Koibumi

by Hildred Billings

  She soon wished that he were merely off running an errand.

  Around three the door to the section chief’s office flew open, and out came the lanky, balding form of Nakamura, his mouth slobbering in pent up rage.

  “This is…” he began to say, his body language pointing toward the section chief coming up behind him.

  “…A wonderful occasion,” the chief finished in a loud, booming voice. Everyone, including Reina, looked up from their work. The section chief patted Nakamura on the back and continued, “Our esteemed veteran worker, Sousuke Nakamura-san, will be reaching his twentieth year with the company this autumn. In honor of the great occasion, he has announced to me that he plans to retire at his ripe young age.”

  By the way Nakamura balled his fists and refrained from punching the chief in the face, Reina doubted it was “his” plan at all.

  A polite applause erupted around the room. The only one not smiling or nodding was Nakamura – he spared one derisive glare for Reina over at their desk.

  The chief went on to explain that Nakamura would be working at the company through the end of August, when he would officially put in his papers and leave for good. Around then a tenuous mood fell upon the office. He’s being politely fired. Reina wished she didn’t feel so bad for him. No, wait. It wasn’t him she felt bad for. It was everyone else in that office who started to wonder “Am I next?”, including Reina. Am I next?

  When the announcement was finished, Nakamura scurried out of the room, slamming the double doors behind him. A hush fell upon the office until everyone went back to work.

  “Yamada-san.”

  Reina bolted upright in her seat. Looming over her desk was the section chief, his smile gone. “H…hai,” she stuttered, bumbling to stand up while her chair bumped into her calves.

  “Please come to my office. There is something we must discuss.”

  Reina’s heart stilled in her chest. The section chief sniffed and turned around, bidding her to follow him.

  The murmurs following her into the office did not jumpstart her heart again.

  The section chief motioned to the chair before his desk. Reina sank into it with a load of lead weights in her stomach. This is it. The moment she had dreaded for years. I’m being fired. She hadn’t worked there long enough for them to pull the ol’ “retirement” over her eyes. She folded her hands in her lap and swallowed the lump in her throat.

  “Yamada-san.” The section chief removed his glasses and placed them on his desk. “You are one of our hardest workers. You are invaluable to this company, even during these uncertain economic times.”

  Reina’s hands shook as she bowed her head. “Arigatou gozaimasu,” she thanked.

  “Our company maintains its image on fastidiousness, efficiency, and honesty,” the chief continued in a soft voice. “At least, on the surface. Beneath it all we are like any other major company: trying to stay afloat and keep a pristine history.”

  Reina nodded again. What is he going on about? Would he just fire her already?

  “It has come to my attention that you have been seen in compromising situations in certain parts of town with…certain reputations.” He cleared his throat; Reina almost shat herself. “What you do in your personal time may not directly affect this company, but your image does. If any of our clients found out about what some of our workers do, they may decide to go elsewhere, and we would be in great trouble. So I ask you to understand what your actions do to this company.”

  Somewhere, deep in her stomach, Reina found her voice – probably swimming with her bile in the hopes of committing suicide. “Yes,” she said, her wide eyes blinking again. “Please pardon me for any of my indiscretions.” For being gay.

  The section chief picked up his glasses and put them back on. “We don’t want to find a reason to let you go, Yamada. Don’t hand us one.” He turned toward the window and leaned his elbow upon his chair.

  Reina stood up, bowed at the waist, and excused herself with a murmur.

  So close! Too close! He knows. Reina withheld a snivel of maddening frustration. He knows! One of her worst fears had come true. Her company knew she was a lesbian, and now…what? Were they extorting her? Threatening her? Warning her? Reina stood by her desk and stared at the empty chairs on either side of it. How did he find out? The only one after Kaori who knew about her sexuality was…

  No.

  No.

  Reina marched out of the office and into the sweltering hallway. Empty, save for a janitor’s cart in the far corner. Where was that dickweed? Where? Aside from the office and the maintenance closets, there was only one other place on that floor for a man to hide.

