Aretha Moon and the Dead Hairdresser: Aretha Moon Book 2 (Aretha Moon Mysteries)

by Linda Ross

  Jimmy eyed me without even a hint of a smile. “Do you realize what could have happened?”

  I nodded. “Thelma kept reminding me.”

  Jimmy blew out a breath of air and rubbed his forehead with one hand. “Did you touch anything?”

  “Not with my hands. I picked up the rope with a stick.”

  Jimmy nodded. “And you weren’t seen?”

  “I don’t think so. Loren came out of the barn at one point when we made some noise, but we hid in the orchard grass and he shouted at what he thought were kids.”

  “Okay, I’m going to make a call. You should go clean all those weeds off yourself.”

  I could see why I was itching when I looked in the mirror. I was covered in those tiny hitchhiker seeds. They were all over my clothes, in my hair and even inside my coat. I looked around the bathroom for some conditioner, but Jimmy didn’t have any and I’d left mine at home.

  I went back to the kitchen and rummaged in the fridge until I found a jar of mayonnaise. I could hear Jimmy on his phone in the living room, talking in a low tone.

  Back in the bathroom, I dropped my clothes in a pile, got in the shower and washed, then shampooed my hair. I applied the mayo liberally, the combed through my hair to get as many seeds out as possible. Then I shampooed again and rinsed.

  I felt better when I toweled off, but I had a red rash on my face and neck, and I was still itching.

  When I came back to the kitchen in clean clothes, Jimmy was gone, but he’d left a note.

  Don’t know when I’ll be back. J

  Cryptic. I was feeling hungry again, so I ordered a pizza and then called Thelma while I was eating.

  “I’m itching all over,” she complained as soon as she answered. “And I can’t get those little seeds out of my hair.”

  “Mayo,” I said. “I put it all over my hair and then combed them out.”

  “I don’t think there’s enough mayo in the world to get all of these out. And I’ve got a rash.”

  “Me too. You might have been right about the poison ivy.”

  “You know, turns out being your friend is a dangerous job.”

  “Someone has to do it. I’m glad it’s someone with a direct line to God.”

  “I seem to get a busy signal when I’ m with you. What did Jimmy say about what you found?”

  “Not much. He listened and then he made a phone call. When I got out of the shower he was gone.”

  “Well, let’s hope this is all about over. I don’t think I can take much more excitement.”

  “Me too.”

  Jimmy finally rolled in at 10. I had fallen asleep on the couch with Nancy, and I woke up when he came through the door.

  “What happened?” I asked.

  “We’ve detained Loren Haskell. A search of his property turned up what you said you found. It does look like blood on the hammer handle. We’ll test the rope for any DNA. Looks like the cell phone is the one he used to text you.”

  “What did he say?”

  “Claims he hasn’t used the burn barrel for three weeks and he never saw that stuff before. Says the animal trap isn’t his. Has no idea how many of the iron bricks he has and if one is missing. He says he was working in the barn the night Kara was killed.”

  “Do you think you can charge him?” I asked.

  “Probably. There’s a lot of circumstantial evidence, and he doesn’t have an alibi. We’ll have to see if there’s any DNA on the hammer that links him with Kara.”

  I let out a long sigh. “What a relief. It’s finally over.”

  Jimmy sat down next to me on the couch and scratched Nancy behind the ears. “Do you want to go home?”

  Now there was a loaded question. “Not just yet, if you don’t mind,” I said. “I guess I still have a case of anxiety.”

  “Understandable. I had the garage take your rental car, but your own car will be ready Monday.”

  “Then maybe things will get back to normal,” I said.

  “Speaking of normal, is that a rash on your neck?”

  “Yeah. There might have been some poison ivy where Thelma and I were hiding in the orchard.”

  Jimmy shook his head and left the couch. He returned with a bottle of calamine lotion and spread some on his hand. Then he carefully and slowly dabbed it on my neck. It was cold, and I shivered involuntarily.

  “Almost done,” he said. But I wished he would go on forever.

  “Rash anywhere else?” he asked.

  I was tempted to invent a rash in a few places, but I shook my head.

