Fashionably Fooled

by peterman, robyn

  “Yes, they are,” I replied. “Excuse me, brother. I need to see if my mate needs anything.”

  “You do that,” God said. “I believe I spotted Dr. Ruth. She’s so cute. I shall find her and chat.”

  * * *

  “The evening is spectacular,” Elle gushed happily as another group of Immortals finished paying their respects and then joined the rest of the party. “So many people love you, Devil.”

  I gazed out at the masses as Elle and I sat atop our massively ornate jeweled thrones and shuddered. “I certainly wouldn’t go that far, Siren. Bad for the badass rep.”

  “Well, I love you and so does the little boy sleeping in my arms,” she said with her hand on her heart.

  “That’s all I need,” I told her, looking down at our beautiful creation. “Should we leave and put him to bed?”

  “Not yet,” Elle insisted. “Your mother is going to pole dance. Martha and Jane are joining her. I wouldn’t miss that disaster for anything.”

  “Shit. Really?” I asked, feeling queasy.

  “Really,” Elle confirmed with a laugh then turned more serious. “Is there any more news about the one trying to end the party? I’m still experiencing a little leftover violence from the birth. I’d love to have a go at someone trying to harm you and keep me from the cake. Nursing makes me hungry.”

  “No,” I said, taking her hand in mine. “It may have been a hoax.”

  Mammy chimed in as she expertly made sure the blanket around the baby was secure. “My Murry’s nose don’t fail,” she said, appearing even more frail than she had earlier. “He sniffed ‘em all. I’m gonna agree that it’s probably a hoax, or that the mother humper isn’t here. Murry would of found ‘em.”

  “Why don’t you go try to talk to Steve Perry,” Elle suggested as she nodded in the direction he was standing.

  “Not leaving you,” I said, yearning to get closer to the lead singer of Journey. I had a birds-eye-view of my idol from atop the dais. I was tracking his every move. “Not safe.”

  “Bullshit,” Elle said with a grin. “I’m no shrinking violet here. I can defend myself ten times over from each person in this room. I’m the Keeper of Fate. Our guests are just as terrified of me as they are of you.”

  She did have a point. Elle was positively frightening. It was incredibly sexy. The party had been in full swing for a few hours and other than a few bloody scuffles amongst the Vampyres and Demons, it was relatively death free. Of course, the death toll could increase when the Seven Deadly Sins arrived, but I was counting on Lizard to put the fear of the Basement in them.

  If someone was after me or my family, I would have thought they would have made their move by now. Of course, the simple fact that my Demon Army stood shoulder to shoulder around the perimeter of the ballroom might be deterring anyone stupid enough to have a go at me. Their presence raised the fear factor in the room and set a fabulous and dark mood.

  “Okay,” I said, glancing around to see if Lizard had made it back with the Sins. It was risky to even let the Sins near Steve Perry since they had kidnapped him a few years ago. That plan could backfire badly. Maybe, I would just beg. It wouldn’t be my finest moment, but it might work. “Mammy and Sadie, you will stay with Elle while I stalk Steve Perry,” I instructed.

  “Ya betcha, Lord of Dark Shit,” Mammy said with a wink, settling herself on the arm of Elle’s throne.

  “Wouldn’t think of going anywhere,” Sadie replied, standing behind Mammy and rubbing her daughter’s back lovingly.

  “We’ll stick with Elle too, Mongo Pecker,” Jane announced as she waddled up the dais stairs in a crystal boob tube and assless silver chaps. “I will personally kill the shit out of anything or anyone that comes near our new best friend, Elle, and the little man.”

  “Best friend?” I choked out. The outfit had to be compliments of my mother. If Martha and Jane were indeed performing with my whackjob of a mother, I was certain she wanted them to be almost as sparkly as she was.

  “Yep, Giant Johnson,” Martha said wearing the same get-up as Jane, placing her saggy exposed ass on the throne I’d just vacated. “We’re thinkin’ about becomin’ the fuckin’ nannies for the boy. Just ask Astrid how we protected Samuel. I almost twisted off a Fairy schlong with my bare hands.”

  “She did,” Jane confirmed. “Fairy screamed like his balls were bein’ torn off.”

