Mercy

by Debra Anastasia

  I watched as confusion and then tears welled up in her eyes. “What do you mean?”

  I didn’t have time to get into it. How broken I was inside. How whole I felt in her arms.

  “Don’t worry about it. Just thank you.” I love you.

  Becca looked at her feet, her borrowed, stark white tennis shoes.

  “Just come back to me.” She went on her tiptoes and kissed me on the lips. I kissed her back until Animal cleared his throat. We separated. I watched them walk until the darkness enveloped them. I closed the door and returned the suits.

  After I hit the button on my TV’s remote, I could watch my father in my living room. I seethed.

  It was just he and I. Alone after all these years. The inked bones on my skin started to burn. I felt perfectly dressed to deliver death to him.

  28

  CRACKED GLASS

  Becca

  I didn’t want to leave. I didn’t like the vibe of the whole situation. I heard curses through the door. Animal was tense. Nix almost looked like a different person when he’d returned from their conversation. Still handsome, just terrifying too.

  Animal made sure I didn’t trip on the steep steps. If he noticed that I kept wiping away at angry tears—he didn’t mention it. After we exited the stairway, we had two choices of doors. Animal picked the one that led into the cavernous garage.

  He grabbed keys from the wall and walked to the giant black SUV. The windows were so tinted I couldn’t see in the windshield. Animal held the door open for me and offered me his hand. He was treating me like I was in a bridal gown, not Nix’s baggy clothes. Once we were settled, Animal hit the garage door and pulled us out like the building was about to explode. I put my seat belt on.

  “Sorry. I just wanted to make sure we weren’t being ambushed.” He adjusted the rearview mirror and seemed to be concentrating on it more than he was the road in front of him.

  The word “ambushed” made me think of action movies. I couldn’t help but wonder what the hell we were leaving Nix with. I asked as much.

  Animal slid a pair of sunglasses on. I knew the sun wasn’t too bright with these dark windshields, so I assumed he did it to block me out.

  “It’s his lair, his territory. He won’t be bested there.” He tapped the steering wheel.

  “But you wish you didn’t have to leave.” I turned in my seat so I could watch him.

  “He’s important to me.” Animal tipped his head in my direction.

  “Take me to Henry and Dick’s. Then you can go back.” I tapped on the screen by the radio and found the GPS. I plugged in Henry’s address. We were fourteen minutes away.

  Animal sat at a crossroad for a second before clicking the blinker in the direction the computer suggested.

  “You’re worried.” I surmised.

  “Worried is a strong word. I just want to be there in case. My man can handle himself.”

  I noticed that Animal started driving faster than the speed limit suggested. He was saying he wasn’t concerned, but his actions indicated something else entirely.

  I was sore between my legs. I missed Nix. I took a closer look at Animal. He was immense. He took up so much space. I was kind of used to it because Dick was such a Viking. Animal had short, curly hairstyle that was tapered into sharp angles. He had a deep red button-down shirt that was opened at least four buttons. His pecs were clearly defined.

  He was incredibly handsome. He could tell me he worked as an actor in action movies and I would’ve believed him easily. The silver skull ring on his pinkie caught my eye.

  “It’s for him.” Animal must have been watching me assess him.

  “You’re devoted to each other.” I hoped it would lead to a little more information.

  Animal nodded. He didn’t offer anything. I sighed and looked out the window.

  “What’s got you down, baby?” We waited at the light near Henry and Dick’s road.

  “I just didn’t want to leave. I feel like it’s bad luck or something. I didn’t want to let life in to what he and I have. Had tonight.” I reached forward and pressed on the visor. I was hoping for a mirror. Instead, a silver knife fell toward my lap.

  Animal caught it before the sharp blade touched me. He twirled it once and slid it along his driver’s side door.

  “Whoa.” I forgot about checking out my appearance.

  “Sorry. Didn’t know you were going to do that.” Animal grinned at me. “You definitely don’t want to open the glove box or reach under the seat.”

