by K. R. Reese
Maci: Let me explain, Mitch. Don’t give up on me. Don’t hate me.
I send a different one to Levi because I don’t know if Mitch would have told him anything.
Maci: Have you seen Mitch? Tell him to call me, please.
***
It’s been hours since I called my brother, and he still hasn’t answered me. Levi hasn’t either, but I didn’t really expect him to. I’ve ignored him for weeks, avoided every attempt at contact he’s tried to make.
But a fresh start meant moving on. I wasn’t even remotely interested in staying close to the town we grew up in. The issue with moving so far away is that I lost my support system. Mitch and Levi aren’t perfect, but they were always the pillar of strength I needed. Maybe that’s why I’ve turned to other vices much like they did.
I miss my brother, of course, but I miss Levi on a deeper level. I was never confident enough to admit to myself, much less him, that I needed him more than anything, or that my love for him was real. My heart aches whenever I think of the possibility of him living and moving on without me.
But I know it wasn’t right for me to stay. It wasn’t right for either of us. Now that he’s gone, I can see that I took advantage of him. Of his kindness and his loyalty. Levi filled an empty void that had been missing for quite a long time.
I’m so lost in thought that it takes my mind a minute to process what I’m hearing. The click of the hotel room door startles me, but I can’t move. I’m frozen to my spot on the couch, a scream lodged in my throat.
“How the hell do you deal with the chaos of traffic, Mace?”
My heart stutters then starts beating again at a rapid pace. “Mitch?”
When my brother appears from behind the door, I run toward him. But once I see Levi behind him, I stop short.
“Why do I feel like this isn’t just a friendly visit?”
Mitch sits his bag down and stares right at me. I know what he sees. I’ve lost a ton of weight, my skin is an ashen tone, and my eyes are bloodshot.
“I don’t know, Mace, you tell me what kind of visit this is. What kind of visit does this need to be?”
Levi steps out around Mitch and looks me up and down. I look at my feet to hide my embarrassment.
“What the hell happened to you, Maci?” There’s anger laced in every one of Levi’s words. “I think you better start explaining.”
Chapter 29
Levi
Despite burying myself in endless parties back home, every day was slower than the last. As tempting as it was to ask Mitch about Maci, I hadn’t because it wasn’t fair to drag him into the middle of our problems.
But, looking at Maci now, her disheveled appearance and faded out eyes, I should have pushed harder. I should have made her talk to me, should have stayed up to date about what she was doing here.
Maci won’t meet my eyes, a clear indication that we’re not going to like anything she says. I step forward, but Mitch puts his hand to my chest to stop me.
“What the hell is all this, Maci? I thought you were doing good here. It’s clear that I trusted you too much to do this on your own.”
For the first time since we walked through the door, I notice the small bags spread out on the table, all empty, and the traces left over from what had been in them. When I glance back up, Maci meets my gaze for a minute before she looks to Mitch.
“Seriously, Mitch? That’s real rich coming from you.” Maci laughs sarcastically. “You want to talk about trust? Have a seat, it’ll take a while to hash this out.”
I grind my teeth together, but I sit. It takes Mitch longer as he stares at her. I’m the first one to talk.
“Well, Mace?” I gesture at the evidence in front of me. This is something I’ve feared since she moved here.
“There was a party last night. Nothing too important. Why didn’t you say you were coming for a visit?”
I lean forward and stare at her. The woman sitting in front of me looks like a stranger.
“A party you took part in, I’m going to guess?” I snarl. “We weren’t planning a trip here…”
Mitch cuts me off. “But your phone call last night had me worried. We jumped on the first flight I could find.”
“Well, as you can see, I’m fine.”
“Yeah, we can totally see that you’re fine.”
Maci sighs and stares out the balcony doors. I wait her out, knowing she’ll talk when she wants to. Mitch and Maci are more alike than they think. And that’s what scares me most of all. I have no doubt they would self-destruct together if they both still lived at the house when Maci started all this. Though I can’t say I’m any better an influence.
