Love's Dance

by Karen Deen

  “Can I tell you a story, Zara?”

  I just nod, that’s all I can manage.

  “When Grant was a little boy, he didn’t talk much. He was the quiet, brooding type.” This makes me giggle. I can just picture it.

  Sophia smiles at my giggle. “Yes, yes, I know it’s hard to imagine, isn’t it? My children are all different. Luke, I couldn’t shut up or keep still, but that’s a whole different story.”

  “As Grant grew into a man, he decided he would take on the role of protector of his brothers and sisters. As parents, we look at him with pride and so much love. We know if anything were to happen to Mitch and me, he would make sure everyone is okay. Maybe not so much on an emotional level but definitely on every other level. The only problem with this is, he has locked away his emotions. He thinks he needs to be strong for everyone else. Never lose focus. That’s why he lied to me today and told me he was sick and had to leave. He wouldn’t want anyone to see him struggling.”

  “He’s not sick.” I look down at my knees, embarrassed.

  “That is where you are wrong. He is sick. Very sick. He is lovesick for you, my dear girl. What he’s doing is the same as what he does in this family. He will do whatever is needed to make us happy with little fuss and sometimes a bit of grumpiness. He’s doing that for you. He’s putting your happiness above anything he wants or needs for himself. I have never seen him do this for anyone except family. The rest of the world he’d tell to get fucked and move on. But not family. And as far as I’m concerned, you’re now part of my family. If Grant has brought you into his circle, then he is never letting you go.”

  “But that is why I have to leave. It’s not fair he has to do that. No man should have to be miserable so I can be happy. That’s just not fair. That makes me an awful bitch, pardon my French.” Sophia smiles at me like she knows something I don’t.

  “You’re right, but that’s what Stevenson men do. Like father, like son.”

  “What do you mean?”

  Sophia looks across at Mitch, eyes full of love. Their marriage looks as strong as steel and she still looks at him like he’s the reason the sun rises every single day.

  “Zara, I’m going to tell you a secret that I haven’t told any of my children. Not that I don’t want to. I haven’t needed to relive that time until now. Now is the time to share something that will help you, I hope.” She pauses again while looking at Mitch with respect and love.

  “When I first met Mitch, I was working in a coffee shop. I looked up from the cash register to take an order and I nearly passed out. The most handsome, strong, good-looking man I had ever seen was standing in line waiting to order. He was dressed in workman’s clothes and stared at his feet the whole time. He didn’t look like he fit in there. I tried to keep my nerves in check but when it came to ordering, he was the more nervous.

  “We got through the first meeting and we started going on a few dates. At the time I was training to become a singer and perform in musical theatre. I’d done a few shows in my local town but nothing major. I loved to sing and dance. That was what made me happy.

  “I had this dream as a little girl that one day I would sing on stage. Back then no one had money for lessons or to go to schools to train. So, by the time I met Mitch, I was trying to reach my dream on my own, through hard work and determination. Not long after we met, I was offered a role in the musical My Fair Lady. It was in a big city called Hazelton and was three hours from where we lived. I didn’t know what to do. My dream was finally coming true and here was this hot guy who I didn’t want to leave. I cried and agonized for a few days on my decision. I hadn’t even told him I could sing.

  “On the second day, he demanded to know what was wrong and what was upsetting me. I broke down and told him. I had to tell him everything. About my dreams, the whole lot. That was the day I knew I would marry that man.

  “He told me I was to pack my bags and head to Hazelton the next day on the train. My dream was just as important to him as it was to me. We argued for a bit and then he found a very nice way to shut me up, if you get my drift.” Sophia winks at me and smiles brightly. She’s right back there in that memory and feeling every part of it.

  “If there’s one thing I know about my Stevenson men. When they love, they love hard. I can see in your eyes, you’ve already experienced that, haven’t you?”

  There’s no point lying, she can already see it. “Yes.” My cheeks feel like they’re on fire from all the blushing. How do you admit to someone’s mother you had sex with their son? Lordy.

