Left In Good Spirits

by Anne Pleydon

  “Wow.”

  “And staff said it wasn’t a good thing. Said we’d never keep the kids calm. This unit will be just like that. And we’ll handle it like the girls.”

  “But in the mean time, the staff will get very unhappy.”

  “We’ll deal with it when it comes.”

  “But what about a Ministry change.”

  Frank grimaces. “Now, I don’t understand that. But they’re all the same. It’s all the same ideas going round and round. They talked about a clinical unit 20 years ago, and then 10 years ago, and here it is again. They get these ideas and then pull back because there’s no more money. And then they get some money and then there’s more ideas, again. It’s like they have to spend that money so fast they don’t have time to ask anyone what we should do with it.”

  “You sound very level headed about the whole thing.”

  “This ain’t my first rodeo, hon.”

  Kenny nods. “Well, get out of here. Get some sleep.”

  “Later.”

  Kenny stiffens when she sees who is working at Front Control but says hello anyway. Wolcott buzzes her through the first door but doesn’t look her in the eyes. Neither does his partner, Dunny. In the Man Trap, she brushes off the feeling that there is something extra dismissive about the way they are treating her. She is released and feels relieved to walk through the lobby toward the Rotunda. When she enters the Rotunda, the OIC’s meeting with the Code Red team has just ended. A couple staff are lingering around School Control. Again, she feels something. It is an almost imperceptible energy that something has shifted or occurred. Something has happened that has caused the staff to close ranks. She wonders if there was a staff assault or recent fight or another lockdown. She nods to OIC who is surveying the yard.

  Kenny swipes her way into the Admin/Mental Health wing. The minute she enters the Mental Health Unit, she sees Karen coming out of the file room. Karen works shift work too, like the Justice staff.

  “Our photocopier died,” she explains about being on the Mental Health Unit so early in the morning.

  “Oh.”

  “So, did you see it?”

  “What?”

  “The email they sent all of us about the Ministry take-over.”

  “No. When did they send it?” Kenny logs onto Mara’s computer and finds a new email. “Who got this?”

  “We all did. I put a paper copy on your desk.”

  “Frontline staff got it, too?”

  “I think so.”

  Kenny reads an email from the Deputy Minister of Social Services announcing a new clinical unit at Merivale as well as the take-over of Social Services from Justice at Merivale at the end of the fiscal year. Kenny shakes her head. “It asks for patience through this challenging time. Oh, and how they’re sensitive that this can make people nervous. What the hell? Are there going to be lay-offs?”

  Karen says, “Probably.”

  Kenny stares at Karen. “Why would they lay people off?”

  “They’ll probably offer deals to Justice people, the senior ones, to do secondments here or something. But the younger ones will have to switch Ministries. We all will. It’s a huge union nightmare.”

  “Are you nervous?”

  “I have 25 years. They can’t push me out.” Karen rubs her forehead.

  “Good,” Kenny says, although she feels irritated by the arrogance in Karen’s tone. “They’re going to make you Clinical Manager you know. That’s all being done by nurses now.”

  Karen shakes her head and throws her hands in the air. “I’m not doing anything different from what I do now. I have no interest in that. I already told Lana that.”

  “Karen, you know you’ll be pushed to do that.”

  “I won’t. I’m not taking on any more responsibility.” Karen seems flustered. Kenny can feel the anxiety coming off her. Karen touches her forehead, and says, “I have a bad memory. Ever since my concussions, I haven’t had a good memory. So I can’t take that on.”

  Kenny sighs and logs off of Mara’s computer. She hates the tightness she feels in her stomach. It’s a sickness. It’s butterflies and anticipation and a longing for reassurance. She feels overlooked and ignored but also suddenly in the spotlight. No wonder the staff are acting strange. They probably think that the Health Ministry is squeezing out Justice. A new unit and the Ministry change. Kenny hates that the two announcements are out at the same time. Staff are going to think the clinical team are taking over the facility and the only clinical person they know is her.