  She kicked open the door to the men’s room and found Nakamura leaning against the sinks. The stink of open urinals slammed into her nose, but she ignored it – adrenaline pumped too hard in her veins.

  It gave her enough strength to slap that bastard across the face as the door swung shut behind her.

  “How dare you!” she cried, hand stinging. “How dare you do that to me!”’

  Nakamura put his own hand on his cheek and sneered at her. His teeth were the color of buttered popcorn. “How dare I do that to you? How dare they do that to me! I’ve been working here for twenty years, and not one promotion! And now this!” He smacked his hand on the sinks and laughed. Foul breath overpowered the stench of urinals. “I’d throw you under a real bus if it meant I could keep my job! I have a wife now, you know! She’s got it in her head we need a certain standard of living!”

  Reina withheld another slap, although God knew he deserved it. “And you know damn well I’ve got one too!” He had seen them together before. He’s seen us! Not even Aiko was safe from this disgusting creep.

  “Hm, yes, I remember your little lady friend. Real pretty. It’s been fun this past year trying to imagine how you two lesbos do it. Who’s the man? You?”

  This time Reina didn’t hold back her second slap. Damn, it felt good.

  “You keep doing that to me and it might backfire on you!” Nakamura went from glaring at her to laughing again. “What’s wrong? Did he fire you too? Maybe you and your little lady could make a video for some Internet money. I know I’d watch it.”

  “Stop it, kisama.” Reina pushed her fingers into her hair and took in a deep breath – ugh, that smell! “Do you feel better about yourself now? Are you happy?”

  Nakamura sniffed as if he smelled nothing amiss. Besides his own ass. “If you’re really so worried, Yamada, I suppose I could make it up to you. It was rather rude of me.” He scratched his chin. “I’d be willing to go back in there and tell our chief I made a mistake about you if you do me a favor in return.”

  Reina didn’t want to know. If he thinks I’m getting on my knees… She wanted to vomit in the sink. “A favor. Do you think I owe you?”

  “Heh.” Nakamura leaned against the counter. “Come on, Yamada. You, me, a cozy little love hotel room after work…it would all go away with the section chief.”

  No woman in the world had to stop and contemplate that decision. How about you go to hell instead? Of course, not as many women would probably have as much of a visceral reaction to the idea as Reina did. She held in her bile and tried to force the image of…no, she wasn’t going there. If she did she would vomit all over the men’s restroom floor. “I would never do that with you. Ever.” Her arms clung to her torso even harder.

  “Bullshit. Everyone has their price.”

  “What do you mean by that?”

  Nakamura shrugged. “Everyone has a price for sex. That price where you sell yourself to the last person on Earth. Even I would lower myself to such unattractive debauchery with another man for the right price.” He scratched his chin as if he envisioned himself walking the streets of Ni-chome, soliciting gay men for over a hundred-million yen. “I would expect so would you, Yamada. So would that pretty little gal of yours.”

  Reina’s eyes bulged, but she was too shocked to slap him a third time for daring to i
nvolve Aiko like that. “No,” she said through clenched teeth. “Maybe you, but not us.”

  “Don’t be so sure about that.”

  One step brought Reina closer to the restroom door. Footsteps echoed out in the hallway. “Stay away.” She flexed her fingers, which still burned from slapping her coworker – twice. “Don’t come near me again. Don’t speak to me again. And don’t you dare go near my wife.”

  “Your wife?” He was testing that boundary again. “You think she’s your wife? Ha!”

  Reina didn’t deign him a response. She stomped out of the men’s room without a word.

  For the rest of the day she gladly lost herself to more errands and bothersome chores. She volunteered to take out the garbage in the sweltering summer sun if it meant staying far away from Nakamura. After the rest of her coworkers began heading home that evening, she stayed behind until all the men were gone. She helped her one other female colleague lock up the office before they headed to the train station in silence.

  Reina sat on the train and played with her phone, although her brain could not focus on card games or puzzles. Instead she stared at a blank message screen with Aiko’s name on it.

  She didn’t know how to express herself, so she merely asked what was for dinner. Two minutes later she received a response of ichiju-sansai, featuring grilled chicken. A plain supper, and yet Reina couldn’t wait to get home. Aiko’s cooking was sometimes the best medicine after a hard day such as that.

