Beware the Tiny-Spino

by Dustin Hansen

  “Don’t worry. She’s just testing you. I don’t think she wants you to get hurt. I just think she wants to see you in a bug jar,” I said with a smile as I stepped on the big metal step.

  “True. That’s pretty much my main goal in life,” Lin said as she got on the step with me.

  “Great. That’s so much better,” Vicky said, then joined us on the metal step. The Shrink-A-Fier whirled to life, and in no time, orange liquid bubbled up into the coiled tube that stretched from the tank to the large showerhead above us. Tiny sprinkles floated down, and we began to shrink.

  CHAPTER 3

  THE FIRST OFFICIAL CHALLENGE

  After being shrunk to ant size, the three of us raced to the Slide-A-Riffic. It’s a contraption I invented that helps us get around the Microterium. It was half roller coaster, half terrifying elevator, and all exciting.

  We launched off the big metal step and zoomed down into the Microterium. We zipped over the tops of the trees, buzzed by a small herd of galloping Micro-gallimimus, then came to a screeching halt right next to the Fruity Stars Lab 3.0. Lin jumped out first. She held out her arms wide, embracing the awesome scene all around us.

  “I just LOVE this place!” Lin said, expressing my feelings perfectly.

  Vicky was still a little dizzy from the fast ride on the Slide-A-Riffic, but Lin was ready to go.

  “All right. Let’s get cracking. We have a lot to do today. Here—you’ll need this,” Lin said as she unstrapped the chin strap from her helmet, then passed it to Vicky.

  “Your helmet?” Vicky said. “What for?”

  “It’ll protect your brain,” Lin said. She turned to me. “So, how long will it take us to get to Frank’s Bog?”

  I was digging through my backpack, looking for a snack to share with Bruno. I was sure he would show up any second. It’s almost like he can sense when we entered the Microterium. “Are we traveling by foot or by Microsaur?” I asked without looking up.

  “By Microsaur, of course,” Lin said.

  “About twenty minutes, give or take a disaster or two,” I said. “Why do you ask?”

  “Because, ladies and gentlemen…” Lin said. She held a stick like a microphone, talking in a voice like a TV game show announcer. “… Frank’s Bog is the location of the first official challenge. It’s time for the bravery portion of our event.”

  “What is Frank’s Bog?” Vicky asked.

  “It’s a mucky, swampy place filled with mushrooms, mud, and mayhem,” I said.

  “And I’m sure you’re wondering what Frank’s Bog has to do with the bravery challenge?” Lin continued in her announcer voice. “Well, I could tell you the details, but that would foul up the fun. Spoil the surprise. Ruin the rampage, if you will. But I’ll give you a hint. The title of this challenge is ‘The Taming of Frank-N-Spine,’ and it’s a doozy.”

  “What is a Frank-N-Spine?” Vicky asked.

  “Frank-N-Spine isn’t a what. Frank-N-Spine is a who,” I explained.

  “And he’s the spikiest, slimiest Microsaur in the Microterium, and I’ve been wanting to try to tame him forever. And it looks like today is the day. Or at least, today is the day you try,” Lin said.

  “Have you tried to tame him?” Vicky asked.

  “Well, I guess we tried. But we haven’t even been able to get close to him yet. He’s not what you’d call friendly,” I said.

  “What? I almost touched him last time. Besides, it’s good he isn’t tame yet, or it wouldn’t be a challenge. Right?” Lin said.

  “Yeah, I guess,” I said. “But still, it might be too dangerous.”

  “All she has to do is climb on Frank-N-Spine’s back, ride him around the bog until he’s tame, then bring him back here to the Fruity Stars Lab 3.0 so he can hang out with us all the time. Easy,” Lin said, knowing that it was anything but easy.

  I knew it wasn’t going to be possible. I mean, Lin is the best Microsaur tamer I’ve seen in my entire life, and she hasn’t been able to do it yet. I was about to ask Lin to change up this challenge when Vicky spoke.

  “Let’s go. I’m not afraid,” she said. Vicky strapped on Lin’s helmet, tucked her pant legs into her long socks, and tugged down the sleeves of her sparkly jacket. She stood tall, huffed out a very determined breath, then continued. “Who could be afraid of something named Frank? Besides, if you almost touched him, Lin, I’m one hundred percent sure that I can climb on and ride him. No problem. After all, I went on a two-week horse riding camp in Wyoming last year, and the cowboy that runs the place said I rode the wildest horse on the whole ranch. Bring on the Spiny Boy. Vicky’s got a monster to tame,” she said.