  “Well, they were,” Martha pointed out as I winced in phantom pain.

  “Mmmkay,” I said, thinking it might not be such an outlandish idea to keep Martha, Jane and Mammy around to help with our boy. Especially since I wanted Lizard back in Hell fulltime.

  Wait. It was a shitty idea. Martha and Jane drove me to the point of insanity. Because of Martha’s bare ass on my throne, I would have to incinerate it after the party. I loved my damn throne. It was huge. However, the fact that they’d gone after the nuts of a Fairy was impressive. Fairies were one of the fiercest and most deadly species alive. I’d put it on the list to ponder. Right now, I needed to concentrate on blackmailing the BFF of my dreams.

  “You’re sure about me stepping away for a moment?” I asked Elle, not feeling completely secure about straying from her side.

  “Positive,” she promised. “Go blackmail Steve Perry. Make me proud.”

  “Is that a challenge?” I inquired with a grin.

  “It most certainly is,” she purred. “And the reward if you succeed will blow your mind.”

  My pants grew uncomfortably tight, and I considered scooping her into my arms and leaving the party. We could put Luke to bed and then have a little fun for the rest of the night.

  As if Elle could read my thoughts, she gave me a little push. “How often will Steve Perry be in Hell?” she asked.

  “Umm… never?” I guessed. “I have no clue what Astrid did to get him to come.”

  “Then take advantage of it,” she urged with a laugh. “Exploit it. Do what you do best, my love.”

  Damnit, she was right. If Steve Perry would just give me a shot, it would be the best womb eviction day present ever. “Mammy, are you opposed to me using your beans-n-franks as bait to catch my prey?”

  “Go fer it,” Mammy said with a chuckle. “And if ya see Murry, tell him, I’m gettin’ a little tired and might hit the hay soon.”

  “But you’ll stay here until I coerce Steve Perry into best friendship?” I asked.

  “Roger that,” Mammy said.

  “Go now,” Elle insisted. “He looks like he might be ready to leave.”

  “On it,” I said as I conjured up a mirror to check myself out.

  Gorgeous as always. I was a damned good-looking son of a bitch. It did not suck to be me.

  * * *

  “Mother, I don’t have time to chat,” I said as I made my way through the crowd toward my target.

  “No worries,” she said as she fell into step beside me. “What are we doing?”

  “We are doing nothing,” I snapped. “I am going to beg Steve Perry to be my best friend. The man has no clue what he’s missing.”

  “I can help you,” she said. “I’ll tell him all sorts of favorable stories about you.”

  “There are favorable stories?” I asked, stopping in my tracks and staring at her.

  She scrunched her nose and paused for a moment. “No, but I can make them up. It shall be my gift to you for your birthday. I’ll consider it payback for lying to you about the date.”

  I debated the merits of her plan for a second and then shrugged. It wasn’t the worst idea I’d ever heard. “Fine. Where’s Bill?”

  “Your father is late. He’ll be here soon,” my mother promised. “There was a slight flood in Nirvana after the monkeys used the dishwashers and washing machines to clean their poo.”

  “Is that a joke?” I asked with a wince.

  “Sadly, no,” Mother Nature said with a wrinkled nose “Smells rancid. Your father promised he would fix it all up and then surprise you at the party.”

  “Hope
he changes his clothes,” I muttered, glancing around.

  Shit. Steve Perry had moved. Had he left?

  “Darling, you know, Gaia would be a fabulous name for the baby,” she said.

  “Nope,” I replied, distracted by the need to find my hero. “Not going to happen. He’s a boy. And we’ve already chosen a name.”

  “Okay,” my mother said trying again. “What about Gaia for his middle name?”

  “I will not give my son a moniker that will get him an ass-kicking on the playground. Demons can be assholes. Am I clear?”

  “Fine,” she said and then changed the subject. “Speaking of assholes, did you find the one trying to kill you?”

  “No, it was a hoax,” I said reaching into my pocket and handing her the letter. “That or the fool changed her mind.”

  As I got up on a chair to have a better sightline, I heard my mother gasp. Looking down, I noticed she was holding onto the chair to keep herself upright.