  “Oh, sweetie, don’t be embarrassed. I can tell you some hot stories!”

  “No, please. Let’s just leave that part of the story out.” I’m sure Grant would die if he knew what his mom’s saying.

  “Let’s just say there wasn’t much sleep that night. The next morning, Mitch dropped me to the train station before he left for work. He told me to strive for my dream and he would be here waiting for me when I was finished. I remember trying to say to him through my tears that I couldn’t ask him to do that. In that low growl I was told it wasn’t my choice. He wrote me a letter every single day, Zara. Every day without fail. He never once asked me to come home. He never asked me to stop living my dream. He told me how much he missed me. He showed me when he’d come and see me on weekends. His last words in every letter were, ‘I am patient and will wait for you, even if the wait is for eternity. When you’re ready, come home to me’. It made me cry every single time.”

  Now I’m crying. Looking across at Mitch, I now know where Grant gets it from.

  “Sophia, why have you never told the kids this? That’s the most beautiful story. Mitch is a special man.”

  “Sometimes, sweetie, things need to wait until there’s a right time for them to be revealed. If I’d told my children that story years ago, it would never have meant as much as it does now, to you. You are the person that needs it, not that rowdy bunch over there. Don’t worry, there are plenty more stories stored up for them when the time is right.”

  “That man standing over there is a domineering, hot-as-hell alpha male. Hiding underneath it all is the most amazing, soft man who loves me with every single cell in his body. I think we both know another man like that. You’re the only person to ever see that soft side. Thank God that side has finally seen the light of day. I prayed every day for you, my sweet girl. That first night at the hospital, I told him to marry you. I knew you were the one.”

  This woman sitting in front of me is amazing. I’m the woman putting her son through hell, yet she holds my hand and comforts me. I want to ask why but I think I get it. I’m Sophia thirty-odd years ago. She sees her life being playing out again and wants to give me guidance. What a special person she is.

  “Before I go, I just want to say this. Do not stop or ever give up that dream. It will kill you on the inside and kill any relationship you and Grant may have. He’s made the decision to walk away and let you grow. So, do it. Fly high and then come home to my patient boy when you’re done. He will keep the fire burning for you. Don’t ever doubt for one moment how he feels about you. More importantly, he should know how you feel about him. If he doesn’t believe you love him, then he wouldn’t be doing this. He would never wait.”

  “Go and smash that audition because I’m going to be one of the first people to buy tickets to your show and I will be sitting front row with two very cocky, hot Stevenson men. Okay?”

  The tears are no longer silent. They’re big and loud. It all comes out. Sophia pulls me in for a mom hug and I cry on her shoulder. It’s a gesture to say she knows what I’m going through and is here to help. I just have to keep focus and keep believing my life will turn out the way it’s supposed to, just like hers did.

  “What’s going on over here?” Mitch’s deep voice breaks the silence. “Geesus, woman, I leave you alone for five minutes and look what you’ve done. Do I need to punish her, Zara?”

  “No!” I try not to choke on my words.

 
“Yes!” Sophia yells at the same time.

  Fuck, I hope I can get through this. By the grace of God, if I’m with Grant, I’d hope he’d still punishing me at this age. Again, that’s a vision I don’t need.

  “Sophia, behave. Poor Zara.”

  “She’s with Grant, don’t give me poor Zara.” She winks at me. “She’ll be getting her punishment for making him wait when all this is over.”

  Mitch leans down and kisses her hard, then turns and smiles at me. “In the car now, woman. We’re leaving.”

  Sophia hugs me and whispers in my ear. “Never be afraid to push his buttons. It’s worth it, trust me, sweetie. Never stop standing up to him. Best sex ever.”

  “Fuck,” I mumble as she pulls away, laughing. I know way too much information about this couple. Part of me tries to erase my memory. But the dirty side of me is cheering them on. Married life can be long. You need to keep your love alive. There’s no doubt they are doing that. Good on them.

