Only with You

by Lea Coll

  “What’s the best way to approach donors?” Avery asked.

  “You said you already opened it in New Orleans. How did you get it off the ground initially?” I asked.

  Hadley’s face fell a little. “That was easy because my father and his business backed it. I didn’t need to beg for money. I approached schools and pitched the program. I hired people to staff the afterschool programs and a director to coordinate it while I’m here.”

  “You never had to raise money?” I asked.

  “From time to time, we hold dinners and balls to showcase our accomplishments and we do ask for donations there, but my dad’s been the main benefactor. It allowed me to focus on the program and not worry about money. I know I’ve been lucky in that way.”

  “You know, it doesn’t make it any less impressive that you had an investor, even if it’s your father. As long as your program is making a difference, that’s all that matters. Why can’t you go to him now?” I asked.

  “He’s threatened to withdraw his funding,” Avery said.

  Hadley winced. “I don’t want to rely on him anymore. I want Kids Speak to run on its own.”

  “I can understand that.” I wanted to ask why he was threatening to withdraw his funds from a charity which was doing so much good, but I didn’t. I sensed Hadley didn’t want to talk about her family troubles.

  The waitress placed our plates in front of us. “It looks like everyone had the same idea. Crab cake sandwiches for everyone.”

  I took a large bite of my crab cake and for the first time in a long time, the flavors burst in my mouth. It was like coming out of a coma and eating for the first time. It was that good. I opened my eyes and I caught Hadley watching me, her food forgotten on her plate. “It’s so good.”

  “Looks like it,” Hadley teased.

  I was embarrassed she’d noticed my reaction. I nodded at her sandwich. “Try it.”

  “I don’t know about this. Everyone says you have to try the crab cakes once.” She took a tentative bite of her sandwich, her eyes widened in pleasure. I swallowed hard. “Mmm, that is good. Different than when I’ve had a crab cake elsewhere.”

  Her joy in eating the sandwich made me think of other things—how she’d react if I kissed her or brought her to orgasm. I mentally shook my head to clear it and focus on the conversation.

  “Oh, you can’t eat crab cakes out of state. I did that once and got sick,” Avery said.

  “Just like you can’t eat a beignet outside of New Orleans,” Hadley said in agreement.

  “Good luck finding them outside of New Orleans.” The banter in the group flowed smoothly as we ate and talked about what Hadley should see of the town and how to avoid the times downtown was busy with tourists.

  I wanted to do more than talk about the best tourist spots. I wanted to show her. The realization stunned me a little. The more time I spent with her, the more I wanted to know everything about her. Why did she leave New Orleans when she had a successful nonprofit there?

  “It’s a good thing you live within walking distance. You don’t have to worry about finding parking when it’s busy in the spring and summer,” Avery said.

  “Oh, where do you live?” I asked Hadley. I wanted to know more about her but didn’t want to seem overeager.

  “I rent a small apartment overlooking the water. It’s exactly what I needed. Simple is everything.” Hadley said matter-of-factly, but her eyes were wistful as if simple was a big deal to her.

  Did Hadley have a history like mine? Could she understand a bit of what I’d experienced? She seemed so much younger than me when I met her, yet when she talked, she seemed wiser. What had she endured that she’d learned to appreciate the little things?

  I’d always wanted the next big thing, marriage, house, and kids. After Caroline’s diagnosis, other things mattered, holding her hand for one more day, waking up in your bed and not the hospital, cooking and feeding her food she could taste, and a home free of nurses, family members, and caregivers. I’d taken the small things for granted.

  Hadley’s eyes locked on mine. It was like she could see everything I’d kept hidden—every emotion, every experience, everything. She saw inside me. No one saw or understood the depth of what I went through. Even my family members who were with me. Could Hadley? I had this sudden and overwhelming realization that out of anyone, she could. It was ridiculous because we’d only just met.

  “I’m heading out.” Nolan grabbed the bill.

