by Simon Archer
“Thank you very much, master,” I replied, far more pleased than I thought I’d be. After all, I knew master appreciated everything I did for him, but it was still nice to hear him say as much.
“Well, let me know if anything else comes up. We’re trying to work out the trade agreements with the other neighboring clans.”
As his presence vanished from my mind, Gobta turned toward me and smiled from atop his giant Sharktopus.
“How about you let me lead?” Gobta asked, but it didn’t seem like he was actually asking because he took off ahead of me. Worse, instead of taking time to avoid predators and the like as he had been before, he just swam straight at them.
That was both good and bad. It was good because we were making much quicker progress, but bad because it was difficult to keep up with him. That said, it wasn’t long before the ocean felt strangely empty of predators, and I soon realized why. The Sharktopus was considered an alpha predator, and this was likely its territory, and the other creatures likely knew to stay away.
“Well, that was much faster,” Gobta said as we neared the entrance to the mine. He patted the Sharktopus lovingly.
“It was all thanks to your creature,” I admitted because I could admit when someone had done something helpful. I wasn’t a monster, after all.
“He has a name,” Gobta said as he came to a stop beside the mouth of a large cave.
“He does?”
“Of course,” the Hobgoblin King roared. “I have named him Zearing, after the great tornado priest of yore.” He laughed. “They say he would ride a shark into battle while conjuring great tornados from the sea.”
“I think that would be a hurricane,” I replied as I sent a pair of King Fishers into the cave to better inspect the entrance. It didn’t seem dangerous, but I didn’t feel like getting eaten by a subterranean sea worm either. “And is this another one of the Amorphie priests? Because they all seem made up to me.”
“He was!” Gobta dismounted Zearing the Sharktopus and then set the creature to guard the entrance. “They had so many great priests. It makes me sad that Hudson is so pitiful.”
“I suspect the stories of the priest who could suck the breath from the lungs of his enemies would be terrible indeed.” I smiled at him. With no condescension whatsoever, I might add.
“That is an excellent point, Ant Queen,” Gobta replied, clearly chewing on my answer, and I could almost see understanding dawn on him. “Perhaps he is less worthless than I originally surmised.”
“Yes, that’s the lesson you should take from my words,” I agreed with an eye roll before focusing on the pair of King Fishers because they had found something interesting. “Come, I want to look at something.”
Without waiting for the Hobgoblin King to obey, I dismounted my own King Fisher and made my way toward the pair I’d sent inside. It pleased me that Gobta followed me.
“What in the nine Black Hells is that?” Gobta said when he saw what the King Fishers had pointed out.
“That appears to be a door,” I said as I eyed the massive steel structure embedded several meters into the cave. It was covered in all manner of symbols that I couldn’t discern, but that reminded me of the ones I’d seen in Zorak. The strange thing about it though wasn’t so much that it was there, but that it was made of steel because the Amorphie didn’t have steel. So how did it get here?
“And a bunch of shiny rocks.” Gobta pointed at the outcropping of polished pink crystals that reminded me of the ones that were in the transport array in the Hall of Research. “What do you suppose this is?”
“I am not sure,” I replied as the Hobgoblin King moved closer to the door.
“The air is warmer as I get closer.” He looked over at me. “I think we should contact Garrett.”
“That is the wisest thing you have ever said, Hobgoblin,” I replied happily before pinging master on the link. “Master, do you have a moment to help us?”
“Yeah, Queenie, what’s up?” The feeling of his words in my mind was strangely calming. It was strange because I hadn’t realized how apprehensive I’d felt until then. After all, this was just a strange door.
“We found something weird, Master and seek your guidance because within the cave is a giant metal door covered in Amorphie text,” I said before fixing my gaze on the strange pink stones. “There are also some crystals similar to the ones in the Hall of Research.”
I felt his vision connect with mine then, and oddly enough, I felt his strange intake of breath.
