Koibumi

by Hildred Billings

  Her breath locked in her throat.

  “Ano onna!” She shivered as if a witch breathed down the back of her neck. That woman!

  Phone still ringing, Aiko lowered her magazine and stared at her spouse. “Aren’t you going to answer it? And who do you mean by ‘that woman?’”

  Reina furrowed her eyes and smashed the “accept” button with finality.

  “Un,” she grunted.

  “Ara, you left me hanging.” The feminine, taunting voice of Jun, one of Reina’s extraneous lovers, came to life. “I was wondering if you would ignore me altogether.”

  Reina chewed the inside of her cheek before answering – Aiko stole glances at her to the left. “Maybe you shouldn’t call me so late at night. I could’ve been sleeping.”

  “Sleeping with your wife?”

  Ugh. Reina could not explain her feelings for Jun, an androgynous woman whom Aiko picked up at an exhibitionist’s club a year ago. While she usually did not find such women attractive, it would be disingenuous for her to discount their unbridled attraction. She’s too domineering! Jun purported herself as a reba, a woman who could fill either gender role at will. Her easygoing attitude toward gender expression and bedroom games often chafed Reina’s ego. But when she let go of her bullshit, she found Jun to be one of her most satisfying lovers, if only because Reina didn’t get to often completely top non-femme women. Her gender dysphoria loved it.

  “Who is it?” Aiko asked again.

  Reina ignored her. “Trust me, if I were having sex right now, I wouldn’t have answered.”

  “Yes you would.” Jun cranked up the teasing tone in her voice, the one she loved to slobber all over Reina because she knew it got a sexual rise out of her. “You would’ve put me on speakerphone and let me join in.”

  Fuck you! Why didn’t Reina think of that? “What do you want?”

  “Tsch, you’re so rude. I was merely calling you to let you know I’d be in town this weekend. It’s been too long since we last saw each other.”

  Too long! More like a month. Beginning in late spring Jun came to Tokyo about once a month for half the year, attending conferences and other business related meetings. Something about the hotel industry. Reina only remembered what she did for a living because they always fucked in upscale rooms. “And what makes you think I want to see you?” Besides the fact I like the way you moan when you orgasm.

  Jun didn’t take her acidic bait. “Why not? I want to have some fun. Bring Aiko-san with you and we can all have some fun.”

  Reina bit the inside of her cheek. “This weekend, huh?” She rattled her brain for what she was supposed to be doing that Saturday. Besides talk to the American about my sex life. More “ugh.” Reina wanted to talk about the past fifteen years about as much as she wanted to tell Jun she loved her. Which I totally don’t. “There’s a party going on at the strip club I used to work at. Maybe I’ll drop you off there and you can find somebody else to bother.”

  “You used to work at a strip club?” Jun chortled so loudly that the phone line clogged up in static. “Oh my God! Of course you did!”

  “I wasn’t a stripper,” Reina mumbled. “I was a waitress.” Although I did have more sex in the VIP lounge than the strippers.

  Jun’s laughter gradually abated before she coughed into the receiver. “Party at a strip club? Not only do I get to see you, but I get to see dozens of women take off their clothes. My, you just want me to not pay attention at my meetings later this week, don’t you?”

  Shrugging, Reina had half a mind to slam her phone shut and forget about Jun. “You think that sort of flattery works on me?”

  “I know it does, Reina-san.” If Reina didn’t know any better, she would peg Jun as a controlling femme based on her voice alone. But she did know better. Jun was probably sitting on her bed, wearing her everyday work clothes of a smart suit tailored to hide her curves and make her appear more androgynous. Her razor cut hair helped as well. Damn. There was something about Jun’s oozing sexuality that did her in, not that she would ever let on to that fact. “And I can’t wait to see you. We had so much fun last time that I still shiver to think about it.”

