The Wedding Dress

by Danielle Steel

  Charles and Louise stood on the front steps and waved to them as they drove away in a cab with their valises with all their belongings packed up to take with them.

  They walked back into their home after that, for their last day and night there. The house was silent and dark except for the few rooms they were occupying. They were sleeping on an old bed from one of the servants’ rooms, and leaving it behind. The rest was gone. The next morning when Charles packed their last bags into his last remaining car, they drove away from Nob Hill, and Louise looked back at the house for an instant, as tears streamed down her cheeks. Charles gently touched her cheek with one hand as he drove.

  “We’ll be fine,” Charles said, not sounding convinced, and Louise wiped the tears from her cheeks.

  “Yes, we will,” she said firmly, and smiled at her husband. “I know we will.” And whatever it took, she was determined to make it the truth. They had lost an entire world, but they had each other and a place to go, which was more than many people had these days. She had packed away all her fancy evening clothes, and Eleanor’s wedding dress, and debut dress. They were all in the barn too. An entire life was packed in the barn, waiting for them in Tahoe, as the Deveraux mansion faded from view.

  Chapter 7

  In the spring of 1930, the Tahoe property, with the exclusion of the small slice Charles kept, which was only twenty acres as compared to the rest, sold in an arrangement that was unexpected and worked well for them.

  It was purchased by an English lord, an earl, who had visited Lake Tahoe several years before and had fallen in love with it. He had heard about the sale of the enormous Deveraux property in Tahoe by sheer coincidence from a friend. He had always said that he would buy land there one day, and hoped to retire there, which at forty-seven was still a long way away. He had other property in England, but he wanted to keep the Tahoe property for his old age, and the price was so reasonable for their many thousand acres that he could afford it, and knew it was a rare opportunity he couldn’t pass up. He understood what it took to run a property well. As an absentee landowner, he wanted someone he could trust to keep an eye on it for him. He offered Charles a very comfortable annual amount to watch over it, hire gardeners and groundskeepers, keep the houses in good repair, especially since they were never used. Charles managed it exactly as he had when he owned it, but without the army of domestic help which the new owner didn’t need since he had no plans to stay there or visit. He simply wanted to own it.

  Charles hired two women from the nearest village to come and clean the house every week, and he oversaw the rest himself. The earl asked Charles to buy back two of the boats he had sold, if that was possible. He did, and he kept on one of the boatmen. There were no horses there anymore, so Charles bought one, so he could check out the parts of the property that weren’t accessible any other way. Charles still had the pleasure of living there and enjoying the land and the lake, and was paid handsomely to live there and care for the property, by an owner he had never met and never seen and who had no intention of coming over any time soon. Charles sent him a concise, intelligent written report once a month, and their dealings were pleasant. The sale of the property had been at a decent price. The new owner hadn’t been unreasonable and hadn’t driven a hard bargain, and he was satisfied just knowing that he owned the land and the main house and some outbuildings, and would retire there one day. It was a little eccentric, but the arrangement was tailor made for Charles, who was content now, living in the servants’ house, prettily decorated by Louise. The barn bulged with everything else they’d brought with them and didn’t use, and Louise still said she was saving it all for better days.

  With the sale of the house in the city, and the Tahoe property, Charles had a reasonable amount saved to ensure their future on the scale they were living now, and the amount paid to him by the new owner to oversee the property was a salary they could live on comfortably. They had few expenses living in Tahoe, and no help, other than a cleaning girl from town. Their life had moved into a whole new phase. Louise loved gardening, and pushed Charles to help her with it. He was surprised to find he enjoyed it. Somehow, it still stunned him, but they had survived the reversals which had shattered their world. And as time went on, he invested the relatively small amount he had left, and hung on to his few remaining investments. What he had grew slowly but it was safe. And the Great Depression continued with little relief for many people. Charles and Louise were better off than most.

  The years slipped by, with little change in the economy for a decade. It was the longest economic depression the world had ever seen, and a dark time for the country. Their peaceful life in Tahoe spared them from the rigors of people living in shanties and abysmal conditions of poverty in the cities.

  Eleanor and Alex came for a weekend from time to time, and two or three weeks in the summer for their vacations, and stayed in the cottage that her mother had set up for them. They had remained in the same jobs, and Alex had crawled his way up to a medium position at the same bank that had hired him. His unpleasant superior had quit, but by 1939, almost ten years after the crash, Alex was forty-three years old, and not likely to reach the top again, but he was grateful for the job. Unemployment had remained rampant and the economy had stayed at its lowest ebb for ten years. At twenty-nine, Eleanor was still working at Miss Benson’s, and was teaching Latin as well as French and art. The school hadn’t changed much in the years since she’d been a student there herself, and the concept of a finishing school of sorts for young ladies was somewhat archaic, but the atmosphere was genteel and Eleanor liked her job.