“I had all these great ideas before I got here.” Maci finally starts. “But none of them prepared me for being completely alone. I’ve always had a crutch. First, it was you,” she points to Mitch. “Then, I met you.” She directs her attention to me. “But here, I had no one. One day, I met a group at a café, and they invited me out. I’ve never liked clubs or parties, but I wanted to fit in somewhere.”
The sadness that has crept into her voice causes an ache in my chest. “Instead, that group led you to what you’ve always tried to avoid. All in an attempt to ‘fit in’.”
A small nod is the only answer I get.
“I think you should come home, Mace.” Mitch’s voice is low, with traces of anger. But there’s something else, too.
“And I will, Mitch, when I’m ready.”
He slams his fist on the table and she jumps, eyes wide. I stand and pull him up with me. “Go cool off. You’re scaring her, and it isn’t going to help anyone.”
Mitch storms out and I turn back to Maci. I’m incapable of resisting the urge to touch her any longer. I stalk toward her, and rest both hands on her shoulders. She whimpers when I pull her against me, feeling the same familiar comfort I’ve missed all this time.
I frame her jaw and tilt her head upright. “I’ve missed you, Maci. I need you.” While my words aren’t a lie, I’m also desperate to give her a reason to come home.
Maci pulls me toward what I assume is the bedroom and she pushes me down on the edge of the bed.
“I’ll be honest, Maci, I have no idea how to do this relationship thing. I’m not sure if I’m even capable of it.” She ignores me to straddle my lap, and I bite back a moan. “And we both know I’m not perfect, nowhere close. I may not be what you need, who you need.”
“You say you want me, Levi, that you need me. But this is who I am now. If you can’t accept that…”
I lift my head to stare at her. It hurts to see her this way, to know I had something to do with it. But I’ll do whatever it takes to keep her with me and help her. Even if I have to give it all up myself.
“We’ll figure it out, Mace,” I whisper before I anchor my fist in her hair and crash my lips to hers. Maci digs her nails into my back, and I growl into her mouth, possessed by the feeling of her this close to me again.
Chapter 30
Maci
When I grind down on Levi’s lap again, he hoists me up, then lays me back in the center of my bed. I quickly discard the shirt I was wearing, and he runs his fingers underneath the cups of my bra. I can’t stop the moan as I arch into his touch.
“Mace,” Levi whispers against my lips as he leans down to give me a gentle kiss. “Has there been anyone else?” His head is lying on my shoulder now, his entire body tense above me like the thought just occurred to him.
“There hasn’t been anyone,” I whisper back. In one swift move, he’s pulling my pants off and tossing them on the floor. I lean up and unhook my bra, now entirely bare for him. I tug at his pants until they’re around his ankles and he kicks them off followed by his shirt.
Levi’s gained some muscle since I’ve been gone, his abs rippling as he rises above me again. I lean up and trace each one with my tongue and tiny kisses. A groan escapes his lips and I smile against his chest.
“I wanted to take my time with you, but I don’t thi
nk I can.”
I chuckle and claim his mouth once more. If we can find a way to make this work, I would gladly move home. But there’s a lot that needs to be worked out, and I’m not sure where to begin. Even then, there’s no way for me to pass up this opportunity to be with Levi again.
I move to perfectly align his throbbing cock at my opening and hold onto his hips to guide him inside. The stretch and pull of muscles that haven’t been used in so long is exquisite and I close my eyes to treasure the feeling. He strokes in and out and twists his hips until I’m moaning his name over and over.
Levi leans down to ravage one nipple, then the other, lust and desire in his clear blue eyes. The color paralyzes me for a minute, but I quickly recover as a swell of ecstasy engulfs me. I clamp down, my legs tight around his hips. Levi’s thrusts become more urgent and unsteady before he finally erupts inside me.
I cuddle into his chest and close my eyes. “Tell me something good, Levi.”
