Ashes to Ashes

by A Lonergan

  "Oh, how trivial, the hatred of your own people." He bared his teeth at me.

  "For someone that hates getting hit by shoes," I sighed. "You sure love to hang around my window."

  "That's because no one else will tend to this side of the castle," he snarled.

  "Why not?" I frowned. I kicked my bare feet and wished I could wear trousers. Oh, how I would have loved to leap from the window and not worry about what was appropriate or not.

  Alister averted his eyes from my bare ankles and swinging legs. "You! Your temper needs improving or did you forget the entire reason we are having this conversation?"

  "At least it wasn't a shoe this time," I remarked.

  "A book isn't any better." Alister shook his head before he wiped his hands on his britches.

  "Oh, but it is. You could use the book as a teacher and maybe you will find out why you're all alone. It could teach you some manners or a little romance. Maybe it will make you less grumpy." I shrugged my shoulders and leaned against the window.

  His face turned red and it wasn't from anger. It seemed to be from embarrassment. "I will have you know, I do not suffer in that area."

  I raised an eyebrow. I didn't know why I was baiting him, but I was bored and I knew that had something to do with it. "Well, your attitude says differently."

  Alister crossed his arms over his chest. "What would you know about romance? You have never seen the city gates."

  He thought his jab was going to hurt, it merely tickled. I tilted my head to the side. I pointed to the book in his hands. "I explore the world in other ways."

  He raised his eyebrows. "Oh, this should be good."

  I leaned back from the window and spotted my pile of decent books nearby. I reached over, almost falling off of the window in the process, and grabbed a book. It was one I didn't particularly care about, so I threw it at him, this time it was completely intentional. He ducked at the last second then scowled at me.

  "You aren't a very likable human being." He narrowed his eyes.

  "Who said I want to be likable?" I retorted.

  "One day you'll be queen and you'll need your people to like you then." He bit his bottom lip.

  "Well, Alister, I don't plan on ever being queen, between you and me." I kicked my legs again and he got a little bolder. His eyes didn't stray from where my dress swished around my ankles.

  "What do you plan on doing?" he asked, quietly.

  I wrinkled my nose like I smelled something I didn't particularly like. "What does it matter to you? You don't like me, remember? Why would you stay and talk to a spoiled brat?"

  Alister smiled then and it about kicked me right out of the window and into the forsaken garden. "You're probably the most interesting person I have ever met. I could sit here for hours and watch you brood and rant."

  I swallowed and the smile left my lips. "I promise you I am not that interesting. I am just a brat. A spoiled girl." I couldn't let this man think he was getting under my skin. Based on the smile gracing his lips, he assumed he was winning whatever this was. I hopped from my perch and gave him a disinterested look over my shoulder. "It was nice talking to you. But I must... Study."

  "Enjoy your romance novels," he called as the windows clicked shut. I managed to catch a glimpse of him bending over for my book before I walked away.

  Six

  Arabella

  Antsy was an understatement to the way I felt. I needed information on the family outside of the wall or I wasn't going to be getting anywhere. All the things I had said to Alister would never matter because I would eventually end up being queen. I had to stop that from happening. Besides the fact that I didn't want to be a queen, I knew I wouldn't be a good one. How could I possibly take over a throne I didn't care for or even know anything about? I opened the door to my quarters and came face to face with another guard. Anytime the guards thought I was sweet-talking or seducing the one stationed outside of my door, they were swapped out as quickly as possible.

  I had never been successful in my endeavors, but that didn't stop me from trying. I was on a mission to win. I smiled up at the guard and batted my eyelashes. It wasn't a sure way to win him over, but a girl could try. "You're new."

  He didn't say anything and stared straight ahead like I didn't exist. I felt slightly deflated.

  "I don't much enjoy being ignored, I do hope you know."

  The guard's brown eyes slid to mine. "Who was it that you were talking to last night?"

  Lovely, a guard and a spy. Though I wasn't surprised. This could work to my advantage. "The gardener. I hurtled a book out the window and heard him yelp. It does get rather lonely in there."

  "Hurting others doesn't seem to be a surefire way to make friends." His voice was rough, like what I imagined the sand to feel like. It was pleasant but nothing like Alister's. I found myself blinking at my thoughts. How had I managed to compare them? Why had I done that?

  I tilted my head to the side in thought. "It was never intentional."

  "But you keep doing it. You must know you're going to seriously harm him one of these days."

  I folded my arms over my light pink dress. "He will learn to stay away from my side of the gardens eventually."

  "Then your loneliness will increase tenfold."

  He had a point and I was glad I had gloated him into talking to me. "Thank you for your insight."

  The adventure I had wanted to go on would have to wait. I had a feeling the gardener would back soon. Or rather, I hoped he would be.

  * * *

  The next morning I sat at my window and watched the birds. It wasn't something I had done before, but I was curious to see if I would catch a glimpse of the gardener before the storm. The storm being myself of course. Maybe he would be pleasant. Maybe I would be pleasant. It did seem to be a gamble these days. But today I felt a little better about a possible exchange between us.

