Phoenix Rising Rock Band: The Series

by Kathryn C. Kelly

We stare at each other a moment, searching for something we both need. Something we both lack. Perhaps, if we can figure exactly what we are searching for, we won’t be stuck in the same place.

  “Do you agree with my conditions?” I whisper.

  “No.”

  “Okay.” What else is there for me to say?

  He drops his hand and rests his head against the seat, then rubs his eyes. “I have no fucking clue why I think I need to explain shit to you.”

  In that, we mirror each other. I keep my mouth shut.

  “I’ve mentioned Dietrech to you before.”

  “Your ex-wife,” I confirm, to show that I remember. That his words matter.

  Besides, it was because of my opinion of her that he threw me out.

  He nods. “I never want to go through that again, Raine. She tore me apart. I expected no less from Sloane. But her? She allowed him to seduce her. Allowed him to destroy our relationship. I gave her everything. I hate her so fucking much. Now, she’s moved on with another man. Married with a kid. Sloane’s happily married. None of them fucking care that they destroyed my life.”

  “Are you fucking hearing yourself?” I ask, incredulous. This isn’t my Kiln. Someone has to snap him out of this. I have no doubt that his ex crushed him. Still…. “You’re throwing the biggest pity-party ever. I didn’t know you were such a fucking pussy. You’re making her out to be an angel. Poor little Dietrech allowed the big bad rockstar to seduce her. What a load of crocodile shit. She was the married one. She was responsible for spurning the attentions of other men and respecting her vows. Get over it. It’s time.”

  “Really? Get over it? It fucking eats away at me.”

  “No shit.”

  “Remind me never to open up to you again.” He hurries out of the car, slamming the door with such force the entire vehicle shakes.

  “Shit.” I get out and run behind Kiln. “Hey!” He’s at the entrance and shoving keys into the door. “Wait.”

  Of course, he doesn’t. He stalks into the house. When I make it inside, I close the door and secure the locks. He’s halfway down the hallway already.

  “Kiln!”

  He doesn’t stop.

  “I’m sorry.”

  Instead of responding to me, I hear him greeting someone. As I draw closer, I recognize the voice. When I walk into the den, I wave at Jaeger.

  He frowns and eyes me from head to toe. I’m in a bra and panties, dirty and bruised. Meanwhile, he’s immaculate in suit and tie, his ginger hair thick and neat.

  “I’m going to bed,” Kiln announces to Jaeger, his back to me. “It’s been a long fucking day.”

  He brushes past me without sparing a glance.

  “Wait, Kiln. Please. I’m sorry,” I rush out. It works. He stops. “I could’ve said what I did a little gentler, but think about it. The only person the bitterness is eating away at is you. Everybody else…it’s not important. Your wife was so, so wrong to do what she did, but you’ll do more damage to yourself if you don’t let it go. It’s poisoning the good in you.”

  He faces me and his eyes blaze with anger. His face is so red, I think it’ll go up in flames.

  “You’re supposed to be on my side. I’ve just rescued you from a fucking dumpster,” he sneers.

  “You find delicacies in dumpsters,” I tell him, keeping my face straight. If he wasn’t so predictable and lashed out every time I hit a nerve or he doesn’t have his way, I might take issue. “However, dude, I am on your side. If you don’t see that, you’re not only a dickhead, but stupid.”

  He growls.

  “Can you make any other sounds? Your growling is really getting old.”

  “If I’m ever stupid enough to trust you with my deepest thoughts again, I don’t care to hear your bedside psychology.”

  “My words were callous,” I say with a sigh. “It is just so fucking frustrating what you’re allowing her to do to you. You’re better than that. You’re bigger than that. The man I know is brash and badass.” I see the pain in his eyes and now I understand why his personality flips on a dime. “You have such moments of kindness with me. Tenderness. Sweetness. Then you realize what you’re doing and your full asshole comes out.”

  His entire expression goes blank and I know he is shutting his emotions down. Shutting me out. Too late, I recognize how broken he is. I regret calling him a pussy. He is having a pity-party, but he needs gentleness and understanding. He needs to know that he’s valuable. Not for his cock or his money. He’s valuable simply because he’s him.