  I need a minute to get my thoughts under control before I re-join the party. I thought I was confused and messed up before. Now my head’s spinning crazy thoughts. Time to leave. I need to get out of here. It’s getting late, but I need to dance to soothe my soul.

  Everyone starts to make their way out. Well, all the adults with responsibility. Xavier’s ready to start partying on with a bar crawl. He’s trying to convince Lilly and Alesha to join them. I definitely need to get out of here. I’m not hanging around to babysit his sorry ass all night. It’s no fun if you’re the only one sober.

  Standing on the sidewalk in the dark, I unlock the studio door. I hear Grant in my head. ‘Lock that fucking door, Zara. So, help me, I will punish you’. I miss that arrogant ass.

  Time to cry some more now I’m alone.

  Time to focus.

  Time to dance.

  Then, time to move forward.

  24

  Grant

  Sleep has never been an issue for me. Until Zara. Every time I put my head on the pillow, it’s like a movie, with sound.

  I see her.

  I hear her.

  I taste her.

  I smell her.

  I feel her.

  Every single night.

  My morning runs are getting earlier and earlier. They are also getting longer, and I know I’m just trying to run her out of my system. Fuck, this is getting harder every day.

  Last night, I thought I was going to lose it. She was so close, I just wanted to claim her. Stop all this bullshit. Pick her up, throw her over my shoulder, and walk out.

  That would piss her right off which would be even better. Her smart mouth has my body humming.

  Today is the last day before she flies to New York. Work is going to be a bastard. Branch Street is still one of the worst projects we ever took on. Everything seems to be happening to make life hard. Normally, I wouldn’t care too much but in this very moment, I’m ready to rip off the heads of all my supervisors and builders.

  If they could just do their jobs, then I wouldn’t have to be putting out fires every damn day. I don’t have time to be short-staffed with Zach away and I don’t want to let on to the others that I’m struggling, so instead, they just have to put up with my moods. I’m worse than my usual grumpy asshole self. Luke has no problem telling me I am on a regular basis.

  “Coffee,” I growl at my assistant as I stride into my office. She jumps and runs down the hall to the lunch room.

  I have no patience for anyone today. They need to know that up front.

  My emails are already exploding on the screen when I hear the faint knock on my door.

  “Yes,” I growl, expecting it to be my coffee.

  “Grant, sorry to bother you this morning.” Zoe enters tentatively and stands in front of my desk.

  “Sit, what is it?”

  “I’ll make it quick. I need to take some leave, please. I thought tomorrow would be the perfect time with Zach away. He won’t be back for another ten days and I can be here for his first day back. I will have my phone and laptop if there’s anything urgent.” She’s talking so fast, it takes me a while to comprehend.

  “Why?”

  “Pardon?”

  “Why do you need leave?”

  “That’s none of your business. I have plenty of annual leave accrued. I just need to get away for a few days. Don’t be a jerk.”

  “Sorry, Zoe. I’m just not myself today.”

  “No shit, just today?” she mumbles.

  “I suppose that will work, but if I need you, I’ll be in contact. Email everyone to let them know what’s going on. Wherever you’re going, enjoy.” I turn back to my emails, that lets her know she’s dismissed.

  “I intend to, don’t worry.” She walks out, and the door closes with a bang behind her. Women. Why can’t they close a fucking door instead of slamming it?

  To be honest, Zoe being away means one less person here to piss me off. She’s used to working with Zach and is spending way too much time with Luke. His bad habits are rubbing off on her.

  After my coffee, I settle in to make phone calls, schedule meetings and all that needs to be done to keep the Branch Street project moving forward. My secretary has booked up the afternoon full of on-site appointments, which I’m actually thankful for. Being busy today is a bonus.

  No time to think.

  No time to do something stupid.

  Briefcase, laptop, phone in hand, I’m heading to the elevators when Luke catches up to me.

