Only with You

by Lea Coll

  I felt like I should say something to fill the silence which had fallen between us, but I couldn’t think of anything.

  He drove through the packed streets with people going out to bars and restaurants. He parked in front of my apartment.

  “This is me. Thanks for the ride.” I placed my hand on the door, wondering if I should thank him for pointing out what should have been obvious all along.

  “Wait.”

  I paused but didn’t look at him. “I’m sorry if I upset you. I’m not around people much. Maybe I was too blunt, or you weren’t ready to hear it—”

  I stiffened, my shoulders creeping up toward my ears.

  He leaned over and covered my hand with his. “I’m sorry.”

  “I promise you didn’t say anything wrong. I’m a little embarrassed. I didn’t realize what was going on. I always thought I was weak for going along with what he wanted and maybe I still am—wanting my Dad to love me. It sounds pathetic.”

  “You’re not pathetic. You’re anything but. You’re strong, courageous, and kind.”

  I sunk back into the seat as warmth spread through my body. “Thank you.”

  “You’re welcome. Now, let’s get you inside.” He opened the door, rounded the hood, and opened my door.

  It was a courtesy I was used to from my ex-boyfriends, but it was different with Cade. It wasn’t just a courtesy or a gesture—I felt safe with him. If something happened, he’d protect me.

  Layton would have protected himself first. Maybe that’s why I never trusted him or felt at ease with him. He was all about appearances, how he looked, how others perceived him. He didn’t waste time worrying about how I felt or if we were on the same page. If he wanted to get married, I did too. It never entered his mind that I wouldn’t, and maybe that was my fault. I should have been clear about my wants and needs. I was so used to pleasing my dad maybe I’d transferred that same idea to Layton. I was too busy pleasing him and not pleasing myself.

  I walked with Cade down the sidewalk and up the steps leading to my apartment. The breeze off the water lifted my hair. The sounds of crickets and frogs permeated the otherwise quiet night. I paused on the wrap-around deck.

  “This is nice.” Cade looked over my shoulder at the water.

  “It’s what sold me on this place.” I unlocked the door but hesitated my palm on the wood ready to push it open. “Thanks for seeing me home.”

  “You’re welcome. Look, I’m sorry again if things got too personal. I shouldn’t be giving anyone advice.”

  “No. It was perfect. It was exactly what I needed to hear.” He thought I was strong, courageous, and kind. I wouldn’t forget that anytime soon.

  Chapter Thirteen

  HADLEY

  The next morning, I woke early. When I came home last night, I found several messages from Layton. It was like he sensed I was out with another man.

  Layton: Your dad said you’re coming back for Kids Speak’s gala. This has gone on long enough. We need to talk.

  Then, when I hadn’t responded, he’d sent another.

  Layton: I won’t be ignored.

  I wasn’t sure what there was to say besides I’m not interested. I think I was clear when I said no to his marriage proposal.

  I took my coffee out on my side porch and slid into the rocking chair overlooking the water. I placed my steaming mug of coffee on the small wicker side table and pulled out my phone.

  Hadley: I’m not ready to get married to you or anyone else. We should have talked about marriage before you proposed publicly.

  We’d had a similar text exchange the night of the proposal.

  But something else niggled in my brain. I’d sifted Cade’s words through my head all night as I weighed them for accuracy—your dad withheld his love.

  Had he purposely dangled the promise of love in front of us? I could see how I’d gone out of my way over the years to gain his approval. I wrapped my sweater tighter around me before I picked up my mug and blew on it. Taking a sip to warm myself, I drew my knees to my chest and placed my feet on the seat of the rocker.

  Then a different thought entered my mind—was he capable of loving us at all, or was I chasing an impossible feat? Had I run myself ragged to please someone who not only was impossible to please but couldn’t provide the love I needed?