  Until I waited for two hours before I gave up and slammed my windows closed. I didn't know what I had been expecting maybe it was company, maybe it was information, or maybe I just wanted to see him. I groaned. I had definitely wanted to see him.

  Alister's temper was becoming a quick favorite of mine. His face would turn red and his eyes would narrow. It was a beautiful sight. A sight I would be okay with seeing again. I had probably scared him off. That seemed to be a usual occurrence. I sighed before I opened my windows again, but this time Alister was waiting for me. Though waiting wasn't exactly the best word to use. He was elbow-deep in the dirt.

  He didn't look up as he spoke. "I hope you aren't opening those windows to throw a shoe out or something worse."

  "No angry outbursts today." I sat on the edge of the window once again, but I kept my legs inside. It was the middle of the day and I couldn't get caught being indecent. That was the last thing I needed a complaint about. I had enough complaints about my temper it seemed.

  He sat up and rubbed his gloved hand over his forehead. "For what do I owe the pleasure?"

  "Do you have a rabbit problem?" I asked ignoring his question.

  "Probably," he sighed. "They love the flowers on this side."

  "They are quite beautiful." My mouth dried up. I wanted to say something else. Anything else. But I couldn't formulate anything intelligent. How had I gone from having an interesting conversation with him before to having a tied tongue now?

  Good thing Alister could. "That book you were reading," he paused. "It was quite good."

  I raised my eyebrows. "You read?"

  He chuckled as he continued to cover up the holes in front of my window. "Yes, alas, I am more than just a pauper."

  I bit my lip. "That isn't what I meant. Most men," I stopped. I knew absolutely nothing about men, except what I had read in books. "Never mind."

  "There are many different things I enjoy. I don't fancy myself like most men though." Alister crouched beside a rose bush as he peered around the branches. "I like blacksmith work and I fancy myself a well equip archer."

  I frown
ed. "Then why are you a gardener?"

  A smile touched his lips. He pulled his leather gloves from his hands and regarded me carefully. "Not everyone gets to choose your station. My father was a gardener. My mother is an herbalist. It made sense. They don't ask you what you want to be when you grow up. They tell you. This was fine by me, plus it reminds me of my father."

  I licked my lips. I could understand more than I could explain to him. "I suppose you're right. Can I ask you something?"

  Alister quirked an eyebrow at me. "Of course, your highness."

  I closed my eyes. He would answer any and all questions I had because of my station. "Do you know the story of my parents?"

  He laughed. The sensual sound vibrated through my body again and it felt phenomenal. Like warm honey. It reminded me of my favorite dessert. It made my stomach flip flop. "Everyone knows that story."

  "Everyone but me," I shrugged with indifference but the way his eyes watched me, I knew he could tell that I cared a lot more than I acted. I hoped I wasn't that easy to read. I plastered on a mask of annoyance when he looked at me for a second too long.

  "Your mother was the first and the only to change her station." Alister picked up his garden caddy. "She won your father's heart through a glass slipper. Your mother was beautiful but she wasn't rich. She wasn't permitted to go to the ball, but somehow she managed to get there. Her family protested and told the village that she would change. That she would never come back and she never did."

  "Do you know who that family is? Do they still live in the village?" I asked almost too eagerly. I was certainly too easy to read.

  A shadow fell over Alister's face. "Princess Arabella, don't go looking for those people. There is a reason your mother left and never looked back. Heed my warning, please. If you keep digging, you won't like what you find. "

  "I'm not interested in them, I was just merely curious about my mother before she was queen."

  Alister fixed me with a glare. "For some reason, I don't believe you ask questions because you're curious. Be careful, Arabella."

  The way he said my name sent shivers down my spine and I quickly forgot his warnings.

  Seven

  Arabella

  I dressed slowly for dinner. I didn't know why I couldn't eat my supper alone, but my parents had insisted. Apparently, we were to have some important guests visiting and they wouldn't let me mess this up for them. They hadn't said it, but I had felt it. They had all but demanded my presence. Beatrice had arranged my hair in a beautiful mess. It was the only way to describe the braids folded and curled around my head. I felt like a show cow. I pouted at myself in the mirror before I plucked a silver gown from its hanger. My mother insisted on me wearing ballgowns all the time because it reminded everyone of my position. I smiled at the thin fabric and the slinky shape of it.

  I had met with the royal dressmaker on my own for once and I had persuaded him to make me something a little more risqué. Or a lot more. I slipped the dress over my head. It felt like a rain shower. The cold material settled over my body and I smiled to myself. The dress hugged my body in all the right ways before it pooled out around my feet. The neckline was dangerously low, stopping between my breasts and the straps were little slips of fabric. They were hardly strong enough to keep the dress on my body. I turned this way and that way in the mirror. The light reflected each little sparkle. This would surely stun them all. I slid my feet into short slippers and did a twirl as a test run. I wouldn't look like a fool walking into dinner. I needed to appear confident or I would never get the reaction I was looking for.

  I pulled the door open with a flick of my wrist. The guard standing at attention seemed to lose his footing when he spotted me. "Your Highness." he sputtered.

  "Yes? Is there a problem?" I held my head high and looked down my nose at him.

