Losing You

by Gen Ryan

  I closed the distance between us. Listened to him. Let him vent about what had happened. All I wanted was to let him know I was there for him. I leaned in, placing a kiss on his lips. He moaned, rolling his hips closer to me. I felt how badly he wanted this and needed to have me. His dick was rock-hard against my leg. My hands traveled down and grasped it as we continued kissing. Breathlessly, he pulled his lips away.

  “I really need a shower.”

  I smiled and nodded. “I have one of those.” He stepped back and studied my face. “You can take a shower here.” I bit my bottom lip.

  “Don’t do that,” he said through a grunt.

  “What?” I asked seductively. “This?” I bit my lip again. A low growl filled the room and he grabbed my hand.

  “Which way is your bathroom?” he asked, our fingers intertwined.

  “Down the hall, to the right,” I said as my heart beat rapidly in my chest.

  “Okay, because we’re going to take a shower.” I was pulled along to my bathroom where he was going to take a shower. Correction, we were going to take a shower.

  We made it to the bathroom and Colton went in, leaving me standing in the doorway. He stared into my eyes as he slowly undressed. First, he unbuttoned each button on that god-awful Hawaiian shirt like he was some male stripper. His hips swayed as he took off the shirt to a beat that only he could hear. He let it slowly cascade down to the floor. He placed his gun on the bathroom sink; my dick twitched when he twirled the handcuffs in his hand before he placed those on the sink as well.

  “We can use those later,” he said, his focus never leaving me. He didn’t take his eyes off mine as he undid his jeans, stepping out of them and sending them flying across the bathroom and into the wall. He turned around, his ass on display as he turned on the water in the shower. Instantly, steam began to fill the room, adding to my already overheated state.

  He turned back around to face me, trailing his fingers along the hem of his boxer briefs. He licked his lips as I stood speechless at what was unfolding before me.

  “Care to take these off for me?”

  I looked down at his underwear, his hard cock pressed against his leg. I wanted to taste him. Trail my tongue down his chest, across his six-pack as he fisted my hair. Do I want to take those off for him?

  “Fuck yes,” I said as I moved closer to him, placing my hands on his abdomen. His skin was hot to the touch as I pulled down his underwear, freeing his dick from its confinement. It bounced out, standing at attention.

  “Is it just me or are you happy to see me?” I asked through a smile.

  Colton narrowed his eyes on me, his expression turning serious.

  “I’m happy to see you, always. Shower?” he asked as he pulled back the shower curtain.

  “Just warning you, I’m slippery when wet.”

  Colton grinned at me. “I’ve been counting on it, Brad.”

  I gulped as he entered the shower, the water cascading down his body. I was young, sexual, and had stamina that would put many porn stars to shame. But when Colton grasped his hard cock in his hands and pumped as he stared me down, I wondered if I had met my match.

  13

  ___________

  COLTON

  After everything that happened at work, I wanted to focus on something else. I’d waffled about coming to Brad’s house so late, but before I could talk myself out of it, I drove over without so much as a call. I’d kept thinking about the kiss, his lips against mine. Getting lost in Brad was exactly what I needed.

  I pumped my cock as the water ran down my body, smiling at Brad’s wide eyes filled with want. Quickly, he shed his clothes and stepped into the shower.

  He knelt down, drawing my hand away as I jerked myself off, and wrapped his precious gift of a mouth around me. I watched as his cheeks got hollow and he gripped my ass, pushing my dick back into his mouth. I groaned, my eyes rolling back in my head. If I let Brad continue, I wouldn’t last much longer.

  “Fuck.” I gritted my teeth. “Touch yourself, Brad. I want you to come with me.” He moaned and slid one hand in front of him and stroked his cock. Nothing could make this moment any better.

  “Come on me,” Brad demanded as he stroked faster and harder. Pressure built up in my balls at his request. Brad continued jacking himself off with one hand and opened his mouth wider, waiting for me to come. I touched myself, mimicking Brad’s movements with his own hand. Long, fast, hard.