  I looked at my lap. I didn’t know what Nix was into. It couldn’t be good. I pressed my lips together. This was what I dreaded. Reality flooding in. Because I knew something wasn’t right. Crap, I’d shot my first gun. I’d seen more weapons than had to be legal for a person to own in two different spots in his house.

  Of course. The guy I was into would have to be the exact opposite of everything my mother was hoping for.

  Animal pulled into Henry’s driveway. I thanked him for the ride and reached for the handle. He hit the lock so the door wouldn’t open.

  “The knife spooked you. That’s not cool. I wasn’t thinking. You okay?” His deep voice was concerned.

  I looked at the windshield. “Does he kill people? Do you kill people? Is that why I had to leave?”

  I waited. The sex fuzz that had surrounded my mind and heart shattered like cracked glass.

  “Oh, sweetness. I can’t get into that with you. Not without him.”

  And it was that way. His lack of a denial gave me the answer. My eyes filled up again. I blinked a few times to try to clear them. It had all happened fast. It was too much.

  “Becca, please don’t jump to conclusions. This is a conversation Bones deserves to have with you.” He put his giant hand on the console, as if he was going to reach for my hand but thought better of it.

  Dick stepped on the front porch, a raccoon baby on his shoulder. He was watching the SUV with narrowed eyes. I reached for the door handle.

  “You have to let me wave to him.” Dick wasn’t a fan of strangers on his property. Mostly because half of his pets were illegal. I opened the door and stepped out of the SUV. Once Dick saw me, he waved happily and opened the door, calling Henry’s name.

  I looked back at Animal. He had his sunglasses off now and slid into his hair. “Don’t give up on him. I promise who you met Thursday night is who he is.” Animal’s deep brown eyes implored me to understand.

  “Go on back there. Thanks for the ride.” I slammed the door and walked around the vehicle.

  I heard the driver’s side window open. “Becca.”

  I looked over my shoulder.

  “You’ll hear from him soon.”

  “Yeah.” I tried to hang on to some of that hope.

  Henry was at the top of the steps almost vibrating with excitement.

  “I have all sorts of vegetables laid out on the table so you can show me what size he’s packing.”

  “You’re a slut, Henry.” I trudged up the stairs.

  “I’m pretty sure that’s jizz in your hair, so keep your dick sucker shut.” Henry clapped her hands as I walked though the front door.

  ~Fenix~

  I expected more out of the day I killed my father. Maybe a raging storm outside. I expected to feel the anger come to a point inside me.

  Instead, I was in my own house. The place I expected to be as happy as I allowed myself to be. It was where I had my game for Becca in the basement. It was where Animal and I could kick it and not have our guard up.

  I stared at the image of my father pacing my living room. My mind was jumping from scenario to memory to daydreams. To flashes of Becca. Who I made leave. Who was reluctant to leave my arms.

  Again with the fury. I screamed at the TV, “I hate you!”

  I was still there in my jeans. With her all over me. Her scent trapped on my hands.

  My dick started the process of remembering how it felt to be inside her.

  I needed to act. Had it b
een ten minutes? Had it been twenty minutes?

  The TV went out of focus. Maybe I was having a stroke. I was sure as shit breathing like an enraged bull.

  I was successful at what I did because I could stay calm and collected through anything. But I was nowhere near that now. My hands were shaking. I was pretty sure my pupils were shaking.

  I stormed into the bathroom. Towels left on the floor from us. From her. I had to wash my hands because I still had her scent, and I hated my father even more. He was even taking that from me.

  He might not know it was me. That was what Animal said.

  Terror seized my heart. He would kill me. He would hurt me.

  I looked at my face and growled, showing my teeth, letting my eyes go wide and crazy.

  I couldn’t let the scared little kid in me have any say in the matter. I was disassociating with reality. In my head I tucked the little boy in the closet. I yelled at him in my father’s voice, telling him to stay fucking quiet or else.

