Heart of Valor

by Adriana Peck

  I sigh, getting out of the car as I walk over to the mailbox and pull out a pen. I scratch a note on the envelope before putting it in the Knoxley’s mailbox, and with my task now finished I start to get back in my car.

  The intercom clicks on with a staticky whine, and I feel my stomach doing a back-flip when I hear the familiar voice of my former boss questioning me.

  “Nancy? What are you doing here this late?”

  I guess the intercom system comes mounted with a camera. I turn around, sheepishly facing the gate as I try to come up with an explanation for Nora.

  “Nora, I—I…” the words are hard to string together, I’m finding it difficult to put a cohesive thought into words. I’m exhausted after today, I never expected anyone to pop out and ask me to explain what I’m doing.

  Nora sighs, crackling through the speaker.

  “Just come in,” she says.

  There’s a pause, and I freeze in place when I hear the massive gate click. A second later it begins to slide back, whirring mechanically as the intercom shuts off.

  I guess I’m going in, then.

  I take the letter out of the mailbox, holding it tight in my hand as I get back in my car and drive the long way up the Knoxley’s driveway.

  ◆◆◆

  Nora’s waiting for me at the front door when I pull up. She’s got a pink bathrobe on, a steaming mug in her hand. Perfectly trimmed vine-covered columns surround her at the doorway, a garden full of exotic and beautiful extending out beyond the front porch. I knew Nora lived lavishly, but I never pictured her to live in a freaking castle of all places.

  I park in front of her, nervous as all hell. With shaky hands I unfasten my seat belt, getting out of my car with the letter from her husband in my hand.

  “What’s that?” Nora asks me, taking a drink from her steaming mug as she nods at the letter in my hand.

  “From your husband. Well-wishes for me and Jake. I wanted to return it to him, unopened.”

  Nora snorts.

  “So, things didn’t work out between you two. Color me surprised.”

  I can hear the sarcasm dripping from her voice as she takes another sip. I don’t have time for this, I don’t really know what I’m doing here in the first place. I’ve got half a mind to turn around and leave without another word, but I still have a job to finish.

  “Nora, can you just give this to Nigel for me? I’ll be on my way, I didn’t mean to disturb you—”

  “Of course I can give it to Nigel,” she says, waving a hand dismissively. “There’s no bad blood between us, Nancy. In fact, I have respect for you. A lot, in fact.”

  My eyes widen. “Really?”

  She nods, taking another drink from the mug. “Really.”

  I don’t know what to say to that, so I just shrug. “Well, alright. Thanks, Nora.”

  “Do you want to know why I respect you, Nancy?”

  I nod, still standing by my car as Nora stands out there on her porch.

  “Because you—hang on. It’s cold out here. What am I doing?” she peers back behind her, turns to face me again. “You want to come inside? Nigel’s staying late at the factory, be rude of me to talk down at you like this from the porch. Least we can do is sit at a table as equals. Come on in, Nancy. I promise I don’t bite like I used to.”

  Nora turns around, heading inside through the massive front door.

  I shrug to myself, closing my car door as I follow after her.

  I feel like an ant in a mausoleum as Nora leads me through the foyer of her mansion. There’s a lobby, like an actual lobby with chairs and couches. She leads me past a massive living room with the biggest TV I’ve ever seen in my life, past a dining room with polished golden-brass plates at each spot. Nora leads me into a kitchen, where I have to stop myself from gasping at the luxury. The fridge here is as big as my car, a walk-in pantry next to it that’s as big as my bedroom. Nora takes a seat at the counter, an island with enough counter space to film a cooking show, and I plop down next to her after she pats the chair for me to sit.

  “So, what do you think?” Nora asks me, gesturing around with her mug.

  “I—I’m speechless, Nora. This is a really nice place.”

  Nora snorts again. “You’re being nice,” she says. “Anyways. The letter from my husband. You opened it up before returning it?”

  I shake my head, doing my best to keep my eyes from wandering around. “No, ma’am. It’s still sealed shut.”

  “Why don’t we open it. Together?”