  Reina cleared her throat and pretended she wasn’t also thinking about it: them, alone in Jun’s hotel room, not bothering to take off all their clothes before grinding, sucking, and getting everything within one meter of them wetter than rain. The way Jun begged for the kind of fucking Reina offered… God damnit! She glanced at Aiko, resigned to some English book on her side of the bed. I wonder if I could get her to let me dominate her. It had been a while since Reina indulged in her masculine side in the bedroom. There was a phallus in the nightstand with Aiko’s name on it. And this asshole’s. They liked to share Reina’s cock like it was candy.

  “Are you still there? Or are you thinking of my pussy?”

  “I am not!”

  “You’re not still there?”

  “No! I mean, yes! I mean…” Reina’s face flushed hot with embarrassment. “Call me when you get in town! We’ll go somewhere!” And fuck! The phone cracked in her hand.

  Jun attempted to match Reina’s direct, low tone with her own more natural voice. “Okay! I got it! I’ll do that!” It sank into a faux-masculine pitch. “We shall conspire to meet for a most fortuitous tryst, Reina-sama!”

  Oh, fuck me. Last time Jun called her sama, the title of an esteemed lord or master, was when Reina told her to in the height of their domme-sub passion.

  It took more gruff coaxing to get Jun to hang up – she must have been lonely that night, for she continued to goad Reina with that feminine voice. When they finally disconnected, Reina turned off her phone and cast it aside in mock disgust.

  The silence in the bedroom made her think about the heat between her legs.

  “Ai-chaaaan,” she whined, turning over to rub her hands along her wife’s stomach. “Let’s do it.”

  Aiko kept her book firmly in front of her face. “Got you worked up, did she?”

  Reina stuck her face on Aiko’s shoulder. “Doooo meeee.”

  “No.” Aiko turned a page.

  “Please?”

  She was met with a fatigued expression. “I’m not in the mood. Maybe tomorrow.”

  Reina collapsed onto the bed. “Can we at least make out before going to sleep?” And fondle each other? Well, that was a given. Couldn’t have kissing without some groping.

  “What are you, five?” Aiko tossed her book onto the nightstand and turned off her light, leaving them both in darkness. “Fine. But no sex. If you’re that desperate you can take care of it yourself. I’m done for the day.”

  “Right next to you?” It wouldn’t be the first time Reina masturbated in bed next to her wife, but it was in no way ideal.

  “Sure. I’ll be asleep. I’ll pretend all your grunting is a boar sniffing out truffles.”

  “What?”

  Aiko pushed herself beneath the covers and massaged her hand over her spouse’s chest. Reina instantly stuck to her arm and began to feel up her skin and face. “If you’re lucky, the thought of you doing disgusting things to Jun-san will get me going again.” She smiled and lowered her lips for a kiss.

  Reina rolled on top of her and gently ground against her, their lips slamming together and their tongues wrestling. Knowing it would probably not lead to full-blown sex made her groin pound harder. Ugh, that fucking woman. She would make sure to punish her real good that weekend. But not before trying her luck with her wife first.

  The first time I had sex with a woman – my spouse – I was really nervous. I had never done it with anyone before, let alone a woman. I always thought it would be with a man. Anyway, I was really nervous. I remember when she felt me up for the first time and all the sensations invaded my neurons. I almost literally melted into her arms. I….

  Aiko dropped her pencil with a mind-clearing sigh. The rabble of the café around her snapped her back to her senses, and she debated whether or not writing her koibumi in (heterosexual) public
was a good idea. No. But she had neglected starting her letter for Chloe, and she had the down time now as she waited for her new friend.

  “Aiko-san!”

  She sat up with a start, flipping her notebook over before Takeshi could see it from behind. He rounded the table with a smile on his face, messenger bag still draped across his shoulder. After nodding in greeting he sat across from her and ordered coffee from the server following him.

  “I’m sorry to keep you waiting, Aiko-san,” he said with a slight nod. “My class ran over due to students asking me questions about their latest paper. I came here as soon as I could.”

  Aiko shook her head. “No, no, it’s fine! I understand. What class was it? Literature?”

  “Of course. I assigned my students to write about a book of their choice before their summer break, and apparently I had to explain what a book is…”

  Once those words sank in, Aiko regarded him as if he ripped off his nose and put it in his water. “They didn’t know what a book is?” Are they named Reina?

