Learning to Love

by Trinity Wood

  Tayla looks Corey straight in the eye, leveling a challenge. "Well mate, you can fuck right off. You don't come to our house, eat our food, and dick us about with your I'm-better-than-you attitude."

  Corey seems to realize he's been out of line, rubbing his chin and gazing downwards. "Sorry, ladies. I've had a very difficult day, and I'm still sore. Probably best to go home and have a rest. We have a big day again tomorrow. The food’s really delicious, though.” He gets up from the table.

  Sam gets up with him, shaking his head at his friend.

  We walk to the door, and I'm still shell-shocked by what happened. It was supposed to be the start of a great friendship, at least that's what I'd imagined. Now it's painfully obvious Corey wants me out of Sam's life.

  Sam sidles up next to me and pulls me around the corner, away from everyone. “I’m his ride, but I don’t have to be. I’ll tell him to call an Uber.”

  It’s tempting. Knowing what Corey thinks about me, I don’t want Sam cozied up with the other man for any amount of time. But I won’t put a further rift between them. That certainly wouldn’t win him over. “No. It’s okay. Take him home. Try to mend things. If you can.” I kiss him on the cheek, squeeze him tight. “I’ll see you later.”

  Sam embraces me and kisses me again, only for the second time tonight. He whispers in my ear, "I'm sorry. I can't stay tonight. More training early in the morning. We'll speak tomorrow, then I'll see you on Saturday. We need to plan something nice together."

  As Sam's car pulls away from our driveway, I blow him a kiss, and he smiles back at me. I wonder if Corey will succeed at breaking us apart, or will we go the distance. A shiver runs right through me, and I close the front door, and help Tayla tidy up.

  Chapter 8

  Ellie

  By the time Saturday morning comes around, I haven’t seen Sam for a few days, but it feels like an eternity. The more he goes away, the more I miss him. I guess that’s the curse of the one left behind. He goes away on his adventures at sea, and I always stay back. A bit like moving to Matakana in the country, and all my friends staying behind in the hustle and bustle of Auckland. I'm also terrified about him thinking I'm too needy. A hot sports star's needy girlfriend. Sounds … frightening. In his shoes, I'd run a mile.

  In school I learned about the myth of Odysseus and Penelope, and how she weaved when he was away, and I thought to myself, how ridiculous. why would she wait for him? Now I can see why. Love. Penelope loved Odysseus so much, she waited for him. I wonder if I’m strong enough to do the same.

  I’ve kept our relationship quiet so far. Tayla is the only one in my tight knit circle who knows I’m dating Sam. I haven’t even told my parents yet that I’m seeing somebody. It’s only been a couple of months, but with Christmas in a few weeks, I’m curious what will happen. Will Sam visit his family, and I’ll visit mine, and then we’ll see each other at New Year’s?

  Sam told me to get ready for a hike and swim today, so I’m wearing a two-piece swimsuit under shorts, a tank top, sneakers, and a whole heap of sunscreen. I have no inkling of where he wants to take us today. Tayla thinks it’s one of the West Coast beaches, with their wild untamed beauty. Unfortunately, the area is off limits for dogs because the native birds sett up their nests there, so my sweet Daisy stays behind today.

  Sam’s car pulls into our driveway, and I slip away before Daisy wakes up the whole neighborhood. I get into his car, drop my backpack, and lean in for a kiss. In a second our kiss deepens, and it feels like his hands touch as much of me as they can. I’ve missed him so much. I sigh and lean back in my seat.

  He takes hold of my hand. “I missed you.”

  “I missed you too. Glad to see your hand is better.” I trail kisses on his hand and calloused palm. “Where are we going today?”

  He takes off his sunglasses and looks at me with the heat of a thousand suns. That smile of his lights up my day. “You’ll have to wait and see.”

  We’re on our way, and I take the time to really look at him. He’s still the same Sam, scruffy cropped auburn hair and five o’clock stubble. He’s dressed all in black—shorts, t-shirt, cap and sneakers. We haven’t talked about what happened with Corey since that disastrous dinner on Wednesday, and I know they went sailing together on Thursday and Friday while the boat was being fixed.

