Remedy

by Kaylee Ryan

  “What? No, we’re not doing that. Either of them.” She’s lost her damn mind.

  “Oh, my bestie, we are.” She grins. “You need to spend time with him and see where your head is at. Take it slow, hell, move at a snail’s pace, or don’t. Either way, you can’t string him along.”

  “I’m not,” I say defensively.

  “Not yet, but you have to decide if you can forgive him. Not just forgive him, Collins, but be willing to let the past remain in the past. You can’t move forward and hold this over his head.”

  “That’s not what I’m doing.”

  “I know that. But I felt as though it needed to be said. I’ll always be honest with you.” She pauses then asks, “What do you want, Collins?”

  “Grady.”

  She nods. “All right then. You decide the pace, maybe make him work for it a little longer, but not too long. Don’t play games.”

  I give her the “did you really just say that to me” look. “You know me better than that.”

  “I do,” she agrees. “I also know there is a lot of time, hurt, and distance between the two of you. We don’t always think rationally in those types of situations.”

  “Who are you, and what have you done with my best friend?” I chuckle.

  “It’s all those years of dating wisdom you’ve bestowed upon me. I’ve never been able to use it on you until now. I’m pulling out the big guns.” She makes a gun with her hand and pretends to blow smoke off the barrel, which is her index finger, causing us both to laugh.

  My phone announcing a text message interrupts us. Looking at the screen, I smile when I see Grady’s name. I turn my phone so she can see.

  “Go.” She waves me off. “I’m exhausted and have to be back at work at seven.”

  “I thought you were off tomorrow?”

  “I was, but I’m picking up Lucy’s shift.”

  “Well, goodnight.” I stand and give her a hug.

  “Night, Col. Don’t let fear keep you from happiness.”

  “I won’t,” I assure her. Standing from the couch, I head to my room. It’s not until I’m inside, the door closed that I look at his message.

  Grady: Goodnight, beautiful.

  He hasn’t missed a morning, or an evening, since that first night I saw him in the bar. Nothing has changed; he’s stayed consistent. Well, one thing is changing. I’ve only ever responded one other time, until tonight.

  Me: Goodnight, Grady.

  Before I have a chance to set my phone down, it rings. His name flashes on the screen. I debate on answering, but we’re past that, and honestly, I don’t want to ignore him anymore. Being angry is exhausting.

  “Hey,” I answer, keeping my voice low.

  “You replied.”

  “Yeah.”

  “This is better,” he says. “Hearing your voice before I fall asleep. So much better.”

  My heart flutters in my chest. “You in bed?”

  “Yeah, just thinking about tonight. Thank you for dinner and for talking.”

  “It was time,” I confess. “I don’t want to be angry anymore.” I might as well put it all out there.

  “I’m so sorry, Collins. I swear to you I’m here for the long haul.”

  “We can go slow, right? Maybe work on being friends before we move on to anything else?” I didn’t plan on asking that, but the words fall from my lips before I realize it.

  “You set the pace, baby. I’m right beside you no matter what.”

  I nod even though I know he can’t see me. “Goodnight, Grady.”

  “Goodnight, beautiful.”

  I can hear him breathing so I know he hasn’t hung up yet. I hesitate but pull the phone from my ear and end the call. I’m not sure I’m ready for any of this. What I am sure of is that I miss him. He’s always been a part of my life, the boy next door, my brother’s best friend. Then he just disappeared. I don’t know what the future holds for us as a couple, but I’d really like to get back to a place where we can be in the same room and not have tension between us.

  One day at a time.

  It’s Sunday night, and I haven’t seen Collins since I had dinner at her place on Thursday. That’s too damn long in my opinion. She’s my neighbor, and I have yet to get one tiny glimpse of her. She got called into work on Friday, spent all day Saturday with Emily shopping and doing whatever it is they need to do for the wedding. I’ve missed her, more now than the last three years if that’s possible. Now she’s back in my life, I crave her even more.