  “All right. Let’s get some sleep. I’ll have to get back to the station tomorrow and start interviewing Haskell.”

  “I’ll call Eileen, and she can pick me up tomorrow to go downtown for the Christmas tree lighting. We always take Tiffany and Desi.”

  “Sounds good. I’ll check in with you tomorrow evening.’

  I let Nancy out for a last pee, and then we went to bed. I lay on my back and listened to Jimmy moving around, getting ready for bed. After he’d been in bed an hour I was still awake. I got up and took a Tums, then looked in on him. He was sleeping peacefully, and I wished I could do the same. I don’t know why I was still unsettled. Maybe it was the scary trip to Loren Haskell’s place today. And maybe it was the itchy rash on my neck. Or maybe it was just menopausal hormones or the lack thereof. But something didn’t feel right.

  * * * * *

  I slept fitfully, but I still didn’t hear Jimmy leave in the morning. When I got up, there was another note.

  See you sometime tonight. Donuts on the table. Nancy’s been out.

  I puttered around Jimmy’s house while trying not to be nosy, and I finally called Eileen to come get me early. I fed Nancy and let her out again before Eileen picked me up.

  “I heard the good news,” she said. “They’ve arrested someone for Kara Koch’s murder.”

  “I think they’re just detaining him at the moment,” I said. “But all of the evidence points to him.”

  “Well, we’ll all sleep better now. I knew Jimmy would get the guy.”

  Yeah, right. It was all Jimmy. Much as I liked Jimmy, I also liked a little credit now and then.

  “You know, Thelma and I found the evidence.”

  “You and Thelma?” She sounded incredulous.

  “We scouted around Haskell’s place yesterday. I spotted the iron bricks in the barn and then the rope, hammer and cell phone in a burn barrel.”

  Eileen cut her eyes to me, and I could tell she didn’t believe me.

  Eileen suggested we get some lunch downtown, so we went to the Mark Twain Dinette. Eileen got a salad with grilled chicken, and I got a chili cheese Maid-Rite and a mint Oreo shake.

  “You know there’s a weigh-in next Wednesday at the Slenderizers. There’s a contest to see who lost the most weight over Thanksgiving.”

  “Now there’s a contest I can’t get excited about,” I said.

  After lunch we wandered around shopping and looking in windows. I could tell that Eileen didn’t want to go home and face Momo and Dad. I felt sympathy for her. A person needed a lot of lemonade to deal with them.

  We finally realized we had to go back to the house. We needed to pick up Tiffany and Desi since the Christmas tree festivities would start at dusk. And that came early this time of year.

  When we got there, Dad was watching TV and eating a sandwich. Tiffany and Desi were less than enthusiastic about going to the Christmas tree lighting, but Momo was more than ready. I figured she’d have a great time, but Eileen would have to get her home by nine.

  The five of us set off for downtown again. Tiffany and Desi were bored and on their phones. There was some party at a friend’s house that they were missing.

  “I don’t know why we have to do this every year,” Tiffany complained. “It’s so boring.”

  “Yeah, my friends all think it’s for babies,” Desi chimed in.

  “Meredith Tippett is having a party tonight,” Tiffany said. “Her parents a
ren’t making her go look at a Christmas tree.”

  “We’re going to have family time and we’re going to enjoy it!” Eileen informed them, and they sat back with mutinous pouts on their mouths.

  “What’s wrong with your neck?” Momo demanded, craning around to look at me. “It’s all pink. And there’s a hole in your purse. I swear, I’ve seen better dressed women lying in the gutter.”

  “I have a rash,” I said. “That’s calamine lotion on my neck. And the Hound of the Baskervilles attacked my purse.”

  “And you’re perspiring,” Momo continued.

  “I’m having a hot flash.” And I was. A big, raging hormonal hot flash. I was afraid I was going to turn into The Incredible Hulk any minute. But I would be red instead of green. Very Christmasy.

  We had to park several blocks away from the Mark Twain Boyhood Home and Museum, where the tree lighting was. We trooped there in silence, our merry band of aggravated women. All around us people were chattering and laughing. Not us. Nobody was going to make us enjoy the holiday season. Nosiree.