  The only great sorrow in her life with Alex was that they hadn’t succeeded in having a baby. She had been pregnant five times, and miscarried every time. One had been a stillbirth at eight months, which had been traumatic for her, and a source of immeasurable grief to both of them. Alex had assured her the last two times that he didn’t care if they never had children, he loved her deeply and he didn’t want her to go through the same agony again, it was just too hard on her. They were almost resigned to their childlessness by then, although it saddened Eleanor more than she admitted, which Alex knew well. Even Eleanor’s mother had tried to convince her to give up. She had a wonderful husband, and a good marriage, sometimes that was enough. Louise was fifty-six by then, and Charles was sixty-two. He was in good health from his outdoor life at the lake, but there was an undeniable sadness about him ever since the crash. The losses they had sustained had demoralized him, despite Louise’s constant efforts to engage him and cheer him up. Supervising the property kept him busy enough, but the changes had been too hard on him. It always saddened Eleanor to see it, but there was nothing anyone could do about it. Their old way of life would never be restored. The depression in the economy had gone on for ten years, and his own along with it. They were much better off than many of their old friends who were leading hard lives, had moved away, or had died in the meantime, unable to cope with a changing world.

  Alex and Eleanor were still living in the same apartment in Chinatown. The apartment was comfortable and bright and beautifully furnished with their old things. They had come to like Chinatown, and the rent was ridiculously cheap. Neither of them made big salaries and it was easy for them. Without children, they had no need for a bigger place.

  Her parents loved it when Alex and Eleanor came to visit. Louise loved seeing her daughter, and Charles enjoyed male company with Alex. They went fishing together, and drove the boats on the lake. They came up every few months. Charles and Louise hadn’t been back to the city in ten years. He said he wasn’t interested, and Louise knew it would be too painful for him to visit his lost world as an outsider. He had no desire to see the few old friends who were left, most of whom were depressed. Most of his generation had not fared well, those who were even alive. Alex hadn’t seen his brothers either since they left San Francisco, which he regretted, but he had no opportunity or desire to travel East, and his
brothers had no intention of coming West again, even to see their older brother. They had drifted too far apart by then, and felt disconnected, although they stayed in touch by writing to each other. Both of Charles’s brothers had married, and had children whom Alex had never met. Phillip was in charge of a stable of racehorses in Kentucky, and Harry had married a girl with some money in North Carolina, and was leading the life of a Southern gentleman, with a wife who was willing to indulge him. She had inherited a successful textile mill from her father. Alex’s younger brothers had lost their connection to each other as well, and only saw each other once every few years. Alex was part of a lost life to them. The Depression had not only destroyed fortunes, but families as well. Alex had no idea when he’d see them again, if ever, and it didn’t seem likely. He hadn’t traveled anywhere in ten years since the crash, and their honeymoon in Italy. He couldn’t afford to. He was careful with the money he had left, invested it wisely, and they lived on their meager salaries and had no extravagant needs. Considering how they had both grown up, they had limited themselves severely for the past ten years, but weren’t unhappy. When they needed a change of scene, they went to Tahoe to see her parents. Being in the outdoors for a short time always cheered them.

  Several times when they’d been there, Eleanor had tried to convince her mother to empty the barn and sell what was there. They were never going to furnish a large home again, and she and Alex didn’t need it. It seemed silly to hang on to their old furniture and paintings, and there was so much of it. Eleanor wondered if they might fetch better prices at auction now, ten years later, but Louise always insisted she was saving it all “for better days,” which Eleanor doubted would ever come again, and surely not to the degree they knew before.

  When they came up to the lake for a weekend in September, Alex and Charles had much to talk about. War had just been declared in Europe, and as disturbing as it was, Charles believed, as he had for years, that factories brought back into service for products needed to supply a war would create jobs and help the world and national economy and positively affect the stock market along with it. The increased productivity would eventually boost the economy and reduce unemployment.

  They discussed the likelihood of the United States getting into the war, which Charles thought was unlikely, but Alex wasn’t so sure. They both enjoyed talking about it, and each other’s company.

  Despite the talk of war between the two men, they enjoyed other more pleasant conversations, and beautiful weather. Alex and Eleanor managed some private romantic moments in the cottage when her parents were busy. The romance hadn’t gone out of their marriage in ten years. They loved each other as passionately as ever. They had passed the honeymoon phase, particularly with all that had happened to them, but they shared a deep love, which nourished both of them. They were always in good spirits when they went home to the city. It reminded Eleanor of the days when they had their own train when she was younger. It was strange sometimes to think of the extreme luxury she had grown up in, and now they lived in a tiny apartment in Chinatown, and were dependent on their jobs. The old days seemed light-years away now to both of them.

  They were buying groceries in one of the Chinese markets several weeks later, with all the pungent smells of Chinese spices, and ducks hanging by their feet above them, when Alex saw Eleanor go pale, and look suddenly ill. She seemed as though she was about to faint.

  “Are you all right?” He was instantly worried and she recovered quickly and said she was fine. “What happened?”

  “I don’t know, I looked up and saw all those dead ducks dangling above me and it made me feel sick.”

  “You’re pregnant,” he pronounced immediately.

  “No, I’m not, don’t be silly.”

