My Blue

by Jacobs, Emery

“What about his job? He didn’t call in sick or take some time off?” Ella Blue asks.

  “Wade has one of those jobs where he comes and goes as he pleases. He works for his dad’s company, Richmond Wholesale. Their home office is just north of here.”

  “Oh, yeah. I remember Wade. He was there that night…you know.” She hesitates, and I know where she’s going.

  “Yeah, I remember. He came to the park to warn me that the cops were heading our way. He’s one of my best friends. He’s like family—like a brother to me,” I add.

  Fuck, I hope he shows up soon, because if not…shit, I don’t even want to think about him not turning up.

  “Anyway, before we were interrupted, I was telling you that I want to take you somewhere tonight. If you think your parents will…” I’m not sure how to finish this question, but it doesn’t matter, because Ella jumps in and finishes it for me.

  “Will allow me to go?” She laughs. “Leo, I’m twenty-five—I don’t have to ask permission to go anywhere with anybody.”

  “I know. I guess what I was trying to ask is how late do you think they’ll be here? I’d like to pick you up around six or seven.”

  “I can promise you they’ll be long gone by then. Where are you taking me?”

  Damn, she sounds happy, really fucking happy. I hope she doesn’t think I’m asking her out on a date, because I’m not. My plan is to take her back to the Bait Shack, because it was the last place she was before she developed amnesia. Then I was going to take her somewhere from her past, hoping maybe something will jog her memory, but hearing the happiness in her voice and seeing the smile covering her face, I feel like a jerk. I’ll explain my intentions to her later, because right now, I’ve got to get out of here before her dad gets here and has me—

  I cut off my train of thought and say, “I’ll tell you when I pick you up. Just be ready at seven.”

  “Sounds good.”

  I’m not even to the door yet before she calls out my name.

  I look back over my shoulder at her smiling face. Her eyes are bright, and her cheeks are still red.

  “Yeah?”

  “What should I wear?”

  I need to be honest with her.

  This is not a date, Ella Blue. I’m not getting wrapped up with you again just so you can walk away when you get your memory back, leaving me here to pick up the pieces of my life again.

  I don’t say any of that, because I can’t hurt her. She needs me, and I still love her. She just doesn’t need to know that, and I need to forget I even thought about it.

  “It doesn’t matter, as long as you’re comfortable.”

  You’ll be beautiful in anything.

  Her brown eyes sparkle and her smile doesn’t waver. I’m so fucking screwed.

  “See you at seven.”

  “Hey, one more thing,” I mention before turning away. “Can you do me a favor?”

  “Sure, anything.”

  “Don’t tell your dad I’ve been here.” My body tenses at just the thought of Mr. Kincaid.

  Her smile fades away and the brightness in her vanishes. She knows. She has to. Ella Blue may not remember everything about her sudden exit from my life, but she’s smart. One day, she’ll put it all together.

  “I won’t. It’s not any of his business what I do or who I do it with, so don’t worry. He’ll never know.”

  “What about your mom? Do you think she’ll tell him?”

  Ella laughs softly and then shrugs. “I don’t know. Probably, but don’t worry about him or her. You’re here for me, and what they think doesn’t matter.”

  She’s right. What they think doesn’t matter, but it sure as hell mattered eight years ago. Hopefully dear ole dad has forgotten our last conversation.

  “I’ll text you before I come tonight,” I tell her before turning away. There’s an emptiness in the pit of my stomach that’s warning me that I’m playing with fire and it will be me who gets burned.

  18

  Ella Blue

  “Your father’s here!” Mom calls out from the living room. I’ve been in my bedroom ever since Leo left. He made my day by asking to take me out tonight. I’m not so dumb or even naïve enough to believe he wants to date me, but I know he still loves me. He can’t hide those feelings. I didn’t want to endure anymore alone time with Margaret Kincaid than I had to, but now things are about to get even worse. Being with the two of them alone is like a death sentence, at least that’s my impression from what I can remember.