  As the coffee slid down my throat, warming me from the inside out, I blocked out thoughts of my dad. I closed my eyes and enjoyed the cool air and the smell of the water. I focused on my evening with Cade before things got personal. My heart clenched, thinking about last night.

  Cade was confident and sure of himself, even if he wasn’t overly demanding of his clients for payment. He was hard-working, was proud of the charity he started. He was older than me, but it was more than that. He knew who he was, what he was capable of, and he wouldn’t allow anyone to tell him differently. Why couldn’t I be more like that?

  My phone buzzed, interrupting my guilt.

  Cade: Are you coming to class this morning?

  I smiled. It was only seven a.m. and Cade was texting me? My heart pinched. Was I the first thing he thought of when he’d woken up?

  Hadley: I hadn’t planned on it.

  Cade: I’ll make it worth your while.

  I smiled even as the small voice in my head said—but he’s your client.

  Cade: Breakfast? Crepes by the water?

  It was so tempting, but he was my client. We’d crossed a line last night from a professional relationship to friendship. I could pass off the chance-encounter in the bar, but the walk alone to the harbor? That was reckless.

  Then I rationalized it. I could use a friend and he’d proved last night he was a good one. If it seemed like he wanted more, I’d remind him we couldn’t date because of our professional relationship.

  Hadley: Sure.

  My heart thumped harder in my chest. Was I making a huge mistake, or was it the best decision I’d made since moving to Annapolis? Cade was honest and real. All of those facts made him more attractive, not less. He was the opposite of any guy I’d met before.

  I put down my phone. Picking up my mug, I watched the birds dive into the water, looking for their breakfast. Anticipation coursed through my veins that in a few short hours, I’d see Cade again.

  I wanted to know more about him, but I had to be patient. If men like Layton were everywhere—men like Cade weren’t. It would be worth being his friend, being there for him, and when our attorney-client relationship came to an end, maybe he’d be ready for more with me.

  Cade

  My conversation last night with Hadley agitated me. I’d ripped out the small bathroom on the first floor when I got home, questioning if I’d made the right decision. I hated that something I said hurt her even if it was the truth.

  No, there was no way to sugarcoat how her dad had handled her over the years. The longer she’d talked, the more anger coursed through my body. My muscles tensed. No one should treat their children like chess pieces—pieces to some game they don’t even know they’re playing. The part that kept me ripping out tile at two a.m. was that he was still doing it.

  Her father wanted her to come home and work for him. To make nice with an asshole, maybe even marry him. He was using her love for her family to twist her arm. Hadley hadn’t even seen it.

  I wanted to ask where her mother was, but something inside of me knew there wasn’t a good answer. I sensed her soul-deep pain as similar to mine.

  I wanted to be there for her. I wanted to help her. But my competing desire to be more for her prompted me to tear down another wall between a tiny bedroom upstairs and the master. With every swing of the hammer and impact with the drywall, I wondered if I could be her friend or I should stay away from Hadley Winters. The problem was, I was physically attracted to her even if I wanted to ignore it and push it down deep in the box labeled I don’t deserve love again.

  “Cade—are you upstairs?” Nolan’s voice drifted up the staircase where he stood at the bottom.r />
  “In the master.” Or I should have said the expanded master since I was looking from the master bedroom into the small bedroom. I’d acted a little spontaneously last night when I demoed the wall, but considering it in the daylight, it was the right decision. The room was brighter.

  “I didn’t realize you wanted to combine the two rooms.”

  “What do I need five bedrooms for?” When I first saw the house, I thought about tearing the wall down and making the space work for me.

  “I thought you were selling?” Nolan observed me.

  “I am. This room is too small. People want a master suite these days. I can make the closet and bathroom larger too.”

  Nolan looked around at the space. “It’s a good idea. Four bedrooms are still good for resale. I thought you said you were doing the master suite last.”

  “I changed my mind.” I cleaned up the debris and shoved it into large garbage bags, hoping he wouldn’t ask why.

  “How did things go last night after I left?” Nolan leaned against the door jamb and watched me.