  Takeshi waited a beat before guffawing. “Joking! Just joking! About that last part, anyway.” He crossed his arms and waited for Aiko to laugh before continuing. “Have you had the chance to finish that book yet?”

  “Oh, yes!” Aiko fished through her purse and produced the book he loaned her. “It was difficult for me to read in places, though. I think I may be a bit rusty in my English literature.”

  Takeshi took the book back, surveying its cover before putting it into his messenger bag. “It’s difficult to read anyway as a non-native English speaker. You should be proud if you understood most of it.”

  She pretended she did. In truth, toward the end of the book she was only practicing her vocabulary. “Thank you again for loaning it to me.”

  “Would you like another? I just finished this one.” Takeshi pulled out another, more modern book for her to look at. “It was really good. The voice is poetic, and the imagery absolutely exquisite. There is some local dialect in it, however…is it okay?”

  Aiko ran her hand along the mosaic cover and flipped through the pages. “That is kind of you. Thank you.” Soon she would no longer have to borrow the same old books from Yuri, or from the measly English collection at the local library. It also beat all the boring sex novels Reina still kept after so many years.

  The server returned with Takeshi’s coffee, and they resumed the subject of classic Western literature as if they hadn’t stopped talking about it in his house days earlier. When they exhausted all their shared knowledge on the subject, Takeshi talked about the changes at Hasegawa College since Aiko last went there, and what life was like as a professor of English.

  “Sometimes I feel like my students are my children. I don’t have any children of my own, so it’s encouraging to watch young minds expand before your eyes.” He finished his coffee and switched to his water.

  Aiko’s, meanwhile, had long since gone cold from spending so much time talking. They both flagged down a server and ordered a pot of tea to share between them. “Of course you don’t have children, Takeshi-san. You’re much too young.” Most men didn’t have children until near forty. Takeshi seemed barely old enough to be a professor.

  Regardless, he laughed at the insinuation. “How old do you think I am?”

  Something was caught in Aiko’s throat. “I…I don’t know. Twenty-seven?”

  “Really! I’m flattered.” He chuckled some more. “No, no. I’m thirty-six.”

  “Thirty-six!” That was only four years younger than her. “I don’t believe it!”

  “I’ve always looked young. Used to get teased a lot growing up for it, but I knew one day when I got older it would come in handy.” Takeshi did not ask about Aiko’s age – probably because it was impolite, and because he knew what year she graduated college. Simple math would suffice. Now he knows I’m forty. Forty and “single.” Aiko didn’t wear her wedding band around him anymore. It raised too much suspicion – but now her hand felt empty without it. I’m sorry Reina.

  “If you’re really so much older…well, I’m surprised you’re not married, Takeshi-san.”

  He leaned back in his chair, angular face glowing in the sunlight streaming through the window. “It’s been a long time since I’ve been in love. Never happened again after that.”

  “So you don’t have a girlfriend?”

  Takeshi shook his head, almost reluctantly. “No. You?”

  A girlfriend? Yes, yes of course…wait, no, that’s not what he had meant at all. “I don’t have a boyfriend, if that’s what you’re asking.”

  “A beautiful, intelligent woman like you with no husband or boyfriend? Aiko-san, I’m shocked.”

  Even though she knew it was meant as a compliment, Aiko still couldn’t manage more than a lukewarm smile. I’ve had boyfriends before. Long ago, before she met Reina. Back then she had her pick of nice young men, although none of those relationships lasted longer than a few months – without any sex. Back then Aiko didn’t think about it, but now she knew why the cards fell in that manner. “Life didn’t work out that way.”

  Takeshi rubbed his chin and contemplated the air before him. “You live with a woman who takes care of you, and yet you have no boyfriend. You are a mystery to me, Aiko-san. A very intriguing mystery.”

  Sometimes Aiko couldn’t believe that nobody her age or older ever considered that she might be a lesbian. But at the same time, in moments like these, it was for the best. “Like you, I also have no children.” It was supposed to be a generic topic change, but her voice dropped when she said it.