  Kenny returns to her office and hears the unit door close as Karen heads back to the Health Unit. She picks up a copy of the memo that Karen left on her desk. That’s why the nurse was over here. She didn’t need to make copies, but she did, and left them everywhere. Trying to start shit. Kenny knows she has a terrible habit of reading things too quickly when she feels anxious and then misses important information. She has responded too impulsively to emails in the past and created conflict with others after misinterpreting something. She reads the memo again and it includes plans for all sorts of programming that she doesn’t know anything about.

  Kenny resents Karen’s excuses whenever more responsibility is ever asked of her. Kenny is tired and feels little sympathy for her co-worker. She wants Karen to feel put on the spot. She wants Karen to feel pressured and overwhelmed and to even feel a fraction of what she feels right now. But Kenny knows that every time Karen is pushed, then comes stories about the concussions. Kenny feels guilty about doing that to her. She crumples up the Ministry memo and then picks up the phone to call Karen. She needs to vent and Mara hasn’t arrived yet.

  “Health Unit.”

  “Oh my god. I re-read it. What is this about having a day treatment program? I don’t even know what that would be. This isn’t an out-patient program. It’s a custody facility. Who’s supposed to be running all this?”

  “Dr. Mull?”

  “You think Dr. Mull can run programs? He doesn’t even do treatment. He hasn’t had a therapy case in what, almost 10 years? Why didn’t they tell us about this stuff? And we find out from the Ministry about the change-over? Not even our own people? That’s pretty bad.”

  “I know. I know.”

  “I need to fuckin’ get out of here.”

  “Don’t you dare think of leaving.”

  “This is brutal. Who’s in charge over here. I feel like we should be having a meeting or something.”

  “I know. Lana should have told us something.”

  “We’ll see,” Kenny says. And they hang up. Kenny is satisfied that Karen is as worked up as she is now.

  Chapter 26

  KENNY RETURNS A FILE to the shelf in the file room. It is the end of the day and quiet on the Mental Health Unit. Dr. Mull is in his office listening to the radio. She hears the unit door open and waits for the footsteps which she immediately recognizes as Laura’s. Laura stops in the doorway of the file room.

  Kenny says, “How was Helmcken?” She looks at her watch. “That was a long time.”

  Laura’s face is a bit flush. “I only saw him for 45 minutes. It just took a long time to get him.”

  Kenny frowns. “This whole time was just him? How long did you wait?”

  Laura inhales deeply. “I know I need to be more assertive. But I waited like you told me to. They took forever to talk to me. And then I had to wait almost half an hour to get him.”

  “What? Is something going on? I didn’t hear a Code Red or anything.”

  Laura shrugs. “I don’t know. They …” Her voice trails off.

  “Were they ignoring you?”

  “I don’t know. No. Maybe.”

  “Shit, I’m sorry about that. It’s political stuff. Nothing to do with you.”

  Laura nods. Kenny says, “Just write up your notes and we can chat tomorrow morning about what happened in session. You okay seeing him alone now?”

  “Yeah, I mean, I’m not sure what
’s happening in the session.”

  “Are you working harder than he is?”

  “I think so.”

  “That’s not good. We’ll chat tomorrow.”

  “Okay.” And Laura disappears down the hallway.

  Kenny sits in Mara’s chair with arms folded and stares out the window on to the yard. She sees Cody and another boy, Burrard, and a staff working on the garden. Her eyes bore into the back of Burrard’s back and she shakes her head. “Stupid.”

  Kenny hears Dr. Mull pick up the phone. She can tell he is speaking to Lana. Kenny wants him to close the door but would feel even more uncomfortable if he did. They’re speaking about policy change. Conversations and planning of which she is not a part. She still has not received an official word from Lana or Dr. Mull about the email. She can tell the two of them are speaking about job positions. She hears the words “Unit Manager,” and “Unit Supervisor,” and “Clinical Lead.” Kenny cracks her knuckles.

  Mara is at the unit door and knocks on it abruptly as she fobs her way in. Kenny jumps and they both laugh. “My exaggerated startle response. PTSD, man,” Kenny explains.