  I won’t reach him right now, though, and I’m too exhausted to continue to try.

  “Can you show me to my couch?”

  “Your couch?” he echoes.

  “Remember? The couch I’m going to sleep on.”

  “Sorry, doll. Jaeger sleeps on the couch when he comes this late. We have business to discuss early in the morning.”

  “There’s more than one couch in this house, Kiln,” Jaeger says with disapproval.

  Kiln gives us a stony look before staring at me. His eyes are so cold. “Follow me, Raine.”

  He spins on his heel.

  “Nice seeing you again, Jaeger,” I call over my shoulder, racing to catch up to Kiln and not waiting for Jaeger to respond.

  Kiln has long legs, which keeps me a few steps behind him. He doesn’t stop until we’re in his quarters. Instead of going to the bedroom, he guides me to his sitting room. It’s a masculine room with shades of blue. There’s a couch, coffee table, two chairs, and a huge television on the wall.

  “There’s your couch,” he grumbles.

  “Do you have any blankets?”

  He grunts a response, then walks away. When he returns a few minutes later, he’s carrying two blankets, a pillow, and the nightgown I took from upstairs.

  “I’m going to bed. You’re welcomed to take a shower or soak in a hot bath. Just do it quietly.”

  I grab the things from him. “Thank you.”

  He starts to walk off, then turns to me. “I want an answer now, so let me remind you. I’m here only another two months, then I’m leaving. Will you or won’t you stay with me?”

  “You said you won’t accept the no sex part.”

  “I will on one condition.”

  “Which is?”

  “You leave yourself open to fucking me.”

  That isn’t a problem. If he’s being respectful of my request, I can be fair about his needs. “Done,” I say softly.

  He turns without responding and disappears into his bedroom.

  After spreading one of the blankets out on the couch and fluffing up the pillow, I have every intention of utilizing the bathroom. One whiff of myself isn’t pleasant. However, the couch looks so inviting. Yawning, I wrap the second blanket around myself and drop onto the sofa.

  The moment I shut my eyes, I’m out.

  I stay awake, anticipating the moment Raine sashays through my room, toward the bathroom. But she doesn’t, and I wonder what she’s doing. The wench thrives on tormenting me, so why isn’t she in my bathroom banging on the walls to piss me off?

  Curiosity kills me, and I get out of bed, cursing under my breath. Clenching my jaw, I school my features into nonchalance. She’s such a smart-ass. When she sees me, she will, undoubtedly, offer a comment that will both amuse me and annoy the living fuck out of me.

  Walking into my sitting room, I don’t see her immediately. It isn’t until I head for the door that I notice her sprawled out on the couch, wrapped in one of the blankets. Her thick mass of curls is fanned out on the pillow. Slumbering, she looks sweet and innocent, even with her bruised and swollen face.

  I have a few fuckheads to confront. By the time I’m through, they’ll know never to fuck with her again.

  As quietly as possible, I crouch beside her, containing my fury because the perfection of her face is marred.

  The tenderness welling inside me isn’t something I’m familiar with. Or I haven’t been in years. Despite my wish to deny ho
w much I want to protect her, how little I want to care about her, it’s there, burrowing into me.

  Sloane’s obsession with Georgiana comes to mind. From the night he met her, he thought about her. At the time, I didn’t know what an impression she’d made on him. Since then, however, he’s shared with me and the guys that, although he never expected to see her again, he couldn’t get her out of his head after their encounter at a band party. Once he saw her again, he was lost.

  She almost ruined him, and he was willing to give up everything for her.

  Then, I didn’t understand it. I couldn’t see how any woman coming into my life would matter to me so much that I’d lose sleep over her, cancel part of a tour, go to fucking jail.

  Now, it’s clear to me, like a blind man gaining his sight and viewing his surroundings for the first time. I don’t love Raine. But I like her, and I want her. I want to protect her and keep her safe. The life she leads is unacceptable to me, and I have the power to make it better.

  She adjusts her position. My hands ball into fists as I resist the need to touch her.