“Queenie, listen to me very carefully.” He paused as though he expected that I might have something to say to that which was crazy because I lived to listen to my master’s words. “You’ve found the entrance to a dungeon. Those crystals will act as a summoning hub.”
34
“Hey, Jane,” I said to the beautiful slime girl in the hologram. “Fancy finding you here.”
“Haha,” Jane replied before tucking a strand of slime hair behind her slime ear. “What do you need?” She leaned in, displaying her impressive cleavage. “Decided to join our guild?”
“I’ll be honest, I’m still exploring other options at this time, but I have something even better.” I grinned. “We found an honest-to-God dungeon.”
“You did?” Jane’s eyes went wide, and she swallowed hard. “Like with summoning crystals and everything?”
“Yep.” I nodded, and I could practically see the slime girl salivate. “Want in?”
“That depends,” she said, trying to hide her excitement. “What do I need to do? What would the split be? What grade is it?” She tapped her cheek as she thought.
“Well,” I said as I pondered her questions, “I need an Underwater Breathing Pill. So, give me some of those, as well as provide some for everyone else who you bring, as well as some Return Stones so we can set some waypoints at the town here.” I paused for emphasis. “And give us a mining expert, on your dime, to help the Amorphie get their situation in order, and pick up the costs for Ishmael. Do those things, and I’ll give you guys a ten percent stake.”
“I notice that you have not told me what grade it is,” she said with a sigh. “It may be too strong for us to take on.” She waved a hand. “Your other terms are acceptable.”
“It can’t possibly be that strong,” I said with a shrug. “This world is approximately my level.”
“You’re, what, level fifty?” Jane looked at me for a long while. “Are there still monsters that appear red to you?”
“Well, yeah,” I said sheepishly. “And yes, I know the dungeon will be a bit stronger than that, but still… if we have a good team, we should be okay.”
“Pfft,” Jane said with a sigh. “Raise my stake to fifteen percent, and I’ll provide Resurrection Deeds.”
“Done,” I said with a nod. Having those would make it so that if any of us died, we could be respawned at the same level and whatnot we’d been when we’d entered the dungeon. Sure, we’d lose all our gear, but we wouldn’t be dead, and since this was real life and not just a fantasy…
“You agreed quicker than I’d have liked.” Jane sighed. “You’d have gone to twenty percent, huh?”
“Twenty-five actually,” I said with a laugh. “When can I expect you?”
“Give me an hour or two. I’ll bring some people.” Then she unceremoniously cut the connection.
“That seems to have gone well,” Elephelie said from her spot on the reed hammock she’d been occupying. We were in the personal chambers Hudson had gifted her within Zorak. “What would you like the Amorphie to do?”
“Yeah, about that.” I looked around the room. “Do you have any actual warriors? Like, strong ones?” I sighed. “Jane was right. That dungeon will be tough, and while I’m fine doing it myself, we’ll likely need at least one Amorphie to open the dungeon since it’s your planet.”
“I am not sure it will be good for either of us to come,” Zemia said as she looked dubiously at her sister. “Neither of us are very high level nor very e
xperienced with combat.”
“Well, do you guys have anyone like the Heart Puller or the Tornado guy…?” I let my words hang in the air. “We could go get them. Even if it took a bit, it’d be worth spending the time to get a strong ally…”
“Those are legend--”
Her words were cut off by a loud horn blast. It reminded me of the sound that came from those giant horns blown on mountains that immediately preceded yodeling.
“Oh no,” Elephelie mumbled as I turned toward the sound. My eyes widened in shock because what I was staring at had to be the Amorphie equivalent of ice Vikings.
“How the hell did they turn an iceberg into a ship?” I asked as I stared out the window at the giant hollowed-out iceberg that was completely and utterly filled with the biggest, burliest Amorphie I had ever seen. And unlike most of the Amorphie I had seen, these wore the skins, fur, and chitin of animals and carried bone weapons.
