Heart of Valor

by Adriana Peck

  ◆◆◆

  When I wake up the next morning, it takes me a minute to come to my senses and remember where I am. I’d checked into the motel in an exhausted haze, and I remember just how far I’d driven last night. I stretch out, feeling the emptiness of the queen-sized bed as I shuffle over to the nightstand, check out my phone. I’ve got a few missed calls from Nancy, some texts. It hurts my heart to read them, so I just scroll past. It’s just past ten in the morning, and I check my phone’s GPS to see just how far I’d driven yesterday.

  Six hundred miles, apparently. Still five hundred or so until I reach Deporte City, give or take. But I’m well-rested, I can refuel my truck before I start back on the road. Get a burger or whatever else they serve in the fast food joint next door, I was too tired to bother checking when I pulled into the lot last night. And then I’ll be off.

  I lurch out of bed, getting dressed as I gather what little belongings I’d brought with me back into my suitcase. A few changes of clothes, my uniform from the Marines.

  I head out, my belongings in hand as I lock the motel door behind me. I head to my truck, toss my suitcase in the back of the truck bed before heading to the motel’s front desk.

  When I enter the lobby a bell jingles overhead, darkly reminding me of Nora’s Café. Going to visit Nancy during the day, and then me fucking it all up when I tried applying for a job there. I reach the counter, trying to shake off the memories as I hand my key to the crusty old woman behind the desk. She rings me out, I pay the twenty-three dollar bill with the last of the cash Chance gave me for the charity fundraiser.

  As I turn to leave, a rack of brightly-colored tourist pamphlets catches my eye. I wander over, curious to see what towns are near me. There’s Antoniosburg, a small town just a handful of miles from here. There’s Hammonsville, Creek View, Mapletown.

  I see a brochure for Twin Orchards and I instinctively reach for it, turning it over in my hands as I inspect the advertisement for the town I’d left behind. It’s for the fall tourist attractions in town, and the memories suddenly come flooding back to me.

  The HalloweenFest is the biggest show Twin Orchards puts on. When I was a kid, I remember Mom and Dad taking the three of us to the square for the meagerly cutesy celebration. The Knoxleys took over a few years ago, pumping cash into the celebration and turning it into one of the town’s most lucrative events of the year. People from all over come to the festival, and I can see the brochure’s advertising the usual Halloween date for the festival.

  I check my phone. It’s October 30th, the festival’s tomorrow. I can imagine the whole town getting ready, transforming the puny square into a fairgrounds. Just like the fundraiser at Nigel’s factory, I know the Knoxleys are going to go all-out. Carnival games, concession stands, food trucks. There’s going to be a pumpkin patch, I’m almost positive, along with a corn maze and hay rides around town. It’ll be a sight to behold, that’s for sure. The warm memories from my childhood come back to me all at once. Back when it was Jay, Chance and I. Back when we all got along, before we started growing up.

  I consider it for a moment, going back to Twin Orchards. Even if it’s just for a day. Just to see the old celebration one more time. But I have to shake it off, I know that going back’ll just make things worse. For me and for Nancy.

  “Sir? Can I help you with anything else?”

  I snap back to reality, blankly facing the woman behind the counter with the pamphlet still in my hands.

  “No, I’m good. Thanks,” I say, pushing out the lobby’s door as the bell jingles overhead. I head back to my truck in a daze, wondering what I should do next.

  I can feel Twin Orchards calling me back, one more visit just for closure’s sake. But I know it’s wrong, I know I’ll just get run out of town on a rail if I ever show my face there again. Nancy would be the only one defending me and I’ve ruined things with her beyond repair, I know there’s no shot at coming clean without someone trying to throw me out of town.

  I get into my truck, slamming the door closed as I start to shiver again. The chilliness of fall is in full swing now, the morning’s early dew now replaced with a thin layer of frost on my windows. I start my engine, pumping on the heaters as I wait for my windshield to clear up.