  The Salvation Army band was playing God Rest Ye Merry Gentlemen as we gathered in the garden area of the museum. The music changed to Here Comes Santa Claus, and the Hannibal trolley came down the street, bell clanging. The trolley is a trolley car on wheels that takes tourists around to see the sights. Standing at the back and waving was Santa Claus, and four elves gathered around him. People with small children in the crowd called to him and waved, pointing him out to their kids. I remembered my parents doing the same when I was little.

  “Ho, ho, ho!” Santa cried as he got off the trolley and waved to the crowd. The elves spilled out after him, all dressed alike in tight green outfits with white collars and pointed hats. They remained in the street as Santa went into the garden.

  Everyone turned as the horse-drawn wagon came down the street next with another load of people. The bells on the two horses jingled over the noise of the crowd. They stopped in the street to watch the festivities. Main Street had been blocked off for the event. And no doubt to clean up the horse manure afterwards.

  A man stepped up to the microphone in the garden to start the ceremony, and he announced that there would be a mustache contest after the tree lighting and told everyone where to register. I heard one of the elves snicker, and I looked over. That particular elf looked familiar, but I couldn’t place him. I kept sneaking glances as the announcements went on.

  Finally it was time to light the tree, and Santa stepped up to do the honors. The tree came to life in a blaze of light, and the crowd oohed and aahed in satisfaction. The elf put two fingers in his mouth to whistle, and I suddenly recognized him. It was the guy with the big gap in his front teeth who had been standing outside the salon the morning Kara’s body was found. I worked my way over toward him and broke through the crowd and into the street.

  He didn’t realize I was coming until I was standing right in front of him. He looked at me in surprise and then seemed to vaguely remember me. I could see the instant it dawned on him where he’d seen me. And he didn’t want any part of that. He turned to retreat, but I grabbed him by his elf belt. He was a small, thin guy, and he was just a little stronger than I am. He was still trying to get away and half dragging me down the street.

  “Wait! I need to ask you some questions.”

  “I don’t want to answer any questions. Let go! I’m an elf!”

  “Well, you’re a bad elf,” I retorted, still hanging onto his belt. “I saw you outside the salon the morning Kara Koch’s body was found. What were you doing there?”

  “Nothing!” He turned and shoved me. I started to fall down, and I grabbed his shirt to take him down with me. We landed in the street and started rolling around, shouting at each other.

  “What were you doing there?” I demanded. I had him on his back, and I was straddling him. He was trying to push me off, but I wasn’t budging. Something smelled bad, and I realized we’d rolled over some manure on the street. Great.

  “I didn’t do nothing!” he shouted. “I just came to see if Kara wanted to buy anything.”

  “Were you selling her drugs?”

  He tried to hit me, and I slapped him. I thought he was going to cry.

  “She was a regular. Now let me go! I didn’t do nothing. I tried to sell her some the night before and she didn’t want nothing, so I came by that morning.”

  “Whoa,” I said. “You saw her the night before, the night she was killed?”

  “Yeah, I was in the alley out back when she came out to smoke a cigarette. I asked if she wanted anything, and she said no. Now get off me. You weigh a ton!”

  I realized the crowd had shifted and was standing around us now. Momo’s voice cut through the din. “Aretha, what on earth are you doing brawling with an elf in the street?”

  I ignored her and fixed the elf with my most serious stare. “What time did she come out?”

  “Jesus, lady, I don’t know. It was after eight, I guess. I went home after that.”

  A hand came down on my shoulder, and I looked up to see Leonard in his police uniform.

  “Oh, God,” he said. “Not you. What are you doing, Aretha? You’re beating up an elf.”

  “He saw Kara behind her salon the night she was killed,” I said.

  “Is that true?” Leonard asked the elf.

  “Yeah, man, but I didn’t sell her nothing. She wasn’t buying.”

  “All right,” Leonard said. “Let’s get in the car and sort this out.”

  He put us in the back seat of the police car and called the station. Then he turned and wrinkled his nose. “Why do you two stink?”

