The Reed Security Relationship Manual: A Reed Security Romance

by Giulia Lagomarsino

  I narrowed my eyes at her, wondering how to answer this. “Well, yeah,” I went with. “Baby, it’s just…those people you cook for, they’re strangers, but I’m your husband. And your cooking is so good. I just want some of it too.”

  “I get paid to feed them.”

  “Well, I’m pretty sure if I started paying you, that would be like prostitution.”

  “Are you comparing my job to whoring myself out?”

  My eyes went wide and I shook my head slightly. “N-no. I’m just saying, instead of you going to work, maybe you should stay home and take care of your family.”

  “Because my job isn’t as important as yours,” she repeated.

  “I did not say that.”

  “You implied it.”

  “No. I mean…”

  “What exactly do you mean?”

  My palms started sweating and my face was breaking out in hives. This was one of those moments that you really needed another person in your head, telling you exactly what to say. But that wasn’t going to happen, and I was coming up empty.

  Just say something smart, about how amazing she is. Yeah, just play it cool. You’ve been doing this long enough, this should be a piece of cake.

  I cleared my throat and tried again. “I just meant that you look so exhausted at the end of every day. You’re running yourself ragged, and with the kids, it’s like you really don’t have enough time in the day.”

  Her face softened, and I took that as a good sign that things were going my way.

  “So, what I’m saying is, maybe you should quit your job so you can take care of the kids and me. Then you could put your feet up during the day and eat some chocolate or something.”

  The hopeful look on her face fell and morphed into anger. Wasn’t that what all women wanted? To be free to have their days open and clear? Sure, I knew she wanted purpose when we first got together, but times changed. We changed. After all the crap we’d been through, I thought suggesting she quit her job would be a good thing.

  “Baby?” I asked as I watched her morph into a woman I barely knew.

  The next day I walked into work, my eye hardly open as I plopped down in my seat at the conference table. The guys all looked at me like they weren’t sure what to say. I was always the logical one. I never said stupid shit to my wife. I was the one everyone looked up to. Now I had a black eye and a stiff back from sleeping on the couch.

  “What happened to you?” Cap asked.

  “I suggested my wife quit her job so she could take it easy, just take care of the kids and me.”

  He let out a low whistle and then pointed to Rocco. “Add it to the manual.”

  Chapter Fifteen

  Maggie

  “Sebastian, can you please get Tucker dressed?”

  “He can dress himself by now, can’t he?”

  I glared at him as I wrestled Carter in my arms. He was trying to get away from me so he didn’t have to have his diaper changed. “Are you kidding me right now?”

  “The kid’s like three years old, isn’t he?”

  I glared at him. For someone that wanted so many kids, the man couldn’t keep his kids straight if his life depended on it. “The triplets are a year old.”

  “Yeah.”

  “Did you already forget that you knocked me up when Tucker was just three months old?”

  “Huh,” he said, his brows furrowing. “Are you sure?”

  “Remember? The haunted house? I seem to recall you saying that having a baby in a pile of rubble really wasn’t that big of a deal.”

  “Now, that I remember,” he said cheerily. “I have a scar as a reminder. And I said that pushing out the baby wasn’t that bad, not the pile of rubble.”

  I narrowed my eyes dangerously at him. “And that makes it better?”

  He swallowed hard and slowly shook his head. “No, that’s not…I’ll just go get Tucker dressed.”

  “You do that,” I said with a smile.

  I finally wrestled Carter to the ground and got his diaper changed, then pulled up his pants before he could run off. It was only six in the morning, and I was already exhausted. The triplets still weren’t sleeping through the night, and every time I tried to fall asleep, Sebastian started snoring like a freight train. Last night, I placed the pillow over his head and would have pressed down had he not woken up. But he did, so I pretended like I had flung the pillow on his face in my sleep.

  I was just wrapping up the poopy diaper for the garbage when Sebastian came back in, proudly carrying Gunner by the feet as he dangled upside down. “I got him dressed!”

