You didn’t fuck it up. I did. I should have been more understanding. And given you more time and space when you needed them.
Maybe we both messed up a little? Landon offered.
Landon was still too far away from him in that chair. What do you want to do now, then? What would that look like?
I… can we just start over? Like from the beginning? Without any lessons?
Dustin let himself really start to feel that hope again. Yes. We’ll start again. Like we just met?
Landon’s eyes grew a little hazy, and Dustin found himself smitten all over again. He was probably miles further along on this path to commitment than Landon was, but if there was even a chance of Landon catching up he’d take things as slowly as necessary.
Maybe we could pretend we were just friends before and now we’re… dating?
Joy suffused him, like his whole body was bathed in warmth. I would love that.
Landon finally gave him one of his real smiles, honest and more seductive than anything he could have manufactured.
He really couldn’t take the distance any longer. Come here, boyfriend.
Landon flew across the room and into his lap. And then they were lost in kisses. Soft and delicate, hungry and needy. He wanted to kiss every inch of his boyfriend.
Landon undulated on his lap, and Dustin’s mind filled with dirty things. Like using every toy in Landon’s toy box and maybe some new ones, too. And the idea of it being their “first time” together again...
But that wasn’t what Landon needed right now and maybe it wasn’t even what Dustin wanted to give him. He wanted to worship him. To paint desire and tender care across every heavenly part of his body.
Is this our first date? he asked playfully.
Landon’s eyes sparkled. Ooh, I like that idea.
And do you put out on first dates or do I need to take you to dinner first?
Well, since we already know each other, I think we can skip the formalities. Flirty Landon was back, and Dustin hadn’t ever expected to be so relieved to see that side of him. Though maybe if all of that practiced flirtation was for him...
Though that reminded him that sex would always be easier for Landon than the rest of the emotional stuff. He’d need to slow down both while they figured things out together.
Let me show you to my bedroom, then. He held Landon’s hand and it was kind of innocent and hot all at once.
Only then did a thought occur to him. Is Zhong still here?
Landon laughed and Dustin loved the sound of it, a kind of breathy braying without the musicality that most hearing people had when they laughed, but it was perfect. Zhong left after he let me in. I’m supposed to text him if things go wrong.
So, what’s the verdict?
That depends. Do we get to have sex?
Oh, his gorgeous, flirty, delightful boy. Whatever you want.
Then Dustin took him to his bedroom and proceeded to pour every ounce of emotion into touching his body. He felt reverent, watching Landon naked in his bed as the day turned to night and the golden light of the lamp shone on his skin.
And when he eventually came all over his boyfriend, fingers curled into those spaces along Landon’s ribs that made his eyes close and his throat scream, it seemed like everything was right in the world.
Landon was his to protect and cherish. Even from the intensity of his own needs. This was just their first date, and now he had time to take things slowly and do it right. They’d do more talking and go slower on the kink. And definitely avoid any intense scenes that would lead to subdrop again.
Dustin curled their bodies together and felt hope again. He would make Landon his.
Chapter 17
Landon
Landon woke up the next morning and snuggled into Dustin’s warm bulk. Yesterday had been wretched. The subdrop had been bad, but thinking that he was losing Dustin had been even worse.
Now he was lying in Dustin’s bed, their legs tangled together, and he felt… light. Happy. Connected.
He’d told himself that he wouldn’t date again, but with Dustin it felt different. Maybe because Dustin hadn’t backed down an inch when he told Landon what he wanted. No one-night stands. Full commitment.
Dustin wasn’t willing to settle for less, and maybe that meant that Landon didn’t have to settle for less, either. Maybe he could have a relationship that didn’t fizzle out or explode in a few months.
Dustin shifted, stretched a bit, and then gathered him closer. He still felt a little awed that this man wanted to be with him and take care of him all the time.
He nuzzled into Dustin’s shoulder and got a smushed kiss on his forehead. Dustin pushed Landon back a little bit, moved both of their arms, and then tangled their legs together now that they were facing each other. Landon loved being moved around like that.
Good morning, Dustin signed, looking sleep-rumpled and pleased.
Landon leaned in for a kiss, only realizing at the last moment what his breath must smell like. But Dustin pulled his head closer, brushing their lips together and then seeking entrance with his tongue.
Landon relaxed into the lazy communion of tongues and lips, a golden honey feeling flowing between them. Landon ran his hands over the hair on Dustin’s chest, realizing that he hadn’t had many chances to touch him yet.
To touch his boyfriend.
Well, that would have to change. He cuddled in closer, tracing over his muscles and skin. He rubbed a nipple and felt a shiver move through Dustin’s body. All of this was his. He wanted to touch Dustin everywhere now, to make him feel as good as he always made Landon feel.
But Dustin rolled them over until Landon was sinking into the mattress, pinned by Dustin’s weight and feeling deliciously helpless. Alright, maybe he wanted this, too. However Dustin wanted him, he wanted that, too.
He explored Dustin’s back, now, taking his time to appreciate the muscles in his shoulders, the swell of his ass.