  “What?” I snapped, torn between aiding my mother and finding Steve Perry.

  My ridiculous conscience won out, and I hopped off the chair to check on my mother.

  “What's wrong?” I questioned, noticing how pale she’d gone.

  “Where’s Elle?” she hissed. “Where is the baby?”

  “The same place they’ve been all night. On the Royal Podium,” I snapped, feeling a panic begin to surge through me.

  “This letter is not about you. It’s not about your birthday,” she said as she began to glow, and her fingers began to spark.

  “Explain yourself. Immediately,” I demanded.

  “Listen to the words,” she said as she began to read. “Lord of Darkness, the day will never happen. The birth will go unrecognized. The end draws near for your latest folly and the hands of fate shall be empty. Heed these words and do not try to replace what already exists.”

  “Fuck,” I roared as the real meaning of the letter hit me with a force that left me ready to destroy nations. “It’s about my son—his birth, not mine. The empty hands of Fate mean she will have no child to hold—not fucking cake. Someone is after my son. Over my dead body.”

  “We have to get to them now,” my mother said as she literally flew across the Grand Ballroom.

  I was right on her tail.

  And then all Hell broke loose.

  Elle’s scream of terror and fury vibrated through my body. It was a sound I’d never heard and a sound I never wanted to hear again.

  My dead body might be an option on the table.

  However, my son and mate’s life were not up for grabs.

  Not today. Not tomorrow. Not ever.

  Chapter Fifteen

  “Hello, Daddy,” Wrath sneered, standing about thirty feet from the dais with a crazed glint in her eyes. She was surrounded by her sisters. My son was clutched in her arms with a dagger at his neck. The myriad of tattoos on Wrath’s body shimmered, and her insanity was on display for all to witness. “Did you not receive the letter of warning? You were supposed to get rid of this inconvenience. Now it looks as if I’ll have to clean up your mess. Such a shame. Clear your army.”

  I knew my eyes had turned red with fury. The scene before me appeared washed in blood. And, if for some reason I hadn’t realized it, most of the guests hauling ass out of the Grand Ballroom would have alerted me. Only about twenty of my closest remained along with my Army.

  My hands sparked dangerously. A black mist snaked through the room and announced that death had arrived. Breathing it in, I let the darkness settle in my soul and calm me. It took all I had not to dive at the rotten fruit of my loins and tear her head from her body. I gently pushed a glowing and hissing Elle behind me as I tamped back my instinct to let my body turn to flame and burn the woman who I used to consider my daughter to ash.

  The only thing that stopped me from destroying Wrath where she stood was the fact that she held my son in her arms. She had attacked me for thousands of years—killed needlessly and destroyed without reason. It was my fault it had come to this. She should have been ended long ago, but she was of my blood. I hadn’t been able to bring myself to do it. Hell, I couldn’t even end my own Demon half-brother, and he was just as evil as Wrath… I’d used Astrid to kill her father and do my dirty work. I despised myself, but that was mild compared to what I felt for Wrath. I was an adversary who could defend himself, and she was sure I would never end her. That no longer held true.

  My son had no way to fight for himself. With a knife at his neck, the odds were stacked against him. I had given Wrath the world, and she repaid me by ruining mine… and hers.

  Immortality could mess with your mind. It had clearly fucked with my daughter’s. Living forever was not for the weak. I’d had to destroy many of my own kind over the centuries who had succumbed to the madness that afflicted those who never died. It was my least favorite part of the job, but it had to be done. I had no clue Wrath had fallen so far. She had hidden it well.

  Wrath defined narcissism and insanity. Swirling gold and amber tattoos covered her pale skin and morphed from one violent scenario to another. Her blonde hair flew wildly around her head. She embodied her name in every deadly way possible.

  While I applauded bad behavior, a blood-thirsty narcissist wasn’t my cup of tea. A Demon absorbed evil from others. A Demon was forbidden to create evil—true evil. Wrath had twisted and broken the rules for the last time.

  With a curt nod of my head, the army retreated and stood behind me. As they moved, Murry passed behind Wrath and sniffed the air. His eyes grew huge as they met mine. Pointing to Wrath, he mouthed that she was the one—the one who penned the letter. He was a little late. However, I’d ruled the bitches out when I thought the letter was about me. My ego might cost my son his life.