  Lin blinked, and a tiny smile lifted the corner of her mouth. If I didn’t know better, I’d have to say that Lin was the tiniest bit impressed.

  “All right, then. If you’re sure,” I said. “I guess we’re heading to the bog.”

  But before we could start calling for a few Microsaurs to give us a ride, Lin mentioned the other part of the challenge.

  “Oh, and, Vicky, I forgot to mention one thing. Before you can try to tame Frank-N-Spine, you have to find him,” Lin said.

  “That should be easy. He has an entire bog named after him,” Vicky said.

  “We can find the bog no problem, but for being such a large Microsaur, Frank can be pretty tough to find. He’s camouflaged to fit right in,” I said.

  “Which just makes the challenge more fun,” Vicky said. She lifted her chin, put her hands on her hips, and gave us a look so determined that I almost believed she had a chance.

  “And more impossible,” Lin said. Then she started calling for Zip-Zap.

  CHAPTER 4

  FRANK’S BOG

  Vicky and I rode together on Bruno’s wide back as we made our way to Frank’s Bog. She was a little nervous at first. She held on so tight around my waist that I could barely breathe. But soon enough she relaxed, and then the questions began. One after another after another.

  “How did you teach Bruno how to let you ride him?” Vicky asked.

  “I don’t know. He always just did it. We kind of learned together, I guess,” I explained.

  “Can he go any faster? Lin is way ahead of us,” she said, which was true. Lin totally left us behind, zooming way ahead on Zip-Zap, giggling and yahooing as she rode her acrobatic Microsaur.

  “Nope, this is Bruno’s top speed,” I said.

  “Why do we have to be small to play with the Microsaurs? Do Microsaurs lay eggs? Have you ever fallen off Bruno? Are those real mushrooms? They look huge! Can you drink the water in the Microterium? It looks poisonous to me.”

  And many, MANY more. Too many to count. Almost too many to answer. I didn’t know about Bruno, but by the time we made it to the edge of Frank’s Bog, I was exhausted from answering all the questions. But still, it was kind of fun to have someone so curious about the strange and wonderful details inside the Microterium.

  Lin was sitting with Zip-Zap beneath a toadstool. “What took you guys so long?” she said with a grin.

  “Well, Bruno isn’t nearly as fast as your Zop-Zap,” Vicky said. “Especially with two riders.”

  “It’s Zip-Zap, and nothing is as fast as her, right, Zippy?” Lin said as she scratched beneath the purple Microsaur’s chin.

  “What makes her so fast? Is it her long legs?” Vicky asked, but before I could answer, a massive, rumbling, goobery-sounding burp-growl grabbed our attention.

  “What was that?” Vicky asked with her eyes wide open.

  “That’s just Frank warming up his vocal cords,” Lin said. “Just wait until he really roars—it’ll knock the curls right out of your hair, Vicky.”

  For the first time, Vicky got a good look at the muggy bog we were about to enter. “I’m more worried about this swamp ruining my curls. This place is disgusting.”

  “I think it’s beautiful,” Lin said as she climbed out from under the toadstool. “Let’s go find our monster! You better stay here, Zip-Zap. It’s dangerous up ahead.”


  Lin jumped into the bog, splashing down both feet into the mud. She turned and looked at us with a big grin and mud dripping from her chin. “See. It’s beautiful.”

  “And dangerous?” Vicky asked, looking at me.

  “Very, VERY dangerous,” Lin said as she turned her fingers into claws and made her face all snarly.

  Vicky looked worried, but I couldn’t tell if it was more about the mud and muck, or the dangerous creatures that made the bog their home.

  “Look. If you really break it down, the entire Microterium can be dangerous in one way or another. Even the Slide-A-Riffic is pretty dangerous, but we use it every day. Just pay attention to what’s around you and you should be fine. And Lin and I will be with you the whole time,” I said.

  “For sure. I love this boggy soup, and I wouldn’t miss you trying to ride Frank-N-Spine for all the cheese in Wisconsin,” Lin said.