  Turned out that Aiko had more than miso soup, rice, vegetables and the chicken waiting for Reina when she got home. A plate of brownies sat atop the table when she walked into the room, her wife arranging the dishes as she jumped up in surprise. “Ara! I didn’t hear you come through the door!”

  Reina slumped at the table, her briefcase and blazer falling across the floor. Aiko picked them up and went to get Reina’s evening beer from the fridge, humming a tune to herself.

  “Dinner will be ready in about ten minutes,” she said, setting the beer before her spouse. “Feel free to have a brownie. I figured you would be in need of chocolate soon.”

  Reina stared at both the brownies and the beer, neither one of them appealing to her taste buds. “In need, huh?”

  “Well, your period is coming soon.”

  “So is yours, then.”

  “Then we’ll both need chocolate.” Aiko retreated into the kitchen to finish their supper.

  Periods, huh. Reina had forgotten about that monstrosity. After so long together, she and Aiko were more or less biologically synced. In Reina’s case it meant intense chocolate cravings that sometimes rivaled her sexual desires. Does this mean I’ll be bleeding through the weekend? There went any fun plans.

  “Hai, owatta.” Aiko emerged from the kitchen with bowls of miso and rice. “Hope you’re hungry.”

  On the contrary, Reina barely felt like eating at all. Every time she looked at it she remembered Nakamura’s gross teeth and the images of them…more bile came up her throat.

  “What’s wrong? Don’t you like my cooking?”

  “It’s not that. I don’t feel well.”

  A hand instantly snapped against her forehead. “Are you ill? Is there another flu going around the office?” Aiko jumped up. “I’ll get you more miso.”

  “It’s okay. I’m not sick like that.”

  Her wife returned to the table. “Then what’s wrong?”

  It took a few seconds, but Reina fed her enough information to know why her spouse was feeling down. Everyone at the office is dropping from payroll like embezzlers. She left out the part about being outed and Nakamura’s attempts at sexual extortion. No need to make Aiko fret.

  She scrunched her nose and made a hissing noise in her throat. “I’m glad that pervert is going to be gone! Maybe somebody complained about his behavior and that’s why they’re forcing him to retire.”

  Reina wished that were true. Too good to be true. When Nakamura assaulted her, she hadn’t filed a formal complaint with human resources. What was the point? They wouldn’t listen to her. And if they did, it would only be to chastise her for creating “social disharmony” in the office. Reina didn’t doubt Nakamura had bothered other women in the past, but the odds of any of them complaining were slim to nonexistent.

  “Well.” Aiko got up to retrieve the rest of their supper. “Don’t worry about something you don’t have any control over. If something happens, we’ll deal with it then.”

  “We’ll deal with it then.” That’s what Reina was afraid of.

  She forced the appetite to eat dinner while Aiko prattled on about neighbor shenanigans – apparently somebody was half dead, some other family was putting their house up for sale, and somebody’s kid was hit by a bicycle and needed surgery. Reina didn’t know any of those people. For fifteen years she remained blissfully unaware of her neighbors – aside from Yuri, of course, who moved into the old house of the only other neighbor Reina ever remembered, Mrs. Uchiyama. While Aiko talked, Reina stared into her soup and chewed on bean sprouts as if they would hurt her teeth. “Everyone has a price.” She put down her chopsticks and interrupted Aiko.

  “Would you ever sleep with a man?”

  Aiko dropped one of her chopsticks. “Excuse me?”

  “I asked you if you would sleep with a man.”

  Both chopsticks were laid atop Aiko’s rice bowl. “You mean like…have sex?”

  “That’s generally what that means, yes.”

  “No. Why in the world would I? I’m a lesbian.” Aiko snorted and resumed eating. Her newfound silence was telling.

  “Someone today told me that everyone has a price, specifically with sex.” Although the living area was air conditioned, humidity still choked Reina’s body. She rolled up the sleeves of her shirt. “They implied that one would fuck their unchosen sex for a price.”