  I shrug, looking at the letter in my hands. “You think Nigel would care?”

  Nora laughs. “Honey, he doesn’t give a shit. Just you watch.”

  Nora takes the letter from me, thumbing it open at the seal with ease. She pulls out a sheet of paper, folded tightly in thirds as she tosses the envelope to the floor.

  “Don’t worry about that,” she says as I motion to pick up her trash. “Someone’ll be by in the morning to clean that up.”

  Nora unfolds the letter and a rectangular sheet of paper flutters out, spinning wildly as it falls slowly to the countertop. She puts the letter aside for a moment, picking up the rectangle as she reads the text printed on it.

  “Oh, honey,” Nora says longingly. “Oh, Nancy, you sweet, sweet girl.”

  “What? What is it?”

  Nora turns the paper around, shows it to me.

  It’s a check. Signed and dated by Nigel Knoxley himself.

  But the line where he should have written the amount is blank.

  I take the check from Nora, turning it over in my hands. “He must have forgotten to—”

  “To what? Put in the amount?” Nora cackles.

  It takes me a second, but then I understand.

  “He sent us a…blank check?” I ask, my voice growing shaky.

  Nora shrugs, picks up the bigger tri-folded paper as she starts reading it over. She nods a few times, shrugging as she hands the paper over to me.

  It’s a letter. Handwritten, signed by Nigel.

  “Read it,” Nora says. “Probably would’ve explained a few things.”

  I pour over his letter carefully, my heart racing at the thought of having opened a letter to find a blank check from the richest man in town.

  Nancy and Jacob,

  Let me be the first to congratulate you on your engagement. I’d heard about the registry in the paper, but let’s be frank. Times are tough. Money is power, and I know you two are going to need quite a lot of it before you’re able to start a real life together.

  So let me provide that.

  I like to send this out to every newlywed here in town as a special thank-you for keeping Twin Orchards alive.

  I used to stir up trouble in my youth, just like you, Jake. I know you can turn things around for Nancy, just like I did with Nora.

  So here’s a check for the two of you. I’ve left the amount line blank, as you’ve probably already seen by now.

  Consider writing yourself out a gift from me. As small or as large as you can imagine. A new microwave for twenty bucks? Sold. College tuition for a child, twenty years down the line? Write it out. It’s yours. The sky’s the limit. But maybe consider leaving me a few million just so Nora and I can retire in peace.

  I wish you two the best in all your endeavors.

  Nigel Knoxley.

  I put the letter down gingerly, looking back over at Nora with a look of panic.

  “Nancy, what’s wrong?”

  I feel the weight of the guilt hanging over me. I know if Jake and I opened that letter at the right time we would’ve taken it. Written ourselves a check for a million bucks, skipped town like it was nothing.

  But we didn’t.

  “Nigel says he used to stir up trouble?” I ask, confused.

  Nora sighs. “Yeah. He used to be a real troublemaker around town, too. I’m sorry I was so callous toward you and Jake. I shouldn’t have reveled in the news that you two hit a rough patch.”

  I hand the check bac
k to Nora, along with the letter from her husband.

  “I have to return this, Nora. It’s not right for me to keep this.”

  Nora shrugs. “Whatever you say. It’s not my bank account he’s giving you access to.”

  Nora takes the check in her hands, rips it up along with the letter.

  “You wanted to do what’s right,” Nora says. It’s like she’s reading my mind. “I know why you came. And it’s why I respect you so damn much.”

  “Why?”

  “You wanted to return the gifts. I heard you were doing it the other day. Guess you and Jake fizzled out, then?”

  I nod. There’s no escaping the truth any longer.

  “Can I guess something else?” Nora asks me. Her voice is low, her tone forgiving. I nod again, staring down at her countertop. I can feel tears sting my eyes for the second time today, and I already know what she’s going to say.

  “I bet the engagement wasn’t even real to begin with,” Nora says in a whisper. I don’t hear any anger in her voice, only sympathy. A hand reaches out, gingerly rests on my shoulder as I start to weep again.