  I groaned and flopped my head into my hands. “That’s Gunner.”

  “It is?”

  He lifted Gunner up by the legs and looked at him upside down.

  “He’s three years older than Tucker. How do you not know the difference?”

  “Well, there’s so many of them…”

  “Gunner can get himself dressed. Tucker is the one running around without a diaper on, probably peeing all over my house!”

  “Why’d you let him run around without a diaper on?”

  “Go!” I shouted. “Go now, before I throw this diaper at you!”

  He raced out of the room, hitting his shoulder hard on the doorframe as he ran. I wasn’t kidding. I would throw this at him so hard if he kept testing me. I got up and threw the diaper away, then made my way into the triplets room and picked Julia up out of her crib. She was my quiet one, never making too much of a fuss. I wasn’t sure where she got it from, but there was something about her that made me think she was going to be the hardest one to deal with. She was always doing things on her own and never really getting upset with the other kids. But she was already asking for sips of beer when Sebastian had one, and he actually gave her a drink the last time he had one. He didn’t realize how those little sips would affect her though, and we ended up with one very tipsy baby at the end of the night. Now she was always grabbing for his bottle. Yeah, as I stared into her eyes, I knew she was going to be my trouble maker.

  “Uh, Freckles?”

  I closed my eyes and counted to ten. That was not a good ‘Freckles’. I slowly turned and glared at him. “Um…I have this meeting, and I really have to go.”

  “What happened?”

  “It’s nothing major,” he said quickly.

  “What happened?”

  “It’s just…a small…pea-sized really, bit of poop on the kitchen floor.”

  If it was pea-sized, he would have just cleaned it up. “Fine, go.”

  Sighing, I resigned myself to cleaning up the ‘pea-sized’ poo first. I set Julia down and went in search of the elusive poo. The rest of the kids were already running amok around the house. I just kept counting them as I passed, hoping I had all of them nearby.

  The pea-sized poop turned out to be a giant shit in the middle of the floor, and Tucker was spreading it around with his hands. When he looked up at me, he clapped happily, not caring at all that he was spreading his own shit all over the place.

  The dilemma was, did I clean up the poo-covered kid first, keeping him from shoving any of that poo in his mouth, or did I clean up the floor, thus preventing any of my other kids from getting into it? I picked Tucker up and set him outside the ring of poo and then moved chairs in a circle around the offending pile of shit.

  Cursing Sebastian for leaving me with this mess, I quickly bathed Tucker in the sink and then moved on to the floor. Luckily, none of my other rugrats got into the mess while I was cleaning him. Then I went on to disinfect the entire kitchen. By the time I was done, I was exhausted, and it was only seven in the morning. The doorbell rang and I quickly ran to the door, hoping for reinforcements. Molly stood there with Marcello in her arms and a big grin on her face. She didn’t even say hi before she shoved past me into the house.

  “You’re not going to believe what happened to me last night.” Her nose crinkled and she sniffed. “Do I smell poop?”

  I looked down at my shirt and
then checked my arms. Sure enough, I had a long swipe of shit on my arm. Perfect. “You think your night was bad, you should have seen what Sebastian left me with this morning.”

  “Oh no, what happened?”

  “First, he can’t tell his kids apart. Second, he said that Tucker left a small, pea-sized poop on the floor, which turned out to be a massive pile of shit. I swear, that kid shits more than he eats.”

  “Well, I’m glad I didn’t show up until now.”

  Caitlin came bounding down the stairs, headed right for the front door. “Where are you going?” I shouted.

  “Training.”

  “Not so fast! You take Clara and Gunner with you!”

  “Mom,” she whined. “Do I have to?”

  “You could always stay home with me and help me take care of the triplets and Tucker.”

  She sighed and marched around the house, collecting her brother and sister while I watched with glee.

  “It must be nice to have a built-in babysitter,” Molly laughed.

