had been warm and sincere, even though they all sensed the underlying strain. He spent most of the afternoon playing with the children and catching up on the news since he had left. Then he left for a couple of hours to go to the freight office and check in there.

  There was no family supper at his parents’ house as was traditional after someone returned home from an extended trip, and he was glad for that. Though many of the family had no idea what all lay behind it, they knew that the question of baptism for Caroline and Will was coming to a head. By unspoken agreement, they left them alone to work it out. So after a quiet supper of their own, Joshua took the two smaller children upstairs, read them stories, kidded and played and teased, getting them more worked up than sleepy. But they loved it, and it postponed the inevitable for Joshua. Finally about nine o’clock he came back down the stairs again to find Caroline, Will, and Olivia waiting for him in the sitting room.