  Then, Kenny looks at Mara’s pale face. She gets up to let the admin have her seat. Kenny comments, “I guess they’re letting Burrard have a crack at the garden now that Michelin’s gone.”

  Mara looks quickly at the yard and exhales sharply. She takes off her coat and places it on the back of her chair. Kenny can smell the scent of cigarettes wafting off of her.

  Kenny’s eyes narrow. “Are you alright?”

  Mara presses her lips together. Then, she says, “It’s just a stressful place to work right now. I mean, I feel like enemy number one when I come through Front Control. The staff at School Control don’t even look at me.”

  “What?”

  “Yeah, they don’t talk to me. It’s been weeks.”

  Kenny pauses to reflect. “Who’s working?”

  “It doesn’t matter but the B shift is way worse.”

  “Oh, that’s Wolcott and Dunny.”

  “It makes me feel sick to my stomach to even walk through there now. They just stare.”

  “Since the email?”

  “They hate us. I think they really hate us now.”

  Kenny straightens her back when she sees tears in Mara’s eyes. She feels protective. “I’m going to talk to them.”

  Kenny grabs her coat and work bag and leaves the Mental Health Unit and heads to School Control. She recognizes that Wolcott is senior and hyper-masculine and highly respected amongst his peers. Her plan is purposeful and instrumental. Speaking to staff is her speciality. She understands rank and seniority. Most of all, she understands men. She knows that Wolcott’s attitude about things strongly resonated through the shift and the facility. He is obviously opposed to the Ministry change and he would make that obvious in more ways than one. In some ways, Wolcott is more influential that the OIC. Often, he works up other staff to overtly voice dissent while he watches silently and reaps the reward. For years, Kenny and Wolcott maintained a stand-offish banter. But, then that fell away as Kenny realized that the smiles and laughs were only given to those who did exactly as Wolcott liked. He is the one that doesn’t like her visiting the kids on the weekends as it interferes with how they wants to run School Control. He is the one who pushes to keep the Rotunda visiting rooms away from Mental Health as he feels he should have a schedule of the room visits (which Mental Health refuses to provide). He is all smiles and laughs for those he deems weaker than himself. But, when someone displeases him, he becomes passive-aggressively perfunctory. He shuns and shames. Kenny thinks he is a bully.

  Wolcott is not alone at School Control. She sees Dunny getting batteries for the radios in the OIC office. Another older, blonde haired staff is sitting off to the side but still behind School Control, obviously on a break. This was the staff, Derek, she had seen out with the boys that day with the oil drums. She leans against the desk and speaks to Wolcott. “Hey, can I ask you something?”

  Wolcott's face is flat. “Yeah, what is it?”

  “I’m sure you’re aware that there is a lot of stress and tension around here because of the upcoming Ministry change and clinical unit.”

  “I wouldn’t know anything about that.”

  “Well, people are stressed. And they’re also under the impression that I’m in charge of that and that Mental Health is the one pushing it through. I’m not in charge of anything. I mean, we’re going through a lot of hell right now. We don’t even have a manager really.”

  “No, I hadn’t heard anything about that. That’s really none of my business.”

  Kenny clenches her jaw, and then tries to relax her face again. “Oh, okay, just wanted to make sure it’s all good. I feel like there’s vibe.”

  “I honestly don’t know what you’re talking about. I haven’t heard anything. Have you?” Wolcott asks Derek who merely watches them and does not respond.

  Kenny mentally kicks herself for thinking this tête-a-tête could possibly be productive. This is clearly a mistake and now she needs to get out of it. Dunny shows up and continues to arrange the radios at School Control. Kenny’s gaze falls on him, and something occurs to her. There is a particular silence between them and she wonders, has it been there for weeks? In fact, she can’t remember the last time he even looked at her in the eyes. “Like Dunny, for instance, he doesn’t even look at me or speak to me.”

  Wolcott says, “Well, that’s something you’ll have to take up with him. That has nothing to do with me.”

  Kenny swallows her anger and thinks, Goddamn, partner loyalty shit. She says, “Dunny, is there something wrong? Is everything okay?”

