Learning to Love

by Trinity Wood

  My brother looks very pleased. It's the first time I've ever invited him to come stay with me in Auckland.

  Sophie takes another sip of her wine and grins. "Definitely, my brother lives there as well. Plus some more shopping to be done in the big smoke. Right, Ellie?" Sophie and Ellie are thick as thieves.

  It's been a long time since I've felt so relaxed. It’s so far away from my usual training all hours of the day, jetting around the world. It’s … appealing. It’s scary.

  ***

  Ellie

  We spend the final night of the trip mostly awake, savoring all remaining moments together. We make plans on what to do together next, how we’ll spend New Year’s, and beyond that.

  Why does it always feel like he’s saying goodbye, every single time? Is it the nature of his work? Or is it because of what happened to Thea? More importantly, is it something I can live with, this uncertainty of him coming back?

  The morning light finds us embraced, unwilling to let go. After breakfast, Tom and Steve help Sam load up the car.

  I say my farewells to Joan and Sophie. “It’s been a pleasure, and I hope to see you again very soon. Maybe you can come up to Auckland.” They seem pleased with my invitation and take turns to hug me.

  “See you later, bro. Take care.” Tom hugs Sam and pats him on the back. Joan and Steve embrace Sam wordlessly, with tears in their eyes.

  On the road, Sam is quieter than usual. His lips set, his eyes covered by sunglasses, he looks like he’s in one of his sailing races, fight or flight mode activated.

  I put a hand on his leg. “Everything alright? Do you want me to take over, while you rest a bit?”

  He glances at me briefly. “All good. Just thinking.”

  Oh boy. I can tell this is going to be one of those conversations where I talk my head off, and he’ll barely say anything.

  I pull my hand off his leg and look out the window. “From tomorrow until New Year’s Eve, I have to go to work. The kids will be very excited, they’ll tell me all about Christmas.”

  Sam nods.

  “What do you have on this week?” I work hard to coax him out of silence.

  He sighs. “Some meetings. Some press calls. Then more meetings. Maybe I can squeeze in a training day with Corey before next year.” He runs his fingers through his hair impatiently. “When do I see you next? New Year’s Eve?”

  I squeeze his thigh. “You can come by any evening, stay over. You know that. Tayla doesn’t mind.”

  He takes off his sunglasses, and glances at me again. Something’s really bugging him. “I was thinking … you could come stay at mine. Look after the house when I’m away, that sort of stuff.”

  That’s not the least romantic thing I’ve heard in my life, but it’s definitely up there. The worst part of it is he probably can’t even tell his suggest has ticked me off by looking at me. “Water the palms? Mow the lawn? Keep things clean? That sort of stuff?” My body is tense and my words short, clipped.

  He lowers his shades and stares at me like I’ve grown another—no, two other—heads. “What’s wrong?”

  “You’re such a dick, Sam. Suuuuch a dick. What you want is a housekeeper.” I’m annoyed by this point. I have a vision of him gallivanting around while I’m chained to an old-fashioned stove. Left behind, just like when my parents upped-sticks and moved all of us to the middle of nowhere Matakana. I know I’m being unfair because he’s not really asking me to be his maid. I don’t care.

  Sam looks flustered. It’s probably not the reaction he was expecting, and he is retreating into his shell. “I’m sorry, I … it came out the wrong way." He's trying to choose his words carefully. "Corey would have said the right thing." His voice trails off.

  Why even drag Corey into this. I’m getting unbearably hot in anger, and I put the window down. "Fuck Corey. This is about us." We're in his car, on a four hour journey, arguing. Just my luck. Out the window the landscape is passing by at speed, changing from jaunty volcanic hills, to corn fields, to tidy market gardens.

  "I thought that … you could be there when I come home. All the time." Sam's soft words make me really look at him.

  "… that I wouldn't have to miss you like crazy. Like I do." He picks up my hand. "That you could be an even bigger part of my life." Sam kisses my hand, sending shivers through me. Just like that, I stand no chance.