  “You know, France has the best cheese in the world,” Vicky said. “If you’re going to make a bargain to get a lot of cheese, it should be French cheese.”

  I could tell by the way Vicky was talking that she was stalling.

  “Not if you ask me. Wisconsin cheese is gooey, and slurpy, just like the mud in this bog. And speaking of this bog, are you two going to just stand there or are you going to follow me?” Lin said as she led us into the bog.

  Walking in the bog felt like slopping through a bowl of cereal covered in syrup that had been left out all day. Short clumps of grass and tiny green weeds covered the place, hiding muddy puddles of cold water beneath them that you couldn’t even see until your socks were already soaked. Lin and I had explored the place a couple of times before, looking for the source of the massive, rumbling, goobery-sounding, burp-growling Microsaur.

  It wasn’t a guarantee that we’d even find him. First of all, Frank was camouflaged really well. And secondly, sometimes he was so grumpy when you found him it was better to back away and try again another day.

  As we walked deeper into the bog, the growling, burping, slobbering sound happened again. This time, it was louder and closer. So much closer that the sound of it made ripples in the muddy water around us.

  “This place is amazing, right?” Lin said as she pulled a mud-slathered foot out of a bog puddle.

  I looked at Vicky, expecting her to look worried about Frank’s loud roar, but that wasn’t the case. Actually, she looked the opposite of worried. Vicky looked excited.

  “Whoa. I actually felt him growl. He’s gotta be close,” she said. Then she pushed ahead of me and Lin, leading the way toward the noise.

  Frank grumble-goober-burp-roared again, and I realized Vicky was right. I could more than just hear his roar; I could feel it rumbling in my chest as well.

  The mud puddles and grass were left behind as we entered a sloppy grove of reeds and gigantic mushroom-like flowers the color and shape of a clown’s nose. We had to help one another over and through the area, taking turns pushing or pulling one another out of the soupy bog and over large stumps and fallen logs.

  As we got closer, the bog grew quiet. The only sound was our gooey footsteps and our heavy breathing. Frank-N-Spine hadn’t slurpy-rumble-gargle-roared in a while, and I was beginning to wonder if we’d gone in the wrong direction.

  We climbed to the top of a small pile of fallen trees. It was the driest place I could find, and I knew if I was tired of the mud, Lin and Vicky were, too. We were so tired from the walk, none of us talked as I unzipped my backpack and found a pouch of chewy fruit snacks for each of us. Then I unbuckled my canteen, took a gulp of cool water, and handed it to Vicky and Lin, who each took a big gulp. After we sat for a while and caught our breath, I took a good look around at the lush, gooey bog. It was almost like being on another planet, but it was still very pretty in its own odd, murky way.

  Then Vicky spoke, for maybe the first time all day without repeating after someone or asking a question. As she stared into the mud and strange plants in front of us, she simply said, “I thought he’d be ugly, but he is the most beautiful creature I have ever seen.”

  “Who?” I asked.

  Vicky pointed straight ahead, and after a second, I saw something blink. The something was Frank-N-Spine, a perfectly camouflaged spinosaurus. He was covered from top to bottom in mud and what looked like big splotches of red jelly. The skin around his eyes was puffy and pink, and his nose was so full of boogers that two perfectly round snot bubbles appeared, then popped with every breath. As we watched in silence, Frank gnawed on one of the bright clown-nose-red mushrooms, which jiggled like a water balloon ready to burst.

  While Vicky might have found him beautiful, I think boogery is the term I’d use to describe the spinosaurus. And while he looked calm at the moment, I knew something Vicky didn’t. Frank-N-Spine was perhaps the grumpiest and certainly the scariest Microsaur in the Microterium.

  CHAPTER 5

  HE’S NOT THAT CUDDLY

  I handed Vicky a pair of thick leather gloves I pulled from my backpack and gave her the best advice I could think of at the time. “Don’t be shy. Just go up there and show Frank-N-Spine who’s the boss. Be confident.”

  “And don’t forget to grab his tail and give it a good yank. Microsaurs love it when you pull on their tails,” Lin said, giving Vicky the worst advice she could think of.

  “Right. I’m the boss. Yank his tail. Got it,” Vicky said. She tightened the chin strap on Lin’s helmet, pulled up the thick leather gloves, and put a serious look on her face.

