Only the Beginning: Only You, #4

by Thorpe, Elle

  The sadness in her gaze hollowed my insides. I just wanted to go back. Turn back the time, twenty-four hours, and make better decisions, just so I wouldn’t have to see her this way. I grasped her bare thighs, sliding my hands higher, skimming the sides of her body. The strapless bra found its way to the floor, leaving her with only a scrap of lace covering her mound. Her bare breasts bobbed in my face, and I caught one nipple with my mouth. It beaded beneath my tongue, and I sucked greedily, desperate to make her feel good. To feel something other than the shame and embarrassment I knew she was trying to bury. Her creamy skin beneath my mouth and hands was enough to make me forget my own name, and I wanted to have the same effect on her.

  When her fingers threaded into my hair, her head dropped back, and tits pushed forward, I knew what she wanted. What she needed.

  I would have been content to hold her all night. I hadn’t expected sex, but the agony in her voice as she’d asked me to kiss her was too much. She needed me. My hands. My mouth. My cock. Not my heart. She didn’t need me telling her I loved her, complicating matters further, and changing things when her world was already upside down. She needed what was safe and familiar. I could take away her pain and problems, at least for a little while. And then, I’d hold her. I’d hold her and support her, and we’d get through this thing together. I had the rest of our lives to tell her I loved her. I could wait for the right moment. Make it special.

  I dug my fingers into the flesh of her hips, lifting and turning her so she was lying on the bed, spread in front of me like a goddess. All those blonde curls fanned out around her head, big blue eyes full of pain and hurt staring up at me. Something primal in me rose, the need to protect her roaring through my veins and pounding in my ears. I hooked my fingers in the lace, sliding it off her legs then returning to the junction of her thighs. Spreading them wide, I placed kisses down her stomach and over her bare skin until I reached her core. I left an open-mouth kiss there. Her hips rolled. Good.

  Her folds were glistening pink, and I slicked my tongue through her, finding her clit, circling, then rasping over it. Her hips rolled again, her fingers tugging through my hair while she moaned, “More.”

  I licked my fingers and pushed two of them up inside her tight opening, searching for that spot within, stroking it over and over as she made tiny noises in the back of her throat. She rocked back and forth, working her flesh against my lips and tongue, urging me on. Her body trembled and as much as I wanted to see her fall over the edge right then and there, I also knew that would just bring her back down to earth before she was ready. And the selfish part of me wanted to go with her. I wanted her beneath me when she came. I wanted her crying out into my mouth and begging me not to stop.

  So, I moved my hand away, sitting up to unbutton my jeans and yank them off. She watched me with hooded eyes, her gaze focusing on my cock as I set it free. She sat up, grasping the hard length, and I hissed when her mouth closed over the head. Fuck. So warm. I let her mouth run my length a few times, unable to pull away, until an overwhelming need to get inside her overcame me. I wanted her clamping around my cock, my seed spilling inside her. I wanted to brand her, mark her as my own. I wanted her to know that no matter what the hell had happened or would happen in the future—she was mine.

  I lifted her head and covered her mouth with my own, pressing her back into the mattress. Her legs wrapped around my hips, and my dick found home, sinking deep inside her without resistance. We both stilled, her pussy so tight and warm around me I saw stars. For a long moment, I just held her, tight and safe within my arms. Where she should have always been. And then she moved, rolling her hips beneath me, and I matched her speed, taking things slow, kissing her lips, her cheeks, her eyelids until I couldn’t stand it anymore. Our pace increased, building in intensity, my balls aching to release.

  I reached between us, finding her clit while I fought to hold myself in check. Her fingernails scraped down my back and ass, pressing into the flesh, urging me on with her cries of more. With a loud moan that filled me with pride, she clamped down on me, and I groaned, her release setting off my own, deep inside her body.