  “It wasn’t,” I say tearfully. “I’m sorry for being such a wreck, Nora.”

  “Don’t worry about it, child,” she says reassuringly. Her hand rubs my shoulder lovingly, and it’s like she’s the mother figure I’ve sorely lacked for the past few years. “That’s why I respected you so much. You stuck by Jake, even if everything was built on a lie between you two. When I made you choose between your job and him, you chose him. That wasn’t a lie, Nancy. You chose him. That’s more real than even Nigel and I were at this point.”

  I pause, looking up as I wipe my tear-soaked cheeks. “You mean it?”

  Nora looks at me, impressed. “You meant it,” she says. “When you left your job for Jake, you meant it. I could see it in your eyes then. And I can see that same devotion in you now. It’s still there. You’re not over him.”

  I shake my head. “I’m afraid he wasn’t honest with me to begin with,” I say as the tears start to flow again.

  Nora sighs. “Maybe it wasn’t at first. But things change. People change. You never know.”

  Her hand lifts up from my shoulder, and I sit up and prop my elbows on the counter.

  “Thanks, Nora. This really means a lot to me. Seriously.”

  “You found another job in town?” she asks me, changing the subject as she takes a sip from her mug.

  I shake my head. “Nobody was hiring.”

  “Well, I am. And I know just the right candidate for her old position. With a raise,” she adds.

  I feel my heart bursting at the seams. I have to hold back the tears from rupturing again, but I turn and face Nora anyways. She’s offering me my old job back after I come to her, admitting Jake and I were lying to the entire town for weeks on end. “Why are you doing this for me?”

  “Because you’re a good person, Nancy. Coming back with this check?” she motions to the ripped-up pieces scattered around the counter, “that must’ve been difficult. But you still did it because it was the right thing to do. You’re an honest person. And those can be hard to come by in a town like this.”

  I don’t bother correcting Nora that I never opened the letter from Nigel to begin with, but I know she’s made her point. I won’t argue with that.

  “What about Jake?” I ask. “What should I do about him?”

  Nora shrugs, takes one final sip from her mug before setting it back down. “What about him?”

  “I miss him. We got into a fight over what to do with the letters. When I told him I was going to return them, end of story, he left. And I don’t know if I’ll ever get to see him again.”

  Nora sighs.

  “I think if he really cares about you he’ll be back. If he knows you were set on doing the honest thing, then the right man would understand he should have never let you go in the first place. If he’s anything like Nigel, that is. I was too hard on him, Nancy. Both on Nigel early on, and on Jake.”

  I nod, resigning. “You’re probably right about that.”

  “I try. Sometimes, I really do,” Nora says. “You want anything? Cup of coffee, tea?”

  I shake my head. “I should probably get going. I’ve got another bag and a half of letters to return, and it’s getting late. I don’t want to quit until I’m finished.”

  Nora waves a hand dismissively. “Stick around, have a drink. Put the letters in our mailbox, return to sender. Let the post office handle it. Not like the one mailman in town’s got anything better to do.”

  But I shake my head, getting up from the counter. “I’m sorry, Nora. Thanks for having me, but I’ve got to do the right thing here. I’m sure you understand.”

  Nora grins. “Of course I do.”

  She follows me to the front door, and I thank her one more time for being such a gracious host.

  “Anytime. And you come by the café tomorrow, as soon as you’re done with your work. I’ll get you back on the schedule.”

  I grin. “Thanks, Nora.”

  And with that, I leave. Nora stands in the doorway as I get back in my car and fire up the engine, waving politely at me as I pull away.

  If Nigel used to be as bad as Nora and Nigel both make him out to be, then there might very well be hope for Jake and I.

  I can’t risk getting my hopes up. But I know whatever happens, happens. And I can live with the way the chips fall at the end of the game.

  But I still have work to do first.

  I drive down the massive hill, past the Knoxley’s gate as I reach into the duffel bag and pull out the next letter.