  “How’s Corey?” I ask, unable not to. I place a hand on Sam’s leg, as if to remind myself I’m indeed not jealous of the guy who’s known him for longer and spends much more time with him. Oh, and hates my guts for some reason or another.

  “He’s well. Had a good time training together. No news really.”

  Sam delivers the information so evenly, without an ounce of emotion, that I’m left with so many questions. Did they reach a truce? Did Corey succeed in changing his mind, making him care less? I don’t detect any change in his demeanor towards me, so I guess it’s good news for me. I don’t want to battle with Corey. He’s such a big part of Sam’s life that we need to get on if Sam and I are going to make this work. Important as it is, though, I don’t want to think about how to get closer to Corey right now.

  Sam starts the journey out West. Tayla was right. She’ll be pleased when she finds out.

  We make small talk about my work, his team, what the weather has in store for us, then he makes a sharp turn down an unsealed road.

  “Gosh, thank goodness we’re in your car. My car wouldn’t have made it one mile down this road,” I joke as pebbles and dust rise around us, almost completely obliterating visibility.

  Sam looks so calm and collected, like he's gliding on water. We reach the end of the road, and I see a walkway through the native rainforest. Large ferns, Cabbage trees, and giant Kauri trees over twenty-five feet tall, loom over us.

  We grab our backpacks and leave the car behind. This trail is unfamiliar to me, but I don't feel any fear walking by Sam's side. As we walk, we listen for bird calls local to New Zealand. It's cool but humid under the vast canopy. Sam moves with ease, his long limbs stepping over rocks and logs. I struggle a bit, but his steadying hand is always there to help me.

  We stop a few times and take a few selfies.

  "I want to put a photo of you on my Instagram." His face is unreadable. His new determination to create memories together surprises me, but also makes me feel cherished.

  "Are you sure it's a good idea? People will talk."

  He shows me his phone. "Pick a photo. Or however many you want."

  I scroll through the photos and choose one of both of us walking side by side through the rainforest, grinning ear to ear.

  "Post this one. If anyone asks, you can say I'm your personal trainer."

  He laughs so much I think he'll explode. I'm much shorter than he is and definitely not a fitness icon. My Instagram account is mainly photos of Daisy, my garden, and landscapes. I have a total of 15 followers, counting Tayla.

  He elbows my arm. "Nah, you're alright." He posts the photo of us on his personal account, and though I'm dying of curiosity, I'll wait until later to see what mayhem he's unleashed. With some luck, it will be glossed over. After all, people shouldn't be interested in his love life. They should care about his sailing performance, right?

  Keeping my fingers crossed behind my back for that one, we push onwards hand in hand.

  Until I hear a distant sound. "A waterfall!" I'm giddy with excitement. "I love waterfalls so much. How did you know?"

  He looks very pleased. "I had no idea. Just thought it would be a good place I could take you."

  Another five minutes' walk, and we've reached the base of the waterfall. It's one of the most beautiful sights I've ever seen in my life. Water cascades through three ledges and plunges into a clear blue pool below. Drops of water shimmer like jewels in the sun. I take a couple of photos, but I can't do it justice.

  Sam puts his hand on my back, and I turn to face him. The sun frames him, and his hair glints in the light like russet fall leaves with golden hues. He takes his sunglasses off, and a
storm is brewing in his eyes the color of the deep ocean. Without giving me a chance to catch a breath, he pulls me closer, until I’m immersed in the eye of the storm.

  “I missed you.” Sam’s whisper, so close to my lips, makes me tingle from the top of my head to the tip of my toes. Our lips meet with a hunger I’ve never felt before. For any man.

  Sam lifts me onto a grass slope, and we drop out backpacks with a thud on the ground. One of his hands has a firm grip on my ass, while the other hand does wicked things to my breast. I can feel his hardness through his shorts, and I know he's burning for me. The idea that this is a public place, that there could be other walkers, makes me want him even more than I thought possible.