  We rode out the wave together, our movements gradually slowing. Our heated skin pressed together, and I rolled us so she lay on my chest. She laid her head down over my heart, and I wondered if she could hear the way it beat for her. Always for her. I picked up a piece of her hair and ran it absently through my fingers, marvelling at the silky smoothness between my fingertips. I was so damn content, so blissed out on the post-orgasm high and the feel of my woman on top of me that it took me a moment to notice the moisture on my chest.

  “Hey,” I said quietly, shifting so I could see more than the top of Bianca’s head. “Are you crying?”

  She tried to pull away, to bury her face back in my chest, but I grasped her chin, tilting her face up so I could see the tear streaks that ran down her cheeks.

  “You are. Shh,” I soothed. “It’ll be okay.”

  She shook her head and sat up. She took the white hotel sheets with her, covering her bare breasts.

  I frowned.

  “It’s not, though, Riley,” she said sadly.

  I pushed myself up so I was sitting, too, and reached for her, but she shifted away. My heart thumped.

  “What’s going on here?”

  “We’ve been an official couple for what? Two days? And look what’s happened. We’re all over the news. Neither of us can go home. Your daughter and your ex hate you. And I’ve probably tanked my career.”

  Listed out like that, I could hardly deny that it had been a shitstorm. “It’ll blow over, B. People will forget about this and move on.”

  She shook her head. “Some people will. But the people who count, like your family, they won’t. I saw the look on Eliza’s and Sadie’s faces. They hate me.”

  “They don’t even know you.” I tried to take her hand, but she edged farther away.

  She got off the bed and rummaged around on the floor for her clothes. My breath hitched. “Where are you going?”

  Her bare skin shone in the low light cast from a lamp. She turned away to put her underwear on and then slipped her dress over her head before turning back to me. She walked slowly around the bed and came to perch on my side, the mattress dipping slightly under her weight. Her gaze met mine. My heart pounded at her expression. Gone were the soft smiles and coy looks she’d given me last night. Gone even were the sadness and pain that had plagued her since we’d found out about the tape. In its place was a strange blankness, and with ice running through my veins, I realised I’d seen that look on her face once before. Ten years ago, when she’d walked out my door and hadn’t come back.

  “I’m going to go to stay with my manager until this all blows over.” She took a deep breath, and for an instant, her mask slipped. I saw the pain and hurt behind it. But so quickly, she switched that off. “We can’t do this. We aren’t good for each other. I won’t stay here with you and watch your relationship with Sadie break down because of me. She’s too important.”

  No. I shook my head, trying to understand what she was saying. “Are you breaking up with me right now?”

  She bit her lip, and I saw my chance. If she was hesitating, this was a knee-jerk reaction. Not what she really wanted.

  “Sadie and I will be fine, B. She’s not your concern.”

  She dropped her gaze to the rumpled bedspread. “It’s not just that. You hate my lifestyle. I saw how uncomfortable the paparazzi and the award ceremonies make you. You think that’s going to get any easier now? Once the paps get a hold of who you are, do you think you’ll have any sort of privacy as long as you’re with me? Your quiet life will be over. You won’t just be Riley anymore. You’ll be BB and Riley. They’ll follow you around, analysing your every move. They’ll send photographers to wait outside Sadie’s school and ask her if she’s seen our sex tape. They’ll ask what she thinks of her father going down on BB James in the middle of a public beach. Is that what you want?”r />
  I recoiled at the thought. “Of course that isn’t what I want! But if that’s the only way to have you, then that’s what I’ll do.”

  Bianca shook her head. “I can’t do that to you. I know we haven’t exactly been friends all these years but I’ve always cared about you. I watched you fight for your relationship with Sadie every step of the way. You got a proper job, bought your house, sacrificed so much so you could do this all for her. And now she’s moving in with you. Do you think Eliza will let her do that if you have paps making your life a living hell? You’ll lose her, Riley. I can’t let you lose her for a hook-up.”

  Her words were a slap to the face. As physically painful as if she’d just punched me. “A hook-up,” I said dully.