  “I’m not complaining. I swear, once she hit the age where she could start unloading the dishwasher, it was like this huge moment in my life. I can’t wait for her to start driving.”

  “Well, I’ve got some good news, but I’m not sure how to approach it after what happened last night.”

  “Okay, start with the good news.”

  A huge grin split her lips. “I’m pregnant.”

  “Of course you would see that as good news.”

  Her face dropped. “It’s not?”

  “For you? Yes. I swear to God, if Sebastian even so much as comes close to me with his dick again, I’ll cut it off.”

  “You don’t have sex anymore?”

  “We do,” I sighed. “I just make sure that he always wears a condom, which he hates, and I’m on birth control.”

  “Is that really necessary? Didn’t he get a vasectomy with Sinner?”

  I snorted. “Yeah, like I believe that. He promised me after the triplets that we were done, but I don’t believe him. I see the way he looks at pregnant women, that longing in his eyes. I swear, he wants at least a few more.”

  And if I was going to ensure that I never got pregnant again, I was going to have to do everything in my power to make sure that he was always wrapped up.

  Chapter Sixteen

  Tacos

  “I don’t get why the hell we have to do this,” I grumbled, stewing at the table as I poked at a take-home container Molly had packed me.

  “You’re not seriously eating that, are you?” Coop asked. “You know Jackson’s mom will make you something.”

  “I can’t take this home full. It’ll hurt her feelings.”

  “That’s why you throw it away,” Storm said slowly, like I was stupid.

  And maybe I was stupid, because I didn’t want to hurt my wife’s feelings. It was like I was betraying her if I didn’t eat her cooking. She was trying so hard to make good meals, but no matter how much Susan tried to teach her, her meals always turned out wrong.

  “Look, Molly’s dad is still alive, and he eats his wife’s cooking every day.”

  “He probably has an ulcer,” Coop pointed out. “Or his stomach has become so used to the terrible food that he’s become immune.”

  “Immune to food?” Storm asked. “Really?”

  “Hey, don’t look at me. I’m not the one eating food that’s toxic.”

  “It’s not toxic,” I said, defending Molly. “You guys don’t understand how hard she works at making my meals.”

  “The potatoes aren’t even cooked!” Coop said incredulously. “It’s not for lack of trying. None of us would accuse her of not caring about you, but her meals will kill you one day. Are you really prepared to die over food? Grow some balls, man.”

  “Storm, you’re shitty with words. Help me out here.”

  “Nope. I’m with Coop on this one. I’m sorry, man, but I’ve tried her cooking, and there is no way you can convince me to ever eat it again.”

  “You know, no one really likes you,” I said, glaring at Storm.

  “Doesn’t matter. You know why?”

  “Please tell me. I’m dying to know.”

  “Because I won the thumb war,” he said smugly.

  “You did not. I won. You just ran out of the room before I could and then pushed me in the bushes.”

  “Hey, who introduced himself as Tony Tacos? Yeah, that’s right. It was you. You screwed yourself over on that one.”

  “You know what? I don’t even care. You and Jessica Rabbit are perfect for each other, and you’re really lucky you have her because no other woman would put up what you consider dirty talk.”

  “Hey, it works for us.”

  I huffed out a laugh. “And I thought Derek was weird for living out superhero fantasies with Claire.”

  “At least Jessica doesn’t poison me on a daily basis,” he shot back.

  “Boys!” Coop shouted. “Can we move on with this? Two grown men and you’re arguing like teenagers. It’s embarrassing. You’re lucky no one else is in here to witness this.”

  We both glared at each other for a minute, and just when I thought we were finally going to move on, Storm muttered, “At least I’m not scared of ghosts.”

  I stood quickly, shoving my chair back. “Say that again.”

  “Alright,” he said, standing and crossing his arms over his chest. “You’re like a sissy girl. You’re afraid of ghosts and hide in coal chutes, and you’re too afraid to tell your wife that her cooking is going to kill you. Think about that, you’d rather die than let your wife know that her cooking is deadly. Never mind holding a gun on the enemy, just hand them a pot of her cooking, and they’ll keel over in less than a minute.”