  "No, no, of course not! I will escort you to dinner." he stuttered

  I nodded my head and placed my hand in the crook of his elbow. Every single guard in the castle turned to gape at me. I kept my face impassive. I couldn't show my satisfaction to anyone. We marched right to the royal hall and I stopped short before entering. "I thought we would be in the dining hall?" I whispered.

  The guard frowned. "No, we are to be here in the ballroom. This is an important dinner."

  I nodded my head as I started to doubt myself. Had I made a mistake with my dress? This wasn't some silly dinner now and I should have known. I shouldn't have dressed or acted in spite. This would come back to bite me. I pushed my shoulders back and did what I did best.

  I faked it for the sake of my parents. The doors swung open and the longest table I had ever seen was positioned in the center of the room. From what I could tell, every single person was from a neighboring kingdom. Everyone except Alister.

  All eyes turned to me. Alister's eyebrows shot to his hairline and a smirk found its way to his lips. What the absolute hell was he doing here? Mortification flooded my entire body. All the other eyes at the table landed on me. I didn't hear the guard announce me, there was too much blood rushing in my ears. I looked for my father and what I found gave me satisfaction and horror. His face was beet red and his jaw was clenched. My mother was another story. She stared at me with blank eyes and a slack jaw. I had done it. I had finally broken my mother. There was an empty seat between my parents. I took a deep breath, put on my brave face and walked across the pristine floor. My father stood up. His entire body was controlled rage. It wasn't exactly detectable by anyone else, but I knew my father well. I had seen this look many times since I was a child.

  I looked for Alister as discreetly as possible. He was tearing roll into little pieces. He didn't eat any of it, though and left it discarded on his plate. I had never seen someone attack their dinner in such a manner. He was wearing a suit but it wasn't as nice as the others around him. His back was straight and he seemed to be confident in a room full of important people. The only thing that gave it away that he wasn't comfortable was the bread on his, mostly, empty plate. There was a woman beside him and a younger girl on the other side of her. The woman was dressed in a simple gown. It had puffy sleeves and a hole near the seam on her wrist. Her silver hair was twisted up in a tight knot at the top of her head. Her skin was clear of imperfections besides a few laugh lines around her lips and eyes.

  I imagined she smiled a lot when she wasn't around people she couldn't trust. She looked familiar but I couldn't figure out where I had seen her before. The little girl wore a plain brown dress and her wheat-colored hair hung around her shoulders. She stared straight ahead while she twisted her hands in her lap. Her face was turned down and I couldn't get a feel on her age or if she had similar features with Alister. I wished he would look my way, but the man across from him was talking animatedly and there was no way he was going to get out of that.

  "Princess Arabella." The man across from me cleared his throat. "You look absolutely decadent."

  My father coughed and I raised an eyebrow. "Thank you, sir?"

  "Sir Mackenzie at your service." He bowed his head and his blonde hair flopped forward onto his forehead. His bright blue eyes raked over my face. "It is a pleasure to have this opportunity."

  I raised both of my eyebrows this time. "Opportunity?"

  Sir Mackenzie chuckled. "I thought for sure you would know, especially with that dress."

  "I dress how I want when I want." I retorted with a frown. I didn't like being the last to know but it was the norm around here and I wasn't surprised.

  My mother found my hand under the table and squeezed it. "We decided having a dinner would be more beneficial than a ball."

  Father picked up where she left off. "So we can properly offer your hand in marriage."

  The winged-back chair seemed to swallow me up at that moment. Why was Alister here? My eyebrows drew together in concern. I should have known this night was coming sooner than later. My father had hinted about it. Had he been warning me? "And the gardener is here, why?" I could practically feel Al
ister's eyes on me as the question fell from my lips.

  Father took a sip from his wine goblet. "Alister's mother is our royal herbalist. They have plenty of estate. Her father was a Lord and she was his only child. When her husband and her father died, she naturally inherited the land and the title. She doesn't like to use it, but she has it at her disposal. A little bluebird mentioned that you liked his company."

  The royal herbalist? That's where I knew her from! She had been in the infirmary when I had my physical to deem whether or not I was pure for my future husband. My parents had tried to fight the law, but it was a law and the other royals and dignitaries had wanted a doctors seal. They couldn't enter a union if I was possibly with child. Once every month since then, they made sure I had my cycle. Everything had to be recorded since. The herbalist had been the one to bring me a tincture when my cycle started which would help ease the pain.

  That meant they had money. Why were they dressed like they were? Especially for a royal engagement party. The blood drained from my face in guilt. They didn't want to be here. Of course they didn't. Alister would never want to be ensnarled with the Brat Princess.

  I tilted my head to ensure only my father heard my words. "I don't think they want to be here."

  "Don't be ridiculous, they're probably mortified that they wanted to be here, now that they see the type of woman you are."

  His words felt like physical blows. I knew he didn't approve of my dress, but that much? I blinked back the tears gathering behind my eyes. I wouldn't cry in front of all these people. There was no way I would show weakness to any of them. My father had never openly said anything to hurt me.

  An orchestra was tucked in the corner of the room and as the food was brought out, they started to play. I tapped my fingers on my thigh to try to distract myself from all of the other disasters in my life.