  “Why in the world are you talking about that at work?” Aiko shook her head. “That’s ridiculous. I’m not sure what you mean by ‘price.’”

  Reina shrugged. “Anything. Money, I guess.”

  A single grain of rice fell from Aiko’s mouth. “Mou. That’s still ridiculous. Would you have sex with a man for one-hundred-million yen?”

  I wouldn’t do it to clear my name at work. “No. I’d rather die than have sex with a man.” The thought made Reina’s throat close and her whole body violently shudder. If she thought beyond that, she would vomit.

  “How about five-hundred-million?”

  “No! Why, would you?”

  Aiko pursed her lips as if in deep thought. This shouldn’t take more than a second to realize! “That’s a lot of money. If we had that much, we would be set for the rest of our lives.”

  Frowning, Reina pushed the image of her wife in the arms of a man away. “There isn’t enough money in the world for me to do that. You seriously would?”

  “You’re forgetting I used to date men under the assumption I would marry one and have sex with him. If I could kiss them without dying, I suppose I could have sex for the right reason. I may be a lesbian, but I’m not as averse to the male body as you are.”

  The last thing Reina wanted to be reminded of was of young Aiko with her boyfriends. She was a virgin the first time they had sex, but Reina knew her wife had fooled around a little with boys before they met. “Would you be mad at me if I turned down that much money?”

  “What? No! That’s your own decision. You’d better go over it with me first, though.”

  “It’s not a real situation!”

  Aiko dropped a piece of chicken into her vegetables. “But is there any situation in which you would have sex with a man, outside of money?”

  “No.”

  “What if it would save my life?”

  “Huh? How is that possible?”

  “It’s hypothetical, dear.”

  “Then what’s the point? No matter what I say, I feel sick to my stomach.”

  “Good thing it’s not a real situation then.”

  Aiko continued to ea
t her dinner in silence; Reina continued to stare at her untouched food. “Are there other situations in which you would have sex with a man?”

  A resounding sigh broke out in the room as Aiko slammed her chopsticks down. “I don’t know. Maybe. I guess. I don’t know.”

  “You guess? Why in the world then?”

  “Well…” Aiko bit the inside of her cheek. The fact she wouldn’t look Reina in the eye…it’s not something I would like. “Say we decided to have a baby. The odds of finding somebody to donate sperm would be slim to none. So I might have to get pregnant…the old fashioned way.”

  Reina’ s eyes practically fell out of her face. Not this shit again! “You would have sex with a man for a baby?”

  “Why not? Women all over the world do it every day!”

  “Yeah, straight women!”

  Aiko stood up from the table, leaving her half-eaten food behind. “I need to use the toilet. Let’s change the subject when I come back.”

  Reina was more than happy to at that point. Once her wife was out of the room she stared at her cold food. “Everyone has their price.” There was no situation in which Reina could imagine herself consenting to sex with a man. None. She’d give up her own limbs, her own life first. Nakamura spoke bullshit, as usual. She doubted he would actually sleep with a man himself.

  But apparently her wife would.

  For both of their sakes, Reina had her mouth full of food when Aiko returned.

  After stretching her bare limbs in the warm air of her bedroom, Aiko turned over and drew a line down her lover’s arm. Yuri giggled, hand stifling her voice, but she readily returned the favor by tracing a heart on Aiko’s chest. Both of them as nude as newborns, they fell into a minute’s worth of kissing and gentle massages. It reflected the mood of their lovemaking from only ten minutes before.

  “Ara,” Yuri said, her head slipping off her pillow, “I wonder what time it is. My daughter will be home around four.”

  Aiko lay back and glanced at the clock at Reina’s bedside. “It’s only two-thirty. You’ve got time to relax.” Rarely did they have the chance to bask in afterglow like this. Usually Yuri, if available for sex at all, could only stay for a quickie before rushing back home to return to her housewife duties that seemed to eclipse Aiko’s in scope and priority. When they did have these moments, during which Aiko could admire her lover’s heart-shaped face and wide, shining eyes, it seemed as if time stood still. Yuri was the only woman other than Reina who made Aiko appreciate the minutes trailing lovemaking.