  “It’s not that bad.”

  “You know it is,” he glared. “The question is, what are you going to do about it?”

  Well, shit, he just threw down the gauntlet. I couldn’t not say anything to her now. It would make me look like a pussy. But I also couldn’t bring myself to walk home and say anything. It would kill her, and Molly was such a gentle soul.

  “I’ll talk to her about it,” I said defensively.

  “Sure,” Storm snorted.

  “I will.”

  “Yeah, just like you’ll name your kid something that doesn’t in any way sound Mexican.”

  I narrowed my eyes at him. “I don’t have to listen to this,” I grumbled.

  “I dare you,” he said. I turned slowly, seeing the smirk spread across his face.

  I huffed out a laugh. “Right, like I’m going to throw away my relationship because you dared me.”

  He crossed his arms over his chest. “Fine, I double dare you.”

  Flashes of A Christmas Story went through my mind and I started sweating. This was getting serious. He was baiting me into this. I swallowed hard. “I’m not a child. I’m not playing your games.”

  “I don’t know,” Coop shook his head. “He did double dare you.”

  “Yeah, like that’s really a dangerous thing,” I scoffed. “Look, I’m not playing these stupid games.”

  Coop looked back and forth between the two of us. “Do it,” he urged Storm. “You know you want to.”

  I narrowed my eyes at Storm. If he did the ultimate dare, what choice would I have? Sure, I would look like a pussy, and they would hold it over my head for the rest of my life, but wasn’t it worth it to keep Molly happy?

  A slight smirk crossed his face. “I triple dog dare you.”

  My heart pounded in my chest as I glanced at Coop, who was laughing hysterically. It was do or die time. I had won the thumb war, but still ended up losing. I was constantly mocked for the stupid nickname they all gave me. If I didn’t do this, it would never end. I would be the guy that backed down from a triple dog dare.

  I ran my tongue across the front of my teeth, my nostrils flaring angrily. I leaned forward on the table, my fingertips bracing my whole body from leaping across the table. “Fine, you want to
see me take action? I’ll do it right fucking now.”

  “Whoa,” Coop said, standing up suddenly, like he had changed his mind on the whole thing. “Think about this, Tacos. Once you say this, you can’t take it back.”

  “It doesn’t matter. You know why? Because Molly knows that I love her and would never do anything to hurt her.”

  That’s what I told myself anyway. I would be gentle about it.

  “No, that’s not at all the way women think,” Coop shook his head. “I’m telling you, if you do this, you’re gonna have divorce papers by the morning.”

  Storm laughed. “Molly wouldn’t leave him if he told her he hated her. She’d just correct him and move on with her day.”

  “It’ll be fine, because I actually have a way with words. Maybe you know a few pickup lines, but I’ve never called my woman’s pussy garbage.”

  “Hey,” he said, pointing a finger at me. “I never said that.”

  “Close enough. Now, if you’ll excuse me, I’m going to have a talk with Molly.”

  I turned to walk out of the room, but Coop stepped in front of me, holding up his hands. “I can’t let you do this, man. This is suicide.”

  “I don’t have a choice. No man backs down from a triple dog dare.”

  I shoved past him and walked out of the room. “This is why we’re writing the manual,” he shouted as he ran behind me. “I’m telling you, there’s no coming back from something like this.”

  I spun around and shook my head at him. “You did worse to Becky and look how that turned out.”

  “Learn from my mistakes,” he pleaded.

  “Let him do it,” Storm smirked. “It’s been a while since we’ve watched Tacos make a fool out of himself.”

  “What’s going on?” Cap asked, stepping out of his office. “Why is everyone shouting?”

  “Cap, you have to stop him,” Coop begged. “He’s going to tell Molly that her cooking is deadly because this dumbass,” he said, slapping Storm upside the head, “triple dog dared him.”