  Takeshi caught on to her change in demeanor. “When you say you have no husband, you sound like a confident single woman. Yet when you say you have no children, you sound sad.” He quickly ate his own words. “I mean, forgive me. That is none of my business.”

  “No, you’re right. I suppose there is always time for a new partner, but there are only so many years for having children.”

  “Yes. I sometimes think about that fact myself.”

  “You’re a man, though. You can have children even when you’re much older. It’s different for women.”

  “I suppose you’re right.” Takeshi poured them both another cup of tea. “Forgive me for prying, but do you want children, Aiko-san?”

  Ideas of what could be shot into Aiko’s heart like darts. “I suppose so. Don’t most women?” She instantly regretted that – after all, she knew plenty of women who celebrated their lack of children – but it was something she was expected to say. “I wouldn’t have one without a partner to support me.” Reina would never. Even if Aiko had a child to raise on her own, her spouse would stay far, far away from any babies or small children in their home.

  “Of course not. I understand.”

  Aiko sipped her tea so she wouldn’t have to respond.

  Takeshi changed the subject back to English, particularly his favorite words. Aiko politely added her own – non-dirty ones, of course – and soon enough they were far away from the topic of babies. Yet Aiko couldn’t hide from her own façade. Deep in the back corners of her mind she ticked the years of her life off as a countdown to menopause. Soon enough I’ll be more dried up than a prune. Maybe literally. As she got older she noticed certain small changes to her body when she and Reina made love. My entire vagina is shriveling up to die.

  She looked up and briefly met Takeshi’s eyes as he spoke of English words beginning with the letter D. Dreams. Desire. Destiny. Each word hit Aiko right in her gut: her dreams of a perfect domestic life, her sexual desires that made her a pariah, and her god damned destiny that sent her Reina the blowhard as the love of her life. Yet we have so little in common. The only thing that kept them together over the years was their passion and determination. But that waned. Wasn’t it better to have a partner with the same goals? Dilemma. That was Takeshi’s favorite word, or so he proclaimed. In Japanese it sounded like jirenma, but Takeshi said it with a passable American accent. Yes. Dilemma. Destiny. Desire. D
reams. I’ve dreamed of children since I was a girl; my desires always led me to those thoughts; I might still have a biological destiny in me. What a dilemma.

  “Aiko-san?”

  She jerked upright. “I’m sorry. Yes?”

  Takeshi chuckled. “I was wondering if you were busy next Sunday. I have tickets to go see the Ancient England exhibit at the Ueno Museum, and would like someone to go with.”

  He said it so gently that Aiko almost didn’t catch his subtext. It had been a long, long time since a man asked her out so subtly, with hardly a hint of pressure. Aiko chomped on her lip. “I would love to go,” she said carefully. “As your friend.”

  The corner of Takeshi’s mouth twitched, but he retained a pleasant countenance. “Yes. Friends.”

  Aiko kept any further confusing, conflicting thoughts to herself.

  Usually the only lesbian strip-club in town was packed with more tables and chairs than patrons. Unless there was a party, of course. Then it was packed with patrons and nary a table, for they were all moved into a storage room to create ample space for drinking games. The only thing separating it from a regular club that night was the half-naked women strutting around, offering drinks and “other services” into the ears of every patron to come through the door and pay the cover charge.

  For Reina, it was almost like a homecoming.

  “Ehh, this is some party!” Jun said beside her, one hand grabbing Reina’s. “There’s even naked women!” The stripper in question, a short woman with her nipples hanging out, offered them free shots on a platter. Jun took one without question and shoved Reina to take one as well. She declined, instead asking a passing server for beer.

  On her other side, Aiko performed an impressive side step to avoid another patron about to careen into her. “It is rather packed…”

  Reina saw an empty table pushed against the far wall and guided both her companions toward it. Jun immediately pouted. Shut up and sit down. There was plenty of time to run around chasing tail if that’s what she wanted. No, she wants my tail. That was especially apparent when Jun slapped Reina on the ass before sitting down with a grin on her face.