  Looking around the table, everyone had finished eating.

  “I could have gotten that.” I reached for it.

  “I got it. Don’t worry about it.” Then Nolan winked. “You can get the next one.”

  He wanted me to come out and do this again. I’d enjoyed dinner because Hadley was here. “We’ll see.”

  “You don’t have to get our dinner. We should be getting yours.” Avery pulled out some bills from her wallet. “At least let me pay for the tip.”

  “Go for it.” Nolan pushed the billfold to the end of the table. Avery tucked a few bills inside.

  “I need to get going too. I have all day depositions tomorrow.” Dylan stood.

  Everyone stood then, gathering their things to leave.

  “I’m coming to your house tomorrow to continue demo.” Nolan shrugged his jacket over his shoulders.

  “I could use the help.” We walked toward the door.

  When we stepped onto the sidewalk, Avery, Dylan, and Nolan stepped to the right.

  “Hadley, I’ll see you Monday. I’m parked this direction,” Avery said.

  “I am too.” Dylan stood next to her.

  “I’m going that way. I’ll walk with you,” Nolan said. We said our goodbyes. Nolan winked at me before following the girls.

  “Were we set up?” Hadley shot me an amused look.

  I shrugged because it sure looked that way.

  “I walked,” Hadley said, making no move to leave.

  “It’s dark. I can drive you home.”

  Hadley’s face pinched. “I kind of wanted to check out the harbor. I haven’t seen it yet.”

  “Then let’s go.” I wasn’t sure if she wanted to spend more time with me or if she originally intended to see the harbor tonight. My heart soared with the idea of spending time with her outside the studio.

  When we turned to the left to walk the few blocks to the harbor, the crowd was thicker with people enjoying the warm evening. “Take my elbow. I don’t want you to get lost.”

  She placed her hand on my elbow, the warmth of her fingers seeping through my skin, warming me. We crossed the street toward the dock that ran along the waterfront.

  “You surprise me.”

  “How so?” I glanced down at Hadley. Her hair blew behind her in the breeze and her eyes reflected the light from the overhead street posts.

  “When we first met, I got this vibe from you—don’t come close, don’t ask too many questions, and don’t touch.” Her voice was soft, as if she was afraid to tell me the truth.

  “You got all of that from one meeting?” Her assumptions didn’t surprise me. That was the vibe I intended to give off.

  “I’ve never met someone who was so obvious. I wanted to ask you why, but it’s not my place. Each time I’ve seen you since then, you’ve seemed a little better, lighter if that makes sense. I was surprised to see you at the bar tonight.”

  “I haven’t been out—” I almost said since Caroline died, but I stopped myself. “In a while. Nolan finally dragged me out. I didn’t think it was a good idea at first but—”

  “Then I showed up and it was easier?” Hadley smiled.

  “Yeah.” It had been. I didn’t know if it was hanging out with someone who didn’t know my past. Someone who didn’t walk on eggshells waiting for me to break. Or if it was her.

  “I’m glad.” She squeezed my elbow, not pressing me for more details. She was in the moment with me.

  Chapter Twelve

  HADLEY

  I couldn�
��t believe it when I saw Cade at that bar. He was so handsome in his flannel shirt—that appeared soft to touch—rolled up to reveal muscular forearms, worn jeans, and boots.

  I intended to walk over to him, to say hello, then leave him to his evening. I waited while they finished giving their order to the bartender, admiring the strong line of his jaw and the way his Adam’s apple bobbed when he swallowed. His blue eyes landed on me, sending a zing through my body. Being so close to him made me feel fizzy inside—as if I’d been shaken like a soda can, waiting for the right person to pull my tab.

  Cade’s brother bore a striking resemblance to him. He was a couple of inches shorter, a little stockier, and more easygoing than Cade. I never expected Nolan to invite us to dinner or that Cade would agree.