Dustin ground down against his body and Landon moaned. They were both erect, but it didn’t feel like there was any hurry. There wasn’t a scene, just the two of them together.
Landon kissed Dustin’s shoulders and along his neck, enjoying the salty clean flavor and warm skin wherever he could reach it. Then, Dustin slid down to leave trails of kisses across his chest and Landon tangled his hands in his hair.
They kissed that way, languid and sweet, until they were both panting and desperate. Then, Dustin wrapped his hand around both of their cocks, stroking them slowly together, until they came in a gentle flow, still breathing each other’s air.
Eventually they took a relaxed shower, washing each other and finally giving Landon more of a chance to explore. Dustin was gorgeous, and Landon couldn’t get enough of gliding his fingers over his soapy skin.
Dustin declared that it was going to be a lazy day for both of them, so they both pulled on pajama pants from Dustin’s drawer and ate cereal on the back patio. It was calm here, with birds chirping and grass in front of them. Landon idly wondered if he might move in. It was definitely too soon to even talk about it, but he could see himself here.
He walked out onto the grass and dug his toes in. It made him feel like stretching and dancing a bit, so he gave into the feeling. Dustin stayed at the patio table, but he watched him the whole time.
Eventually, Dustin called him over. I was thinking about a lazy day, but it looks like even on lazy days you still need to run. Is that right?
Landon might have felt self-conscious if someone else had noticed it, after years of being told to sit still, but with Dustin it felt safe. Like he was being taken care of. Yeah, it helps me a lot if I run each day. I think my body needs it.
Dustin stood and gave him a peck on the lips. Let’s go running then. We’ll make sure you go running every day. It felt like a promise.
The streets near Dustin’s house were tree-lined and filled with wide lawns and colorful flowers. They ran together about a mile along the streets, and then broke into a
small park. It wasn’t huge, but there was a nice loop that they took several times, nodding at a few other runners and avoiding racing kids and baby strollers.
Their second round of showers were more perfunctory, and then Dustin suggested that they find something to do together. They eventually settled on a board game, and more or less figured out how to snuggle on the couch without showing each other their cards.
It wasn’t quite like Daddy-middle time, but it wasn’t far off either. Landon didn’t want to regress again until he had some time to think about it, but it was also clear that Dustin was structuring the day for him and planning things that he would enjoy.
When the afternoon rolled around, Dustin asked if he had any work that he needed to get done and Landon almost put on a pout. He didn’t quite want to ruin the relaxed feel of the day, though. Maybe he was feeling too happy to even be bratty.
So he just explained what he had to do and how long it would take. Unfortunately, as he started listing it, he realized that he had a lot more to do than he’d expected, since he hadn’t done any yesterday. It was probably enough that he should just go home right now and power through for the rest of the afternoon.
Alright, so maybe he was pouting. Ugh.
Dustin wrapped strong arms around him, and he relaxed a little bit. He told himself that he could come back another day. This wasn’t the end of the world, even if it felt a little bit like it.
Dustin pulled back so that he could sign. Let’s go get your stuff. We’ll pick up everything you need for work tomorrow, too, and you can stay the night.
Oh! That was much better. Landon suggested that he could just drive over by himself to get his things, but Dustin insisted on making the trip across town.
Dustin really didn’t intend to let him out of his sight. It was a heady feeling.
When they got back to Dustin’s place, it took him a little while to get into his work, but eventually he got absorbed and had to be pulled away from it for dinner. Dustin had brought him a snack earlier, but he was starving now.
They ate in front of the TV, legs pressed together.
Dustin got a text from Zhong and spent a while texting him back, which reminded Landon that he should text Ash, too. Ash had been an amazing friend yesterday, and he kind of wanted to tell him about how everything had worked out.
Eventually, he and Dustin were both texting more than they were watching the show. He would have felt guilty for ignoring Dustin, but Ash and Zhong were both funny, and they kept showing each other their texts. It felt cozy, snuggling up to Dustin and texting a friend.
Dustin got out a chocolate bar, some blueberries, and a banana. Landon had only mentioned that he wasn’t a big fan of sweets once and now Dustin always made sure that he had fruit for dessert.
So, they sat like that, texting and watching a show, with Dustin occasionally putting blueberries in his mouth. It felt more like home than anything had in a long time.
Zhong finally put them all in a chat group together, and then it was even more cute to sit in Dustin’s lap while their phones both buzzed at the same time.
At last, Dustin told everybody good night, and then threatened to take Landon’s phone away if he kept texting. Ash and Zhong were still at it, but Dustin had decided it was time for them to go to bed.
And Landon couldn’t really complain, since he’d be sleeping beside Dustin again tonight. He was finding that he craved this kind of caretaking. It wasn’t any kind of scene, just Dustin reminding him that he needed sleep.
As he snuggled into bed, Landon knew that if he could keep having days like this, he’d never need anything else.
Now he just had to hope that it would last. It never had before, but with Dustin, he really felt like it could be different.
