My Blue

by Jacobs, Emery

  “What the hell? Do you think I’d set you up for something like that? Fuck, man. You’re a stupid son of a bitch for even saying it out loud. No, I had no idea. I’d only heard of the drummer. Honestly, if I’d known she was the lead singer, I would’ve never asked you to go. I probably wouldn’t have gone myself.”

  I nod. “I didn’t think so. Now, can we change the subject? All this talk about Ella Blue and going to jail is depressing the shit out of me.”

  With eyebrows drawn and a grimace on his face, he asks, “What about your Vette? Do the cops have any leads?”

  “Great subject change, man. Talking about my stolen car isn’t going to depress me at all,” I huff out. “But to answer your question, nope. Nothing. I’m beginning to wonder if I’ll ever see it again.”

  “You will…eventually.”

  “Leo.” A familiar female voice coming from somewhere behind me pulls me away from my conversation with Luke. Callie.

  “I need to get out of here.” I slide my eyes toward my friend.

  Normally, I don’t run from women, especially someone like Callie, but tonight’s different. Tonight I’m caught somewhere between the past and the present, and I’m not sure what the hell to do about it. The only thing I do know is that I don’t need any further complications, and Callie is definitely a complication.

  Luke’s eyes focus on something—or more than likely someone—behind me. “She’s on her way over here and she’s moving fast. If you don’t want to talk to her, you need to go now,” he tells me, his voice low so no one other than me can hear him.

  “Fuck,” I mumble before grabbing my phone and keys and then pushing off the stool. I glance down at my phone and immediately feel like shit. I should have texted Blue back hours ago. I tilt my head slightly as my fingers move swiftly across the screen. I shove my phone and keys in my front pockets and turn away from Luke, heading toward the exit. My name falls from Callie’s mouth again before I realize she’s standing in front of me. I stop, drop my head back, and squeeze my eyes closed. So much for running away from her.

  “Are you avoiding me?” The question is followed by her soft touch along my arm.

  I jerk away, open my eyes, and stare at her cheerful face. She lifts an eyebrow and grins.

  Callie’s pretty, but not my usual type—not that I really have a usual type, but if I did, it wouldn’t be her. She’s on the short side, tiny, probably barely five two or five three, and that’s only when she’s wearing heels. She has shoulder-length blonde hair and bright blue eyes, and I prefer longer, darker hair and dark eyes. Fuck. I guess I prefer anybody who reminds me of Blue. I dig through my brain for a few seconds, quickly tallying how many of my hook-ups have resembled Ella Blue in some way. Whether it was the long, dark hair; tall, toned, and fit body; or big, brown eyes, I’ve spent the last eight years looking for her in the women I hook up with. Fuck me. Why am I just now realizing how screwed up I really am?

  I glance over my shoulder at Luke. He laughs, shakes his head, and then leans into the bar, continuing his conversation with the bartender.

  So, I decide to just do what I have to do—accept my fate and allow my gaze to travel back to Callie. She’s still smiling from ear to fucking ear.

  “So?” She shrugs and then takes another step in my direction.

  “So…” I repeat, because I’ve completely forgotten her question. I do however remember to take a step backward, away from her, so I’ll have a little more breathing room.

  “Are you avoiding me?” She giggles.

  “Avoiding you?” Fuck, I sound like a damn parrot, repeating every word that comes from her mouth.

  “Yeah, I texted you earlier and you never replied, and now you’re running away from me.”

  I did read her text, but I chose to not respond. She wanted to meet up later to fuck, but I didn’t have the heart to reject her. In the three months we’ve been hooking up, I’ve never told her no. So, I figured I’d ignore her and address it later, once I got my shit together. No such luck.

  I like Callie. She’s hot and her blowjobs are just short of fucking amazing, but I can’t go there with her tonight. My head is too fucked up.

  “The shop was crazy today.” I take a couple steps back, putting even more distance between us. “I haven’t checked my messages yet.” The lie comes out so easily, which concerns me. I’m a lot of things, but a liar isn’t one of them.