  An explosion rippled through my body as I released myself onto Brad’s face. I was thankful the water was hitting my back so I could watch my cum as it trailed down his smiling face and into his mouth. He licked his lips just as my legs gave out and I sank to the shower floor. The events of the night finally caught up with me, adrenaline leaving my body. I was exhausted.

  I looked at Brad just as his own orgasm ripped through his body. I pressed my lips against his as he went stiff and then relaxed as he came. We kissed until the water ran cold, touching, nibbling, exploring. Despite my exhausted state, I relished every kiss, every touch of his fingers as they brushed against my wet skin.

  “The water’s cold. We should get out,” Brad said as he turned off the water. He stepped out, grabbing us both towels and showing me to his bedroom.

  “I have something you can put on if you want to stay.” He averted his eyes. “Not that you have to stay just because we… ya know. I just know it’s late and you’re probably tired.” He handed me a pair of running shorts and a T-shirt. “I can wash your clothes.”

  I raised my eyebrows and smiled.

  “I’d love to stay. But I prefer to sleep naked.” I placed the clothes on his dresser. Dropping my towel, I crawled into bed.

  “Oh,” he said as he looked at me. It was such a turn-on when Brad seemed nervous. The way he bit his lip so often made the blood start flowing to my dick again. I had to mentally talk it down because, although I wanted nothing more than to be balls deep in Brad again, I needed sleep.

  Brad slipped in beside me and turned off the lamp on his nightstand. After a few minutes of tossing and turning, he turned his back to me. I let out a small laugh.

  “What?” he asked, turning toward me. All I saw was the blue of his eyes through the dark.

  “Stop fidgeting and being nervous.” I draped my arm around him and pulled him closer against me. His heart was beating like a drum. It had a perfect rhythm, something I could listen to over and over again.

  “I haven’t been with anyone like this in a long time. Even the guy before you, it was just physical.”

  I caressed his cheek. Brad had complexities about him. A past that haunted him that he didn’t want to share. The pain in his eyes when he mentioned the guy before me made me want to find out his name and punch him in the face.

  “I’m not him.” He nodded. “While the physical part of our relationship is mighty fine”—I grinned—“I know someday we will share more than just our bodies.”

  Brad’s blue eyes glistened with what I assumed were tears. He leaned in and brushed a soft kiss to my lips.

  “Good night, Colton,” he whispered as he turned onto his side again. I left my arm around him and made sure he was firmly placed against me. I wanted him to experience the comfort of having someone who wanted him for more than just his body. I didn’t know his entire story, but I knew from the little bits I learned over the past week that he was a good guy. Hurting, sure, but a genuine soul.

  As I listened to his breathing become softer, and his body relaxed against mine, I realized I wanted to know all there was about Brad. It would take time and require me to be present, devoted. Something deep within me stirred at that realization because I’d let Ben go. I could have fought. I could have promised change. But I hadn’t. Now I was prepared to fight for a relationship. Something about Brad made me think that we could work. Maybe it was because, like me, he was damaged in his own way. We had an understanding about each other, pasts that we carried with us and longed to forget. I knew we could make it work even
as I strived to be lieutenant. Because I knew Brad would be worth it. So fucking worth it.

  14

  ___________

  BRAD

  Things had progressed effortlessly over the past months between Colton and me. Since that night in the shower, I sometimes found myself just staring off and daydreaming about Colton. I didn’t have any complaints. Sure, he worked a lot, but I’d known that going into this relationship with him. I supported him and admired his drive. I didn’t know much about the police force, but as far as I was concerned, he deserved lieutenant.

  “So, how are things?” I sat in a chair across from Abby. We were at her house, enjoying a light lunch while the kids were out with her husband. Since I’d started dating Colton, Abby had told me she couldn’t be my psychologist anymore. I agreed. Not only was it a direct conflict of interest, but it would just be weird talking to her about my relationship with Colton.