  “Forget the tail-yanking part. Just act in control and smile. A lot. Pretend like he’s a big cuddly kitten that just can’t wait to see you,” I said. “It’ll help, I promise.”

  “Okay. Smile at the beautiful booger kitten with a mouthful of teeth and a row of spines all the way down his back. Got it,” Vicky said, her face still very serious. Then she flashed a smile. I had to admit, I was pretty impressed with how hard she was trying at this bravery challenge. It isn’t easy to smile at something as terrifying as a spinosaurus with a head cold, but Vicky had it all under control.

  Vicky took a step into the bog, toward the nearly hidden Micro-spinosaurus, and the sound of her hiking boots sploshing into the mud caught the beast’s attention. His eyes twitched and his nostrils flared as he tried to sniff the air, but it was no use. His nose was so full of slime that there was no way he could get a whiff of us, I was sure of it.

  “Here, kitty-kitty,” Vicky said. “Does the dino-kitty want a hug?”

  Vicky held her arms out wide and kept walking toward Frank. I looked over at Lin, expecting to see her smiling, but she looked more nervous than Vicky, which made me more nervous than Lin.

  “Franky. It’s free hug day. Come get a snuggle,” Vicky said. She was trying to sound brave and friendly at the same time, but her voice kept cracking and I could see that she was starting to tremble. I don’t care how brave you are, standing in a mud bog while approaching a spinosaurus will give you the shivers.

  “I think we should call this off before it goes really bad,” I said to Lin.

  “Yeah. I didn’t think she’d go this far. I expected her to run away screaming at the sight of Frank, to be honest,” Lin agreed. “I have to admit, I’m impressed. And if you tell her that, I will never forgive you.”

  Frank stopped chewing on the odd, round mushroom and turned his head toward Vicky. He slowly grinned, his white teeth shining. It wasn’t the kind of grin that made you feel comfy; it was more the kind of grin that makes you feel like you are in loads and LOADS of trouble.

  “Hey, guys. It’s working,” Vicky said as she turned to face us. “Did you see that? He smiled at me.”

  But before Vicky could turn back to look at the smiling booger-a-saurus, he pounced. In a jump as fast as a blink, Frank-N-Spine was face-to-face with Vicky. Mud and gunk flew through the air, kicked up by his big hind feet. He shoved one slimy right nostril right up against Vicky’s bright purplish-pink shirt and snorted.

  Frank-N-Spine sniffed, dra
gging in a big breath. He squinted his eyes, tilted his head, then snuffled again. Then again. Then AGAIN. Then he just paused, staring off into the bog like he’d just remembered something very important. Then Frank jolted his head forward and let out a sneeze so big it echoed throughout the bog.

  Vicky was directly in the path of the sneeze, and she went tumbling backward, helmet over heels through the mud. She ended up right below Lin and me. When she came to a stop, Frank-N-Spine searched around for her, but he couldn’t see her. He tilted his head and tried to sniff through his clogged nose again.

  Vicky stood up again, and I knew I had to act fast. I quickly crawled down next to her and put my hand on her shoulder. I put my finger to my lips, telling her to keep as quiet as possible.

  Don’t make a sound, I mouthed.

  “Why not?” Vicky whispered back a bit too loud, and Frank tilted his head toward us and squinted his puffy eye to try to see us.

  I pointed to the spinosaurus, then held my finger to my lips again.

  “But he likes me,” Vicky whispered so quiet only I could hear. “I want to try again.”

  I worried that Vicky’s brains had been jumbled during the sneeze launch. To me it looked like she had barely escaped being a snack. I shook my head and whispered directly in her ear, “We can come back later. Right now, he’s just too grumpy.”

  Vicky watched Frank-N-Spine scan around, his puffy pink eyes too swollen to see us, and she decided to trust me.

  After what seemed like forever, Frank-N-Spine lost interest in us and went back to chewing on the big red-clown-nose mushroom, and Vicky and I climbed the little pile of sticks to join Lin.

  “That was close,” I said quietly.

  “Too close,” Lin agreed.

  “Yeah, but it was pretty cool. Right? Actually, I’d even say it was pretty brave,” Vicky said, wiping mud and spino boogies from her forehead.