by K. R. Reese
Once I clean all traces from the room, including in the bathroom from earlier, I relax a little easier. Except Maci isn’t answering her phone, and I don’t know where she is. I have no idea where her normal hang out spots are or where to find her friends. I send Mitch a text. Even if he left the hotel again, he’ll probably answer.
Levi: Have you heard from Maci?
Just as expected, my phone dings a few minutes later.
Mitch: Nope. She’s not there?
Levi: Hasn’t been this whole time.
Another message doesn’t come. Anxiety eats a hole in my chest, and when I think about what Maci could be doing or all the ways she could be hurt, it constricts painfully. Every tormented beat reminds me she isn’t here, and that I don’t know how to get to her.
I grab a beer from the fridge and head outside to the balcony. The city lights are like bright stars against the night sky.
My phone rings.
Scribbles, the screen reads.
Without thought, I press to answer and sit in one of the lounge chairs.
“Where are you, Maci?” I ask.
There’s muffled noise in the background, but she doesn’t answer me.
“Maci,” I say her name a little louder.
“I’ve been trying to call you,” she finally replies.
“Mace, this is the first time you’ve called.”
Her words are slurred and slow, she’s talking in half-sentences, and repeating things.
“Maci,” I say.
“Can you come get me?” she asks.
I have no idea how I’ll get around this time of night, I suppose a cab, but I’ll do it for her.
“Of course, I will. Where are you?”
Nothing. She doesn’t answer again. I push a hand through my hair and stand as panic devours me. “Tell me where you are, Maci, and I’ll come get you.”
There’s more shuffling, but the background noise has faded.
“I don’t want to be here, Levi.”
“Then tell me how to find you.”
“I – I don’t know.”
I close my eyes and breathe through my nose. This back and forth is killing me.
Suddenly, there’s another voice on Maci’s end of the phone.
“Are you hiding from me, Maci baby?” a male voice asks. The voice is faint at first, until they move closer to wherever she is. “Come on, baby, let’s go back out there.”
“Who is that, Mace?” Bitterness creeps up my throat, and disappointment like I’ve never felt before presses down on me.
She quickly replies, “No one of importance.”
“God damn it, Maci, who is it?”
She hangs up.
I stalk back inside and pace. There’s nothing I can do if Maci doesn’t want help. I know that. But I’m not sure I can let her go either.
“Son of a bitch!” I slam my fist into a wall. The skin around my knuckles bust open, and I stare at the damage in her hotel room.
I go back to the room Mitch got for us and grab my bag. He isn’t here, so I send him a text before I turn off my phone and head to the airport.
Levi: I’m going home. Maci doesn’t care and doesn’t want the same things. See you when you get back.
Chapter 32
Maci
I don’t know where I am, which is fine by me. My phone call with Levi was stupid, I know that, but I also had wanted his help. I willingly met with my friends. I knew we would head to a party or club, it’s the high I was looking for. Then I didn’t feel well, didn’t feel right, and I wanted out.
When Ben found me hiding out, Levi was still on the phone. I hadn’t lied, it was someone of no importance, but the sentence had tasted bitter in my mouth because I wasn’t so sure of that sentiment. While Ben was into the cocaine and drugs as much as any of us, he also looked out for me. I realized early on that I had let him fill the role Levi had played for so long. Except we both had a huge self-destructive streak going, and it would come back to bite us in the ass later, I’m sure of it.
Levi doesn’t call back. I don’t hear from Mitch either, though in a city this size, that’s not too surprising. He’s probably out finding his own trouble and mayhem.
A few hours later, I’m unconcerned with my surroundings. I drink without a care, not knowing what’s in it. I’ve done nothing but line after line since Levi’s call earlier. Everyone around me is in the same state I am. We’re all lost, and I fit right in.
Ben had stayed beside me all night, but when I look now, a guy I don’t recognize is in his place. I’m uneasy, but I don’t care who sees.