  “Is the child a True Immortal?” God whispered as he climbed the stairs to stand beside me in one of my darkest hours.

  “I don’t know,” I whispered back. “It’s too soon to tell. He came into the world this morning.”

  “Chances are that he is,” my mother said under her breath as she too joined me.

  “Do you know this as fact?” I asked.

  “I don’t,” Mother Nature replied.

  “Then the point is moot,” I hissed.

  “My son will not be leaving this world on the same day he entered it,” Elle growled, stepping out from behind me in a voice so furious and full of pain it sent chills through my body. “Give me back my child or you will regret it for the rest of your days. Fate will not be kind to you.”

  “Make one move and he dies. The dagger is poison tipped. His oxygen will be cut off for weeks. Even if he survives, he will be nothing more than a vegetable. It will just take the tiniest of pricks to end him,” Wrath snarled. “Funny how fate works out in the end.”

  Wrath laughed like the insane Immortal she’d become. The tattoos raced even faster over her skin. The effect was dizzying. She was laughing alone. Amazingly, Luke didn’t make a sound. The baby stared at his crazed sister with a Zen-like expression on his face. I’d spend the rest of my days making it up to him if…

  There was no if.

  There could be no if.

  The other traitors surrounded Wrath, and each held weapons of mass destruction. None of them looked comfortable with what was going on, but Wrath wielded enormous power over her sisters. Today would be their last, no matter what else may transpire.

  “Why?” I inquired casually, placing my hand on Elle’s back and giving her a signal to stand down. “Why are you doing this?”

  There was a chance that Luke was a True Immortal and couldn’t be killed. But it was a chance I refused to take. Elle’s body shook with rage, and her eyes sparkled such a bright amethyst it was difficult to look at her. My lover’s instinct to destroy the enemy was as potent as my own. However, our instinct to protect what we’d created together was even stronger.

  “I am the true heir to Hell,” Wrath spat. “No one shall usurp me. I’m the eldest and therefore it’s mine.
”

  “Interesting. I don’t choose the heir to Hell and neither do you,” I said.

  “Liar,” Wrath growled.

  “Correct,” I replied.

  “Wait. What? Who decides the heir?” Wrath demanded, confused if I was telling the truth or not.

  She grew more insane with each word she spoke. The ink on her skin reacted to her break with reality, covering every inch of her body. She barely looked human. Wrath was a painted image of madness and fury.

  “I choose the heir,” Astrid said, stepping forward on the left side of the dais. Her fangs had dropped, and her hair blew around her head. Black glitter covered her arms and chest. She was a fearsome sight to behold.

  Next to Astrid stood her mate, Ethan, and her son, Samuel. Behind her stood a slew of other deadly Vampyres. Gemma, the Fairy Queen, and her mate, The Kev, also watched the nightmare unfold before our eyes. The sheer amount of magic in the room could end Wrath a thousand times over, but no power could remove the weapon aimed at my son. Not with it so close to his vulnerable neck.

  Wrath’s eyes narrowed with ire. “I don’t like that. The rules shall be changed now with a blood oath. I will decide who the heir of Hell is going to be. Change them or I will end the boy… with great pleasure.”

  “Jesus, what the Hell did I do for you to turn out like this?” I hissed.

  “I’m sorry, did someone call me?” Jesus asked, walking up to the horrifying scene and gasping with dismay.

  “My bad,” I said, not taking my eyes off of my deranged daughter. “I took your name in vain. Won’t happen again.”

  “No worries, Uncle Lucifer,” Jesus said kindly as he took his place beside his father.

  Why in the Hell couldn’t my kids be as respectful as Jesus?

  “Blood oath,” Wrath demanded.

  “I’m fine with it,” Astrid said, giving me the side eye and a quick wink.

  “Can she do that?” Elle asked under her breath.

  “No,” God whispered. “She can’t, but Wrath doesn’t know that.”

  Pulling a wicked looking dagger from her stiletto boot, Astrid sliced her hand and let the blood drip to the floor. “Okay, here’s my blood,” she said flatly to Wrath. “What should I do now?”