  I’ve been such a fucking jerk to her. I’m almost ashamed of my behavior. Almost. I am who I am, however. The most I can do is treat her better going forward. Or try to.

  As long as she doesn’t piss me off and try to make a fool out of me.

  Getting to my feet, I sigh and start for my room, then halt.

  She doesn’t want sex with me. Another bout of clarity hits me. She was showing her vulnerable side to me. Asshole that I am, I didn’t recognize it. My cock won’t shrivel and die of neglect if I wait a few days to get Raine back into bed.

  Besides, what she really needs is for me to be her friend. I don’t have to treat her like a real lady. That’s why I like her so much. I don’t have to romance her. Romance is for pussies, but my goal is to get Raine back into bed.

  I can do what I do best—offer my protection. In her case, it won’t only be physical protection. I’ll be her…safety net. That’s it. It’ll be a win-win for both of us.

  Turning toward her, I backtrack and stare at her again. She’s curled up now. A frown crosses my face. I wonder if that couch is all that comfortable. It’s better than the sleeping bag, which in turn, was a hundred times better than outside in the elements…however…

  Allowing my thoughts to trail off, I scoop her into my arms, blankets and all. She doesn’t stir, but the pillow under her head plops to the floor.

  When I lay her on my bed and cover her with my down-filled comforter, she snuggles in and releases a little snore.

  I grin, then head for the linen closet on the other side of the house to get a couple blankets. I go to the den and see Jaeger knocked out in one of the chairs, a sheaf of papers laying on his chest.

  After doing my normal routine of going to the room with all the monitors and checking to make sure everything’s secure, I return to my suite.

  I want to join Raine in bed, but her mind needs a rest. She’s been terribly beaten and she still thinks her ass wad of a brother is dead.

  On a night filled with revelations, another one hits me square in the gut. Respect. I respect Raine. She doesn’t hide behind excuses and she doesn’t shy away from who she is.

  Respect. Raine has my respect. It’s as shocking as it is telling.

  Respect from me is hard won. Somehow, though, Raine earned it, and she did it simply by being herself.

  Chapter Seventeen

  It’s close to two o’clock and there’s still no sign of Kiln. I’ve been in the house, alone, for hours. In that time, I’ve showered, washed my hair, braided it, dusted and mopped the rooms I could get into on the first floor, and found food to thaw for dinner.

  One reason I’m staying busy is so I won’t think of my problems or my brother. I also don’t want to remember the feeling of awakening to the softness beneath my head and body and discovering Kiln put me in his bed. I don’t want to read too much into it. He’s playing psychological warfare with me to get me back into bed.

  Also, I haven’t had much free time in years. Leisurely idling my day away is a foreign concept. I’m either whoring, stealing, breaking and entering, trash talking, or dumpster diving. When Montana and I had our apartment, I was the one who kept it clean, did the laundry, and cooked our meals.

  Yet, here I am. Without anything to do. Standing in the middle of the kitchen, lost.

  Down the hall, the sound of the front door opening catches my attention and relief swarms me. Kiln’s back. Ignoring my throbbing face, I rake my fingers through my hair and paste a smile on my lips. They’re split and painful, yet I hold my happy expression. I’m determined to show Kiln how appreciative I am of his kindness in putting me in his bed.

  Except it isn’t Kiln. It’s Jaeger, carrying a briefcase and just as buttoned up and suited up as always. He pauses when he sees me. After giving me the once over, he sets his briefcase on the chair closest to him and offers me a smile.

  “Hello, Raine.”

  “Jaeger.”

  He stares at me as if he’s waiting for something. Since I have no clue what that might be, I straighten and stiffen my shoulders. I’m in a pair of jeans and motorcycle boots, in no way resembling the naked and/or half-dressed girl he’s become accustomed to.

  He looks at my face and frowns. “Are you all right?”

  “I just ran into the fists of a couple of assholes. No biggie. Next time I’ll take better care to watch where I’m going.”

  His lips tip up into a half-smile. “Let’s hope there isn’t a next time.”

  “Tell me about it, dude.”

  Silence again. He closes the distance between us and stops right in front of me.

  “You’re pretty banged up.”