“That’s Barnabas the Ice King,” Elephelie said, and from the tremor in her voice, I could tell she was scared. No, not just scared, but terrified. “He rules the frozen planes of Antoract in the Northern reaches of Amorphie. It is said he can mold ice as though it was soft reeds.”
From what I saw, I believed it because try as I might, I couldn’t quite figure out how the iceberg was moving, nor why it hadn’t melted. If what she said was true, Barnabas had to be quite powerful indeed because I was going to bet he was using his magic not only to keep the iceberg from melting but to move it through the sea. Even if he wasn’t whatever he was doing was damn impressive.
“Should I be scared?” I asked as I left the chambers and headed outside for a better look. As soon as I did, another horn blast rippled from the iceberg, and more Amorphie started to gather in droves. That’s when I heard the whispers and saw the looks. They were all scared.
“Yes,” Zemia said as she came over to me and clutched my arm. “Especially without Queenie and Gobta here.”
Hudson nodded. “Barnabas is the strongest of us all. If he wishes to fight us, there will be little we can do to stop him.” He touched his chest. “Even if I could suck the breath from his lungs, he might very well kill me before he dies.”
“Well, you’re undead so that will be quite a bit harder to do,” I said with a shrug as they got closer and closer. “But I understand the point.”
“You’re right though,” Hudson said as though the idea had just occurred to him. “As long as I’m not beheaded or whatever, my king can return me to life.” He smiled. “I’m basically invincible.”
“Not quite--”
“Invincible,” Hudson repeated with that same sense of awe.
“So,” I said, turning back to Zemia and Elephelie, “what should we do? Right now Queenie and Gobta are at a standstill until we go down there, and I can’t exactly recall them because at least two people have to be present to activate the summoning crystals.”
“We should see what he wants.” Zemia looked at her sister, and when Elephelie nodded, she continued, “Barnabas is actually quite intelligent. He may be tough and live in the harshest of lands, but he likely has a good reason for coming here.” She swallowed. “Hopefully, that reason is not to slaughter us all.”
“I won’t let that happen,” I said as I mentally counted how many summons I could bring to bear. Given what Queenie and Gobta currently had with them, I probably had about twenty or so I could spare, and if need be, I would recall them both as well. We would just manually make the trip down again.
“You and me both, Garrett,” Jodie said as she came over and threw an arm around my shoulder. Then she pulled what looked like a cigar from her lips and belched loudly. “I’ll give ‘em the ol’ one-two.” She slashed pathetically at the air.
“Are you drunk?” I asked the catgirl, and the glassy-eyed smile she gave me let me know that she was, in fact, toasted.
“She got into my secret stash,” Hudson confirmed. “At first it was all fun and games, but then she tried to eat me.”
“C’mere, fishy fishy man,” Jodie said as she eyed the zombie and licked her lips. “I love aged meat.”
“Jodie, no eating Hudson,” I said as I scrubbed my face because I’d never expected to utter those words. “Do we have any defenses?”
“You mean besides the ocean full of sea monsters?” Jodie snorted as the iceberg finally docked against the sea trees. “No. Not as such. I could buy some gunpowder though and make a big boom.” She threw her hands apart. “Boom!”
I must have had a weird look on my face because she got all up in my grill then.
“What?” she cried as another horn blast ripped across the horizon. “You don’t like explooooosions?” Yes, she drew out the word.
“I, for one, love explosions,” I said as I grabbed her by the shoulders and turned her so she could see the Ice Amorphie starting to clamber up the sea trees like howler monkeys. That’s when I realized they meant to use the elevators. “But do you think you could rig up explosions before they get here?”
“I could if I had some cosmic radiation,” she offered sullenly. Then she tripped over her own feet and collapsed onto her ass. “Do you have some cosmic radiation?” She hiccuped.
“No.” I shook my head as I preemptively pulled The Sword of the Destroyer King from my inventory. I might not need it, but having a kick-ass weapon in hand always made me feel better.