  “What do you need, Luke? I’m on my way out for meetings all afternoon.”

  “Yeah, I know. I won’t keep you long. Just letting you know, I will be away for a few days. I have a buddy on the coast who needs help in his boatyard. It’s urgent, otherwise I wouldn’t leave, but he needs me.”

  Now my head is about to explode.

  “What the fuck, Luke? We’re short with Zach away. Branch Street is taking all my time and the other projects are falling behind. We fucking need you.”

  “I know, man, I am sorry. I just have to do this. Get the girls to help. They are capable, you know. I won’t be gone for too long and Zach already said he would come in if you need him.”

  “Fuck, Luke. Fuck you. Why did you contact Zach? Leave him to be with his family. Just fucking go! Don’t worry, I will carry your sorry ass, too. It’s not like I have a life, anyway. I’m late, I need to go.”

  I push the door-close button on the elevator. As it starts to move, I punch the wall.

  For fuck’s sake!

  Am I the only one who cares about this company enough to keep it running and make money, so we can all live? I’ve given up most of my life to this business and family, and this is how they repay me? I thought they were supposed to help when it’s needed. They should know I fucking need them.

  I’m losing it and I don’t know how to stop.

  Meeting after meeting, I walk in and simply go through the motions. If there’s one thing I have learned over the years, it’s to turn off my personal life as I walk into a meeting room.

  Deals are done, problems are solved, and finally, I’m riding the elevator up to my apartment.

  Dropping my briefcase, laptop, and papers on my table, I take a minute and try to breathe.

  My head tells me one thing, but my heart tells me another. They’re at war and I don’t have the energy to be the referee.

  Fuck. I can’t do this.

  Zara

  Today has been so long. Being exhausted isn’t what I need.

  I taught my Tiny Dancers class this morning. They did manage to make me smile which hasn’t happened much over the last couple of weeks. This is the reason I still teach. The joy on their faces and their love of dancing makes it all worthwhile. They don’t want anything from me. They just want to dance. Simple.

  Then I had a visit from a woman who said her daughter was best friends with little Sophia. She was desperate to get her daughter into the same class. I had never heard Soph mention the girl’s name before. But, the w
oman insisted she knew Sophia’s uncle who’d recommended my dance school. Apparently, she was told to enroll here so they could see each other more often.

  She better be talking about Luke or I will scratch out her eyes. The way I feel today, I’m not even joking.

  I don’t have time to sort it out before tomorrow, so she will just have to wait. That is, if I want her at the studio. She was pushy and already started to throw her weight around. A high-maintenance dance mom, would be my guess. I already have enough of those who think they know more than me. That’s next week’s problem.

  Luckily, I’d packed my bag days ago including my interview dress, audition outfit and a few clothes to get me through. I don’t plan on going anywhere while I am there, so I just need clothes to travel and spend the night.

  More than anything, I just need sleep. That and to be able to relax.

  My dancing is so much better when I relax. The body is fluid and able to move with the music. Stress gives you jerky, rigid movements, which is not good. You need to be one with the music.

  This will be my last rehearsal before the audition. It’s time to nail this.

  My heart has been racing all day. Standing in the center of the studio facing the mirrors, I wonder how I got here. Stop thinking, Zara! Just dance.

  The more I move, the more rigid I feel. I can’t relax enough to really let go. Time after time, I stop the music and start again, only to become more frustrated.

  So much tension. My body aches. I can’t do this tomorrow. I’ll fail before I even begin.

  “Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck you. Fuck you, Grant! I pushed the man I love away, all to live this dream and now I won’t even reach it.

  “You, idiot. You’ve lost them both.”

  The tears run as I start to slide to the floor and curl into the fetal position.

  The hairs on body start to tingle. I know before he’s even touched me that Grant is here.

  My body knows.

  My heart knows, but most of all my soul feels him touching it from afar.

  Strong arms pick me up, cradle, and stroke.