More Than Him

by ChaShiree M.

  “Lani, where are you going?” he asks, his eyebrows scrunched and confused.

  “I’m leaving. Wouldn't want to take any more time away from your wedding.” I say, still walking to the door.

  “Lani listen to me. It's not what you think,” he says reaching for me. Moving back out of his reach, I can’t stop myself before I slap him.

  “Stay away from me you bastard. I trusted you. I fucking loved you. How could you?” No longer able to hold in the sob. “How could you!” I cry out, my body feeling like the air is being ripped from it.

  “Baby, I wouldn’t…”

  “I don’t want to hear it. Please just…” I don’t finish before I run out of the door and down the stairs not wanting to wait for the elevator. Making it to the lobby and outside, there is an empty cab and I hop in it and look back one more time. I don’t go home that night. I go to stay with a coworker, choosing not to go to my best friend’s house since she is going through enough in her marriage. God it hurts so bad. How am I going to recover from this?

  Shit. I say sitting up pulling myself from the memory that shattered all of my dreams. I look down at my stomach and simply rub it, silently telling him I am sorry his family fell apart before he even knew he had one. To think, the day before I had just found out I was pregnant and was planning to tell him that morning during our morning bath. Get it together, Lani. Get it together.

  My alarm clock goes off right as I begin to stretch, and I get ready to go. Grabbing my book bag and purse, I walk out the door. Poising to put the key in the lock, I stop when the hairs on the back of my neck begin to stand up. I know that feeling oh too well. I shake my head, knowing it's not possible. Must be the memory playing tricks on me. Right as I inhale to take a deep breath, his scent hits my nose at the same time as his voice reaches all the other parts of me. “Lani?” Oh god. It can’t be. I feel him stand behind me, as evidenced by the sway of my body being called to his. Turning, I look at him and gasp at his appearance. A far cry from the put together man I first met.

  “Dun,” I gasp my hand over my stomach. I can feel the wall I have been trying to build crumbling before my very eyes, my heart recognizing its owner. Everything begins to turn right side up, until he opens his mouth.

  “Who the hell is he, Lani? Tell me who he is so I can read him his last fucking rights.'' My first thought is what the hell is he talking about. But then it clicks. He just saw me leaving a hotel room and assumed there is a man on the other side of this door. Well now I am just downright pissed. Who in the hell does he think he is?

  Chapter Seven

  Lailani

  He’s here. He is actually here, standing in front of me, being an asshole, but he is still close enough for me to touch. Thank God he is being a jerk because I almost slipped up and did just that. “None of your damn business. Who the hell do you think you are to ask me anything about my personal life?”

  “It’s my business because you are my woman and that gold mine between your legs belongs to me.'' well shit. Why did he have to go and say that? I try to be discrete as I rub my legs together, fighting to control the throb. “I see your pussy didn’t forget did it, baby?” See. Asshole. Although he is right. “Now tell me whose hotel room you are leaving, so I can take care of him and then take care of you.” crap I should be telling him to get lost, but I slipping into a Dun-fog and begging is going to be next. “I can smell her, baby. Did she miss me, huh, sweetness? Did that juicy pussy miss this steel rod?'' I really need to get a grip and tell him to get the fuck away from me.

  “I-I don’t…I… what are you doing here, Dun?” Oh yea, that’s telling him, I chastise myself.

  “Ask me a serious fucking question, Lani. Did you think you would run from me and I wouldn't go to the end of the earth to find you? Who the hell do you think I am?'' oh hell no. That is exactly what I needed to pull me out of this quickly sinking abyss.

  “I think you are the type of man that would sleep with a woman for a month, sell her dreams and fantasies all the while having a fiancée waiting for you. That’s who the hell I think you are.” good job, Lani. Get pissed. He doesn’t deserve your lust. I straighten my shoulders, once again feeling in control. The anger taking over his face is pleasing since I know it is made out of jealousy. Annoyed that I haven’t answered him, he gets ready to knock on the door, and I touch him. I stupidly touched him to stop him from banging on a door where no one will answer and everything in me lights up. Not just my wet, swollen pussy, but my heart, my mind, and my vision. Everything seems brighter and that is fucked up considering what he did to me.

  “Don’t,” I say to him, stopping his hand. The sting when my hands touched his skin caused me to pull my hand back. Sensing the war within me, he smirks a bit and pushes further into me, pinning me to the wall. I am so busy fighting this war of lust and love he is bringing back to the forefront that I forget about the secret between us…literally. Not that I am pregnant, but that he doesn’t know. The moment he leans into me, I feel the baby kick and I can’t help but close my eyes, hoping like hell he didn’t feel it. It’s like our son knows his daddy is here. I squint my eyes open, scared to see his expression, but as soon as his eyes connect with mine, I know he felt it. His hands slowly travel from my neck down, his eyes never leaving mine, until he reaches my stomach. Moving my jacket aside, he puts his whole palm over my stomach causing a whimper in my throat at the intimacy of it. When he touches me, once again the baby kicks, introducing himself and the gasp that leaves him, is almost poetic. He almost looks...happy… possessive. I know what is coming next and I can’t stand here a minute longer or the strength I have been trying so hard to build with vanish. Pushing against his chest, I give it one last try. “Go back to your life, Dunbar. I am going on with mine,” and with that I run past him and hope like hell he doesn’t follow me.