  I turn into a puddle of goo. "What about Daisy? I can't leave her behind." My first thought is to my sweet girl who's been with me through thick and thin.

  "Daisy can come as well. She's stayed overnight several times now. She's used to the place." Sam's feeling more confident now.

  Another thought crosses my mind, and I sigh. "What about Tayla? I can't leave her alone. She needs me."

  Sam, ever patient, finds solutions. "We'll help Tayla find another flatmate, to straighten out with the rent costs, and provide good company."

  I lean back in my seat. "It's settled then. Maybe I can move in February?"

  He lets out an exasperated laugh. "No fucking way. Tonight."

  He's surely kidding. I can't possibly pack up everything I own and just leave with Daisy.

  "It's not fair on Tayla. Plus, I need to pack all my stuff."

  He rolls his gray eyes at me. "How long do you need?"

  "Make it after New Year's, that long weekend. At least I won't need to go to work, and I can unpack, get Daisy settled."

  He sighs, but deep down he knows I'm right.

  We spend the time left to my parents' house chatting about the move, things to do in Bella Vista, how long the new commute to my work will be, and dog friendly cafés in the area. Deep within me lay lingering doubts, and a fear of being left behind. Again.

  "What do you mean you're leaving? What a load of bollocks, Ellie. You've only been dating since September. What's next? Are you going to marry him in March?" Tayla has been outraged since I came back home. The presents I got her from O'Neill's Bay haven't managed to soothe her sensibilities in the slightest.

  "Calm down, dear." My tongue in cheek comment fans the flames.

  "No, you calm down." Tayla is pacing around the lounge like a pink-maned lioness. "You're moving too fast, Ellie. Search your heart. He's going to leave you behind alone in that fancy house in Bella Vista and traipse off as usual. Are you even into him, or are you just glad someone’s sticking around?"

  Tears color my cheeks.

  Tayla notices, stops her pacing, and embraces me. "Oh, Ellie, I'm sorry. I just care too much about you. I don't want you to get your heart broken." The unspoken words "like me" hang between us. Tayla has had her fair share of douche canoes. That doesn't mean Sam is one of them.

  "Tayla, I know you mean well, but please be happy for me. I found someone I love and who loves me back.”

  She hugs me harder. "I am happy for you. Maybe a little jealous. I wish I met someone like that." Tayla winks at me, and we both laugh.

  "We need to put a notice down the grapevine we're looking for a flatmate for you. I'm sure there will be someone we know who's super nice and keen. And I'll also pay my share of six weeks' rent to cover any shortfall."

  It's the end of an era, moving away from Tayla, from the house I'd called home for the last six years. This is where we’d watched endless K-Dramas, cried after we had our hearts broken for real, and found out that we got our first jobs after university. This also holds memories of meeting Sam, and I’m looking forward to a new beginning. With him.

  Chapter 14

  Ellie

  In the few days up to New Year's Eve, Sam and I haven't been able to see each other. I worked every day. He was busy with meetings and TV and radio interviews.

  By the time the thirty-first came around, I'd been chomping at the bit. I can't wait to move in with Sam and see him nearly every day.

  We're spending New Year's at Paddy and Gracie's, and it feels like the perfect way to end the year that brought me Sam. Who knows what next year has in store. Tayla and I will catch a taxi there. Corey
is also invited, though we're not sure he'll turn up. I still need to give him the presents I bought for him in O'Neill's Bay.

  Tayla and I have really pushed the boat out with our outfits, even though we're among friends. I want to impress Sam because I haven't seen him for a few days. I'm wearing the shortest dress I've got. I wonder who Tayla's trying to impress with her sheer dress.

  When we get to Paddy and Gracie's, I have a deja vu. Last time I was there, I met the love of my life. This time, Sam's already there waiting. He sweeps me off my feet, literally, kissing me until I'm dizzy.

  Corey pokes his head around the corner. "Hey, get a room, you two. Come in, Tayla, let these losers at it." Tayla moves past us into the house, laughing, and more importantly, leaving us alone.