  Even though I have not seen her, I’ve still texted her every morning and every night. Last night, I called her, and she answered. We didn’t talk long, a couple of minutes. She was yawning like crazy, and I knew my girl was exhausted. So I wished her goodnight and hung up the phone with her sweet voice in my ears as I drifted off to sleep.

  Tomorrow, my life gets more complicated. It’s my first day of residency. I’m ready for it. I’ve studied my ass off the last three years for this. I hope that Jared is looking down on me and smiling. I never want another family to go through what we went through. I know I can’t save the world, but one child. One little brother or sister? That alone will make all the hours of studying and the years of college, my time away from Collins worth it.

  It’s early afternoon, and I’m going out of my mind missing her. I’ve cleaned, done laundry, and been to the store and stocked up for the week. Now, I just need to set my eyes on her, and all will be good. Grabbing my phone from the arm of the hand-me-down couch I took from my parents’ basement, I send her a message.

  Me: Hey, what are you getting into today?

  Collins: Nothing much. Just finished laundry.

  Me: Want to come over and watch a movie or something?

  Collins: I don’t know, Grady.

  Me: Please. I’ll be on my best behavior, I promise. I really want to see you.

  It seems like years when in reality it’s maybe a minute before she replies.

  Collins: I’ll be over in ten.

  Me: See you soon.

  I look around my apartment and its meager furnishings. It’s nothing much, but it’s mine. I can hold my girl on the couch, and not worry about roommates or my parents walking in on us. Once I start getting regular paychecks, I’ll add a few more things. Right now, it works and it’s close to her, which is the best perk of the place in my opinion.

  I’m standing by the door when she knocks, and I pull it open.

  “Hey.” She laughs. “That was fast.”

  “I was waiting by the door.”

  “Really?”

  I grab her hand and pull her into the apartment. As soon as the door is shut, I pull her into a hug. “Yes, really. I’ve missed you,” I say, burying my face in her neck. To my surprise, she hugs me back, not as tight, but the embrace is there all the same.

  “Come sit.” I pull away from her and capture her hand in mine, leading her to the couch.

  “Is this the one from your parents’ basement?”

  “Yep, home sweet home,” I say with a laugh. “It’s on loan. I’m just using it as a filler until I get my own. Floral is not really my thing.”

  She throws her head back and laughs. My eyes follow the column of her neck. Her hair is pulled up in a ponytail, exposing all that long, slender skin to me. I want to trace it with my tongue just like I did all those years ago. I can remember every moment as if it were last night.

  “Yeah, I have to agree.”

  Grabbing the remote from the arm of the couch, I hand it to her. “You pick. I’ve already got Netflix pulled up.”

  “I get to pick? Really? I remember a time when you and Caleb never let me pick.”

  “Yeah.” I run my index finger down her cheek. “Those days are gone, Collins.”

  “Really?” Her cheeks are pink. I’m not sure if it’s from my touch or not, but I’m going to pretend that’s the reason.

  “Yes, really. I don’t care what we watch. All that matters to me is that you’re here. With me, and we
’re not fighting.”

  “I mean… I can pick a fight if that would make you feel better?” She laughs.

  I lean in close, so close I can feel her hot breath against my lips. “No, baby. I don’t want to fight with you. I want you to pick a movie. Then I want to sit here and enjoy your company. If I’m lucky, maybe hold your hand, and if luck is really on my side, hold you in my arms.”

  Her breathing is accelerated. “Let’s uh, let’s start with a movie.”

  “Anything you want, beautiful.” I settle back on the couch and get comfortable. She scrolls through the movies and settles on Twilight. I bite back a smile. I know she’s trying to get me to whine about it, but it’s not going to happen. We could watch paint dry, and I’d still gladly sit here next to her.

  “This good?” she asks, all innocent.

  “Sure. You want some popcorn or anything before we start?”

  “No, thanks. Maybe later.”