  Sam pushes down my shorts and swimming briefs, pulls down his own shorts, slides inside me with a moan, and moves with urgency. I've missed the feeling of him. It's like there’s an emptiness in me only he can fill. His whole body tenses, and he comes deep inside me, sending me right over the edge.

  We hear voices in the distance, and he gently takes me down off the grassy slope, pulls his clothes up, and helps me lift my clothes. We grab our backpacks and slip away unnoticed.

  "I have something else to show you." Sam takes my hand and leads me on a different path to the one we arrived on.

  "Oh, you've shown me plenty." My double meaning makes him laugh. He likes feeling wanted, my Sam.

  The vegetation seems sparser now, and I can see sand creeping in between the trees. I can hear waves crashing in the background. He's taking me to the beach for a swim.

  ***

  Sam

  I didn't know how I'd feel seeing Ellie again after that shocker of a dinner on Wednesday night. I wasn't prepared for the strength of my feelings for her. I've never believed that absence makes the heart grow fonder, on the contrary. I think it dulls feelings. Or I used to think that until I met and fell hard for Ellie.

  It's scary how one day you're your own person, and what feels like the next day, your whole world revolves around another individual. I absorb all her gestures, little smiles, and touches. I still can't read her body language well, but with her, I'm the closest I've ever been to succeeding.

  I could tell she was surprised by my Instagram idea. I only hope I'm not throwing her to the wolves. I'm going to protect her as much as I can.

  Now we walk hand in hand on the black sand beach, waves thundering in the distance, and no lifeguard in sight. Many people avoid West coast beaches because they're notoriously wild. Adrenaline junkies like me love them because of it.

  I brought Ellie here because it's a part of me, one that she doesn't get to see, reckless, wild and carefree. I set down my backpack, take out a towel, take off my shoes and shirt, and leave my cap and sunglasses behind. Ellie takes off her clothes, revealing a two-piece swimsuit. She's small but curvy in all the right places.

  I smack her ass playfully. "Last one in the water is a loser." I sprint for the surf, and she trails behind me, laughing. I win of course, and crash into a wave, letting out a cheer. I surface and look for Ellie. She is farther away from me than I would like and moving even further by the second. The water she’s wading in looks calm, but the speed she’s traveling away from me sounds alarm bells in my head. She’s in danger.

  "Ellie, darling, don't panic, okay. You're in a rip now. Just relax and try to float. Once you're out of the rip, you can swim sideways towards me." I hope my voice is soothing enough because inside I'm screaming.

  Fear gathers in her widening eyes. “Sam.” Her voice is choked with panic. “I can’t feel the seafloor. I'm scared, Sam. Help me." Her plea rips me to shreds. If we go together in the rip, there's no guarantee we'll make it. I look around frantically for a lifeguard but see no one.

  A wave washes over her, and she's under.

  "Ellie!" I scream and dive in, through the rip, to where she was just a second earlier. My only thought is I need to find her, I need to save her. The water is silty which is unhelpful, and the visibility is poor. I can barely see two feet ahead, so I flail my arms, hoping to touch Ellie. Panic threatens to claim my self control, and I struggle to stay calm. Panicking requires more air, and my lungs hurt already from the pressure. I can’t give up. Not now.

  My fingers feel something solid, and before joy overtakes me, I lift Ellie up and out of the water. We take a big gulp of air. Her eyes are open, but she feels heavy in my embrace, limp from exhaustion. I work hard to keep us both afloat as the rip carries us towards the deep. It's only a couple of minutes, but it feels like hours. I draw upon my training in yachting, capsizing, mindfulness, and everything else I can think of to stay strong and get her to shore. When my feet hit the seafloor, I can finally fully breathe, finally hope.

  We collapse on the sand and spend several moments trying to get our breath back, chests heaving. As soon as I'm able, I get up and inspect every inch of Ellie. Will I have to call an ambulance?

  She looks at me with her soft brown eyes and grabs my hand. "You've saved my life, Sam. Oh my. Out there, I thought it was the end."

  This is all too much. I stand up and pace away. The unfamiliar feeling of tears burns my eyes. This time, I saved her. What if I lost Ellie?

