RAISED: The Mountain Man’s Babies

by Love, Frankie

  After a few more lines, I join in, singing softly. “Next year all our troubles will be out of sight.”

  When we finish the song, Clover sighs dreamily. “You sing like an angel, Gin.”

  I smile at her words, watching as Tanner kisses his little girl goodnight, as he pulls the blankets tightly around his youngest son.

  “Love you,” he tells them. “So much.”

  “Love you more, Papa,” they say back.

  Tanner closes the door and takes my hand. “That was cute, her calling you Gin.”

  I nod. “It was all pretty cute,” I tell him.

  The lights are low in the hallway, the giggling of the kids downstairs making the entire house feel warm and cozy. “You’re a really lovely singer, Virginia.”

  “Not really,” I say, lowering my chin.

  “Yes, really, and I should know. It’s kind of how I make a living.”

  “Would I know some of your songs?” Now it’s his turn to drop his chin, avoid the question. “Did you bring your guitar?” I ask.

  He nods.

  “Good. Then while your kids finish their movie, you can sing me something you wrote.”

  He leans in, kissing me ever so softly. Soft enough to send shivers of delight over my skin.

  Happy. Safe. Known.

  I pull away from the kiss. “Only if you’ll sing along.”

  Chapter Thirteen

  Tanner

  With the lights low, we sit in the living room, a fire blazing, the kids lost in their movie in the media room. It’s just Gin and me, and time stills as she listens to me strumming the guitar.

  “It’s been a while since I played for an audience.”

  “Oh yeah?” she asks, pouring herself a glass of red wine. “How long?”

  “Since Savvy’s funeral.”

  “Oh, Tanner,” Gin says, her hand on my knee. Depth in her eyes. “You don’t have to do this, I had no idea when I asked.”

  “I know you didn’t.” I run my fingers over the familiar strings. “It’s time. I want to move forward with my life — you know that, feel that, don’t you?”

  She nods. “I do.”

  I begin playing one of my favorite songs. A song made famous by a female country music sensation. Virginia’s eyes go wide as she recognizes the melody.

  “You wrote this?”

  I nod. “Yeah, you like it?”

  “I wouldn’t have guessed it was you, is all.”

  I think of the day I wrote the first words. A love like ours is both broken and beautiful. “I’ve been through a lot of shit, but I’ve had a hell of a lot of love in my life, too.”

  “I suppose you have.”

  “I’m thinking of Savvy of course,” I tell Gin, my fingers stopping. Pausing from the chords. “She had these roller coaster emotions; her highs were so damn high.” I meet Gin’s eyes.

  “Her lows were low?”

  “Really fucking low.” As I say it, I let out a ragged breath. “Those are the words I haven’t been able to say to anyone. Of course, not to my kids. Sav’s family, our friends. She’s gone, and I want them to remember her as the effervescent woman they always saw, the one they knew. But for me? I was married to her for eighteen years. I saw the other side. The side that… well, shit, the side that was really dark, really messy.”

  Virginia takes my hand, holds it tightly. I need her to. She knows that. She doesn’t let go.

  “I loved her,” I say. “I did. But God, it wasn’t just roses, you know? It wasn’t roses at all. And I kept things together for my kids, on my own, for a long time before she got sick. And then she was gone, and she had so many regrets. So many dreams unfulfilled. And she doesn’t get another chance. And sometimes…” I close my eyes. “Sometimes, I don’t miss the pain, the anger, the darkness. And that makes me think I’m a monster.”

  “You are not a monster, Tanner. You’re not.”

  “I want to kiss you so badly,” I tell her.

  “Not now,” she says, and she’s right.

  The kids are awake, and I have a responsibility to them. So much fucking responsibility. And they are the best part of my life, but the most overwhelming part too. I’m in this alone.

  “You’re this ray of light, this angel. A goddamn Christmas miracle,” I tell her.

  “I’m not all rainbows, Tanner. I don’t want you to glorify me, imagine me as something I’m not. You hardly know me.”