  “Ella, you need to come out and visit with your father.” She’s standing on the other side of my bedroom door. The doorknob twists but doesn’t open because it’s locked. Thank God for locks on doors or I’d never have been able to get away from her today.

  “He flew in from Washington just to check on you. You know he’s a very busy man and—”

  I jerk the door open and glare at her. “Were you really just trying to have a conversation with me through a closed door?”

  “Ella, why do you have such a bad attitude? Is it part of your diagnosis?”

  “I don’t have a bad attitude. I’m just really frustrated about this entire situation, and I know we don’t have the best relationship. I can feel it. I just don’t know why exactly.” None of that is a lie. I remember my mother from when I was a kid. During that period of my life, we got along great. She was my safe place, my protector. We did everything together. Once I became a teenager, though, we didn’t get along, not at all, and something tells me things didn’t get better throughout the years.

  “I’m sure you are frustrated, but everything will get better. Just give it some time. Don’t push yourself too hard. As far as our relationship is concerned, we’re a family and we’ve had our occasional problems, but we all get along great.”

  I’m gonna give it a try. I’ll be calm and not have a bad attitude with my parents…unless one of them provokes me. Then the claws will come back out.

  “Lead the way.”

  She smiles and turns toward the living room, and I follow her down the narrow hallway. My dad is sitting in the oversized recliner in the corner, reading something on what looks like an iPad. Wow. He looks so different than I remember. His hair is shorter, thinner, and grayer. He’s old. Of course, my mom has aged, too, but I’d be willing to bet she’s had some cosmetic work done, because she easily looks fifteen years younger than him, even though I know there’s only a couple years difference in their age.

  “Dad.” I say his name so softly I’m not sure if he even heard me.

  “For heaven’s sake, Ella, he won’t bite.” Mom gently nudges me in his direction.

  Nervousness swirls in my belly, accompanied by a strong dose of uneasiness. Something’s off; I’m just not sure what.

  “Ella Blue,” my dad barks out in the same gruff voice he’s always had.

  “Thanks for coming to check on me.” I don’t know what else to say to the man who has always been so distant in my life unless I was in his way, and then he did things like send me away.

  “You look fine. Are you hurting anywhere? Headache?” He slides his tablet into a case and sets it on the arm of the chair.

  “No, I feel fine. No pain.” I walk over to the couch and sit next to Mom.

  “Your mother and I are heading back to Washington early next week, and you’re going with us.” His eyes travel from Mom to me.

  Wait a fucking minute. I am not going anywhere with them, especially not to Washington. Anger shoots through me followed by a huge dose of reality. He can’t make me go anywhere. I’m an adult and even though I promised Mom I’d try not to have a bad attitude, all hell’s about to break loose, because there is not a chance I’m leaving Idlewood right now.

  “I can’t leave. I have a doctor’s appointment with Dr. Bryant, my neurologist next week.” I take in a few deep, calming breaths, hoping it will keep me from losing my shit.

  He laughs—at what, I don’t know, but he fucking laughs. “You won’t be making your appointment
with Dr. Bryant. Don’t worry about canceling it, because I’ll have my assistant take care of that. Your mother and I will be taking you to a specialist in Washington.”

  He’s going to cancel my appointment? I’m not a child. What is wrong with this man?

  “I’m not going to Washington.” There, I said it, and I said it in a calm, pleasant voice, no screaming or yelling needed.

  “The topic isn’t up for discussion, Ella. You are going to Washington and will stay with us until your memory is intact. Once you’re better, you can find a respectable teaching job and a place of your own.” He stands, grabs his tablet, and heads toward the front door.

  “Wait, where are you going?” I raise my voice until I’m almost screaming. So much for calm and pleasant.

  “Margaret, we’re leaving.” He barks out the order to Mom, completely ignoring me.

  My mother stands without saying a word. She looks down at me and smiles like William Kincaid didn’t just try to destroy my life.

  “You can’t leave. I’m not done with this conversation. You can’t do this!” I stand and march across the room until I’m in the foyer, standing in front of the door. He’s not going anywhere until I’m done talking to him.