  Like I lost Thea.

  Ellie wraps her arms around me. I hug her tightly, like I don't want to ever let go.

  Her teeth are chattering. "Shall we go back? I'm cold."

  I kiss her again, we towel down, dress, and walk back, slower this time, past the massive Kauri trees, past the waterfall where we made love, and past the places where we took photos.

  It's close to lunchtime, and I'm starting to think about the rest of the day. Driving back towards the Shore, I get an idea.

  "Why don't I drive you home, you pick up some clothes and Daisy, and come to mine for the rest of today and tomorrow? I can drop you off home Sunday night." Fuck. We nearly drowned. I nearly lost her, and I refuse let her go, even if it’s to a different part of town.

  She’s never stayed the weekend before, and after making it Instagram official, this is a big move. It means something for us, and she knows it. She must, the way she’s chewing her lip and eyeing me. Is she unsure? “Please?” My fingers twine with hers, handing my heart over completely.

  Chapter 9

  Ellie

  My phone sits like a snake on the edge of Sam’s kitchen table where it’s been since I got here last night. I haven’t touched it. Turned it to silent, not wanting to know what awaited me—silence or chaos?

  But it’s time. I can’t avoid it, the world, forever. I reach out, my hand quick as lightning, and I grab the phone, turning it over and on at the same time. Twelve missed calls, fifteen messages, and two hundred notifications from Instagram. Shit. Shit shit shit. “Shit.”

  “Something wrong?” Sam’s voice floats in from the living room.

  Color me surprised. My fifteen followers on Instagram has morphed into 3,000. I check my direct messages. A quick scroll through shows most of them are from shady weight loss businesses asking to collaborate. They’re all from yesterday, right after Sam brought me out of obscurity by announcing he was having a great time outdoors with me and tagging me in that photo.

  One of the few texts I actually open and read is from Tayla, who messaged me almost immediately after Sam posted the picture. Stalker. She sent a screenshot and a few pointed question marks. I reply, "Yeah …" then slam the phone face down on the table. There's nothing else to tell her, really. It's quite straightforward. We're Instagram official. Luckily my parents don't have Instagram, so I have a few days left with them—maybe more if I can stretch it—before I have to explain what's going on.

  I ignore my phone and focus on the omelettes I’m making for a hearty lunch. “Ready!” I call, and Sam joins me. My phone winks at me like some malicious demon from the tabletop, and I move it to the counter.

  Sam’s phone buzzes all through lunch, but he seems unconcerned. His phone keeps buzzing, but he continues to ignore it.

  He ignores it after lunch, too, an
d while we order takeout for dinner. He ignores the buzzing, still, as we choose a movie to watch - The Avengers.

  The buzzing is like my own personal hell. I break. "I don't want to pry, but aren't you going to answer your phone? Could be something important."

  He looks at me like it's a mad suggestion. But he picks up his phone, scrolls through it, then puts it down with a sigh. "Corey. And Mom."

  I'm shocked that he could be so blasé about this. "Flick them a call. Could be something serious. It's important, Sam."

  "Sit with me," he implores. Daisy and I curl on the sofa next to him. He makes the first phone call.

  "Hey mate. Nah, all good … I wanted to show her off a bit." Sam winks at me, and I laugh. "See you on Monday back at the dock." He ends that call and gets ready for the one he seems the most uncertain about. His mum.

  "Hey mom, it's Sam." He listens intently as his mother chatters away at length. His brow furrows. "She is special … No, she doesn't know." I hear his mum mention the name Thea, but it doesn't mean anything to me. I thought his ex’s name was Laura. Maybe I was mistaken. "I'll ask her." He covers the mobile speaker with his hand.

  "I know it's a bit left field, but with Christmas around the corner, mum wants to know if you're coming down to theirs with me.” I try hard to read his expression. Does he want me to go with him? Is he just trying to be polite?

  “You don't have to say yes."

  I figure I have nothing to lose by accepting. It could offer me another glimpse into the Sam enigma. "Happy to come with you. We'll talk about preparations later." Hope I’ve put him at ease.