  “Is that so?” She moves toward me quickly, eating up the empty space I just created between us.

  “Yep.” I cut my eyes away from her, hoping like hell she doesn’t figure out I’m lying.

  “So, when I walked up, you weren’t texting someone? Because…” She hesitates and takes one final step in my direction until we’re standing toe-to-toe. “You had your phone in your hand and your fingers were moving across the screen like you were texting.”

  Dammit! See? Not a good liar.

  “Look, Callie. I’m not going to lie to you, but—”

  “You already did.”

  This is the reason I don’t do relationships—not that Callie and I are in a relationship. Any time you hook up with a chick more than a few times, they suddenly think they have control over where you stick your dick. Not that I’m planning on sticking my dick anywhere anytime soon. It’s just mine and Callie’s hooking up days are over.

  I lift my chin and give it to her straight. “Okay, you’re right. I did lie to you, but only because I didn’t want to upset you. I promise I had every intention of texting you back.” She looks away for a few seconds, and when she looks back at me, every ounce of cheerfulness is gone. Her blue eyes are dark and full of an emotion that is far from happiness.

  I cup her face in my hands, bringing her focus back to me. “There’s a lot going on that I can’t talk about right now, but I need you to understand that it has nothing to do with you.” I drop my palms from her cheeks before taking a solid step back, putting some space between us…again.

  Callie tucks a strand of hair behind her ear and rests her hands on her hips. “I heard about your car, and well…I really hope they find it soon.” She forces herself to smile.

  Subject change—good sign. Maybe she’s okay with me not wanting to hook up tonight. I mean, we had an agreement: nothing serious, just two single people having a good time. “Just sex.” Those were her words, not mine.

  “And you and me”—she motions between the two of us—“I know our hook-ups don’t mean anything to you, and I get it, but I’d like to hope you’d always have the decency to be honest with me, because I’d never lie to you.” She takes a couple of steps in my direction closing the distance between us, quickly—too quickly. She’s close again, so close that I swear I can hear her heart pounding against her chest. Fuck. Why does she always need to be so damn close to me? I’m being smothered over here.

  I was wrong for lying to Callie even if it was to protect her feelings, but what she’s doing now is worse. She’s not going to make me feel guilty about lying so I’ll fuck her. I’m not biting. No guilt-fucking tonight. An apology is all she’s getting.

  “I apologize for not responding to your text. I did read it earlier and honestly didn’t know how to respond, because like I said, I’ve got a lot going on right now, and…” I drag a hand through my hair.

  “You’re seeing someone—am I right?” Callie finishes my sentence.

  Technically, I’m not seeing Blue. I’m only helping her find her way back to her life. I nod, giving her the impression I am dating someone, because it’s easier than trying to explain all the fucked-up shit going on in my life right now. I guess in reality I just told her a second lie. Dammit! I really need to get out of here.

  My eyes flit toward the exit door, hinting to her that I’m on my way out.

  “Do I know her?” Her forced smile fades.

  “No, you don’t.” And that’s the truth. Callie didn’t grow up here. She got a job in the city after graduating from college and moved here because the cost of rent is a
lot less than living in downtown Dallas. She commutes to work every day.

  “For you to turn down sex so easily, she must be a special girl.” Callie flutters her eyelashes at me before touching my arm again. “If you change your mind, you know how to reach me.” She turns away and walks across the room to one of the pool tables in the back.

  “Man, you’re a terrible liar.” Luke chuckles as he walks up beside me. “And you just turned down sex with Callie for Ella.” He throws his head back and laughs louder. “Who will probably remember everything about her life in a week or two. Then she’ll be gone again, and you’ll still be here, alone.”

  I glance over at Luke. “You can stop being a fucking dick at any time.” Luke’s biggest problem is that he likes to find a weakness, bring you to your knees, and then walk away like nothing ever happened. If he hadn’t been one of my best friends for most of my life, I’d beat his ass right now, but deep down, I know he’s right, and when Blue walks away again, I’ll need my friends.