  This unexpected time alone was a chance to get to know him better. We walked among the tourists on the dock until we reached the park at the water. It was a large brick patio with boats tied along the edge to the dock. Large flowerpots hung from street posts and benches were scattered over the space filled with couples and families. It reminded me of New Orleans and home.

  “Want to sit?” Cade led me to a vacant bench.

  “Sure.” I let go of his elbow to sit next to him, immediately missing the contact. His legs were sprawled wide as he leaned back in the bench relaxed, his arms crossed over his chest.

  “So, what do you think?” He raised his brow at me, and I realized he’d meant the view of the water, but I was watching him.

  I forced myself to look away from the way his biceps bulged in that position and how sexy his thighs filled out his worn jeans. He smelled faintly of sawdust and soap. “It’s beautiful but busy.”

  “Friday night in Annapolis attracts tourists, locals, and families visiting the midshipmen. The Naval Academy is right there.” He gestured behind us. “You can take a tour.”

  “That would be nice.”

  “Relax.” His eyes traveled over me and his lip twitched.

  I was perched on the edge of the bench, feet flat on the ground, and spine straight with my fingers folded in my lap.

  “I don’t bite.” His voice was teasing, but it was so unexpected my eyes darted to his. He usually seemed haunted by something or someone, but now his face was relaxed, his eyes bright, and his lips tilted up in humor.

  “You’re so beautiful when you smile.” The words came out on a sigh as I relaxed back on the bench next to him. I felt him tense. When I realized what I’d said, my face heated. “I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have said that. You’re my client.”

  “It’s okay.” But his voice was tighter.

  “I didn’t mean anything by it. You’re usually sad and when you smile it’s—”

  “Unexpected.”

  “Yes.” He didn’t deny he was sad or that there was a reason for it.

  He was silent for a long time. I wondered if it was a mistake to come here with him when we should only have a professional relationship.

  We watched the water lap against the dock, the tourists slowly dissipating the later it got.

  “There are things you don’t know.”

  His voice was so quiet I shifted subtly closer to him to hear. I didn’t want to say anything to stop him from talking.

  “I can’t talk about it yet. You’re right. I was sad for a long time. I’m trying something different.” His tone was wistful.

  “Not being sad?” I asked softly, wanting to reach out to him and comfort him. To tell him I was proud of him for saying anything.

  “Exactly. I thought I’d moved on, but I realized I hadn’t moved on in every aspect of my life and I’d like to.”

  My heart clenched at the depth of his emotion. His words were rare and beautiful. He was beautiful. Did he want to move on in a relationship?

  “I can’t remember the last time I came down here to watch the water and just be.” His expression changed from melancholy to serene.

  “I’ve never been here, so thank you for showing this to me.” He hadn’t revealed his past, but the fact he’d opened up to me, admitting he was struggling with something was telling. He thought I was someone he could talk to in the future. I held that close to my chest.

  “My apartment is located near the little park with the geese statues. Do you know the one?”

  “I do. Your apartment is in a better location. You have a view of the water, but not all the tourists that come with it.”

  “Yes, it is nice.” It was more than nice—it was what I needed to escape my family.

  “You want to tell me what you’re running from?” I felt rather than saw his body shift toward me, his crossed arms falling to his sides.

  “Excuse me?” I leaned away from him.

  “Why did you move here? Who’s in New Orleans that you’re running from?” As elusive as he was with questions, I got the impression he wouldn’t let me off easy. Maybe if I opened up to him, he’d feel more comfortable about opening up to me in the future.

  I was a little ashamed to tell him that my father’s control went far beyond my nonprofit. “I’m not running from anyone.”

  “I don’t believe you.” He arched one brow, not saying anything else. The pressure to speak weighed heavily on me.

  “I’m not running.” I chewed my lip. The catalyst for leaving was Layton’s proposal. “My boyfriend proposed to me at this charity event. It sounded ridiculous each time I tell the story.”