“S’not fair. I want cosmic radiation,” Jodie pouted unhelpfully as an Amorphie much larger than the others wearing a cape made of black leather and sporting pauldrons covered in tusks stepped out of the iceberg’s interior. Without delay, he began to make his way toward the elevator that his people had lowered for him. Truthfully, I’d have been more worried about all of this, but… they were all unarmed, or at least they appeared to be. Then again, Amorphie had magic, so maybe they didn’t feel the need for weapons.
“That’s him,” Hudson whispered, and despite his newfound invincibility, he seemed as terrified as Elephelie had been earlier. “Barnabas.”
“Lemme take ‘em,” Jodie mewled. “Stupid fish guy. I’ll eat ‘em all up and spit out the bones. Ptooie!” Then she spat on the ground in front of her. It was very attractive.
“Down, tiger,” I said with a laugh as I casually put my sword against my shoulder and made my way to meet Barnabas. “You guys wait here.” I glanced back at them. “Don’t do anything stupid either.”
“It would be better if we accompanied you, Garrett,” Elephelie said despite the fear in her voice. “We are the leaders, after all.”
“And I am nothing if not your sanctioned herald,” I said with a flourish and a bow. Then before they could tell me I was crazy to confront an army of darkness all by myself, I hustled outside and headed toward the Ice Amorphie, who, to their credit, watched me curiously, if not a bit cautiously. All except Barnabas. He stood there large, in charge, and if anything, a bit pleased.
“I am glad you have come, Garrett Andrews.” He paused to let the fact that he knew my name sink in. “I worried that I’d have to drag you out of this hovel kicking and screaming.” He gave me a shark-toothed grin. “By coming to meet me, you have shown that you are a man of culture as well as strength.”
“Well, I couldn’t just let you mess up Zorak, now could I?” I offered as I closed the distance between us. While the other Amorphie around him bristled, Barnabas simply seemed amused. “After all, some of my favorite people live there.”
“Ah yes, the princesses are quite beautiful.” He nodded knowingly before shaking his head. “But do not worry, I am not interested in fathering more children.” He scowled. “I have many already, and each one is more work than the last. Honestly, I should have stopped at one.” He met my eyes. “Stop at one.”
“Um… will do.” I scratched the back of my neck. “So, why have you come here, Lord Barnabas of the Ice People?”
“What, you do not think it sufficient for me to travel across the whole of our world while braving countless sea monsters on a melting
chunk of ice to give you dating advice?” He waited… then waited more.
“Not really,” I offered once the seconds of silence had stretched into minutes. “So, I’d love to know the real reason.”
“Well, it’s simple.” He pointed past me toward where the Amorphie guarding Zorak stood with their ten-for-a-copper spears on their shoulders. “I want your technology.” He patted his side, where a bone axe hung. “It is obviously superior to what we wield in Antoract, and since we are the planet’s finest warriors, we have come in good faith to make a trade.”
“Whoa, now,” I said as I processed that. “Okay, firstly, I think we can definitely work out a trade, but how the fuck did you know about any of this?”
“It is easy enough.” He shrugged. “I have spies.”
“Oh.”
“And, once I saw what you were bringing to Zorak, I thought to myself, what would a wise king do? Well, he would ally with a man such as you to bring greater things to his people. After all, there are too few Amorphie as it is and too many monsters.” He paused, and his face darkened. “That said, do not think I will take no for an answer. I come in good faith, but either way, I will have what I want. Even with superior technology, we will win.” He nodded at me. “But I do not think it will come to that, now will it, Garrett Andrews?”
“I don’t see why we can’t work something out.” I smirked. “Because here’s the thing, Barnabas. There’s a giant dungeon below the water, and while I’m not sure what the hell lives in it, whatever it is will be very powerful. Help me kill it, and I’ll make sure you get an equal share of all trade we do.”
“Your agreement is acceptable, assuming, of course, you give us access to your superior weapons.”
“Done,” I said and reached out to shake his hand.
“Then we will show you the strength of Antoract,” he replied as he took my hand and shook it. “When do we leave?”
35