Abandon sits heavy on my chest. I can’t feel anything other than Levi doesn’t want me. And, really, why would he? Who I am is worthless. Especially to another addict who has done well to get himself clean.
I turn again, the unfamiliar still surrounding me. The hurt of Levi’s rejection is heavy on my mind. So, I do what I’m good at; I deflect and try to forget. But I need someone’s help for that. I straighten up and lift my chin. I transform into a different Maci – happy, complete – and stray further into the crowd on a mission.
Fuck love.
Fuck Levi.
I can live without him. Now I just have to prove that to myself.
I find Ben at the bottom of the stairs, his head hung low. I sit beside him and play with the hair at the nape of his neck. I lean my head on his shoulder, then tilt my head up to find comfort in blacked out eyes that stare down at me.
I sit up and cover his lips with mine. My palms find his hips and I slip my fingers into the waistband of his jeans. His head hits the wall beside him with a small thud.
“Maci,” he moans.
“Let’s go upstairs,” I whisper in his ear.
“Come on.” He stands and leads me into one of the rooms.
I follow, swallowing the bile rising in my throat. Once we’re in the room, I push Ben against the door and unbutton his jeans.
“Maci,” he starts, his hands circling my wrists, and he pulls his hips back an inch.
I put my finger to his lips before I continue undressing him. I pull his shirt over his head and drop it beside us. I bite my lip; he looks good without a shirt. I knew Ben was athletic and lived at the gym, but I didn’t know just how fit he was.
I touch his stomach and his muscles flex. He switches our positions, my breasts pushed against the door.
“Don’t play games, Maci.” His breath tickles the back of my neck, as his fingers caress my skin when he undresses me.
I need to forget. I choose to forget. I climb backward onto the bed, shameless in my attempt at seduction. Ben climbs over me, between my thighs, and kisses my body intensely to pull underwear down my legs.
He pulls back a fraction and stares at me. “Maci…” Ben sounds unsure, but continues anyway. “I don’t know what you’re running away from, but you won’t find it with all this.”
I sit up and bite his chest. I lower his pants and boxers and wrap my hand around his hard length. Ben sucks in a sharp breath, his head falls back and his eyes close.
“I just want to get lost for tonight, Ben, I just want to forget. Do you think you could help me with that?”
He finally opens his eyes and looks down at me again. “As long as you’re sure, Maci.” He needs confirmation and I nod, a smile forming on my lips.
I’m confused when he retreats to his jeans. But he quickly climbs back on the bed with a small bag of cocaine and condoms. Though his eyes match mine and are black as midnight, there’s mischief and a twinkle that wasn’t there before.
“Let’s have some fun, huh?”
I laugh. I’m all too happy to oblige.
***
I roll over to find myself in an unfamiliar bed and a blinding headache. Everything that happened after Ben and I took turns putting cocaine on each other’s bodies is a hazardous blur. I have no idea how late we stayed up, or where he’s run off to this morning.
I do a quick search for my phone and find a ton of mis
sed calls and texts from Mitch. Rather than taking the time to read any of them, I dial his number instead.
“Where the fuck have you been, Mace? I thought you were fucking dead!” The hostility in his voice is new, but I realize it’s out of fear, not anger.
I still don’t bite my tongue fast enough though. “Oh, don’t be so dramatic, Mitch. I’m fine.”
Just then, Ben steps back into the room with coffee and a pastry bag. He smiles and sends me a questioning look. I roll my eyes and he laughs.
“Maci, I swear to fucking all that is holy, you better be back at this hotel by noon.”
Anger simmers through the hangover I have, and I clench my phone tighter. “You’re not my keeper, Mitch.”
“Yeah, well, you sure as fuck need one. Be back here. We’re going home.”
“Maybe I don’t want to go home.”