  Dunny responds but seems to be speaking to her through Wolcott rather than directly to her. He says, “You were rude to me.”

  Kenny is taken aback. “What? When?”

  “I came to tell you about a certain youth returning to the facility that I thought you would be interested in knowing.”

  “You know you were giving me a hard time.”

  “I was not. I truly had to tell you something and you yelled at me.”

  “What? I didn’t yell. You’re right, I was upset,” she stammers. “But I came back to School Control immediately afterward and apologized. To both of you.”

  Dunny stares blankly. For a moment, it looks as though he really did forget this occurred. But, then his eyes cloud over again. “Well, you didn’t apologize to me. I didn’t hear it.”

  “I apologized to both of you.” Kenny senses that even Wolcott now remembers this happened and she sees a slight shift in his posture. But it is too late. She can feel her resolve breaking. She has come up against a tidal wave of which she underestimated the force. Repeatedly, she gives warnings to others about the dangers of these waters, but then brazenly swam out to sea with only her charm as a life-vest. She is getting pulled in like an amateur by the undertow. Her over-confidence is an embarrassment. She shakes her head, her eyes are filling with tears. Shit, she is angry with herself. What is with these tears? She never cries at work and now she can never trust her response to anything that happens here. She used to be stone when she was angry and now she is reduced to a puddle in a matter of minutes these days. She thinks, Don’t cry, don’t cry, don’t cry.

  Kenny looks at Wolcott and wants to flee. How can she get out of this conversation with dignity and grace? Wolcott looks at Dunny and says, “Do you accept her apology?” Dunny doesn’t answer. Kenny shakes her head again and pushes away from the desk at School Control, because she can’t stand there any longer without them seeing that she is going to cry. Her voice breaks, “Whatever” and she heads for the lobby toward Front Control. She needs to get to the fresh cool air and the sanctity of her car. She knows they can see her crumbling, reddened face. She knows they’re watching her face intently on the monitors as she walks away. There is nowhere to hide. She is the entertainment of the day. Wolcott calls after her in a mocki
ng tone, “Oh, don’t be angry. Don’t be angry.”

  Kenny escapes the facility and gets into her car. She can see her breath swirling before her in the winter air. She feels two hot tears start to roll down her cheeks. She sits with her hands on the steering wheel until the tears subside. Her eyes narrow as she stares at the tree with the long arm waving at her ever so slightly. She is unaware of how long she focuses on the extended branch in order to contain herself. She is humbled by the tree’s indifference.

  Chapter 27

  KENNY SITS AT HER DESK facing the window overlooking the yard. Her coffee is already cool. She rests her head in her left hand with her face turning toward the computer. She knows there are no units scheduled to be on the yard at this time as they have breakfast on the units right now and then get ready for school. The days are short and the sun is just starting to rise over the horizon. Her eyelids flutter and then close. Sleep creeps into her body and envelopes her like a blanket around her shoulders. She feels she is riding that wave between wakefulness and sleep. She longs to place her head on the desk. She leans forward and folds her arms in front of her and presses her forehead into the crook of her arm. The next thought is how she should grab her coat and use it as a pillow and just crawl underneath the desk for an hour or two. The sound of footsteps coming down the hall jolt her awake. Her right hand reaches for the mouse to click her computer out of the screensaver and on to her email.

  Laura reaches her office door that is left open a crack. She raps softly.

  Kenny says, “Yep.”

  “Hi, Dr. Halpin. How are you?”

  “I’m good. Just a bit tired. And you?”

  Laura takes a seat in her supervisor’s office and rests a book and files on her lap. “Good. I was wondering if we could have our clients come to the Mental Health Unit instead of the Rotunda.”

  Kenny sighs and reaches her coffee mug. “Why?”

  Laura bites her lip and looks at her files. “I don’t know. Just to stay out of everyone’s way.”

  Kenny swallows some of the cold coffee. She can’t remember the last time she had a piping hot cup. What does hot coffee taste like? How long does it stay hot for? 5 minutes? 10 minutes?