  And then I slapped myself in the face because how dare I talk to him like that? How dare I?

  I took my clean hands and splashed water onto my face. The ink would never come off. The mask was in place. I pounded my chest like a gorilla. I should just kill him. Just rip his goddamn head off his body. Rip his heart out of his chest.

  The towel on the floor. Her. The love. The kiss. Her hands on my face.

  Kill him. I’d killed so many. Kill him like the asshole he was. Like the murderer he was. At least when I killed people I got it over with. He tortured my mother for years. Years. I didn’t know my sister. I couldn’t save my mother.

  Panic. Becca. She didn’t have her phone. I couldn’t see her. She was dead. My father killed Becca.

  I punched the mirror. The skull there cracked in half.

  I would crack him in half. He’d killed Becca. Becca was dead.

  The same memory of my mother dying was new. All of a sudden, my brain swapping out my mother’s face with Becca’s. I started to cry. Sob. Scream.

  “Motherfucker. Goddammit.”

  There was a noise behind me. He was here. He was going to kill me. I didn’t save my mother. Becca was dead. I would die.

  It wasn’t until Animal said my name three times that I saw him.

  “Sweet lord, baby—you’re a fucking mess.” Animal wrapped his huge arms around me. He was restraining me, literally holding me together as I fell apart. “Becca’s safe. She’s okay. She’s not dead. You need to get yourself together, Bones.”

  I could fight anyone, but I would never hit Animal. Never. Even if my brain was seeping out of my ears.

  He held me tight. I yelled for a while, and then the pieces started to meld together. Glue together.

  Animal was chanting that Becca was alive, like he was afraid I was forgetting that fact from second to second.

  How long it was, I didn’t know. An hour? Forty-five minutes?

  When I was still, Animal slowly let me have my body back. I could stand now. So that was what I did.

  He moved around the bathroom. I heard the water come on and saw him wet a washcloth out of my peripheral vision.

  It should have shamed me as Animal washed off my face. He ran the cold cloth across my eyes, under my chin, on my neck. I stood there taking it. Coming back into my body.

  He rinsed the washcloth and twisted it so the water bled out.

  That would be a good way to kill my father. Wring out his body.

  Animal handed me the cloth. “Now you, Fenix.”

  He was calling me by my given name so I must have really scared the shit out of him.

  I wiped down my face, my arms, my armpits. I was getting there.

  “I’m going downstairs. I’m dealing with your father. We’ll pick the time and day of your final battle. He doesn’t get that luxury.”

  I started shaking my head. I would deal with him today.

  And now Animal was angry. “No. Not on the day that you had her. You don’t have to be in the same room with him. Shit, we’ve been following his ass forever. We can find him.”

  I needed to get my door back on the hinges. Animal was capable of getting the information we needed.

  I watched as my friend turned to leave. He spared me a quick, over the shoulder, “Stay fucking put,” before he walked out the door.

  My feet took me to the TV playing the security footage. Animal entered the room like the beast he was. No fear.

  Having him as my friend made me feel safe. Having him as my friend made me feel protected with my father in the house.

  I forced myself into my closet and grabbed a hoodie. I wasn’t hiding from him. I was a man. I was capable of this.

  I zipped it up and put my hood up. My face would be hidden inside. It took more courage than I was willing to admit to get me to my own living room.

  The last four steps took the longest. My father’s voice made my ears supersonic. The ears from my childhood. Those ears could tell how many drinks he’d had. Those ears could tell if my mother was still conscious or if he’d knocked her out. Those ears knew exactly where the floor squeaked when he was coming for me. When beating my mother wasn’t enough. When he needed to pierce me with his venom.

  My heart rate was insane. Maybe I was insane right now. Legally, emotionally insane.

  “I was told to give my message to Mercy directly. He’s supposed to look like a skeleton. And you look like a giant black dude.”

  I’d have to check my teeth after I killed my father to see if I’d cracked any with how hard I was clenching my jaw.

  I stepped into the room.