  “Pretty good, actually. I think I’m going to go home in a few weeks.”

  Abby put her fork down and smiled.

  “That’s great. What made you change your mind? I know your parents have been asking you for a while.”

  I took a bite of my salad and stared off for a moment. It was this. Sitting there eating lunch with Abby and just talking about our days and our lives. Spending time with Colton and getting to know him more than just intimately. It was swimming again and letting pieces of my past that I loved and had pushed aside back in. Everything since I’d met Colton had led me to wanting to see my parents again and knowing that I had the strength to do so.

  “It was you guys. Your family. I feel so welcome, but I miss my parents, you know?” I took a deep breath to fight back the tears.

  “I understand.” Abby sat back and put her hands under her chin. “I knew you and Colton would be good for each other,” she said with a smile. “Be patient with him though. He’s used to drowning himself in work. And fighting for this promotion has got him frazzled.”

  I nodded. I was familiar with what this promotion was costing him. Often we were spending stolen nights together with him rushing out in the morning. But the time we spent together was worth it all.

  I shrugged. “I know it’s only been a few months, but I think I’m used to it.”

  “You say that, but trust me, it’ll get old. Tell him how you feel about it when it does. Don’t just run away,” Abby said as she sipped on her drink.

  “What’ll get old?” Colton asked as he walked in and placed a kiss on my forehead before giving his sister a hug.

  “You working so much,” Abby answered. His entire body stiffened.

  “Why the hell are you talking about that?” He looked between us, clenching his fists at his sides. I knew why he was angry. Ben. His work hours were what ended his last relationship, and I knew it was a touchy subject. But I wasn’t Ben.

  “Because it came up.” I shrugged, trying to make it seem smaller than it really was. “I was talking about how I wanted to go visit my parents and Abby asked what changed my mind after all these years.” I looked him straight in the eyes. “It was you. Your family. You made me remember what it was like to have them around, and I miss that.”

  Colton softened with my words, his fists unclenching. He moved toward me.

  “I’m going to feed the cat,” Abby murmured as she shuffled away.

  Colton leaned over me, his lips dangerously close to mine.

  “She doesn’t have a cat,” I said with a laugh.

  “She doesn’t, but my sister knows what I’m going to do to you right now.”

  “What’s that?” I loved playing coy with him. It drove him wild, and it showed when he kissed and touched me. There was passion behind his touch. Each kiss he pressed to my lips was more than just a desire to release pent-up energy or aggression. It was filled with something much more, a tenderness, an affection that I had only dreamed about. That I searched for in other men.

  “I’m going to show you with my lips how much you mean to me, Brad.” He smiled wide, ending the conversation. His lips crashed down on mine and I was like putty in his hands. He had that way with me anytime he was close to me. He could make me bend to his will with just a touch, a simple caress. We were drawn to each other on many levels, and each one we explored was better than the last.

  As our lips parted, a thought came to my mind that made its way to my lips before I could think it through. “Come with me.”

  Colton pulled away and blinked at me. “To see your parents? In California?”

  I nodded. “Yes?” It came out a question. The thought that had been running through my mind seemed stupid. Not because I didn’t want him to come with me, but because the shock in his voice was enough to make me second-guess myself.

  “Wow.” He pulled farther away from me and paced the floor.

  His cell phone rang. He looked at the screen and frowned.

  “It’s work. I’ve got to go.”

  “Okay,” I managed to get out.

  “I’ll see you later, okay?” He grabbed my face between his hands and looked intently at me. “We’ll talk about this all later. I promise.”

  I gave him the best smile I could muster and nodded.

  “Good,” he said with a smile, placing a kiss to my lips. “Is it okay if I come stay over after work?”

  “Of course.” I watched him walk away, my mind focused on the fact that he hadn’t responded, other than to pace the floor, when I asked him to come with me to California. It was stupid of me to ask. He had too much to deal with—like making lieutenant.

  “You okay?” Abby asked as she leaned up against the doorframe.