  I know I don’t have a snowball’s chance in hell of erasing the past. That’s a fact. I’ve broken the trust of nearly everyone back home, I’ve used up all the town’s goodwill without a second thought. I’ll never be able to live there again, not without a decade’s worth of building up the population’s trust again. And that’s a long road ahead of me that I’m afraid to tackle.

  I take one more look at the Twin Orchards pamphlet in my hands, setting it down in the seat next to me. My front windshield clear of frost, I readjust my mirrors and get ready to get back on the road. My future’s obscured, I can’t see the road ahead for the life of me. The military, school, work; I’ve got no idea where I’ll be heading, I don’t have a plan for the future or the road ahead. I don’t know where I’ll be going next, but I do know one thing.

  After I met Nancy, things would never quite be the same ever again.

  I pull out of the parking lot, getting back onto the highway as I set off toward my future.

  Thirty

  Nancy

  The day after I finish delivering the rest of the letters, I feel a massive weight lifted from my shoulders. It took me the better part of twenty-four hours, but I managed to hand deliver every letter that’d been sent to Jake and I for our fake engagement.

  It’s done. Finished. I can start making a name for myself again, I can start to re-build an honest life here in Twin Orchards. I don’t know when I’ll be able to leave, I don’t know when I’ll have the opportunity to meet someone like Jake again. But I’ve got my old job back at the café, I’ve started to rebuild the trust of my community. And that’s a good enough start for me now.

  I get out of bed, optimistic for the day ahead. I head into my kitchen, throw on a pot of coffee as I throw together a quick breakfast of oatmeal and toast. I’ve got a short shift at Nora’s coming up today, a quick lunch shift that’ll have me out of there before two. It’s not a lot of cash, but it’s a start. I’ll make some tips. And I don’t have to worry about my rent anymore, thank God. Nora’s closing up before three anyways, she’s got a busy day ahead of her with the festival going on later tonight.

  The HalloweenFest is today, and the whole town’s on the verge of exploding with a wave of tourists and visitors. I know we’re going to have one hell of a lunch rush today with everyone coming into town for tonight’s celebration, as is tradition. It really doesn’t feel like it’s been that long since the charity fundraiser at Nigel’s factory, but I’m eager to see the town come alive for another celebration just the same. I don’t plan on working this festival, I’m sure Nora’ll give me the night off this time. After all, last time she had me work a festival I ended up hanging out with Jake. She’s probably too nervous to put me in that same position again.

  I shower, get dressed for work. Life’s back to the old routine, but I can’t help but feel the gaping hole Jake left when he skipped town. I haven’t seen him since he left my apartment, he hasn’t returned any of my phone calls or texts I’d sent. I guess he’s done with me, and I suppose I’ll just have to live with that.

  But that won’t stop me from missing him like crazy. I’m hurt that he’d just up and leave like that. No goodbye, no final phone call or conversation over text, nothing. Gone without a trace. It’s like the rug’s been yanked out from under me. Trying to get back to normal here in Twin Orchards is going to be a steep hill to climb, and Jake’s leaving is only making the trek that much harder.

  I sigh as I turn and face my balcony window, taking in the sunny morning. I grab my jacket from my hall closet, I know the fall weather’s going to be getting cold today. As is tradition. I don’t know what’ll happen at the festival tonight, I don’t even know what’ll happen at work today. I have to accept that most of my l
ife’s out of my control at this point. Jake’s gone for good. Life’s gone back to normal, begrudgingly. But I don’t have to lie to my friends and neighbors, I don’t have to worry about cleaning up me or Jake’s messes anymore. And that’s a good enough start for me.

  I leave my apartment, head to work with a cautious feeling of optimism, the future ahead of me mysterious and unknown.

  ◆◆◆

  Being back at Nora’s Café helps me get into the routine of my old life, and I realize just how much I’d missed my old job by the time I finish opening the café for the day. Paul shows up a few minutes after open, eager and excited to see me behind the counter again. His arrival opens the floodgates and one by one customers start to flock into the café as I rush to serve everyone. Don greets me silently from the kitchen as I start dropping off orders, and I know I’m back in the old swing of things before the clock strikes noon. It’s hard, knowing I won’t have Jake to see after work today, but I do my best to keep my head on my shoulders as I slide back into my old position at work.