  Twenty-Nine

  Jake

  As I continue down the endless highway leaving Twin Orchards, I can’t help but feel like my whole life’s been upended. I couldn’t make things work back home with my family. I couldn’t hold down a job, I couldn’t find solace living in the town I’d spend my entire adolescence in.

  And I couldn’t make things work with Nancy.

  It was my fault. Entirely. I was greedy, selfish, and I know I pushed Nancy too far when I suggested we take the money and run.

  If I’d just kept my stupid mouth shut I would’ve been happy. Content with Nancy. But I had to go and ruin things like I always do. Like I’m destined to do.

  The night is cold, the stars are obscured by the trees overhead. I have to run my truck’s heater at the thousandth level to keep myself warm; damn these midwestern winters straight to hell. I’m on the verge of shivering at this point, and in my rush to get packed I’d completely forgotten a jacket. My grey hoodie’s packed away in a bag in the bed of my truck, I’m going to have to depend on the heater to keep me alive during the trek out of here.

  I’ve been on the road for the better part of three hours. I rushed home, got packed before Mom and Dad could notice anything from their usual hideout in front of the TV. Chance was busy at work, and I slinked outside and left in my truck without a second’s hesitation. I couldn’t stomach facing my parents, telling them the whole engagement was a sham. I couldn’t face my brother. And I know I can’t face that town. I’ve misled nearly everyone there since I’ve been back, I’ve done nothing but lie and cheat and steal.

  There’s nothing left but to leave, start over.

  It’s all I can do.

  I don’t know how far I’ve driven, I don’t know where I’m going. The nearest big city is a thousand-plus miles away from Twin Orchards, Deporte City. Maybe I’ll start there, see where life takes me in the heartland of the midwest. I can’t stomach the idea of moving to another small town; if anything, I’d rather just move back to Twin Orchards if I can’t crack it in the big city.

  It’s absolutely killing me, leaving without saying goodbye to Nancy. She deserves a hell of a lot better than what I’d been able to give her, I know she’ll be better off once I’m gone without a trace. I’m sick to my stomach with guilt, I feel like I’m constantly on the edge of throwing up.

  But when I’m gone, far away
from all my mistakes, I know things’ll start to get better. They have to be. I can’t accept any other outcome.

  A heavy wind starts to blow, shaking my truck ever so slightly as I careen down the seemingly endless highway. The darkness is immense, there aren’t any streetlights or lamps illuminating the road ahead. It’s just my headlights, my own feeling of the road keeping me in between the lines. A car passes me on the other side of the highway every once in a while, shining bight into my eyes as the headlights pass. I’m alone out here, and I know it’s exactly what I deserve.

  I doubt Nancy would even want to see me again. After our final conversation, after my hightailing it out of there, I really wouldn’t blame her if she wanted to forget everything about me. I’m just a speed bump on her way to true happiness. Facts are facts, and it’s high time I faced the music I wrote for myself.

  I ruined our shot at doing the right thing together, putting back the pieces of my failed scheme as we beg the entire town’s forgiveness. I threw it all away, and I know there was no other choice. But something still haunts me, a dark feeling deep down in my stomach tells me something more.

  I blew our chance at something real.

  And I’m going to have to live with that.

  My headlights shine through the thickets of the trees on either side of the road, and I see a few deer on the edge of the brush. They freeze when I drive past, and I can see a sign just up ahead. There’s a town coming up, gas stations, rest areas. A motel’s coming up, too, and I can start to feel the heaviness of my eyelids as I realize just how exhausted I am. The drive’s taken it out of me, I don’t have the faintest idea how late it is. Not that I really need to know anyways. I’m living on my own time now, I’m going to have to be independent again. Just like the Marines. Just like coming back home for the first time.

  I see a dimly-lit parking lot up ahead, a strip-mall with a gas station, a fast-food joint and a motel. A small rest stop on the endless highway out of here. I know I’m going to have to make my first stop eventually, and I pull off the highway as I get ready to turn in for the night. I’ve still got one hell of a trip ahead of me, so I might as well rest up. Prepare as best I can for the future. It’s all I can do at this point.