When he wraps his arms around me and buries his face in my hair, I know he’s deflecting the question. I pull back and get a good look at him. A really good look.
“Your eyes…” I whisper. I had noticed, but the desire I had felt at the time had taken over before I could think too much about it.
His brows furrow and he looks confused a second before realization dawns. He rolls to his back and stares at the ceiling.
“I haven’t had anything for a little while now. I started exercising right after you left and found that it curbs the appetite for the coke. It’s not entirely gone, but it’s manageable.”
“And Mitch?” Levi must hear the hopefulness in my voice because he turns to look at me again.
He shakes his head and my heart sinks. If they were both able to do it, maybe I could too. But if Mitch was still using…there’s no way I can go home. We would drag each other down and make it worse. Much like staying here is doing to me anyway. But I don’t voice those thoughts to Levi.
“I’m sorry, Mace, but he’s got no interest in quitting. He says he has it under control, though we both know he never has. I can’t force him; he has to want to get clean. Otherwise, every attempt will fail. But I can help you, we can do this together. If you’re willing.”
Hope sparks inside my chest again. “You would do that for me?”
A smile lights up his face. “I would do anything for you, Maci.”
I nod in understanding, then try to climb from the bed to see if Mitch returned. But Levi pulls me back and hovers over me, mischief in his eyes. “I didn’t say I was done with you yet.”
I giggle when he tackles me into the mattress. But those turn to moans when he kisses down my body and throws my legs over his shoulders.
“Hold on tight, baby, this is only the beginning.”
Chapter 31
Levi
Dim sunlight filters into the room when I wake to an empty bed. Something must have woken me up, but I don’t know what since everything is silent now.
I listen intently before the sound of tapping, then loud coughing comes again. I jump out of bed disoriented and stumble into the on-suite bathroom. Maci’s leaned over the sink doing the last line I can see. My anger rises to the surface instantly.
“What the fuck, Mace?” I yell.
She lets out a surprised yelp and slaps a hand over her chest. Guilt tries to creep its way in for scaring her, but it’s quickly replaced with rage.
“I… I thought you were asleep. You scared the shit out of me!” she gasps.
“Where’s the rest, Maci? I thought we agreed you were done with this shit!”
She pulls in a stuttered breath and makes a choking-laugh noise before she nods. “We did. I did. But…”
Acid rises in my chest and makes it hard to swallow. “Where is the rest? You obviously have a stash here, so where is it?”
Maci shakes her head vigorously, eyes wide. “I don’t have any here. I never keep it here for fear that I won’t be able to stop.” A sob escapes and I go to her, wrapping her in my arms.
“Where did you get that then?” I demand and nod toward the sink. “I can’t help you if this isn’t what you want, Maci.”
“I do want this, Levi. I want you,” she mutters, and pulls back to meet my stare. My chest aches from what I see, what I caused.
I knew Maci would find out I was an addict eventually. But there was so long of blissful happiness that I made myself believe she was oblivious. Then I got reckless. I started going out more and staying away longer. I push those thoughts away and focus on what’s right in front of me. After all, I can’t change what happened in the past.
“Where did it come from, Maci?” I ask again.
She drops her hands to my arms around her. “You have to promise you’ll stay calm before I say one word.”
“Maci,” I warn with an impatient growl.
She glances behind me at the room we vacated, then stares back at me. “Mitch came back not long after you fell asleep.”
I nod, my anger simmering. “I knew he would, he just needed to…” My words trail off when I realize what she’s implying. “Mitch supplied you.” It isn’t a question because I already know the answer.
“Levi, he was so mad when you guys stormed in here. His anger has never been directed at me. So, when he came back, I had to talk to him.”
I drop my arms and take a step back. “Then he gave you exactly what he was so pissed off about.” I grind my teeth in an attempt to keep my shit together. I should have tried to keep in touch more once she moved here. “Stay in this room, Maci,” I tell her, moving to the bedroom door.