Mitch growls through the line and I laugh. His next words almost, almost, stop my heart. “You’re coming home or you’re dead to me, Maci. I’m done playing games. Everything you posted last night on Facebook. All those pictures. This has gone too far.” I wonder what he’s talking about, then vaguely remember taking selfies with Ben. I cringe. “I’m sorry, Mace, I do get it. I thought we should let you alone, let you get it all out of your system if it was helping you. But this isn’t a coping mechanism for you, and I’m honestly never sure it was.” Mitch disconnects the call.
I sit in stunned silence until Ben clears his throat. I forgot he was here. He offers me coffee and a donut that I accept, but he doesn’t say anything else.
“I, um…” I’m at a loss for words. It’s never been awkward between us, and I hope last night doesn’t change that. “Thanks for last night.” A blush creeps up my face, and I look away.
“You weren’t the only one running away,” Ben says, and I jerk my head back toward him. But he isn’t looking at me, he’s focused on the coffee in his hands.
I wonder what he’s running from. Or who he’s running from, such as my case. But I don’t ask. While I’ve come to treasure my friendship with Ben, we aren’t all that close. And most of our encounters are faded by drugs and alcohol, fueled by the need to let go and be numb. We have gone out to dinner and the movies a few times, though, and it’s been nice.
After a few minutes of silence, I find my clothes and begin to dress.
“You’ll be leaving then?” Ben asks, a hint of disappointment in his voice. I furrow my brows. “Sorry, I couldn’t help but overhear him yelling at you while you were on the phone.”
I wave him off. “That’s just how my brother is, always one for the dramatics.” I sigh and look down at my phone, noticing the time. “Unfortunately, he seems all too serious this time, and he might really kick me out of his life if I don’t go home.”
“Where is home exactly?”
It’s an unexpected question and I hesitate. “Um,” I stumble. “South Carolina.”
“I guess this is goodbye then, huh?”
Ben still won’t look at me. I sit on the bed again and wonder what’s happening right now. We may not be close, but we have talked a lot. He knows my past, or at least parts of it, and he knows about Mitch. I know he doesn’t have any family left after his mom passed a few years back. The only subject we haven’t touched is Levi and whoever it is he’s stuck on. Our similarities are uncanny, and probably the reason we’re great as friends. It’s easier to talk to someone who understands.
“What’s going on, Ben?” I prod lightly.
He heaves a sigh and meets my eyes. “I’ve lived here all my life. It’s where I grew up, where my mom raised me on her own. But I fucked a lot of people over when I got into drugs, and they haven’t spoken to me since. Then I met you, and we hit off.” He looks away again. “I know it’s mostly parties, and drugs, and booze, but you’re my friend outside of all that. I guess I just don’t want to lose that. Jesus, I sound pathetic.”
I climb off the bed and kneel in front of him. “That’s not pathetic. And if it is, well, then we’ll be pathetic together.” Then a thought occurs, and I rush to his closet. When I emerge, I throw a duffel bag at him and he gives me a strange look. “Come home with me.”
Ben raises his eyebrows at me. “Come on, it’ll be fun. You can see where I grew up. We can go to college parties. Pack up, I really do have to go.”
He still hasn’t moved. “You’re serious?”
I nod and smile. “I wouldn’t have suggested it if I wasn’t. Come on, Ben, what’s holding you here?”
He returns my smile and starts to pack. I send a quick text to Mitch.
Maci: Change of plans. We need a third ticket. Make it a later flight. My friend has to pack.
Mitch must have been staring at his phone. His reply is almost instant.
Mitch: A friend? Really, Mace? Is this the friend from the pictures?
In all the chaos, I forgot to see what pictures were posted last night. I don’t answer his question since I’m not sure.
Maci: His name is Ben. And you need to be nice. Please.
I haven’t asked Mitch for much of anything. Especially not since I moved here. He can give me this one. It isn’t asking a lot.
Mitch: I’ll try, Mace. That’s all you’re getting from me. Levi’s going to be pissed.
At the mention of Levi, guilt starts to gnaw at me. I used Ben to forget last night, and it seems he used me for the same thing. But now I’m going to parade him home in front of the man I love?