  My eyes narrowed on him. “Did you set things up last night, so I was alone with Hadley?”

  Nolan shrugged. “It just worked out. I’d parked by Avery and Dylan.”

  That was something I didn’t know about my brother because I’d been in my head for the last few years. What was he like when he dated a woman? Was he a one-night stand kind of guy or into relationships? I hadn’t heard of any serious girlfriends over the years, but I also hadn’t been paying attention. “Are you interested in Avery or Dylan?”

  Nolan’s eyes shot to mine as they widened in surprise. “No. I’m not interested in anyone. I don’t want anything serious and those girls have serious written all over them.”

  I tied off the bags. I’d need to keep a closer eye on Nolan. I didn’t want him to be wary of relationships because mine hadn’t worked out. “Want to help me carry these out?”

  “That’s why I’m here.”

  I tossed him a bag before walking down the steps ahead of him.

  “What about you? You take a romantic walk with Hadley?” Nolan asked when we walked outside into the sunshine.

  I paused a second before throwing the bag into the truck bed. Did I want to keep what happened between Hadley and me?

  “I was joking, but did you?” Nolan raised his brow.

  “We walked around the harbor and sat on a bench to watch the water. She had some family issues she wanted to talk about.”

  “With you?” Nolan crossed his arms over his chest.

  “Why are you so surprised?”

  “It’s just the last few years you’ve been so—”

  “Closed off?”

  “Yeah and out of touch. Why would Hadley talk to you?”

  That was a good question. “Maybe she was comfortable opening up to me?”

  “I can’t believe you went out to a bar, ate dinner, and took a woman for a walk to have a heart-to-heart.”

  He was right. It was a big step for me. “She’s a friend—or she might be. It felt good to help someone else.”

  “I get that, but isn’t she your attorney?”

  I had thought about that. I didn’t know if there were rules forbidding a relationship but getting involved with someone you had a professional relationship with wasn’t a good idea. “I’m attracted to her, but I don’t have to act on it. I’m not sure I’m ready for anything anyway.”

  Nolan raised his brow. “Just being open to the idea of someone else is progress.”

  I’d texted Hadley about class a while ago. I checked my phone and it was nine-thirty. “I need to get cleaned up and head over to the studio for class. You can continue what I started.”

  “You know, if you’re serious about your contracting business and you want to expand, maybe it’s finally time we go into business together.” Nolan’s face was serious.

  Hope filled me. “I think it’s time.”

  Nolan smiled. “Good. Maybe you’ll come to family dinner on Sunday?”

  “Maybe. Don’t tell the parents yet.” I wasn’t sure if I was ready.

  “If not this weekend, soon.”

  I nodded. It was time to fix the strained relationship with my parents. Listening to Hadley talk about her family last night made me realize how lucky I’d been. My parents loved me when I was too depressed to see them. When I pushed them away. They might want me to be happy sooner than I was ready for, but they loved me. They deserved better than how I’d treated them these last few years.

  I washed up, putting on my uniform before driving from my home to the studio. My fingers tapped the wheel, my heart thudded in my chest, and I shifted in my seat. I couldn’t seem to sit still. I pulled in front of the studio. My eye caught the sign for the law firm sending blood rushing to my head. I was looking forward to seeing Hadley.

  I opened the door to the studio to get things ready for class. A few minutes later, Hadley pushed the door open. She walked inside in her black uniform pants, the blue belt tied tightly around her black shirt. Her hair was swept up in a ponytail. A surge of happiness flowed through me.

  “Am I early?” she asked as she scanned the room.

  “Not really. Maybe everyone decided to enjoy the beautiful day and skip class this morning.” I wouldn’t be upset if that was the case. I’d told Nolan she was a friend. I wanted to help her, but there was no getting around the fact I was physically attracted to her. She was confident in her professional life yet appeared to be vulnerable when she talked about her family. It was a contrast that intrigued me on a personal level.