  He tensed and his eyes flashed to my hand. “I don’t see a ring. You must have said no.”

  I laughed without any humor. “He proposed in front of everyone at a charity event. It was the wrong time and place.”

  “And the wrong person,” Cade offered gently.

  “Yes. We’d only been dating for three months—not long enough to even know each other much less decide to spend the rest of our lives together. The proposal made everything clear to me.”

  “Why the distance? Why did you feel the need to move so far away from him?”

  “I didn’t move because of him. The opportunity to open the firm came up. It was something I wanted to explore.” I debated telling him about my dad and his manipulation. All of my issues were tied up in him. “My father dictated most of my decisions. I wanted to do something for myself and figure out who I was without his pressure.”

  “You don’t get along with your family?” He tilted his head.

  “It’s more than that. He was angry I didn’t say yes to Layton’s proposal because he’s trying to close a business deal with Layton’s father. One that will save his company.”

  His forehead wrinkled. “At the end of the day, it’s your life. You have to be happy with your decisions—not your dad.”

  “He’s guilt-tripping me. He paid for my tuition and everything else. It’s time for me to come back and work for him. To smooth things over with Layton so his father will sign the deal. If I don’t come back, he’s refusing to fund the expansion for Kids Speak.”

  “I wondered why you’d said he wouldn’t back the expansion at dinner. Look, you’re already brainstorming ways for the nonprofit to continue without his money. It’s not as easy as having his financial backing, but in the end, you’ll be happier having complete control and you’ll know it was your hard work that made the charity a success.”

  “You act like it will be a success no matter what.” I scanned his face. His expression was sincere.

  “It will be. You think you owe your success to your father and the money, but you’re the one who came up with the idea, approached schools, hired experts, and made sure it ran smoothly.”

  I hadn’t thought about it like that.

  “And you want to please your dad, but you can’t.”

  He thought highly of me, but he didn’t know the whole truth. I couldn’t let him think I was this amazing person because I wasn’t. “I went to law school because Dad wanted me to. I lived in the apartment building he owned. I dated Layton because he wanted me to. I feel like I’m a fraud.”

  “You wanted
him to love you. You wanted his approval. It’s what any child wants from their parents, but your dad uses that desire against you. To manipulate you.” Cade leaned closer to me, speaking with more force as if he wanted me to believe what he was saying.

  Was that what I was doing? I knew there was a shift in our relationship when my mother died. He was the only parent I had left, and I wanted him to fill the void of my mother dying. I shifted so that I faced Cade on the bench, his eyes on mine.

  “Of course, he loved me.” But doubts were sinking into my conscious.

  “He baited you with his love. He didn’t give it freely. It was his time, attention, and love you wanted.”

  I tried to appeal to my dad to spend more time with us after Mom died, but he’d shaken his head and said he worked so much so I could go to private school, my lessons, and activities. With mom gone, we needed him, but it fell on deaf ears. I needed someone when I had a bad day at school and Colin needed him to soothe him when he skinned his knee falling off his bike. Instead, we had nannies. It wasn’t the same. I knew what a parent’s love felt like and after mom died, I searched for that same connection with Dad, but I never got it.

  A chill ran over my skin, leaving goosebumps in its wake. I wrapped my arms around my middle, trying to get warm. It was so obvious now that he’d pointed it out. I’d always felt shame that I had given in to my father. I thought I was weak when it was sad. I was seeking what my father couldn’t or wouldn’t give me.

  “I didn’t mean to upset you.”

  “You didn’t say anything wrong. You’re right. I just need to process things and I’m tired.” I stood. I needed to sift through my childhood memories on my own. Cade listened to a few facts about my life and came to this conclusion.

  “I’ll drive you home. It’s too far to walk at night.” He gestured toward the parking lot between the restaurant and the harbor where I assumed he’d parked earlier.

  “That would be great. Thanks.”

  He took my elbow, steering me to the parking lot. He helped me inside his truck.