  I make it outside and lean against the building trying to catch my breath. Everything is shaking. My hands, legs, hell even my pussy is vibrating. I just need to get to class. I need to get to the one place I can control something. I walk into class sometime later and instantly I know it is going to be futile. There is no way I am going to be able to concentrate. But I can’t go back. At least not right now. I need time to gather myself and for him to leave. Huh. as soon as I say it, I know it is a joke. There is no way he's going to leave knowing I am carrying his baby. But what does it mean that he is here? Looking down at my stomach, “Your daddy’s here, lil peanut. Too bad he can’t stay.”

  No matter how much we really want him too.

  Chapter Eight

  Lailani

  Thank God it is my day off. I am more than positive I am not the headspace to work today. I have so much running through my head. The real issue is the confliction inside of me. I know how I should feel. The thing is it is a complete juxtaposition to how I really feel. I have no idea what I am going to do. When I get off the elevator on my floor, I find myself tiptoeing down the hallway, not sure where he is. I am assuming his room is on this floor and right now, I need to think. I put my key in the door and am taking a deep breath when I make it inside, only to be pulled in and pushed against the wall. About to scream, I am thwarted when the mouth of the man I love slams into mine and all of the fight leaves me. Moaning at the feeling of having his tongue tangle with mine as his hands explore me. God why does this feel so good? I could blame it on hormones but I don’t lie to myself. “Fuck I missed you baby,” he says, his mouth traveling down my neck. Mmm. My favorite spot. I am so lost in the overwhelming feelings that I almost miss the way he lifts me and lays me on the bed as if I weigh nothing. Our mouths don’t miss a beat, starving for one another.

  Removing his mouth from mine, he stops and stares at me, his eyes searing my body. “So fucking beautiful,” he whispers before he takes my mouth again as his hands undress me. My shirt goes above my head and my pants down faster than my beating heart. Laying naked under him, my body shivering from the adrenaline flowing through me, I have never felt sexier. I can
physically feel his eyes as they make love to me. When he gets to my belly, he gets down on his knees and leans over. “Hi baby. My baby,” he says, his voice filled with reverence and love. When he kisses it, the tears fall, and guilt fills me. How did I ever contemplate not telling him? His palm splays over the baby, once more kissing it, before he moves further down between my legs. “Mmm,” he says inhaling. “Still so juicy. Did this greedy cunt miss my attention, Lani?” Oh shit. His dirty mouth. “Ah.” I shout as he licks me, his tongue hot and forceful. “Fuck, baby. You're even sweeter than before. My seed added extra sugar huh,” he says before drinking and licking, like a soldier that has been lost in the desert.

  “Dun… please,” I beg him, everything so… much.

  “You’ll fucking wait, Lani. You took this from me. Now you take what I give you.” Holy hell. I love it when he gets commanding. His hands grip my thighs pulling me further to the edge of the bed. Putting me as he wants me, he tongue fucks me over and over, taking a second to lick me from rosette to clit. Hell. I forgot how much I loved it when he licked me there. “Just like I remember, except better.”

  Oh God. I am literally face fucking him, racing toward the end game. I need to come like I need to breath. I am going to die if he doesn’t. “Ahhhhh!!” I catapult over the abyss straight into outer space as his teeth bit my clit right before his finger plunges into me, sending blind. I am still gasping for air when I feel him kiss my pussy one more time before climbing on top of. I feel his cock as it rubs against my clit, causing me to shake, everything so sensitive right now. When the hell did he take his pants off? He commandeers my mouth, sharing a taste of me, and once again I am primed for him. When his hand lands over my heart, something we used to do to one another, meant to calm us both before we connect in the most primal way, something in me snaps and I remember all the reasons this cannot happen. “I can’t do this,” I say pushing him off me with no real intent. His eyes dare me to really say no.

  “Say it again,” he says before his mouth sucks one of my nipples and all prior thought is lost. A needle pierces a part of my skin, sending sparks straight to my clit and once again I find myself soaring through the air, yelling my release. Holy shit. And then there is darkness.

  Chapter Nine

  Lailani

  Oh shit. I have no clue how long I was out of it, but it obviously didn’t stop him. I am roused from my faint, by the feeling of being lit on fire. Rolling my head back and forth, I feel his wet mouth moving from one nipple to the other moaning, sucking, and biting. My hands go to his head pulling him further into me, keening as I spread my legs, telling him I am ready for him and I need him. Is this what four months of being without does to you? “You welcoming me home, baby?”

  “Please Dun, I need you,” I say close to begging him.