  Sam kisses me again. "I missed you, sweet. Only two more days until you move in. God, I can’t wait."

  "You'll be beside yourself when you see my three hundred skincare products in the bathroom, and no longer have a corner to put your stuff on."

  He laughs. "I can't wait. Let's go in. Everyone's here already."

  We pick up drinks on the way outside, and spend the next couple of hours chatting, cracking jokes, and dancing. I give Corey his presents, and he seems pleasantly surprised but jokes that he may forget them somewhere along the way.

  Tayla and Corey seem to be spending an awfully long time together. His hand is on her shoulder, and he's whispering something in her ear, making her laugh.

  "Look at that.” I point them out to Sam.

  "At what?" He's oblivious.

  "Corey and Tayla have the hots for each other."

  Sam rolls his eyes. "Corey's not into relationships. Don't get your hopes up."

  I put my arms around his neck. "Neither were you. Into relationships. Now look at us." He kisses me.

  Paddy hands out champagne glasses to everyone, starting with Gracie. “Get your champagne, everyone. We’re starting the countdown.”

  Fireworks explode from the Sky Tower, and Sam and I kiss like there's no tomorrow, oblivious to everyone and everything around us.

  ***

  Sam

  When Ellie said she'd cover all surfaces in the bathroom with creams and potions, I thought she was joking. As I pack my bag for a few nights away training, I shake my head at the amount of stuff.

  The move went smoothly. Corinne, a friend of a friend of Tayla's, took Ellie's room, and we hired a van to get everything here. Some more artwork appeared on the walls, dog toys scattered around the floor, and many, many clothes, shoes, and handbags hung in the closet.

  Even though my life has been turned upside down, Ellie has been with me every night. I couldn't be happier.

  "I'm off now. The guys are picking me up in a few minutes." I grab my duffel bag and kiss her squarely on the lips. Daisy dog whines and wags her tail. I give her some rubs and go out to the team van.

  I'll be away for five nights this time, probably the longest I've been away from Ellie since we met. As I get into the van, I take one last look at my love standing in the doorway, all petite, her dark hair tousled, and I wish I could go back. I wish I could stay. How many more goodbyes will we have to say?

  Jake notices my silence. Out of all of the team, he knows best what it's like to leave a loved one over and over again. "I would like to tell you it gets easier, mate. But it doesn't. It is what it is." He pats me on the back. "At least you guys are living together now. When you come back, you see her straight away."

  The silver lining.

  We drive three hours North towards one of our training facilities. It's going to be a grueling few days. We haven't trained in a month, and it will show. To take my mind off being away from Ellie, I devise tactics for maneuvering the boat at high speeds.

  The journey passes quickly, and I sleep soundly that night, dreaming of Ellie.

  The next day, our boat and the British boat are out on the water. I wave at Luke Bailie, the British team skipper, from a distance. He nods and waves back.

  We're relentless, sailing for hours, testing the boat's limits until we can't push anymore. At the end of each day, after communal dinner, we crash in our bunks and drift off into dreamless sleep.

  On day four, the weather makes it impossible for us to train. Gales and summer storms batter the area, and we stay indoors mostly, discussing tactics and technical plans.

  Coach enters the room and claps his hands. “Boys, the weather’s packing in for the week. We’ll go back early tomorrow morning. No point hanging around here. I know some of you are pining.” Coach winks at me. I roll my eyes. I thought I'd put this to rest.

  At the same time, my phone, Corey’s phone, and Florian’s phone vibrate. We reach for our phones in our back pockets, puzzled.

  Corey reads out loud. “Congratulations! You have been selected to participate in the Round the World Ocean Race, departing from Malaga, Spain on March 1st.”

  I’ve got the same message blinking up at me, but I’m struggling to process it.

  Corey and Florian jump up, whooping and making a victory dance. “Yeah boi! We’ve done it!” The other teammates and Coach cheer them on.

  “You coming, Sam?” Florian doesn’t let up.