  She settles into her cushion, which is too far away from me, but I’ll take it. The movie starts, and I try to pay attention, but I’m lost in thought. I assumed it would take me longer to get to this point. To us being civil, hanging out just the two of us. I turn to look at her, her eyes are riveted to the screen, so I take my time.

  “You know there are four of these.” She smiles over at me.

  “Yeah?”

  “Uh-huh, I might make you suffer through all of them if you don’t pay attention.” She points to the screen, and just like that, I’m busted.

  “There would be zero suffering if you were here with me,” I say honestly.

  “Grady,” she starts, but my phone rings, interrupting her. “Go ahead,” she says, almost relieved.

  “It’s Caleb,” I tell her. She nods. “Hey, man,” I greet him.

  “Hey, Emily and I are in the area. She wants to bring you your housewarming gift. You home?”

  I want to tell him no, but I don’t. “Yeah, I’m home.”

  “Great. We’ll be there in about fifteen minutes. I need to stop for gas.”

  “See you then.” I end the call, and Collins stands. Reaching out, I capture her hand with mine. “Hey, stay.”

  “Grady, I know I only heard one side, but I’m pretty sure my brother is on his way over here.”

  I nod. “He is. Emily bought me a housewarming gift. They want to drop it off.”

  “I need to go.”

  “Stay.” My eyes bore into hers. “I don’t care who knows how I feel about you, Collins.”

  “You ran because of him, because you were afraid to lose your best friend.”

  “I did. I know that there’s a chance that could happen still today, but I’m not running from it. I want you. All of you. He’s going to just have to get used to it. If not, it’s going to make holidays and our wedding pretty damn awkward.”

  Shock crosses her face. “Wedding? Grady, we just started talking and not being short with each other.”

  “I know.”

  “Don’t you think wedding is a little premature?”

  “Nope. I told you, I’m not giving up on us. I want it all, Collins. I don’t care who knows it. You’re the only one who matters.”

  “I need to go.” She pulls her hand from mine and walks to the door. I’m right behind her. When she turns to face me, her eyes are filled with pain. “You don’t just get to walk back into my life and declare how things are going to go, Grady. You left me, remember.”

  I nod. I don’t bother with words; I know I’ve pushed her too far. I want to beg her to stay, but it’s too soon. Her actions have proven that, but dammit, I refuse not to be open and honest with her. That’s what happened three years ago. I hid behind my fear, and I lost her. I’m going to fight to win her back. To prove I’m not the same guy.

  “I’ll call you later,” I tell her.

  “Sure.” With that, she opens the door and walks out of my apartment.

  Stepping out into the hall, I watch as she disappears behind her door. Once back into my place, I shut the door and rest my forehead against it. I hate that my time with her ended. Next time, my phone can go to voice mail. I don’t care who’s calling. My time with her is few and far between.

  Not five minutes later, there’s a knock at my door. I don’t want to answer it. I want to rewind the last ten minutes and not answer my fucking phone. With a huff, I pull open the door.

  “That was fast,” Emily says, just as Collins did before her. The only difference is that I was waiting by the door for Collins, anxious to see her. Caleb and Emily, not so much. Any other time, I would be happy to see them, but they scared my girl away, ended my time with her.

  “So, how have you been?” I ask, ignoring Emily’s statement. I open the door wide and let them pass through.

  “We brought you this.” Emily hands me a small gift bag.

  “Thank you, but you didn’t have to.”

  “It’s not much.” She shrugs. “We wanted to. Open it,” she urges.

  “I knew you were moving into Collins’s building, but I didn’t know you were her neighbor,” Caleb comments.

  I stop pulling tissue paper out of the bag to look at him. “What part of ‘I’m Collins’s new neighbor’ do you not get?” I ask him, laughing.

  “Fuck off.” He laughs as well. “I didn’t think you meant literally.”

  “Maybe I should have said it like a teenage girl would have. Like, oh my God, I literally live next door to Collins.” I throw my voice to sound more feminine.

  “Ha ha, jackass. Open your present.” Caleb grins.