  But then my blood began to simmer as her words sank in. This was exactly like last time. “A fucking hook-up? That’s what this was to you? Here I was, thinking we had it together this time. That it was something more than just fucking.” And suddenly, I was fuming. Despite all the dramas her lifestyle brought with it, I wanted it. I wanted everything to do with her, but she’d never been able to accept me as I was. Or to accept that I had a daughter.

  I shifted to the other side of the bed, found my jeans, and yanked them on. “I’m an idiot. I should have known.”

  Bianca stood, and we faced each other across the wide king-sized bed. The bed I’d held her on just minutes earlier and contemplated how full I felt. The woman standing across from me now suddenly looked like a stranger. The gap between us as wide as a canyon.

  “Should have known what? That someone would film us on the beach having sex?”

  I snorted. “Should have known it would end like this. It always does.”

  Her eyebrows pulled together. “What does that mean?”

  It meant I was stupid for thinking things could change. That people could change. “Doesn’t this all sound familiar to you? This is exactly what you did ten years ago when we broke up the first time. You found out about Sadie and you bailed.”

  Her mouth dropped open. But I wasn’t done. “We were happy. No, we were more than happy. I was fucking in love with you. Did you know I had a ring? Jamison and Low told me I was crazy, but I just laughed and told them that there was no doubt in my mind that you were it for me. That when you know, you know. I wanted to make you my wife, Bianca! But you bailed as soon as things got rough. Sadie and Eliza came back into my life, and you couldn’t deal. My whole world had been turned upside down, and you didn’t even bother to stick around. You just left.”

  Her gaze went dark. “That isn’t fair, and you know it.”

  No, I didn’t. That was exactly what had happened, and it had been the reason we’d barely been able to be in the same room for the last ten years. That sexual chemistry between us had never diminished, but she’d broken my heart when she’d walked away without a second thought. No, that wasn’t true. She came back when she was horny. And I guess nothing had changed.

  “Isn’t it? Can you honestly look me in the eye and tell me you didn’t leave me all those years ago because a boyfriend with a child and an ex in tow wasn’t a part of your Hollywood dreams?”

  Her eyes narrowed.

  Fuck me. I hated this. How had we gotten back here so quickly? Back to arguing about old hurts instead of just focusing on the future. This was what we always did, and it killed me every time.

  A little of my hurt and anger dissipated. “B,” I said reaching toward her, but she yanked her hand away, fury shaking her shoulders.

  “You’re an asshole,” she spat, picking up her bag and shoving the strap over her shoulder. “I never had Hollywood dreams. My dreams were never that big. I’ve stayed in Australia all these years just so I could be near you, and now you throw that back in my face. Fuck you. I broke up with you all those years ago so you could go back to your ex and your daughter. The three of you never got a shot at being a family, and I know how important family is to you. I loved you enough to let you go.”

  I blinked. What? She’d never told me any of this. But through my surprise, anger coursed. “You broke my goddamn heart, Bianca! I never wanted Eliza! I wanted you!”

  But she shook her head. “If it weren’t true, why were you back with her just weeks after we’d broken up? You think I missed that? We broke up, and I spent weeks hoping you’d come back to me. Hoping you’d turn up on my doorstep and tell me that I was wrong. That we were meant to be together. When I found out the two of you were together, I knew I’d been right. The three of you are a family. I don’t fit in it. I never did.”

  I paced the room, so frustrated I could scream. “You broke up with me, Bianca. You. Dumped. Me. And yes, Eliza and I tried to have a relationship after. But you and I were broken up. And it wasn’t weeks later. It was months later. What did you expect me to do? Never date again? You dumped me and didn’t look back. By the time Eliza and I started something up, you were already walking red carpets on the arms of A-listers. No room in your life for ex boyfriends. We never even had sex, B. That’s how pathetic Eliza and I were together. We tried, for Sadie, but there was nothing between us. No spark. No lust. Certainly no love.”

  She threw up her hands and let out a groan. “Dammit, Riley, what does it matter now? We always end up back here, don’t we? Every damn time. Everything in the past is all water under the bridge, isn’t it?”