  I heard Animal sigh with my supersonic ears. I started counting cars in my head because my father was angry. He was drinking, the way he slurred his words just a little.

  “Speak of the devil.”

  My father’s voice. I was unarmed. Just me. My jeans and my hoodie.

  “Mercy.” I finally looked at his face. I knew I was hidden inside the depths of the hood, but his face was there.

  I was taller than he was now. My shoulders were broader. His face was a black hole. I could trip and fall into his gravity so easily.

  My father came at me with his hand held out. Like we would shake. Like it was an honor to meet me.

  I stared at it, not moving to touch it. How many slaps and punches had that hand delivered?

  To my mother.

  “Hey, Fenny. Just come here. No, it doesn’t hurt. Not as bad as it looks. Are you okay? Did he touch you?”

  My mom was beautiful even with two black eyes.

  “No, not last night.”

  He had. It hurt when I breathed in, but I wouldn’t tell her because it made her cry.

  I walked up to her. He was gone, for now. I let my mom put her arms around me.

  “I have something to tell you, and I think it’s going to work out, but you have to keep it a secret from your father.”

  Her hair was wet. It smelled like coconuts. She told me it made her think of tropical islands.

  “Okay.” I was ready to keep her secret. It was making her happy.

  “I’ve met someone who can help us. They’re going to work with us so that Daddy can stay here and we can live somewhere else.” She was running her hand up and down my back. I usually liked it, but he’d put his cigarette out on me last night, so it hurt. I didn’t want her to see.

  She put one hand on her stomach. “I’ve got a baby brother or sister in here for you. We’re going to have a fresh start. Just you and me and the baby and my new friend.”

  “Does your friend get mad like him?”

  Her eyes grew sad. “No, he’s nice. Likes to bring me flowers. And he’s tough. A lot tougher than Daddy. I’m getting us safe, Fenny. We just have to plan it real careful. And then we’ll be out.”

  She hugged me then, and I let her no matter how much it hurt. “Safe” was a word that wasn’t comfortable in my head. I wasn’t able to imagine what it meant.

  “I love you, my big guy.” She kissed my head.


  “I love you too, Mommy.”

  My father’s face registered the disrespect as his hand hung in the air between us. “Too good for me, Mercy?”

  Hearing the word “Mercy” on my father’s lips lit the fuse. I punched him without warning or wind up.

  I felt my knuckles crack under the pressure as his nose crumpled.

  It wouldn’t be the first time his nose had been broken in his life, but it was the first time I’d been the one to break it.

  He stumbled backwards. I flipped my hood off and jumped him. Then my fists were as merciless as he’d always been.

  Animal didn’t move to stop me. My father struggled to try to punch me back, but I was bigger, faster, and for fuck’s sake, right this second, I was meaner than him.

  Blood spurted out of him. I was connecting with bone, with soft tissue. All he could do was shout and try to block me.

  There was no stopping me. My brain was the color of red. There was just a slow alarm in my head where I would normally make plans. His blood was splashing against my white couch like a Jackson Pollock painting.

  I looked at my hands. They were clenched into fists. I wasn’t in my living room. I was still in my bedroom. Animal was on my screen, showing my father out of my front door.

  I looked around. My mind was tripping out on me. Reality was slipping on me. The memory of my mother had been dormant. I remembered it now, the hope I started to have when she made plans to escape. To leave. For months she and I had the secret.

  I watched as Animal closed the door and punched in the code for the alarm. He was in front of me. Time had jumped.

  “Baby, you don’t look so good.” He put his arm around my shoulders and forced me to sit on my bed.

  I felt failure settle over me like a shroud. My father had been in my house, and I had done nothing.

  “What did he say?” I rubbed my hands on my knees.

  “Feybi sent him here to offer you a job. Your father doesn’t know who you are, unless he has a great poker face.” Animal sat next to me. “Becca’s at her friend’s house. They have a security system. I noticed the cameras outside. You want me to get your laptop so you can hack into it?”