  “I don’t believe I gave you a choice. You’ve embarrassed your mother and me long enough by traveling with that rock band. You have a degree in education and a minor in music. You will be able to find a respectable job that doesn’t require you to be half dressed and dancing around on a stage in front of hundreds of people.” He directs his gaze toward me.

  Hold up a second. He said I have a degree in education and music. I’m a teacher? I don’t know why this surprises me, but it does. Why didn’t Gracie tell me? Geez—there’s so much I want to know—need to know about my life. I squeeze my eyes closed for a moment. Give yourself time, Ella Your life will come back to you—eventually.

  My eyes spring open and my parents are still here. Watching me—waiting for me to have a nervous breakdown, but I’m not. I refuse to play into their hands. That would give them all the ammunition they need to have me locked up in some mental institution. “I’m twenty-five years old and you cannot control me. I will not let you dictate my life, not anymore.” My back is pressed firmly against the front door. If he wants to leave, he’ll either have to move me or go out the double French doors in the living room and walk around the house to get to his car. “And me staying in Idlewood has nothing to do with my band. According to Gracie, we’re on a break right now anyway and I’m staying here—in this house and in this town until I get ready to go home.” I cross my arms over my chest and huff out a breath. “I will make my own decisions from this point forward.”

  He looks back at my mother, who is quickly approaching us, and asks, “How did she end up back in this godforsaken town anyway?”

  “The band, William. With the band,” she replies, like he really didn’t know how I got here. Please, give me a break.

  “I know with the band, Margaret, but why did she stay? You should have been here as soon as she was admitted to the hospital and had her transferred. Then we wouldn’t be here having this discussion.” His voice is deep and heavy, and very angry.

  I guess now he’s blaming her.

  “It’s nobody’s fault I’m here but mine. I’m not leaving until I’m ready, and it won’t be with you two!”

  “It’s that damn Matson kid, isn’t it?” His eyes bounce from me to Mom, and I’m not sure who he’s directing the question to.

  “I don’t think so, although she has seen him since she’s been back.” Mom looks at me and smiles.

  What the hell is wrong with her? Poor Leo; for some reason he didn’t want my dad to know about us hanging out, and my mom just threw him under the bus.

  Dad jerks his head in my direction and narrows his eyes at me. “Is it true? Are you seeing Leo again?”

  I shrug, wanting to avoid his question.

  “Answer me, Ella,” he demands.

  “We’ve been hanging out. Leo was the first person I remembered when I woke up in the hospital.” There you go—now you have your answer. Hope it makes you as happy as Leo makes me.

  “Stay away from that kid. You don’t know him, Ella. He’s not good for you.”

  “That’s where you’re mistaken. I do know him. I’ve known him most of my life. He cares about me, and I love him. I’ve loved him for as long as I can remember.”

  He laughs loudly. “Love? Did you hear her, Margaret? She thinks she’s in love with that punk.” He shakes his head, and when his eyes return to me, there’s no more laughter, only anger and frustration.

  I glance over at Mom. She’s looking at him with worry etched deep into her face.

  “Why do you think I did what I did all those years ago? Not so you could end up back in this town with that boy.”

  “What did you do?” My voice is soft, almost a whisper.

  Dad looks to Mom, and she looks away.

  My vision blurs, and my head swims with dizziness.

  “I’m not going, and you can’t make me!”

  “That’s where you’re mistaken, Ella. I can and will make you go.”

  I squeeze my eyes closed as the memories play out in my mind.

  “I’ll make sure Leo stays out of jail and all charges are dropped on one condition. No contact with him…ever.”

  My eyes fill with tears as I glare at the man standing in front of me.

  “It was you! You took my life away from me the first time, and now you’re trying to do it again!”

  “I don’t know what you’re talking about. See, Margaret? She needs help, and the doctors around here obviously don’t know what they’re doing.”

  My eyes dart to Mom, and she’s nodding in agreement.

  “Get out of my house! Both of you!” My voice fades before the last word leaves my lips.