  Diving back into the gift bag, I pull out dish towels for the kitchen and some kitchen utensils. “Thanks, guys,” I say, holding the items up.

  “You’re welcome. Not much, but we know you’re starting out. We’ve been there,” Emily says.

  We catch up for a half hour or so before they head home. I want to call Collins and beg her to come back over, but I already know what her answer will be. So, instead, I make a ham sandwich, grab a bag of chips, and sit down to watch TV. My night passes in a blur of mindless television before I give up and head to bed. Grabbing my phone, I text her.

  Me: Goodnight, beautiful.

  Collins: Goodnight.

  I want to call her to hear her voice. Instead, I place my phone on the nightstand and close my eyes. When it vibrates, I reach for it, not expecting to see her name on the screen.

  Collins: Good luck tomorrow, Dr. Carmichael.

  Me: Thank you. Maybe I’ll see you there?

  Collins: Maybe so. Goodnight.

  Me: Night.

  Setting my phone back on the nightstand, I close my eyes. I’m not nervous about tomorrow. I worked my ass off in medical school to be the best damn doctor I can be. No, what makes me nervous is the fear that I’ll never win her over. That when I walked away three years ago, I lost the best fucking thing that’s ever happened to me.

  All day, I’ve looked for him. In the halls, in the cafeteria. Every room, around every corner and nothing. I’m not even sure which floor he’s working on. I should have asked him last night, but I doubt he knew until he got here. I assume he’s got some type of orientation. Just because he’s a resident doesn’t mean he gets out of all the hoopla that goes with new employment. At least, I assume not.

  As is the life of a nurse, it’s well after seven, closer to eight by the time I clock out. My shift is six in the morning until six in the evening, but in health care, there really is no schedule. If you’re looking for a nine-to-five, you won’t find it on the front lines of the hospital. At least, not in the emergency room where I work.

  Walking to my car, I spot his 4Runner. He arrived after me this morning. I don’t know what time he gets off, but this is already a long first day. Throwing my bag in the passenger seat, I pull out of the lot and head toward home.

  “Hey, how was your day?” I ask Tabby when I walk through the door.

  “Same old. How about yours?”

  “It was good. Long, but you know how it goes.�
� She nods.

  “Mom called and invited us over for dinner. She’s just throwing some chicken breasts on the grill.”

  Having just kicked off my shoes, I drop my purse and keys by the couch and plop down beside her. Turning to look at her, I groan. “I’m so tired.”

  She chuckles. “You sure?”

  “Yeah, I want to take a long hot shower and head to bed.”

  “It does help that I’m off tomorrow.”

  “Girl, I can’t keep up with your schedule,” I tell her.

  “I know, but it’s great. Sure, I have to work every fourth weekend, but having days off during the week is nice to be able to get things done.”

  “I agree with that. Except Monday through Wednesday kill me. I need Thursday to recuperate.”

  “Right,” she says with a laugh. “You sleep in until eight. Eight, Collins. That’s not sleeping in.”

  “For me it is. Four thirty comes early.”

  “We live twenty minutes from your work. Yet, you get up over an hour before you have to leave. Crazy girl.”

  “Hey.” I throw a pillow at her. “I can’t help it. I can’t just roll out of bed and go like you. I need to be alert before I get behind the wheel.”

  “That’s what coffee is for,” she quips.

  “Ugh, I don’t know how you drink that stuff.”

  “It’s an acquired taste.” She stands from the couch. “I’m heading out. I’ll see you later.”

  “Bye. Tell them hello for me, and tell your mom thanks for the invite.”

  “Will do.” She slips her feet into her flip-flops, gathers her purse, and heads out the door.

  I sit here on the couch, knowing I need to get up and shower or I’ll fall asleep. With a groan, I climb to my feet. After grabbing some clothes from my room, I head to the shower. I stand under the hot spray until the water starts to run cold. I know it’s going to be awhile before Tabby is home, so I don’t have to worry about being a bad roommate and using all of the hot water.