  Duh. Tell me something new. Besides, didn’t we just go over this? “Yup.”

  He waits. Since I’m fucking clueless, I fold my arms and tap my foot. Without warning, he raises his hand to my face and touches one of my black eyes.

  Always wary, I knock his hand away. “Pussy is closed. Not open for business, thank you very much, asshole.”

  Red creeps into his face and he backs away. “I just wanted to see how bad your injuries are,” he explains. “I’m not trying to fuck you.”

  “If that’s the case, ask me before you touch me. You can’t just feel me up at your whims.”

  He sighs. “You’re going to be more of a handful than Georgie.”

  “Since you don’t have to deal with me, or her since you aren’t her husband, what we are isn’t your concern.”

  He squints his eyes at me. “I mean you no harm.”

  “Said the Big Bad Wolf to Little Red Riding Hood before he fucked up her grandmother. What do you want?”

  “To call a doctor I know and have him come check you out. I want you to rest. I’m not the asshole here. Kiln is. You’re going to need all your strength to handle him.”

  “Kiln put me in his bed last night and slept on the sofa.” To me, that says a lot.

  Surprise crosses Jaeger’s features. I know the feeling. Only time will tell the meaning behind the gesture.

  “You’re safe here. No one will force you to do anything you don’t want to do.”

  Those words are music to my ears. As much as I prefer not to admit how uneasy I am, Jaeger’s reassurances allow me to let down my guard slightly. I’ve done it before, haven’t I? With Sean and Gloria.

  Look how that turned out. Besides, something about when Gloria talked about me fucking Sean, doesn’t sit right with me in the cold light of day. Everything I’ve heard from her and on the streets, is that she’s fiercely jealous of Sean fucking his whores. A rumor even circulated that she killed Nessa.

  Here, in this mansion, with someone telling me I’m not in peril every minute of every hour, I see the mistake I would’ve made had I went under the umbrella of his “protection”.

  “Are you hungry?” Jaeger asks into the silence, going to the refrigerator and opening it.

  “There’s not a l
ot to eat.”

  He swivels in my direction. “What do you like to eat?”

  I shrug. “Whatever I find in the dumpster.”

  Disgust and horror screw up his features and he thrusts a hand through his red hair. “I’m sorry.”

  The apology confuses me. “It isn’t your fault. There’s nothing for you to be sorry about. You’re not the reason I have to eat out of a dumpster.”

  “You had to.”

  “Excuse me?”

  “You had to, as in past tense. You won’t have to do it again. Ever.”

  “That’s a nice thought, but I doubt that’s the case.” I don’t trust Kiln not to turn on me again. If that happens, I’m back on the street again. With Sean and his goons hunting me. “I want to leave town. If you put me on a bus to anywhere, I’ll be out of your and Kiln’s hair.” Kiln’s bald head comes to mind and I grin. “Well, your hair.”

  A genuine, full-on smile lights up his face. If he wasn’t so serious all the time, he’d be as handsome as his brother. His somber demeanor takes away from his good looks and outstanding red hair.

  “First of all, I wouldn’t put anyone on a bus.”

  He sounds insulted.

  “Sloane has acquired Dad’s personal jet.” He glances away, a muscle ticking in his jaw. Something about that upsets him. Jealousy, probably. Heaving his shoulders, he looks at me again. “When Sloane get home, the shit’s hitting the fan and I’m not looking forward to that.”

  Gossip, I like. Gossip, I can deal with. Even if he’s using this to deter me from my request to send me away. That won’t happen. I’ll listen to him. Then, he has to listen to me. Therefore, I take his bait. “Why would shit hit the fan? Won’t he be happy to have a jet?”

  “Sloane has a jet. Technically, it’s the bands jet, but he put the most money into it.”

  “That isn’t fair.”

  “He wanted the private jet,” he argues. “The guys were happy with a tour bus.”

  “Then, they should’ve kept their fucking tour bus and let him buy his own plane. That would’ve been fair.”

  “No,” he says with adamancy. “If that was the case, he wouldn’t have allowed me or Kiln to have use of it. As long as it was band related, it was at our disposal.”