  “It feels like I know enough.”

  “After I left Badlands, after I had shot Ricky and thought I killed him, I was alone in Bear’s cabin for a month or so. I wouldn’t leave the house, I was so scared. And I was in a bad place.”

  “What are you saying?”

  “I’m saying I’m not always an angel. I get moody and depressed. Even here, before you guys arrived, I was so lonely, Tanner.”

  “I’m lonely too.”

  ‘I know, but…” She sighs. “I don’t want you to have a false perception of me. I’m not perfect.”

  “I didn’t think you were. Hell,” I say, “everyone’s a mess, aren’t they? Just doing their best to keep their chin up, to keep on keepin’ on?”

  “Yeah, but I just don’t want you to assume I’m the opposite of Sav, that I’m this young, vibrant replacement. It wouldn’t be accurate.”

  I look her over, her honesty, her desire to tell me exactly where she stands. “It’s unnerving— your realness. I need more of it. With Savvy, so much of our life was about being a picture-perfect family, this image we weren’t.”

  “And what are you now?”

  “I’m just trying to keep it all together, this family. Trying to be strong for everyone. But damn,” I say, my words shaky. “I haven’t let my guard down in so long and I’m tired, Virginia. So, fucking tired.”

  “What else?” she asks, and it’s like she knows I need to talk more than anything. To let it all out.

  I run my hand over my guitar, the words tumbling out, “I don’t want to ruin my kids’ lives, to make the wrong decision. Those friends of yours that I met today, they have their shit together, Virginia. All day I just kept thinking that I’m so far from knowing where I’m going. Hell, I just picked my house up and moved here a few weeks ago because I’m a leaf blowing in the wind. And there’s so much fucking pressure in all this. This living.”

  Virginia nods, her eyes locked on mine. “You’re not lost if you’re looking to be found,” she says.

  And dammit, when she says it like that, my heart fucking opens. “Your words, woman, they’re everything.”

  “Sing that to me. Not a love song, not a Christmas song. Your song for right now. For today. Sing me that, Tanner.”

  I run my fingers over the strings, the words coming as fast as the chords.

  She’s gentle grace, she’s soft, soft lips.

  She’s open arms, she’s bright, bright eyes.

  She isn’t lost but she’s still looking to be found.

  And I found her.

  Oh, God, I found her.

  I found her now.

  And I won’t let her go.

  I look at Virginia and our eyes lock, tears streaking her cheeks and my chest tightens. My eyes fill with tears and I don’t know what kind of love this is, but it is real, and I found it.

  I found her.

  Chapter Fourteen

  Virginia

  The kids are put to bed and then Tanner is with me, in my room and I give myself to him.

  This time it is different. I don’t hesitate, I don’t ask questions, and we won’t be whispering in the dark.

  The words were already said. Enough of them at least.

  He found me.

  The lights are soft and low, and the house is quiet. His song still echoes in my ear. Will it always?

  I know the answer.

  He moves to me; his strength covers me. We undress silently, my hands on his skin, his mouth on my breast. I need this. Him.

  “Ohh,” I whimper as he lowers me to the bed. His cock so ha
rd and my body so willing. All week the anticipation has been building. Since our night together, all I have wanted is this… us, together.

  “Your skin is so warm,” he whispers, his kisses peeling open my heart. His kisses send a flutter through my belly; a need to my core.

  He runs his hand between my thighs, his finger running along my slit. I close my eyes as he presses a finger inside me, then two, opening me up. My breathing grows shallow as he begins to move against my g-spot, my knees dropping as he fingers me more deeply. I reach for his shaft, droplets of precum at the tip, and I begin to move my hand up and down, the words he sang to me on my heart.

  Tanner is different from any man I’ve ever met. And maybe he is raw, his heart an open wound, but I want to help him heal. I want to be the salve to his broken heart. I want to be here to hold his hand, to kiss his hurt away. I want to be here for him.

  A man I hardly know, a man who somehow knows my most vulnerable stories, my most painful past.

  He knows me.