  “We rolled in some horse manure,” I said.

  “Great. Just what I wanted in my car.” Leonard sighed. “As God is my witness, I don’t know why I get all the weirdos.”

  Jimmy showed up a few minutes later with two uniforms, and Leonard turned us over to him.

  “You were fighting in the street with an elf?” Jimmy asked in disbelief as he slid into the front seat.

  “He’s not just any elf. I saw him outside the salon the morning I found Kara, and he says he saw her around midnight the night she was killed. And before you ask, the smell is horse manure. We rolled in it.”

  “I’m not even going to ask,” Jimmy said. “Aretha, meet Duggie Grupman, one of our purveyors of drugs. Were you selling Kara a little fentanyl, Duggie?”

  “Look, I don’t do that anymore. I just made an exception for Kara, because she was a good customer. I just happened to come across a little bit that night and I went around to see if she wanted any.”

  “How did you know she’d be there?”

  “I saw her pull up earlier. Then some other broad came, so I waited until she left. I knocked on the back door then, but no one answered, so I waited. After a while Kara came walking down the alley from that direction.” He pointed to the north. “I asked her if she wanted anything, and she said no. So I left.”

  “What was she doing when you left?” Jimmy asked.

  “She was smoking a cigarette in the alley.”

  “You didn’t see a man there?”

  “No, I didn’t see anybody.”

  “Okay,” Jimmy said. “In the spirit of the season, I don’t think we need to charge anyone. Duggie, you can leave.”

  Duggie practically jumped out of the car. He looked back long enough to say, “Lady, you’re one sick guppie.”

  “Did he say guppie?” I asked Jimmy.

  “Sounded like it.” I could tell that Jimmy was trying not to smile.

  Jimmy drove me back to his house so I could shower before the party at The Spyglass. And he couldn’t stop giving me the business all the way.

  “I could still run you in on an assault charge,” he said. “Bodily harm to an elf.”

  “He was a bad elf,” I said for the tenth time.

  After I was showered and changed into a clean pair of pants and a beige sweater, Jimmy drove me to the office and let me out. “I’ll p
ick you up later,” he said.

  “We’ll be going down to the brewery for the party if you want to join us,” I said.

  “Maybe later.”

  CHAPTER SEVENTEEN

  The office was buzzing with chatter, but it quieted when I walked in.

  I hung up my coat and Carl said, “Is it true you beat the crap out of one of Santa’s elves?” Then he laughed.

  “Never mind, Moon,” Lorenzo said. “You found the killer, and we’ll have a great story. You can beat up as many elves as you want.”

  “Gee, thanks,” I said.

  I made my way to Thelma, and she said, “Who picks a fight with one of Santa’s elves?”

  “I didn’t pick a fight. Well, I guess I sort of did. But he was there out back around the time Kara was killed.”

  “Did he see anything?”

  “He says he didn’t, and I guess I believe him. But if he’s right, then Kara was still alive at midnight.”

  Rose had been hovering near us, and now she came up to me, practically glowing. “I’m just so relieved,” she said. “It’s just wonderful that Kara will get justice. I never did like that man.”

  “Hopefully the police can build a case,” I said.

  “Well, I don’t see why not if they have the murder weapon. It must have been so exciting when you found it.”

  “Yeah,” Thelma said dryly. “Exciting doesn’t begin to describe it.”

  Rose smiled and headed back to the table where Lorenzo was about to open the champagne. As usual, she looked ravishing in gold linen pants with a matching blouse cinched at the waist with her braided belt. A gold and silver cardigan completed the outfit. And then there was her perfect hair. I self-consciously touched my own hair and came away with a hitchhiker seed. I sighed.

  Lorenzo had put out a public invitation to anyone who wanted to join us, and some of our recent interviewees had shown up. Joan had come with her dog Stewart in her arms, and I was staying as far away from them as I could. I saw Les Noll, the dairy farmer now known as the Banksy of Bovines, and Darlene Gregory, the Unluckiest Woman in the World. At the moment Darlene was standing next to Rose, and Rose was trying to disengage Darlene’s dangling earring from her shoulder.