  I smile sadly. “Of course. How could I not? It’s a once in a lifetime opportunity.” I'd signed up for this a while ago, just before I met Ellie. It's an amazing opportunity for any sailor, so why do I feel like I've been split in half?

  Corey knows something’s up. He looks at me pointedly. “This isn’t about Ellie, is it?”

  I look straight at him, not saying a word.

  Corey laughs. “There are stopovers after each leg every three to four weeks. She can come to Brazil, Hong Kong etc. Like an exotic holiday every month for a year. I’d be up for that.”

  I push away from the table to release some of my pent-up frustration. “When you put it like that… maybe I’ve got a chance. I’m doing it anyway.” I’m being quite belligerent now. “I’ve wanted to do this since I was a kid. How many people can say they’ve sailed around Cape Horn?” My rhetorical question touches many of the team.

  “Well, if you change your mind, I want to go in your place,” Matt chimes in.

  Florian looks at him strangely. “No fucking way. It’s Sam’s place. He earned it, just like Corey and I earned ours.”

  Things are turning sour so I put my hands up. “Guys, I’m going, alright. Ellie’s just going to have to deal with it, and so will I. We’re grown-ups. Sailing is what I do, and tough luck.”

  My words seem to calm their spirits, and they continue chatting about what life at sea will be like. Conversation soon turns to belting out old bawdy sea shanties, to Coach’s great delight.

  I don’t join in the singing, and I can’t help but fervently wish this damn kombucha type health drink would turn into some strong whisky. Not allowed to drink while in training. But today I definitely need a double.

  Where’s that St. Brendan pendant? Here it is. I’d left it behind in my wallet today, and now I’m holding it, thinking how Ellie will react to me going away for a whole year. There will be some breaks, though, chances to see one another. What Corey said makes sense. She could come to the ports we dock at, and we could have a couple of days together here and there. A year of great vacations. It’s not like I’m leaving her behind. Not really.

  Chapter 15

  Ellie

  It feels a bit strange to think of Sam’s house as my own. Daisy has settled in well, and I’ve met a few of the neighbors already. Naveen and Carl from next door offered to pet sit Daisy, and judging by how she acts around them, wagging her tail like crazy, I think I'll take them up on the offer.

  Corinne, a friend of a friend, took my old room in Tayla’s house, but I’ve basically been living with them the last few days while Sam’s been away, as if I never moved.

  Corinne has a wicked sense of humor and entertains us with tales from her various places of work: the opera where she performs as a soprano, photoshoots as a plus size lingerie
model, and the small café where she moonlights as a barista.

  Sam texted to let me know he’s coming back early tomorrow due to the weather, so I have one more chance to spend time with the girls.

  Corinne hold her arms out wide, wearing a blinding smile. “Ladies, how about we crash a party?” Corinne is always up for going out.

  Tayla and I are homebodies.

  “Nah, check out this weather.” Tayla whines, gesturing at the drops hitting the window pane. “The last thing I want is to go out through the rain.” The large Nikau tree in the middle of the roundabout of our small right of way sways dangerously.

  I try to be polite. “What sort of party?”

  “Something about ocean conservation. You’d be into that, Ellie.” Corinne and Tayla laugh. “More like a fundraiser, I reckon, but we could always go for the drinks and nibbles.”

  I think of what I might have to wear. “You’re so funny, girls. We need to muster up a donation, I think, but I’m keen to go.”

  Corinne shepherds us toward our rooms to get dressed, “Okay, it’s settled. Tayla, move that fine ass of yours into gear.”

  In exactly two hours we’re all made up and dressed to impress, packing into an Uber, on the way to the Sky Tower.

  “I’ve only been once up here, on a date,” Corinne confesses. She seems nervous.

  “Must have been one hell of a date.” Tayla straightens her figure-hugging dress.

  The doorman takes down our names, and we are whisked up in one of the elevators fifty-three floors above Auckland City to a panoramic area. The wind and the rain swirl outside the massive windows.