  It wasn’t just physical. It should scare me. I didn’t have anything to offer her, but she hadn’t expressed any interest in anything either. Other than hanging out with me and helping me in a professional capacity. It was a harmless crush.

  I might have been lying to myself, but it was what I needed to allow myself to see what would happen next. I’d take it one day at a time.

  Stowing her things in the cubbies by the door, she caught my eye. When I nodded, she bowed. She padded across the mats and stopped in front of me. I wanted to pull her to me. I wanted to feel her curves. I wanted her to feel what she did to me. Shifting a few steps back, I flexed my fingers to keep my hands and thoughts to myself.

  I cleared my throat, realizing I hadn’t said anything. “Looks like you’re my only student. Ready to get started?”

  “Sure.” Her tone was uncertain as if she didn’t trust herself alone with me.

  We ran through the warm-ups. I held the paddle while she kicked it methodically. Her eyes focused on her form and the point where her heel struck the paddle. She’d tuned everything out. I was sure she needed the release karate gave her—a physical outlet and a way to de-stress. It was what brought me back to the sport a few years ago too.

  “Do you want to practice your kicks?” Hadley asked, taking a step back, falling out of her fighting stance.

  Usually, I didn’t participate in classes. I worked out on my own when everyone was gone and the studio silent. I preferred solitude when I worked out, but there was another reason. We weren’t matched strength-wise and I didn’t want to hurt her. “I use the bag after class.”

  Hadley glanced at the red bag hanging in the back corner and shrugged. “You don’t have to today. I’m here.”

  “You can show me your moves.” Something about the breathy way she said those words caused heat to gather in my limbs and my body.

  “Alright.” My agreement was out of my mouth before I could think better of my decision. I handed her the paddle.

  Her brow raised, she asked, “Are you going to show me what you can do?”

  My eyes narrowed on her as I moved into my fighting stance, focusing on the paddle. I began my litany of kicks. She counted the repetitions as I reveled in the satisfying thud on the paddle. I dialed back my force slightly so that I wouldn’t hurt her.

  Out of breath with sweat dripping down my back, I took a step back to recover.

&nb
sp; “That was impressive.”

  My hands were on my hips as I tried to take a deep breath. “Yeah?”

  “Yeah, can you teach me to kick like that?”

  “That’s why you’re here, right?” My eyes met hers. There was a challenge in her eyes combined with a spark of desire.

  She was here to learn. I was here to teach, but these classes felt like we were dancing around our feelings. My body was primed for a workout. I wanted to take her to the mat, press my body over hers, and kiss her. I wanted raw fucking. Blood pounded in my head.

  I took another step back, my breaths coming easier. I tried to focus on anything but the primal need flowing through my body. I couldn’t get the idea of touching her out of my head.

  The bell over the door rang. Our heads swung in the direction of the sound. One of my regular Saturday students, Dean, came in. “Sorry I’m late. I overslept. Do you mind if I get a little work out in on the bag?”

  “Of course not.” The moment was gone. The awareness between us dissipated with his arrival.

  I forced my attention back to Hadley as Dean walked out onto the mats to warm-up.

  Robotically, I went through a few defensive moves with Hadley, aware that there was another person in the room with us. I didn’t allow myself to dwell on the way her body felt in my arms the second before I’d grab her arm and she’d practice her moves against me. I didn’t focus on the smell of her hair or her soft skin. I kept my attention on the sound of Dean kicking the bag.

  “Looks like it’s time.”

  Hadley glanced at the clock. “Right. Thanks for inviting me to class. Always nice to be the only student. I get all the attention.”

  “Right,” I managed to croak. She was the only student. She was here to learn karate and I was lusting after her like a teenage boy. I needed to get ahold of my feelings for her.

  “Were you still up for breakfast?” Hadley asked, her eyes hopeful.

  “I need to work with Dean first.” I still wanted to see her.