  “Yes, you are, it was the weekend in Tahoe,” he said with a mischievous look and she laughed. “I don’t know why, but I had a feeling you’d get pregnant.”

  “Why?” He had an uncanny sense of things sometimes, and even though he was in his forties now, there was still something boyish about him, and he was very handsome.

  “It was a full moon, and I’m madly in love with you,” he said as they walked back to the apartment.

  But it happened again a few days later, when she poured his morning coffee before they left for work, and he could see that she felt ill from the smell.

  “You are pregnant, I know it,” he insisted. “Go to the doctor.”

  “I’m not pregnant.” She didn’t want to believe she was and get her hopes up again for nothing. She had given up, or wanted to believe she had. It was just too disappointing when it didn’t work out.

  “How do you know you’re not?”

  “I just know,” she said quietly, refusing to believe it and have their hopes dashed again.

  But he found her asleep a few days later when he came home from work. There were a stack of papers to correct next to her on the bed, and it was another sign. When she was first pregnant, she always slept a lot. After five pregnancies, he knew all the signs. He didn’t press her about it for another week or two, until she rushed away from the breakfast table and threw up. He was waiting outside the bathroom with a stern expression when she came out.

  “Will you go to the doctor or do I have to drag you?”

  “Let me think about that and I’ll get back to you,” she said with a weak grin, but she knew he was right. She just didn’t want to start the whole process again, of hoping, dreaming, and having her heart broken again halfway through the pregnancy. She’d rather pretend it wasn’t happening, and see where it went.

  He kissed her when he left for work, and gave her the look he always did when she was pregnant, full of unspoken dreams they didn’t even dare voice anymore. She didn’t want to disappoint him again either.

  For the next several weeks, he didn’t say anything, and she seemed to feel fine, although she slept more than usual. He could tell that her breasts were fuller than they had been, and it was almost Thanksgiving when he could feel the roundness of her belly as they lay in bed, and she still hadn’t been to the doctor yet. He couldn’t ignore it anymore, even though she wanted to.

  “Are we just going to pretend it isn’t happening this time, or are you going to go to the doctor before you give birth here and I have to deliver the baby while you claim you’re not pregnant?” She smiled at him and then sighed.

  “I just don’t want to get our hopes up again, and then have everything go wrong.” He nodded, and understood it, since the last one had been heartbreaking. They had come so close, and had been so sure it would be fine that time, and then the baby strangled on the cord a month before the due date. It had been devastating for both of them, and the baby had looked so beautiful and perfect when he was born. The memory of it was still too vivid for her, and it had been almost two years since it happened.

  “I know this sounds crazy, given our history, but I have a weird feeling that everything will be fine this time,” Alex said quietly.

  She didn’t answer him for a long time, and then she nodded.

  “I don’t know why, but so do I.” She hadn’t felt that way before, except the last time, and then the baby had stopped moving, and she knew. “What if we wait awhile? The doctor won’t do anything anyway. I feel fine.”

  “You look fine to me too,” he said gently cupping her suddenly fuller breasts, and she laughed. “But I’d feel better if you see the doctor, just to make sure everything is okay,” he said, serious again, she rolled over and thought about it and then nodded.

  She went a few days later, and the pregnancy was confirmed. She was two months pregnant, and the baby was due in June.

  “You were right,” she told him that night. “It must have happened in Tahoe. And everything’s fine,” she reassured him.

  They told her parents when they went to Tahoe for Thanksgiving, and they were cautiously enthusiastic. She hated to get their hopes
up too, but it was inevitable. A baby was such a sign of hope, for all of them.

  Despite the good news, Alex and her father discussed the war for most of the time they were there. The economy had experienced a marked upswing, just as Charles had predicted. The Depression was finally coming to an end with increased production of material goods for the war in Europe.

  By Christmas, she was three and a half months pregnant, and in January, she felt it move for the first time. There had been no problems, and even the timing was perfect. With the baby due in June, she would have the summer off, and could go back to her job at the school in September.

  The heartbeat was clear and strong, and in March she was six months pregnant, and had a full round belly.

  The war had taken off in a major way by then, and almost all the countries in Europe were involved. Hitler was trying to take over the world, and the American public was being told that the United States would not enter the war and had no role in it. But increased production was helping the economy.

  Eleanor was less and less interested in the war as her baby grew inside her. They went to Tahoe for the last time in April. She was seven months pregnant, and the doctor didn’t want her traveling after that, especially with her history. Her mother asked if they were going to move, and Eleanor said they had no need to. Their bedroom was big enough to have a crib in it, and she didn’t want to make any dramatic changes for a baby that might never arrive. But this one seemed normal and strong. It kicked constantly, and was bigger than the last one. Alex laughed when he saw her belly move, and he could feel the kicks when he lay next to her at night. The constant movement and pounding reassured them both that this one was healthy. She’d had no problems with the pregnancy, and then suddenly on a sunny Saturday in mid-May, everything stopped as it had before. Alex came back from doing some errands and found Eleanor sobbing in the kitchen.