  “I’m not judging, just can’t understand what kind of hold that girl has on you. Shit, if she left town and didn’t contact me for eight years, I think I’d be done with her bullshit, but do whatever you want. It’s your life.” He tips his beer bottle in my direction before taking a sip.

  I’m done with this conversation, done with this bar, and done with this day.

  13

  Ella Blue

  “Are you sure he’s going to show up?” Gracie asks as she plops down in the chair beside my bed.

  “Yeah, why wouldn’t he?” My stomach is in knots. I’m sure he’ll show up. He wouldn’t lie to me. Leo’s not a liar—at least he wasn’t before.

  He texted me late last night after I’d already fallen asleep saying he would be here around noon to take me home. He also told me to text him if I needed him here at a different time. I haven’t contacted him because the doctor just showed up to discharge me and it’s almost twelve. On the outside, it looks like I’m just patiently waiting, but inside, I’m screaming to get out of this place.

  “I don’t know. He’s your friend, so you obviously know him better than I do. I just met the guy. It’s just that it’s almost twelve, and well, I thought he’d be here early.” She glances over toward the closed door that leads outside this drab hospital room. Gracie’s eyes flit back to me. “Are you sure you’ll be okay while I’m gone?”

  “Yeah, I’ll be fine. I can visit with my grandmother, and there’s Leo…I’m sure he’ll be around some.”

  “And your mom will be back in town in the morning,” she adds.

  “Right. I knew she was coming but couldn’t remember if it was today or tomorrow.” I massage my temples and let out a sigh. I remember my mom, dad, and grandmother, but I dread seeing my parents. Our relationship was strained eight years ago, and I have no idea if it got any better over the last several years. If I’m guessing, I’d say it’s probably worse.

  “You know I wouldn’t leave if it wasn’t absolutely necessary,” Gracie says.

  “Gracie, really, it’s okay. I’m an adult. I can take care of myself.” I pick up my phone from the bedside table to check the time. It’s five minutes past twelve. I’m sure Leo’s coming. He’s just running a few minutes late.

  “I know, but I can’t help but feel a little guilty about leaving you.” She stands and shoves her phone into the back pocket of her jeans.

  Gracie’s heading home to Falls Creek, Louisiana. She tells me that’s where she was born and raised. Her dad and all the band members of Reckless Fury are from the same small town near New Orleans.

  “Don’t feel guilty. This is a happy time for your family. Go meet your niece and send me lots of pictures.” Her older sister is due to have a baby girl any day now and Gracie wants to be there. She said that we had already talked about her returning home for the birth of her niece, but that she’d only be gone a few days. I’m sure when we planned this trip is wasn’t a big deal for her to go home, but now…she’s worried about leaving me and I feel terrible about it.

  “Knock, knock.” Leo’s deep voice rumbles from behind the door, and my heart jumps around in my chest at the mere sound of it. Once he’s standing in the room dressed in snug-fitting jeans and a gray T-shirt, I’m drooling. Not really, but I could if I let myself.

  “You’re here.” I grin and stand from where I was sitting on the edge of the bed. It takes every ounce of strength I have not to run to him, wrap my arms around him, and hug him like I haven’t seen him in a hundred years.

  “Sorry I’m late, but Beau decided to take the morning off, and I had to wait on him to get back to the shop so I could borrow his truck. I didn’t think you’d want to ride on the back of my bike.” He smiles and my heart melts. I only thought I loved eighteen-year-old Leo, but grownup Leo is so handsome and thoughtful. I hold back a sigh, not wanting to embarrass myself.

  “I’m going to head out since he’s here,” Gracie says as she leans in and gives me a quick hug. “I’ll text you later, but if you need anything, promise you’ll call me.”

  “I’ll be fine. Just go have fun,” I tell her as she makes her way to the door.

  “Take care of her,” she says to Leo just before walking into the hallway.

  He doesn’t acknowledge her, his full attention directed at me.

  “Did the doctor release you yet?” he asks.

  “Yes, about thirty minutes ago.”