  Nora shows up a little bit after noon, greeting me warmly as she slides behind the counter. She looks peppy, bright and eager to start the day.

  “You look happy,” I say to my boss as she hums a tune to herself. Her hair’s done up in a beehive, her makeup’s on point today. She’s probably as excited for the HalloweenFest as everyone else is.

  “Maybe,” Nora smiles at me as she grabs a fresh cloth from the sanitizer bucket. She wipes down the counter, heading out into the lobby as she clears a recently evacuated table. She leans back, grinning at me. “Are you excited for tonight?”

  I nod. “Yeah, I am. It’ll be a good time to see everyone again. Make sure nobody’s got any unresolved hurt feelings from…you know.”

  Nora nods sweetly. “Of course. I think you’ll do fine fitting back in.”

  A few customers at the counter nod in agreement, sipping their coffee and eating their breakfast as Nora and I chit-chat back and forth. A family of five enters the café, the bell jingling over the door as Nora seats them at the freshly-cleaned table. The tourists have been coming in and out, eager as always to talk about the festival tonight. Now that Nora’s here, she can indulge them as much as they please. I take my spot behind the counter, taking a few minutes to breathe as Nora picks up my slack. I re-fill coffees, take empty plates back to Don, the usual. Life’s gone back to normal in every sense of the word.

  Except for Jake.

  He was my normal. And I can’t believe just how much it still hurts that he’s gone.

  I do my best to shove the thought of him aside, finish the rest of my shift in stride. But it’s no use. I can’t stop thinking about him, about the heartbreak he left behind when he skipped town. I miss him, and I know it’s going to take me a long, long time to accept that he’s really gone for good.

  It fucking sucks, but that’s life, I guess.

  I’m pulled back to reality when the front door jingles again. Barry Fitzsimmons walks into the café, taking a seat at the counter as I greet my friend warmly.

  “You excited for the festival?” he asks me as I pour him a cup of coffee. I nod, smiling down at my buddy.

  “Of course. Fall wouldn’t be the same without it,” I say, beaming at Nora as she passes me by in the lobby.

  “I’m going solo. Guess you…”

  I nod again as Barry trails off, afraid to dredge up my recent heartbreak. “Yeah. It’s going solo for me, too.”

  Barry looks up at me with concern. “How are you doing? Really?”

  I sigh. I lean down, propping my elbows up on the counter as I take another breather.

  “After I realized Jake was gone for good, skipped town without another word to me, things felt empty. Like life would never really get back to normal. It has, in a sense, but I’m never going to be the same after Jake. I’ll never be able to go back to the old me, the person I was before him. You know what I mean?”

  Barry nods. “Yeah, I get it. I had an ex do the same to me, too.”

  “How’d you get over it?” I ask, probing my friend for any advice to help ease my pain. But Barry just shrugs.

  “Remember Michael? From high school?”

  I nod, remembering Barry’s spiteful ex from years ago.

  “You just sort of…learn to live with the pain, I guess. The hurt gets less intense over time, but it never really goes away in full. Never back down to zero, I mean. And it changes you. You just have to decide if it’ll make you a better person or not,” he explains carefully. I can tell it’s dredging up old hurt, and I have to be careful not to rip up any old scars that Barry might’ve been covering.

  “Did it? Make you a better person?”

  Barry shrugs again, grinning from ear to ear. “Guess you’ll have to be the judge of that, I suppose.”

  “You are, then,” I say without hesitation. I know Barry’s a good person. He’s been one of my closest friends here in town, and we’ve always had each other’s backs. There’s no doubt in my mind that Barry’s stronger for the breakup with Michael, now that I think about it. Maybe I can learn a thing or two from him.

  “And you are, too,” Barry says to me from behind the counter. “That must’ve been rough, getting engaged as quick as you guys did. Even harder when he broke things off, ran for the hills.”