  “I’m fine.” I scooted back the chair and stood up. “I’m going to see if Max needs some help at the shop.”

  “Brad.” Abby gave me a look that warned me to not stifle my feelings. I wasn’t going to. I just didn’t want to talk to her about Colton.

  I gave her a quick hug and headed out to the shop. I needed something to take my mind off Colton.

  I walked in expecting to see Melanie, but Max stood behind the counter.

  “Hey, Brad, aren’t you supposed to be off today?” he asked as he rang a customer out.

  “No Melanie?” I asked.

  “No, I let her go home early.” He smiled at the customer. “Have a great day!”

  I held the door as they left.

  “Do you need any help today?” I walked into the bay area and Max followed me.

  “Just some brakes and oil changes. I was going to save some until Monday, but sure.” He tossed me a rag. “You going to wear that?” He eyed me up and down, taking in my khaki shorts and button-up shirt. I shrugged. I never wanted to be a mechanic. It wasn’t in my blood like Max’s. His father owned this shop and left it to him when he died. Me? I came to Rhode Island after losing Taylor and struggled to find a purpose. After a few years of slumming it and working odd jobs, Max convinced me to go to trade school and learn all about being a mechanic. I did my best but my heart wasn’t in it. I belonged in the ocean, riding the waves, soaking up the sun.

  “This is all I’ve got to wear. Just came from lunch with Abby.” I opened the hood of a Toyota and took the cap off the oil tank.

  “So how’s Colton doing?”

  I placed the oil cap on the side of the car. “Fine,” I said, the edge in my voice cutting through the air like a knife.

  “Ah, fine,” Max said. I turned to look at him and a small smile was on his face. “Fine’s one of those words that means anything. Could mean you’re great and butterflies and shit. Or….” He eyeballed me. “Could mean you’re ready to burst into tears.” Max wiped his hands on the rag he always carried in the back of his jeans. “Listen, I know what it’s like being in a new relationship.” He laughed softly. “You of all people know I made my fair share of mistakes early on.”

  I grunted at his words. He’d made a lot of mistakes. Like almost marrying Melanie because he was too afraid to admit to being gay. I’d been there to pick up the pieces
for Jason. Although Jason had made it clear he wasn’t looking for anything serious and I’d agreed to whatever it was he could give at the time, there was always a bit of hope in the back of my mind that he’d come around, but all they wanted was each other. I wasn’t bitter because of it. We were all still friends. But to belong to someone, be the love of their life, didn’t everyone want that?

  “Mistakes?” I raised my eyebrows, trying to make light of the situation.

  He put up his hands in defeat. “All right, so I was an idiot. What’s your excuse?”

  “Ouch.” I placed my hand over my heart and pretended to be wounded. Max grinned and continued tinkering with the car.

  “I asked Colton to come with me to visit my parents.” Max kept looking at the car but I knew he was listening, so I continued. “I haven’t seen them since my little sister, Taylor, died. But after seeing Abby and meeting Colton and being around a close-knit family like mine was, I want that again.”

  Max looked at me. “I didn’t know about your sister. I’m sorry.” He leaned in and placed his hand on my shoulder. “It’s hard losing someone you love.” Although his dad died two years ago, the pain of losing him was still apparent on his face. I guess that’s the thing about losing someone: you never fully forget, and the pain doesn’t ever truly go away.

  “It is. I took it hard because I thought it was my fault. I moved here, closed myself off, and gave up surfing.”

  Max removed his hand from my shoulder and hung his head.

  “Brad, I know what it’s like to pretend. It won’t make all the other shit go away. I promise you that.”

  No truer words had ever been spoken. I came hoping to talk to Melanie, but I’m glad Max was there. I’d watched him pretend at the expense of those he cared about. While my situation wasn’t the same, I tried to pretend parts of my life didn’t happen. That I didn’t love the water, or miss Taylor and my parents.

  “I’m glad you were here, Max.”

  He lifted his head and gave me a smile that masked the pain of loss that had been on his face just minutes before.