  I step away from the door and lean against the wall, waiting for them to go, wishing they would stay away forever but knowing it’ll never happen. My father is on a mission, and he won’t be satisfied until he gets his way.

  “Ella.” My mom’s voice is soothing as she pushes my hair away from my face. “We love you and are only trying to help you get well.”

  I sniffle and squeeze the bridge of my nose with my fingers. “I just can’t do this anymore. You and him.” I motion toward my father. “I just can’t.” Tears roll down my face. Inhale and Exhale. Just breathe, Ella. Just breathe.

  “William, I think maybe we should give Ella some time here with her doctor to see if she gets better and then maybe we can help her find another specialist if she doesn’t regain her memory.”

  Wait a minute. Did Margaret Kincaid just take up for me?

  “I don’t know, Margaret. I don’t think it’s a good idea to leave her here with him,” he says calmly to my mom.

  “We’re not leaving her with anyone. She’s an adult. She’s mentally and physically able to take care of herself. If it makes you feel any better, she’s not driving. Her friend Gracie will be back soon and Leo is here if she needs him. Plus, my mom is just a few streets over. Ella Blue will be fine, William.” Margaret Kincaid just took up for me more in the last ten minutes than she has my entire life and I love her so much for it.

  Dad shakes his head as he moves toward the door. “Okay, if you think this is a good idea then I’ll agree to back off. But—” He looks directly at me. “I will speak to Gracie myself and make sure she understands that if anything changes for the worst then she is to call either me or your mother.”

  “Okay.” My voice trembles, not because I’m afraid, but because I’m shocked.

  “Take care of yourself, Ella Blue, and call your mother often,” Dad says before he walks out the front door.

  Mom pulls me in for a hug and I wrap my arms around her small waist. “Thank you, Mom,” I whisper, fighting back tears.

  “You’re welcome, honey. Just please take care of yourself. And whether you believe it or not, I do love you so much. And the t
hings that were done in the past were out of love, I promise.” She pulls away, her eyes glassy. She clears her throat and looks downward before walking outside to catch up with Dad.

  Once they’re gone, I lock the door, slide to the floor, and cry. I cry for Leo, because I remember that awful night so clearly now. I cry for my mother, because she just gave me enough happiness to last a lifetime. And I cry for me, because I’m stuck in limbo between the past and the present with no direction on which way to go.

  19

  Ella Blue

  I smile, looking up at Leo as he stands just inside my doorway, waiting on me to grab my keys and purse so we can head out for the evening.

  Today has been trying, to say the least. After spending less than ten minutes with my father, I wished he’d never come to Idlewood to check on me. The only positive aspect of their visit was my mom seeing the situation logically and then being able to convince my father to back off, which he did. I will forever be grateful for her change of heart because she saved me today.

  William Kincaid is an arrogant son of a bitch who pushed and pushed until he sent me spiraling over the edge. I had a surge of memories in a very short period of time, none of which were happy. I think it’s safe to say I remember everything about the night of my seventeenth birthday.

  “I guess they’re gone?” Leo asks, stepping into the foyer. He scans the small area of the living room that’s visible from where he’s standing. “I mean, your parents—they’re gone?” He narrows his eyes, looking at me.

  “Yeah, they left a while ago.” I want to say more, but I don’t, not yet. My plan is to try not to think about the memory surges I had this afternoon while my parents were here. I want to enjoy tonight with Leo. Later, when the time’s right, I’ll tell him everything, including my memories of the night he went to jail. If he hates me after he realizes it was my fault, I’ll suck it up and deal with it.

  Leo nods and then shoves his hands into the front pockets of his jeans. His gaze slowly travels the length of my entire body, starting with my red cowboy boots, moving to my skinny-jean-covered legs, and finally scanning over my fitted, red-and-black Velvet Dolls T-shirt. When his eyes finally meet mine, he’s grinning, but it’s different from his usual cocky smirk. He looks embarrassed that I caught him checking me out. A warm, tingly sensation washes over me, knowing he likes what he sees.