Chapter 18
Landon
Even with Dustin taking care of him these days, the long hours of family-teacher conferences were getting to him. Landon stretched uncomfortably in his desk chair. He had another parent coming in a couple of minutes, but he needed a moment to take care of his bodily functions and maybe clear his head a bit.
He usually liked these meetings. It could be a little draining, with so many parents wanting to know every detail about their children’s progress back-to-back. In middle school, most families didn’t even bother showing up for conferences, and some of the teachers were aghast that he had so many coming in.
But he’d cultivated a close enough relationship with most of the families that it was typically pleasant to see them and catch up on the strides their children were making.
Today, though, it was wretched. The families had been told that the program was being dismantled and everyone was frantic.
He tried to reassure them, but of course, there wasn’t much positive he could say. Would the special education courses still have interpretation for all subjects? Would advanced high school classes still be available? Why did the school district want their children back in their local schools? And were they allowed to stay here?
Mostly, he just said “I don’t know. Make sure you get that in the IEP for next year. If it’s in the IEP, the school district has to provide it.”
But it hurt his heart, because what he wanted to say was “your kids are totally screwed because this is fucked up and we’re all powerless here.”
He also wanted to say, “I asked for an appointment with the superintendent to discuss the issue and I hope I can make a difference,” because of course he didn’t know if he could. Not to mention that the appointment was weeks away and they were supposed to put in their school selections for next year now.
And then they would ask him what he was doing next year. And if they could get their kids into his classes wherever he was teaching.
The taste of those pleas was bittersweet. He loved that his families and students loved him so much, but he couldn’t promise anything. He wasn’t even sure if he would have a job.
Some parents were incensed, and he sent them directly to Principal McGillans. Parents tended to wield a lot more power than teachers in situations like this, so maybe they could do something that he couldn’t.
His last conference of the day was with a family that immigrated from the Ivory Coast, and that was hardest of all. They spoke a rare African language at home, knew some French, and had just started to learn English. He wanted to explain to them all of their rights and opportunities, limited as they were, but they’d never advocated for their daughter and he knew they wouldn’t now.
They loved her, of course, but the gaps of education, imperialism, race, and language were just too much for them to cross. They felt that the school would do what it was supposed to and that it wasn’t their business to be involved. Even when he’d crafted Ami’s IEP last fall they’d just agreed to everything he’d said, without question.
“Stay at this school,” he told them, hoping that they would understand. It was the best he could offer, since they’d have more interpreters here.
He should have told them to bring Ami to the conference to interpret, even though he hated making children do that. She’d attended a Deaf school in her home country where they taught American Sign Language, and even though she’d entered sixth grade several years behind, she was catching up rapidly and even learning some English.
The father kept his lips pressed closely together and didn’t use the same lip shapes as native speakers, but it looked like he agreed. The mother silently agreed, but then again, she never spoke in these meetings. It was frustrating, but it also wasn’t his place to judge.
He finally shook their hands and saw them to the door, hoping that Ami would somehow get what she needed.
The whole day had been frustrating. And heartbreaking.
As he walked to his car, his whole body felt jumpy and uncomfortable. He knew exactly what he needed.
A scene. As deep and intense as he could get.
The only problem was… he probably wasn’t going to get it.
Before Dustin, he would have dri
ven the hour into the city and found someone to make him hurt and forget. And he’d thought he’d be able to get that from Dustin, but somehow it just wasn’t quite happening.
He drove home and changed clothes anyway, wondering if he could change their plans for tonight. He wanted a Lena day.
And he knew that Dustin would be fine with it. Dustin always supported him however he presented and seemed to appreciate whatever clothes he wore.
But Dustin had also gotten reservations at a nice restaurant for tonight. And while Landon felt comfortable with feminine presentation at a few places that he knew were accepting, like the munch, Escape, his family, and some explicitly queers spaces, it wasn’t something he felt safe doing just anywhere.
If he showed up at a fancy restaurant and someone said something cruel to him on top of everything else that had gone down today, he felt like he would crumple.
The restaurant was supposed to be a treat for finishing up conferences, and it had sounded like one when Dustin had suggested it. He just hadn’t anticipated how wrung out he’d feel right now. He was emotionally finished with everything, and he needed a break.
Actually, what he really needed was to have Dustin step in as his Daddy again. But that hadn’t happened in the past few weeks either. Dustin had already been a little wary about inadvertently hurting Landon, and after the subdrop fiasco, he’d gotten protective.
Or, more likely, he’d started to feel insecure again.
Landon didn’t mind protective, really, as long as it was the right type of protective. He wanted growling desire, strict rules, harsh punishments, and maybe, just possibly, all-day cuddles when it was over. What he was getting was vanilla dates, a few light spankings when he asked for it, and long sensuous showers.
Not that he was complaining about the dates or the showers it was just… he wanted more, too. More of what they’d been building toward. Not this halfway place where Dustin was afraid of hurting him, and he was afraid of suggesting anything.
He texted Ash.
Landon: How do I get Dustin to punish me?
Ash: you know what i’m going to tell you
Love Lessons (Love Language Book 2) Page 23