  “I need you too baby.” I feel him slide inside of me and my whole world changes once again. It’s poetic how one intimate connection can fill your soul. He begins to move much like our morning lovemaking, slowly and with love that can’t be denied. His whole body engulfs me, that sense of safety and contentment consuming me as he moves in and out of me, our mouths and body getting reacquainted. It doesn’t escape me that every part of me is covered by him except my stomach. The care he exhibits to not put pressure on our child, clutches at me, telling me this man is going to take care of this baby, even if we are not meant to be. His body still ensconced inside of me, his mouth finds my nipples once again, as his hand moves between us. I can’t help but cry out as my body meets his stroke for stroke. Frantic, I grab his ass, spread further open and pull him into me harder, needing him to take me like he used to. “Shh. Calm down baby. I got you, greedy girl. Slow down before you hurt my baby,” he says reprimanding me with a smile on his face.

  “Fuck me, asshole,” I say to him before biting his lip. I see the moment his body tenses. Lifting up, he grabs my legs, lifts them over his arms and slams inside of me, sending my head spinning with the building.

  “How the fuck was I supposed to walk away from million-dollar pussy like this huh? Was I supposed to let you go and take my heart with you? I was always going to come for you, baby. Just like you're going to come for me.” His last words before he pinches my clit and I scream, finally letting go of the orgasm that was sizzling inside of me. I hear him roar as he fills me with the seed that made the life inside of me. Our combined desire drips between us, both of us at a loss of air. He rolls off of me dragging me to him so we're facing one another. We meet each other in the middle, our kisses, slow and filled with regret and hope. For now.

  Laying here in his arms, I allow myself to relish in it. I am trying so hard to keep my emotions at bay. I almost succeed until he kisses my forehead and I lose it. Burying my head in his chest, I cry for the loss of what we had, for the uncontrollable need I have for him that has never gone away and for the uncertainty of the future. He rubs my head for a few minutes, telling me to stop crying and how much he missed me. “Please stop crying baby. It's going to be ok. Look at me.” he says, pulling my chin up. Will you listen to me?” he asks, giving me a chance to nod. “There was never any engagement, Lani. My mother has been under the delusion that she could arrange a marriage like my parents had and despite how much I told her it wasn’t going to happen even before you came in my life and added meaning, she kept insisting. When she found out about you, this sent her into overdrive and she was determined to undermine what we had. She is angry, baby, because she knows I am in love with you and it destroyed her carefully laid plans. You have to believe me. I would NEVER betray you that way.” His eyes never leave mine and in them, I see the truth.

  “I believe you, Dun,” I say because I do.

  “Now tell me, did you know you were pregnant when you disappeared from my life?” I bite my lip unable to look at him. I simply nod, shame filling my heart.

  “How could you leave and not tell me, Lani. Don’t you think I had a right to know? Were you ever planning on telling me?”

  “I swear I was. But believing you never loved me and I was just some fling, I needed time to become strong enough to face you and not fall apart. I was waiting until I could not love you,” I tell him honestly.

  “You know that was never going to happen, don’t you? We are soulmates. We are so far embedded in one another that we could never live without one another. This baby is evidence of our love, baby. Our hearts made this little being you are keeping safe for us. Nothing can destroy that type of love and devotion.” My heart leaps at his words.

  “A boy,” I say looking up at him. “We are having a boy.” I swear his chest puffs out as he kisses me and moves to my stomach.

  “My son. Daddy loves you, baby boy.” And just like that, the last brick falls. Now what?

  Chapter Ten

  Lailani

  They say that everything looks different in the light of day and that is what I find myself waking up to this morning. Being wrapped in his arms feels better than I want to admit, but now that I have had a chance to allow the last few months to sink in, the lingering question is why didn’t he refute all she was saying that day? He literally said nothing. Isn’t that an admission of guilt? Also, why was I a secret the whole time? Sure, we went out to dinner and to the movies and such, but it was always places where no one would recognize him. At least that is how it feels. He could have just as easily introduced me to his mother, showed her I was important to him and left it at that, but he did none of the above and now that he is here telling me all of this, I don’t know how to process it.

  Looking at his gorgeous, rugged face one more time, I roll over and get out of bed, needing to get ready for work. In the shower washing off the nights escapades, I can't help but feel sad. It’s like washing off the remnants of him, is essentially washing away the promises and declarations. Choosing not to think about it any longer than I have to, I get out and go into the bedroom to put my uniform on. When I enter the room, he is awake and leaning against the headboard. “Come back to bed, baby. Y
ou are messing with our morning ritual. I have been deprived for too long.” Squish. Damn man. Less than twenty words from him, and my shower was in vain.

  “I can’t. I have to get ready for work.”

  “Considering all we have missed and still need to work out, can’t you take the day off?” he asks, the expectancy in his voice only fueling my refusal.

  “No,” I say simply. Grabbing my uniform, I pull it up my body and button it up.

  “What the fuck are you wearing?” he growls.

  “My work uniform,” I answer looking down at myself. It’s not like I am showing anything inappropriate.

  “My woman is not a fucking maid. Take that shit off.” Is he serious right now?

  “I will not. First of all, I am not a maid. The correct term is a housekeeper. Secondly, who the hell do you think you are, as I asked last night. You are not my father and certainly not my husband, so where do you get off thinking you have the right to order me around?” Oh shit. Apparently, that was the wrong thing to say. He gets out of bed, naked, his cock pointing at me like a missile ready to launch and stalks toward me, his face fuming. For a second, I forget what I am saying and salivate over all 6 foot 1 of him. A God.