  I feel terrible not clueing Barry in on the whole scam with Jake. I haven’t told anybody that Jake and I were lying to them the entire time with our engagement, and I know I’m going to have to come clean to the whole town eventually. I just don’t have the faintest idea when that’ll be. It’s too scary, facing the truth like that.

  But I’ll have to face the music someday. I know that much is true.

  “Yeah,” I reply. “It really does suck. But life goes on, you know? And I’m glad to have met Jake, when all’s said and done. He was a real sweetheart. Seriously,” I add when Barry flashes me a look of confusion. Even he’s still on the fence about Jake. Not much else I can do about that now, I suppose. But if Nora warmed up to the idea of Jake, then why can’t Barry?

  “So, you want to meet up at the festival tonight? We can find some old friends about, I bet. Tackle the fair together, just like old times?” Barry asks me, changing the subject.

  I stand back up, ready to get back to work. “Totally,” I smile down at my friend. “I’ll meet you at the fairgrounds a little after five, if that works for you. Should give us plenty of time to take in all the classic sights.”

  Barry nods, paying his tab with a hearty tip as he leaves for the day. I’m glad to have a friend like him, really. It’s enough to keep me sane while I’m still dealing with the whiplash from Jake’s sudden disappearance. It’s all been so much, and I’m ready to have a night off. A night to heal, a night to share with my friends here in town.

  Maybe tonight I can start to accept that Jake’s gone for good.

  Not much else I can do, really.

  I get back to work, finishing the rest of my shift in stride. Nora helps me with the busyness in the lobby, rushing orders back and forth from the kitchen. The tourists ask us about the festival tonight, and Nora indulges them with every word.

  But the emptiness just won’t go away.

  The hole that Jake left in my heart is wide, wider than I can even begin to fathom.

  And it’s a long road to recovery.

  ◆◆◆

  My shift finished for the day, I head back home to change and unwind before the festival. I’d made a pretty hefty sum of tips this afternoon, and I’m giddy to have a little extra cash for the festival tonight. After all, I’m not running any concession stand of Nora’s, I’m not obligated to work the fair like I was with the previous one. I’m as free as a bird.

  I get changed, throwing on a black tank-top and jeans, a denim jacket thrown over my shoulders to keep warm as the sun goes down. I lounge out on my couch for a few hours, flicking through endless channels on TV before I head out for the night. I check my phone as I stretch out, I can s
ee it’s now a quarter to five. I pick myself up, flick off the TV as I leave my apartment and head down to my car.

  The traffic around our little town square is immense, and I have to drive almost a half-mile away from the fairgrounds before I find an open place to park. I park my car, check my phone. It’s almost five o’clock, and I shoot Barry a text that I’m here as I get out of my car, join the crowd around me as we all start walking to the square.

  I can see the festival up ahead, the massive fairgrounds set up courteous of the Knoxleys. HalloweenFest is a staple here, a yearly tradition for Twin Orchards before all the winter holidays sneak up on us. A Ferris wheel hangs high over the trees and buildings ahead of me, and I can already hear the carnival games and live music from afar as I walk. There’s probably a stage set up with a rotation of bands playing near city hall, if it’s anything like last year’s festival. The hay rides go back and forth from the fairgrounds to the lot adjacent to the square. I can see the edge of the pumpkin patch, too, farther away than I’d thought. Around me there are families, couples, all walking together toward the square, and I suddenly feel a pang of loneliness that cuts me down to my core. I know if he were still here in town, Jake wouldn’t have hesitated to take me to the festival tonight. In the loneliness of my walk, I find myself missing him more and more. The way he’d smile at me when his arm would wrap around my shoulders. Those strong, dark eyes of his, always up to something mischievous. And the way he’d make me smile.

  I think I miss that part the most.

  I reach the edge of the fairgrounds, the bright lights of the carnival bouncing around as I look around for Barry.

  “Nancy! Over here!”

  I spin around, and I can see Barry pushing through the crowd of people still behind me. He’s got a button-down shirt on over khakis, I can tell he must’ve just gotten off work. Perfect timing.

  “Barry!” I call back, waving over the heads of the people shuffling past me. I wait for Barry, and he catches up to me with a grin on his face.