  I grab my small bag from the corner next to the bed. God, I can’t get out of this place fast enough. “Do you not have a car or truck of your own?” I’m curious about why he had to wait on his brother so he could use his vehicle.

  Leo hesitates for a second or two before answering. “I have a car, but it’s out of commission right now, so that leaves me with my bike, and like I mentioned earlier, I didn’t want to pick you up from the hospital on a motorcycle.” He laughs, and oh, how I love the sound of Leo’s deep laughter. “Let me get your bag.”

  His fingers brush mine as he takes it from my hand. Leo’s gaze immediately sweeps to mine at the skin-on-skin contact. Neither of us move, not a muscle. I lose time. How long do I stand here looking into the eyes of the boy I’ve loved forever?

  “Miss Kincaid, are you ready to go?” The songlike voice of a nurse entering the room pushing a wheelchair brings me back to the here and now.

  I drag my eyes from Leo’s and smile. “Yes, so ready to go.” I direct my answer to the nurse, Lela. She’s been with me the entire time, at least from seven a.m. until seven p.m.

  She smiles, nodding toward the wheelchair.

  I ask, “Do I have to?”

  “Take a ride in this chair?” She laughs. “Unfortunately, yes. Hospital policy. It’s a small price to pay for your freedom.”

  She’s right about that. I want to argue, but why? It won’t do me any good, so I suck it up and sit my ass down in the chair.

  “I’ll pull the truck around to the front,” Leo tells me as he heads toward the door.

  “Boyfriend?” Lela asks once he’s outside.

  No. Yes. I don’t know what he is to me. For all I know, he has a girlfriend waiting for him at home every night after he leaves here. He’s probably had to explain to her about poor Ella, the girl who has amnesia and still thinks we’re dating. The more my mind wanders, the more embarrassed I am. A single tear rolls down my cheek. I quickly wipe it away before the nurse notices. Pity party for one—check.

  Suck it up. Stop feeling sorry for yourself.

  “Nope. Not my boyfriend, just an old friend from high school.”

  “He’s a cutie.”

  I look over my shoulder and stare, or maybe it’s more like a glare at Lela. How old is she? She’s definitely too old to be checking out my guy—I mean, my old friend from high school. I look at her closely to try to guesstimate her age. She’s cute with reddish-blonde hair and bright green eyes, and when she smiles at me, I notice a small dimple in her right cheek. I’d say she’s probably late twenties, maybe earlier thirties. Da
mmit! She’s not too old for him. She’s actually the perfect age. It’s just so hard for me to think of Leo as older than eighteen.

  Lela’s gaze meets mine and I force a smile, because the last thing I want is for her to know I’ve just been bitten by the damn jealousy bug. I sit up straight in the chair, swallow around the huge lump in my throat, and then blow out a heavy breath. My emotions are spiraling out of control. Hopefully, once I’m away from this hospital, I’ll be able to get my shit together and figure out how to get my life back.

  14

  Leo

  “Do you have a girlfriend?” Ella Blue blurts as I pull into the driveway of the house she and Gracie are renting for the next three months.

  The drive from the hospital only took about ten minutes, but it was the longest ten minutes of my life. The silence between us was uncomfortable, to say the least, but now that we’re here, she decides to start with the awkward questioning about my nonexistent love life.

  The truck rolls to a stop and I glance over at Blue. She’s wringing her hands in her lap and looking out the passenger side window.

  “Ella Blue, are you okay?” I reach out, touching her shoulder.

  Her body jerks before she looks at me. “Yeah, I’m fine.”

  You don’t look fine. She’s nervous, more nervous than I’ve ever seen anybody.

  “Let’s get you inside, and then we can talk if you want.”

  She nods, opens the door, and slides out of the truck. I grab her bag, exit the vehicle, and follow her around to the back of the house.

  “Gracie said this key only unlocks the French doors on the patio.”

  We climb the steps to the oversized patio, making our way to the door. Once we’re inside, she looks around the giant living room. It’s obvious she’s searching her mind for anything that may look familiar.