The man who rejected you.
My mind keeps coming back to that conclusion, though Levi never said it himself. And things just got a lot more complicated.
Ben seems happier when he stands in front of me with three bags instead of the one I gave him. I shove my guilt aside and smile up at him. “Ready to go? We have to go to the hotel first. My stuff is there.”
I follow him outside to an Uber already waiting. I give him a side-eye.
“Called one in while you were texting.”
I nod and climb into the car. Ben joins me after stuffing his bags in the trunk.
“Yeah, about those texts. My brother is at the hotel. He isn’t pleased about this.” I point between us. “But he promised he would try to be nice.”
“Great, that’s reassuring,” Ben mumbles. “Listen, Maci, I don’t have to go with you. I don’t want to cause problems.”
I take Ben’s hand and squeeze it tightly. “Nonsense. It’s not Mitch’s decision to make. He’s very blunt and will tell you how he feels. But you won’t have any problems from him.”
We’re silent for the rest of the ride, both lost in our own thoughts. When we climb out at the hotel, I give Ben the best smile I can muster. I don’t tell him, however, that Mitch isn’t the one he needs to worry about.
Levi might be a bigger problem than I anticipated. Probably because I hadn’t anticipated his reaction when I made the decision to invite Ben. There’s no doubt Mitch informed him of my plans. He’s sent five messages already. I only read the last one.
Levi: Your friend is not living here.
I bite the inside of my cheek and reply once we’re in the elevator.
Maci: Never said we were staying there.
I may still be bitter about our call, even if I don’t remember much. When we enter my hotel suite, Mitch is there as expected. Ben drops his bags and introduces himself. Surprisingly, my brother returns the gesture.
“What time is our flight?” I ask to get rid of the silence.
Mitch glares at me, but answers. “You’ve got five hours to be ready. I’ll come by and grab you guys when it’s time to go.”
I go to him and hug him. He squeezes me back. Mitch may not like my choices, but he’ll accept them anyway.
He whispers low enough that only I can hear, “I had to really see that you were okay, Mace, because you scared the shit out of me last night.” I pull back slightly and frown, but he shakes his head and nods toward where Ben’s standing.
“That sounds great, Mitch, thanks. I’m
going to pack, then, I think we’ll take a nap. It was a long night.”
Mitch frowns and glances between me and Ben. He doesn’t say anything, but waves as he leaves.
Ben’s arms circle my waist and his breath is hot against the shell of my ear. “I have a better idea than sleeping. What do you say, Maci?”
I move my hips to rub against his growing erection, and he hisses between his teeth. Next thing, he’s hoisted me over his shoulder and carries me into the bedroom. I squeal when he tosses me on the bed.
“I’ve been thinking, after last night, that this friends with benefits thing could be beneficial to us both?”
“Oh, it could, could it?”
“Absolutely. Unless you’ve got a hidden boyfriend somewhere at home.”
My thoughts go to Levi and my face falls. Ben notices and backs off me.
“That’s what you’re running from. What did he do?”
I shake my head and release the breath I was holding. “I don’t have a boyfriend. It’s…It’s complicated.”
Ben stares at me a long time before he hovers back over top of me. “I can do complicated.”
Then his lips are on mine and we lose ourselves in our addictions and each other.
Chapter 33
Levi
When Mitch returned with Maci in tow, I could tell she was hungover the second they walked through the door. The plan had been for me to pick them up from the airport until she brought her friend along with them. I’d seen the pictures she posted to Facebook before she deleted them, and I swore I wouldn’t confront her. I didn’t, and we’ve avoided each other since.
With every day that passes now that Maci’s home, I start to question what the hell I’m doing. I’m pining after a woman who has made it clear she doesn’t want my help, doesn’t want me. I know I crossed a line when I first slept with Maci, but I couldn’t avoid it either. We had skirted around it for so long, it was inevitable. But with that and everything that’s happened since, I miss our late night conversations, our friendship.