“Wait! You can’t blame Mitchell for what I’ve done!” Her feet slap on the floor behind me. “Please, Levi,” she cries. “You’re angry, I get that, but it isn’t his decision if I do this or not. If you want to be mad at someone, it should be me!”
I look down at her, unshed tears in her eyes. “I am mad at you, Mace, that you would do this. But that isn’t right, that makes me a hypocrite.” I bend down to give her a soft, gentle kiss, and her quiet whimpers are absorbed in my mouth. When I pull away, I shake my head and can’t look at her. “But I’m pissed at myself, too, because I started this. Why can’t you see that this is my fault?” I take a deep breath and clench my fists. “Don’t ask me to stand by and watch while your brother drags you to hell with him,” I tell her.
A quiet gasp follows me out the door as I search out my best friend.
***
Mitch isn’t too hard to find. He came back to our room, though he had obviously gone out first. When I made the decision to get clean, Mitch didn’t share the sentiment. I wasn’t going to force him, so I played babysitter. At first, the temptation was too much; I’d leave him to find his own way home. But it’s gotten easier.
If Maci is serious about quitting, I can help her. I’ve been warned that it’s never a good idea for one addict to help another get clean, but I won’t leave her to figure it out for herself. The withdrawal is brutal in the beginning. And if Mitch will keep supplying her, she’ll never do it on her own. Which is why I’m here now.
Mitch is lying on the couch, clearly out of his mind. There may be no point in talking to him in his current state, but I’m going to try anyway. I nudge his leg with my foot, and he opens his eyes.
“Hey, the two lovebirds finally make an appearance.” He looks around me to the door. “Where’s Maci?”
I shake my head and gesture for him to sit up. He does and leans his head back on the couch.
“I left Maci in her hotel room.” I chuckle. “You know, I came here to beat the shit out of you.”
He claps his hands and laughs. “Ah, so you caught her with what I gave her, and she ratted me out.”
My barely contained anger resurfaces, but I clench my fists and hold back. “Why would you supply her, Mitch? You were pissed when we walked into that room this morning. Now, you’re enabling her. She wants to quit. She wants to come home. Neither of those things will happen if you give her wha
t she wants.”
Mitch looks at me thoughtfully a moment before he responds. “Is that what she wants, Levi, or is that what you want? Because if there’s one thing I know about Maci it’s that she’ll agree to anything if it means someone else isn’t mad at her.”
I think about what Mitch says. Is that what Maci did? Or did I manipulate her into believing that’s what she wanted?”
“I can see you’re really thinking about it. Well, let me help you out. The only thing Maci has ever wanted was to be a part of something. If this is really what she wants, who am I to stop her? I don’t have to like it, but it is her choice. Just like it was my choice, just like it was your choice.” He sighs and runs a hand through his hair. “But if it’s her choice to quit, if that’s what she really wants? I’ll support that, too, just like I did with you. After earlier, though, I think you should find out what she’s really after – sobriety or numbness.”
I think that’s the longest speech Mitch has ever given since I’ve known him. And I hate to admit that he’s right.
“Look, man, you’re my best friend. I don’t want anything to cause problems between us. So, I need to be honest with you.” I take a deep breath. Inhale. Exhale. “I’m in love with Maci. I think I was before she ever moved to New York, but I didn’t want to stop her from finding whatever it was she was looking for. And I’ll support her in whatever decision she makes. But I need you to support me in my choices, too, because I won’t give up on her.”
Mitch winces, but offers his hand for me to shake.
“I’ll leave you to it. I’m not going anywhere. But you may want to go back to Maci and tell her what you just told me. She’s the one that needs to hear it.”
***
The moment I go back into Maci’s room, I know she isn’t there. It’s too quiet. I sit on the couch and stare at the residue left over from the night before. The few patches of powder that I can see would be so easy to consume, but I won’t ruin all the hard work I’ve done to stay sober on my own.