  I stopped pacing. The room went still and deathly quiet. We stared each other down.

  “We don’t work.” She whispered. “There’s something fundamentally wrong with the two of us. We just always end up hurting each other, and I can’t do it anymore. I won’t.”

  My heart hurt. “So you’re giving up. That’s it? We’re over?”

  She lifted one shoulder in a shrug. “Better that we end it now, before there are real feelings involved.”

  Her words were a slap to my face. “Don’t lie. You know this is more than sex.”

  She just stared at me.

  A lump formed in my throat, so large I thought it would choke me. Because for all the horrible things we’d said to each other over the years, none had ever hurt as much as hearing her say there was no feelings between us. Because for me, there always had been. I’d been in love with her for ten fucking years. I couldn’t get over her. I knew with certainty, that a million years could pass, and she’d still be the only woman I wanted. Eliza was great, but she wasn’t Bianca. No one was. And that was why there had been no one since. I hadn’t even gone looking for a one-night stand. Because she was it for me. She always had been.

  But she didn’t feel the same way. And nothing I said was ever going to convince her otherwise.

  When she turned and walked to the hotel room door, I let her go.

  29

  Bianca

  The hotel room door closed behind me, and my heart splintered into a million pieces. A sob rose up in my throat, and I fled down the hall, barely making it around the corner before I slumped against the wall. My misery escaped in an agonised cry, a sound I’d only made once in my life. The night my sister had died. Even through my misery, that noise shocked me to my core. I gulped in air, trying to stop the tears from rolling down my face, trying to stop my body from trembling, but it was no use. There was no coming back from the things Riley and I had said. That tiny shred of hope I’d carried all these years, that voice in my head that whispered we belonged together, and when the time was right, it would happen…in a few short minutes, we’d blown all hope to smithereens.

  He’d left me with a gaping hole inside, one I knew would never mend itself. There would be no one else who held me the way he did. There would be no other man who lit my soul on fire. I knew walking away was the best thing for him, and for Sadie, but God, it hurt.

  My shoulders shook as I cried, until the bing of the elevator startled me. A middle-aged couple got off, giving me a curious glance, but I ducked my head and rushed into the elevator, stabbing at the close-door button. The elevator descended, and despite being the middle of the night, I r
ummaged through my handbag and pulled out my sunglasses to cover my watery eyes.

  I practically ran through the hotel lobby and straight into one of the waiting taxis, giving the driver Tangie’s address. And then I huddled on the backseat, wrapping my arms around my middle in an attempt to hold myself together.

  “About time!” Tangie yelled when she opened her front door to find me standing there.

  I burst into a fresh round of tears, but Tangie didn’t even seem to notice. She just bustled me inside her modern, city apartment that overlooked the beach, and waved her manicured hand around in the air. “I’ve been trying to call you for hours! Where have you been?”

  I couldn’t even answer I was crying so hard, tears streaming down my face. I’d done more crying in the past twelve hours than I had in years.

  Tangie frowned at me. “BB, I don’t know why you’re crying. This is not a bad thing! So a few million people saw your snatch.”

  My mouth dropped open in shock and I stared up at her from where I’d perched on her lounge. Oh my god. She had not just said that.

  “What?” she asked, as if that were a completely normal statement. “At least you were well-groomed. Now if you’d been rocking a full bush, that would have been a PR nightmare.”

  “Oh my god. Please stop,” I begged, holding up a hand. “Please don’t say snatch or full bush ever again.”

  She laughed, the sound tinkling across the room as she came and sat beside me, putting her arm across my shoulders. “It’s really not so bad.”

  I shook my head. “It’s not just that. It’s Riley…”

  She nodded her head knowingly. “Ah yes. Riley. The bane of my existence.”

  I quirked an eyebrow at her, but she’d already stood to move to the kitchen, and I followed her, curious as to what she meant by that.

  “How?” I asked, watching while she pulled two white mugs from an overhead cabinet.