  And I know him.

  And he kisses me hard, my mouth his to claim, our tongues circling as I guide him to my entrance, as my slick and wanting pussy takes him, my legs wrap around him. His hands in my hair, on my back, pulling me closer. Closer. Close enough so our hearts beat hard against one another. The story they tell, one beat at a time, one and the same.

  We’re broken, yet we’re healing, and we want this. This. A fighting chance. A future. Maybe a forever.

  Tanner moves against me until I breathe his name in and out, his cock buried deep inside me, making me shake in pleasure, making me come. Making me his for as long as he wants me.

  * * *

  When we wake the sun is just beginning to rise and I run my hands over his chest, memorizing every inch of him. I pull myself from him, wanting him to stay asleep, but wanting to be up before the kids start looking for their own food.

  I pull on leggings and a sweater, slipping my feet into my slippers and tying my hair in a bun on the top of my head. I tiptoe from the room, make a pot of coffee, and then start breakfast, savoring the night I just shared with Tanner.

  Tanner who sings to me, who erases my doubts, who makes me believe in second chances. Tanner who makes me blush as hard as he makes me come. Tanner who is sleeping in my bed right this minute.

  Tanner who has six children, five of whom are already bounding into the kitchen, probably smelling the batch of blueberry muffins I’ve slid into the oven.

  “Hungry?” I ask, already knowing the answer.

  Lily asks where Dad is, and I tell her I think he’s still sleeping.

  “Hey, before he gets up, have you guys thought of a Christmas gift for him?” I ask. I don’t know a lot about parenting, but I know kids need help in the gift department.

  They begin talking excitedly as I pour myself a coffee, and when I look back to the table, I notice Levi has a furrowed brow. “Did Faith come home?”

  I shake my head. “Not yet.”

  “That’s weird, right?”

  I pull the muffins from the oven. “Not sure. I don’t know Faith as well as you.”

  “She’s not like this. I think she’s just uncertain about her future. Like, what she wants to do; like she’s getting antsy.”

  “Sometimes, when people feel unsettled they make out-of-character choices.”

  Just then the front door opens, and a moment later Faith is in the room.

  “Were you just talking about me?” she asks, looking at me accusingly.

  “We were,” I tell her as I place the bacon on a paper towel lined plate. “Levi was wondering if you’d gotten home safely. I’m glad you have.”

  She nods, grabs a muffin, then turns to go. Before she can, Lily asks if she’ll help come up with gift ideas for the dad.

  Faith pauses in the doorway. “I’m really tired, I didn’t sleep all night. I was up on Dead Man’s Ridge.”

  I frown, didn’t she tell Tanner she was at Lisa’s cabin? And isn’t that the area where that man Red lives that Beau warned me about?

  “Oh, okay.” Lily falters, then gives her big sister a forced smile.

  “Besides, I’m sure Virginia will be more than willing to step in as the replacement. Isn’t that the plan?” She gives me a pointed look. “Anyways, I’m going to bed.”

  Faith leaves and I tell the kids I’ll be back in a minute, setting the bacon on the table before I leave. I head upstairs, taking a deep breath. When I reach the top, I try to think of what I would have wanted to hear from someone a little bit older when I was Faith’s age.

  Her door is slightly ajar, and I knock on it, pushing it open. She turns to me, and I expect anger, but all I see is exhaustion. It’s the same look her father had last night.

  “Want to talk about it?” I ask her.

  “What?”

  I step in her room and ease the door shut. She doesn’t resist, so I press ahead. “Where you were last night.”

  “I just met up with some people, it was dumb. I’m home now and it is isn’t even eight in the morning.”

  “Oh, I don’t care that you were out. You’re done with high school, you’re eighteen, and I’m not your parent.”

  She snorts, tossing her backpack on the floor. She ties her long red hair into a messy bun and flops onto the bed. “Isn’t that what you want, though? To swoop in and take over?”

  I run a hand over my neck. “Look, I know you saw me and your dad kissing. And that’s awkward, I get it. But I don’t want to be your mom, Faith. I’m like five years older than you.”

  “Then what do you want?”

  I press my lips together. “Your family came to my house, it’s not like I was on the prowl for your dad or something.”

  She shrugs, and I know she’s smart enough to at least see the truth in that. “You didn’t answer my question,” she says, pulling a pillow into her lap. “What do you want?”

  “Well, I want the people renting my house to be happy, for starters.”

  “You mean you want my dad happy?”

  I exhale. “Faith, I want you to be happy too. I want all of your siblings happy. I want to be happy, hell, I want the entire mountain happy. What is so wrong with being happy?”

  Tears pool in her eyes. “I can’t be happy. Not anymore. Not ever again.” She starts sobbing in her hands. “I came here wanting to try. To try to move on. I put on a brave face, even though I didn’t want to. But I don’t know how to be happy anymore.” Her shoulders shake as she cries into her hands. “And I don’t want Dad happy. I want him to be sad, like me. Because Mom’s not here. And what kind of daughter thinks this way?”

  I sit next to her on the bed. “A daughter who is grieving. A daughter who loves deeply, who is fiercely loyal, and misses her best friend.”

  Faith looks up, her chin quivering. “How did you do that?”

  “What?”

  “Say all the right things.”

  I wipe my own eyes. “It’s weird to move on, isn’t it? To find new spaces in your hearts?”

  She nods, taking a deep breath, she’s shaking now. “Can I tell you something?”

  “Anything.”

  “You swear you won’t tell my dad?”

  I bite my lip. “I don’t think I can promise that.”

  “Okay, but like, you have to promise.”

  “Faith,” I say. “That’s not fair.”

  She scoffs, clearly annoyed. “Fine, forget I said anything.” She stands and begins rifling through her suitcase. “I have to shower, okay?” She eyes the door and I take my cue.

  “I’m here,” I tell her. “If you need to talk.”

  “I won’t,” she says tersely, and she leaves the room.

  Chapter Fifteen

  Tanner

  The house is finally looking festive, and I know it’s not my own home, but as the kids work on putting up decorations, I feel like it could be.

  Fast, I know — probably well out of line — but every time I walk inside the house, I see Gin at the
kitchen stove, making some Christmas treat. Cutting out sugar cookies with Clover and Faith. Threading popcorn to make garlands with Willa and an apprehensive Cash. Directing Levi to hang lights on the tree.

  Earlier, when I was in Eagle Crest Christmas shopping with Lily and Willa, she texted me telling we really needed to talk.

  “It smells so good in here,” I say, coming up behind her in the empty kitchen. She is at the island, kneading dough. She’s wearing an apron and there is flour everywhere, and all I can think is her butt looks so damn good in those jeans. I wrap my hands around her waist and she gives a little yelp.

  “Tanner!” She bats me away, laughing, spinning to face me. I give her kiss, her lips soft as snow.

  Levi walks in then, and his eyes go big as saucers.

  “Oh shit, sorry— God—I didn’t,” he stammers, stepping out of the door.

  Virginia wipes her mouth and returns to the dough, refusing to meet anyone’s eyes.

  I ask Levi to come back in the room. “Sorry, son,” I say. “That was —”

  “Awkward?” Virginia says with a slight groan as she rolls the dough out and reaches for the brown sugar.

  “Yeah, hella awkward,” Levi says.

  “Language.”

  Levi laughs. “Dad, you were kissing Virginia — are you gonna call me out on shit now?”

  “I mean it, Levi. And I didn’t mean for you to see that.”

  Levi rolls his eyes. “Whatever Dad. Everyone knows you guys are like, whatever.”

  “What do you mean whatever? And who is everyone?”

  “Faith. Me. I think Willa is onto you.”

  “But Lily? The twins?”

  He shrugs. “They don’t know, but they won’t care.” Virginia looks up, wide eyes. “I mean, not in a bad way, Virginia. I mean, they love you, they will think you and Dad hooking up is the best Christmas gift ever.”